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Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles


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17 hours ago, The Unknown Order said:

Put it in a spoiler for size.

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*A long pause happens where no contestant appears then Marsh falls through the ceiling*

"Wait, you're seriously going to make me roast a sword? It can't even talk. Oh well."

"Well, let's have a look at your history. 

"It isn't much of a mistery.

"You were made by... two zombies? 

"Then you killed one of them? Jeez.

"How many lives have you claimed? 

"Doubt it can beat my count, there's been too many to be named.

"You see, I'm the god of Death, I have my own religion, what have you got to your name?

"The fear of nations, the fear of a sword none can tame?

"I have power you can't believe: I'm a fullborn*.

"You weren't even born. 

"Of course, you have some qualities. 

"You can change ones emotions, you can kill will a touch, but I can match those abilities. 

"I can Sooth, I can Riot, I can Push a coin, I can Pull a building.

"So, in the end, I trump everything you put forward, and you fall at every point, some ending.

"So let's go on, on your own, you're useless, with me, I can do anything, anywhere.

"And your holder is... where?

"You may have Endowment on your side, but I have two in one.

"I have Harmony, who's always won**.

"So, when you put it to the test, I'm the best. 

"Now it's time for you to fill in the rest."

*Couldn't figure out whether he was actually a fullborn or not. 

**I don't think Harmony's ever had a chance to lose, but it still holds true.

 

Here's my roast!

Spoiler

Nightblood cheerfully listened to marsh's roast, and then cheerfully gave it's roast.

"Listen Marsh,

I don’t mean to be rude,

And I don’t mean to be harsh,

But some of your logic is really crude.

 

I know I’m a sword,

But I’m as sentient as you.

I don’t deserve to be ignored,

And saying so is untrue.

 

My creators aren’t zombies,

They’re each a type two invested entity.

And to you, killing is more of a hobby,

Destroying evil is ingrained in my identity.

 

You say you’re the god of death,

Well I literally just killed a god,

So you should just save your breath,

Because I’m not really awed.

 

You think you can match my abilities? Wow, well that disregards

A lot that is known about me. You see, Brandon does not agree.

According to him, my investiture is second only to Shards*,

You don’t have anything close to that power, as I think we all see.

 

You say I’m useless, yet what about you?

I’ve fought in battles, I’ve destroyed lots of evil.

Taking an earring from a girl is the most important thing you’ll ever do,

So don’t be a jerky little weevil**. 

 

I think I’ve made my point,

Do I need to go on?

I hope my roast didn’t disappoint,

I’ll see you the next time I’m drawn!"

 

*see this link

**Yeah, I know how that sounds. There really isn't much that rhymes with evil. :P

 

Edited by Random Bystander
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Just now, Doomstick said:

*hemalurgy*

One: Thaidakar is not going to open himself to be controlled by Shards.

Two: It would require more spikes than he visibly has.

Three: He had access to Feruchemical powers there were no spikes for within ten years of the Catacendre and he doesn’t kill children.

He did not use Hemalurgy. I suspect he figured out how to use God metals to become a Feruchemist.

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4 hours ago, Kingsdaughter613 said:

Indications are that the Sovereign was Fullborn, as it would take one to create the Bands. And we all know who the Sovereign is...

He could have used spook and a bunch of Ferchemist or a full furechemist 

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5 minutes ago, The Unknown Order said:

Is there a WoB on that? 

Yes.

 

6 minutes ago, Bejardin1250 said:

He could have used ferrings 

we don’t know when the BoM were made right?

It could have taken hundreds of years

He was seemingly Fullborn when he went South and he was there for a few decades. Remember: the Southerners know he had those powers.

There wasn’t time for Ferrings to be born and age to adulthood before he went South. The Bands were put outside the temple shortly after he left.

There’s also the fact that that many spikes introduces too many weaknesses and Kelsier had a much better way to become Fullborn (by utilizing godmetals). Kelsier would not accept those weaknesses and he clearly doesn’t have any visible spikes beyond the one. However this was done, it wasn’t hemalurgy.

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Just now, The Unknown Order said:

Could you link said WoB?

It’s actually in the text of HoA, in chapter 22. But here are a few (you owe me; I hate looking these up):

The Last Feruchemist?

Sazed is likely not the last Feruchemist. The Lord Ruler tried for a long time to breed Feruchemy out of the population, and it's highly unlikely that now the power would simply vanish because the living Feruchemists were killed. The genetic trait is still there, suppressed in the population, but it would eventually resurface.

That's not to say that the loss of the Synod wasn't a blow. That many living Feruchemists suddenly killed would wipe out a large segment of the population who could have bred Feruchemy true. However, the fact that many of the Synod were eunuchs made their usefulness in that regard less important.

Remember, however, that Sazed is struggling with depression. It's easier for him to see things in a depressing light than it is to see them in a positive light.

 
 
 

JediofChrist

In Alloy, there are those who use both Allomancy and Feruchemy. However, I recall Sazed in The Hero of Agesstating that he believed he was the last surviving Feruchemist (I think he may have said "Keeper"?). Was he incorrect in his assumption of being the last Feruchemist (based on the fact that people use Feruchemy in Alloy) or could Feruchemy have been recessive in some Terris people?

Brandon Sanderson

It was most certainly recessive. But the specific way Sazed speaks there is important.

Here’s something else:

Dwarven_Hydra

Is there any way to become a Feruchemist outside of Hemalurgy and genetics? Something in the vein of lerasium?

Brandon Sanderson

Yes, there are other ways to become a Feruchemist.

Questioner

How is a new Feruchemist made?

Brandon Sanderson

What do you mean?

Questioner

Well you can make a new Mistborn by lerasium--

Brandon Sanderson

Oh, okay.  Other than through birth? That’s a RAFO, good question though.  Right now, as far as anyone knows, it’s by birth only.  But--  Well we’ll leave it there.  You know that the extra Preservation instead of Ruin had some effects on people on Scadrial.

SquishyMouth

Godmetal alloys in Era 1 feel a bit like an unfulfilled promise, can you tell us about the attribute stored in a metalmind made out of any atium/lerasium alloy?

Brandon Sanderson

No, not yet. (This is something I intended to get to in Era 3, and am saving for it.)

 

Yoitsthew

Would a Lerasium/Atium alloy create a Feruchemist, rather than an atium misting?? What with the way that it’s an alloy of god metals, and the way that lerasium can be used to acquire other magics? As far as I know there is no lerasium left currently, so this one is also just for my curiosity!!

Brandon Sanderson

You can use the god metals from Scadrial to make a Feruchemist, but I have to RAFO the actual means.

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