Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles

[BreezeCauthon]

Breeze approaches Kelsier. "Bit unfair of you to take advantage of the fact that I went first. But-" he clears his throat and stands a bit straighter, looking Kelsier in the eyes. "But I suppose I hit a bit below the belt, didn't I? I was afraid of what you'd say, and felt I had to put you on the defensive. Which I did. But I got carried away. I apologize." He stretches out his hand hopefully to Kelsier. "No hard feelings?"

He's not soothing anymore. It doesn't feel right for the moment.

6 hours ago, Hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

This part was great @BreezeCauthon! 

And your roast had great pathos @Kingsdaughter613! Kel's emotional journey was perfect.

It's going to be hard to vote this time, your guys' roasts were both great! 

Cheers!

[Kingsdaughter613]

Kelsier shut his eye, his fist clenching, nails biting into his scarred palms. He didn’t look at his old friend. He didn’t know what he’d do if he did. “How could you,” he hissed through clenched teeth. “How could you forget?”

(Kell does realize that Breeze kind-of forgot that Vin was his daughter. Which is why Breeze is still alive, btw. But he is upset.

(And I think that was a bit more than hitting below the belt, albeit unintentionally. As someone who almost lost a child... Bringing up the fact that your friend has no descendants when their child died is just cruel. And if the latter half of the poem hurt - it’s because I was drawing on personal experience.

(The first half was actually written before you posted yours.)

[BreezeCauthon]

41 minutes ago, Kingsdaughter613 said:

(Kell does realize that Breeze kind-of forgot that Vin was his daughter. Which is why Breeze is still alive, btw. But he is upset.

(And I think that was a bit more than hitting below the belt, albeit unintentionally. As someone who almost lost a child... Bringing up the fact that your friend has no descendants when their child died is just cruel. And if the latter half of the poem hurt - it’s because I was drawing on personal experience.

(The first half was actually written before you posted yours.)

 

Quote

Shoot, it's been a while since I've actually read Mistborn. I didn't remember that Kelsier adopted Vin. I wouldn't have included that piece if I had.

My whole original plan actually fell through because I haven't read Secret History and it threw a wrench in things when I wiki'd it lol. So a lot of that was improvisation on the spot, which lent itself to mistake like that. My bad.

[Kingsdaughter613]

6 minutes ago, BreezeCauthon said:

 

Quote

That explains it. Kelsier consistently refers to Vin as his daughter throughout Secret History. It’s pretty obvious how he views her in TFE, by SH REALLY hits you with it.

Lines like these: “She embraced him, and he found himself weeping. The daughter he’d never had, the little child of the streets. Though she was still small, she’d outgrown him. And she loved him anyway. He held his daughter close against his own broken soul.”

Vin occasionally mentions that Kelsier’s her father figure. There’s no ‘official’ adoption, but it’s pretty clear how Kelsier feels.

How did the wiki throw a wrench in your plans?

 

[Ghanderflaffle]

Really well done to both @BreezeCauthon and @Kingsdaughter613! Those both hit hard. It’s not often we actually get to have a duel between characters that actually know each other. Here’s the voting link, the winner will take on our drama expert @Hoiditthroughthegrapevine in the finals!

[BreezeCauthon]

58 minutes ago, Kingsdaughter613 said:

 

Well, for one thing, I didn't know that Kelsier was still pretty much alive.

[Kingsdaughter613]

5 minutes ago, BreezeCauthon said:

Well, for one thing, I didn't know that Kelsier was still pretty much alive.

That must have been a bit of a shock, lol! You hadn’t read Bands of Mourning? If you’re playing in the next round, I hope you’ve read RoW...

And you need to RP Breeze’s response to Kell’s question!

[BreezeCauthon]

1 hour ago, Kingsdaughter613 said:

That must have been a bit of a shock, lol! You hadn’t read Bands of Mourning? If you’re playing in the next round, I hope you’ve read RoW...

And you need to RP Breeze’s response to Kell’s question!

Well, I had, but clearly, I missed something haha. RoW comes today.

3 hours ago, Kingsdaughter613 said:

 

Kelsier shut his eye, his fist clenching, nails biting into his scarred palms. He didn’t look at his old friend. He didn’t know what he’d do if he did. “How could you,” he hissed through clenched teeth. “How could you forget?”

Breeze sighed, chewing his lip, silent for a moment. "Privilege, I suppose," he ventured at last. "The years treated me well- better than I merited. I was happy... I didn't have to remember the past... and I didn't altogether want to. It hurt too much." He glanced around the room, looking at his surroundings without really taking them in.

"I hid the past. Locked it away." He gave a soft, sad chuckle. "Must've lost the key."

He stepped back, giving Kelsier some space. "No excuse, really, at any rate. Say what you will. I probably deserve it."

[Kingsdaughter613]

Quote

I did mention he was the Sovereign in my previous rap, lol! As well as numerous other things.

Kelsier sighed, raising his head, smiling sadly. “The past isn’t that easy to lock away, Breeze. It shapes us, changes us. Makes us who we are.” 

He shook his head, smile taking on a sardonic edge. “Try to think before you speak next time, alright? And no more lying to me,” he added, glaring. “I get why you did it at the beginning - I doubt I’d have taken it well - but later...”

[Ghanderflaffle]

And the winner is... @Kingsdaughter613 as Kelsier! Really well roasted @BreezeCauthon, thanks for playing!

Now for the final round, @Kingsdaughter613 as Kelsier versus @Hoiditthroughthegrapevine as Vyre! This is the first time I remember seeing either of you in the finals (but i haven’t gone through all the rounds), so good luck! 72 hours, starting now!

[Kingsdaughter613]

3 minutes ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

And the winner is... @Kingsdaughter613 as Kelsier! Really well roasted @BreezeCauthon, thanks for playing!

Now for the final round, @Kingsdaughter613 as Kelsier versus @Hoiditthroughthegrapevine as Vyre! This is the first time I remember seeing either of you in the finals (but i haven’t gone through all the rounds), so good luck! 72 hours, starting now!

Um... No, we’re starting on Sunday. Remember? I can’t do competitions on Friday/Saturday because of Shabbos. Or Hoid can have three days starting now and mine can start on Sunday.

This is my first competition, so I doubt you’d have seen me in the finals before. If you mean the character, no he hasn’t. His writers tend to drop out.

[BreezeCauthon]

Congrats both!

[Ghanderflaffle]

7 hours ago, Kingsdaughter613 said:

Um... No, we’re starting on Sunday. Remember? I can’t do competitions on Friday/Saturday because of Shabbos. Or Hoid can have three days starting now and mine can start on Sunday.

This is my first competition, so I doubt you’d have seen me in the finals before. If you mean the character, no he hasn’t. His writers tend to drop out.

My bad, I forgot. Since you both know who you’re against and can write at any time, it doesn’t do much for me to postpone the start time, so I’ll extend it so you have 5 days so that way you at least get 3. That work? @Hoiditthroughthegrapevine

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine]

2 hours ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

My bad, I forgot. Since you both know who you’re against and can write at any time, it doesn’t do much for me to postpone the start time, so I’ll extend it so you have 5 days so that way you at least get 3. That work? @Hoiditthroughthegrapevine

Sounds good, thanks Ghander! I don't have time to do my roast until Sunday night so this works out well for me too. 

Congrats @Kingsdaughter613 and well played @BreezeCauthon!

Untill that day all I have to say

Is if Kelsier rhymes with toupee

He must be French Canadian, A? 

[Kingsdaughter613]

20 hours ago, Hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

Sounds good, thanks Ghander! I don't have time to do my roast until Sunday night so this works out well for me too. 

Congrats @Kingsdaughter613 and well played @BreezeCauthon!

Untill that day all I have to say

Is if Kelsier rhymes with toupee

He must be French Canadian, A? 

Nope. Proper, very noble sounding French. Y’know, the kind of accent modern Scadrians would think sounds like those stuffy professors who insist on proper diction. Which amuses and irritates Kell by turns, as his childhood tutors despaired of teaching him to speak ‘properly’, but to modern ears he sounds quite ‘proper.’

[Kingsdaughter613]

@Ghanderflaffle Would it be okay if my last roast was very delayed? My grandmother died yesterday so I’m not really in a headspace where I can write it right now. I’ll try and get it up this week, once everything’s been a little more settled and I know if I’m going to be flying to Florida to help out my Mom while my Dad sits shiva.

I’m really sorry about this, but the next few days are going to be crazy and, like I said, I’m not really in the right mind space to write a rap right now. Thanks for understanding.

[Nathrangking]

25 minutes ago, Kingsdaughter613 said:

@Ghanderflaffle Would it be okay if my last roast was very delayed? My grandmother died yesterday so I’m not really in a headspace where I can write it right now. I’ll try and get it up this week, once everything’s been a little more settled and I know if I’m going to be flying to Florida to help out my Mom while my Dad sits shiva.

I’m really sorry about this, but the next few days are going to be crazy and, like I said, I’m not really in the right mind space to write a rap right now. Thanks for understanding.

Baruch Dayan Ha emes.

Edited January 24, 2021 by Nathrangking

[yeshevishman]

40 minutes ago, Kingsdaughter613 said:

@Ghanderflaffle Would it be okay if my last roast was very delayed? My grandmother died yesterday so I’m not really in a headspace where I can write it right now. I’ll try and get it up this week, once everything’s been a little more settled and I know if I’m going to be flying to Florida to help out my Mom while my Dad sits shiva.

I’m really sorry about this, but the next few days are going to be crazy and, like I said, I’m not really in the right mind space to write a rap right now. Thanks for understanding.

So sorry. Baruch dayan haemes.  

[Kingsdaughter613]

23 hours ago, Nathrangking said:

Baruch Dayan Ha emes.

 

23 hours ago, yeshevishman said:

So sorry. Baruch dayan haemes.  

Thank you.

In other news: I should be able to do this by the deadline after all. So @Hoiditthroughthegrapevine feel free to put your post up.

Edited January 25, 2021 by Kingsdaughter613

[Ghanderflaffle]

On 1/24/2021 at 8:21 AM, Kingsdaughter613 said:

@Ghanderflaffle Would it be okay if my last roast was very delayed? My grandmother died yesterday so I’m not really in a headspace where I can write it right now. I’ll try and get it up this week, once everything’s been a little more settled and I know if I’m going to be flying to Florida to help out my Mom while my Dad sits shiva.

I’m really sorry about this, but the next few days are going to be crazy and, like I said, I’m not really in the right mind space to write a rap right now. Thanks for understanding.

 

On 1/24/2021 at 9:06 AM, Kingsdaughter613 said:

 

Thank you.

In other news: I should be able to do this by the deadline after all. So @Hoiditthroughthegrapevine feel free to put your post up.

It’s perfectly fine if you take some time. I understand completely.

[Kingsdaughter613]

23 minutes ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

 

It’s perfectly fine if you take some time. I understand completely.

Don’t worry. I wrote it this morning. I’ll either post it after Hoidit, or I’ll do it right after the 11AM deadline (because Kell is always late, lol!)

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine]

The curtain is raised for the final Act, in the center of the stage a tall man stands silhouetted with his back to the audience. Before him, gold and red strips of fabric are blown by a strong wind and lit from below so that they flick and waver like tongues of flame. 

Another man, in a double breasted suit, with golden hair and one eye glinting with reflected light appears to be frozen in place, as the tall man in black talks to the simulated pillar of flames. 

Spoiler

Tournament and tournament and tournament

Creeps in this petty pace from roast to roast

To the last syllable of tiresome rhyme. 

And all our battles have lighted fools the way to dreary defeat. Out, out, brief candle. 

(motioning towards the frozen form of Kelsier, Vyre continues) 

Look at this walking shadow, a poor player who struts and flaunts his hour on the stage and then just refuses to leave. 

You know the tale, a grinning idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. 

But I am here to quiet. 

(At these words the strips of cloth are untethered and as they fly up into the air, Kelsier now unfrozen crosses his arms on his chest and fixes Vyre with a rakish grin. Vyre shudders percebtibly) 

Lookey over there it's the Survivor of Hathsin

He's a shadow of a man, a washed up has been. 

Thinkin' he's so slick with his tricks and illisions

But he's just foolin' himself with his own delusions. 

He struts and he preens like a stormin' chicken

But Vyre is here to give this fool a lickin'. 

He's the Shard of Ego and he's reached the apex

Of narcissism, he's a walking God complex. 

The Lord of Scars, The Sovereign, The Survivor

The fool needs so many names cuz he's just a conniver

A scammer, a cheat, and a dirty liar

But it's Kel who'll get burned if he plays with Vyre. 

You see son, I knew a guy just like you

He wore a mortal body like I wear a shoe

He thought he was immortal but I took his life

Come a little closer and I'll show you my knife. 

 

[Kingsdaughter613]

5 hours ago, Hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

The curtain is raised for the final Act, in the center of the stage a tall man stands silhouetted with his back to the audience. Before him, gold and red strips of fabric are blown by a strong wind and lit from below so that they flick and waver like tongues of flame. 

Another man, in a double breasted suit, with golden hair and one eye glinting with reflected light appears to be frozen in place, as the tall man in black talks to the simulated pillar of flames. 

  Hide contents

Tournament and tournament and tournament

Creeps in this petty pace from roast to roast

To the last syllable of tiresome rhyme. 

And all our battles have lighted fools the way to dreary defeat. Out, out, brief candle. 

(motioning towards the frozen form of Kelsier, Vyre continues) 

Look at this walking shadow, a poor player who struts and flaunts his hour on the stage and then just refuses to leave. 

You know the tale, a grinning idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. 

But I am here to quiet. 

(At these words the strips of cloth are untethered and as they fly up into the air, Kelsier now unfrozen crosses his arms on his chest and fixes Vyre with a rakish grin. Vyre shudders percebtibly) 

Lookey over there it's the Survivor of Hathsin

He's a shadow of a man, a washed up has been. 

Thinkin' he's so slick with his tricks and illisions

But he's just foolin' himself with his own delusions. 

He struts and he preens like a stormin' chicken

But Vyre is here to give this fool a lickin'. 

He's the Shard of Ego and he's reached the apex

Of narcissism, he's a walking God complex. 

The Lord of Scars, The Sovereign, The Survivor

The fool needs so many names cuz he's just a conniver

A scammer, a cheat, and a dirty liar

But it's Kel who'll get burned if he plays with Vyre. 

You see son, I knew a guy just like you

He wore a mortal body like I wear a shoe

He thought he was immortal but I took his life

Come a little closer and I'll show you my knife. 

 

Should be noted that RoW spoilers are technically not allowed in this round... Great job!

Kelsier just tilts his head and smirks, leaning back casually as he begins to respond.

Spoiler

Look - a cowardly dog, 
Afraid of pain 
Emotionless fool 
Is his refrain.

Moash, Vyre 
Traitor to the end  
Despised by those 
Who called you friend.

Forever a failure 
You’re blind, you see 
Won’t accept what you’ve done. Abandoned what you could be.

You gave up your soul 
When you could have been free 
Betrayed your friends  
To embrace slavery

You’re wretched, evil 
Your acts despised 
Enough to drive a friend 
To suicide!

 

But I - 
I accept my pain! 
And smile despite 
Loved ones slain.

(His voice softens, warmth seeping into it.)

In good times and bad 
My smile’s there 
It’s saved some lives 
Like this poet here.

I don’t know my path 
But this gift I gave 
By my very existence  
Those lives I save!

There are those on the brink 
On the edge of despair 
Who cling to life 
Because I’m here.

Because I smile 
No matter the strife 
So they choose 
Another day of life

(His voice becomes casually taunting again.)

I’ve done ill deeds. 
I’ll do them still 
But I’ll have fans 
Who’ll love me still.

But you - who 
Think yourself so great 
You the fans 
Just love to hate!

See, I’m a hero 
To those I save 
But you’re naught but  
A dastardly knave.

(He smile broadens, and there is something terrifying about it. His cause grows light, teasing, but there is a dangerous, dark under current.)

But I’m not done. 
There’s one more feat. 
A final burn you 
Can’t defeat.

No matter what you do; 
Whatever you may be; 
You’ll never be but 
A shadow of ME!

(The darkness bears fruit, and his voice grows cruel, taunting.)

See, our creator, Brandon 
Likes to play with fire. 
See what I could be 
But for the Empire.

Miles, Denth 
And Moash - there’s you 
Not even unique 
Just one of a few.

With part of my character 
And personality 
So Brandon can play 
With who I might be

But never the whole 
Just a shallow imitation  
With a couple of twists 
For our creator’s imagination.

Doesn't matter what you try 
Doesn’t matter what you do  
You were inspired by me 
But I’m greater than you!

Where you fail 
I succeed! 
Where you flounder
I accomplish the deed!

(Kelsier smiles, voice becoming chiding, almost like a parent talking to a stubborn, foolish child.)

Now Moash, face 
Reality. 
You just can’t beat  
Originality.

Bow to your progenitor, 
Then walk away. 
Farewell traitor. 
I’ve won this day.

 

Smiling, Kelsier leans back as the gathered fans begin to cheer, numerous cries of **** Moash wafting through the air.

@Ghanderflaffle We need you! It’s curtain time!

Edited January 26, 2021 by Kingsdaughter613

[Ghanderflaffle]

Beautifully done to both of you! Here’s the link! Vote for the winner of this tournament!

[yeshevishman]

Wow. Excellent job to both of you. I especially liked the "play with Vyre" line @Hoiditthroughthegrapevine .