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Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles


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On 9/20/2019 at 8:10 AM, Ghanderflaffle said:

That’s 2. I think we are even now.

On 9/20/2019 at 8:39 AM, Oduim's Chmapion said:

Ok when does this start. 

On 9/20/2019 at 3:42 PM, I think I am here. said:

I think now we tag the one and only @Paranoid King:D 

Always good to see the hype building up. :)

We're good to go! The tournament is run as is normal, but all battles will only be between Scadrians and Rosharians. That means that you can collaborate with your team through private messages, google docs, or whatever else you want. Your roasts should still focus on roasting a character, but you can roast the whole world, if you so choose.

The teams are as follows:

Roshar:

  1. @John203 (Chiri-chiri)
  2. @FatherTiempo (Jasnah)
  3. @Sorana (Azure)
  4. @I think I am here. (Teft)

Scadrial:

  1. @Ghanderflaffle (Jak)
  2. @RayOfSunshine (Kelsier)
  3. @Oduim's Chmapion (Sazed)
  4. @Rushu42 (Steris)

Our first battle is between...

*Dice rolling sounds*

@Sorana (Azure) and @Ghanderflaffle (Jak)!

You have until the 29th to submit a roast. Good luck to the both of you!

https://countingdownto.com/?c=2648047

Edited by Paranoid King
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On 9/21/2019 at 3:26 PM, Paranoid King said:

(Azure) and (Jak)

Wait, since when was this me? I suppose I can try and get something in on time still, but wasn’t it someone else earlier? It didn’t give me a notification if you edited it. I can try and write something in my free time, but I’m in school right now. @Paranoid King

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7 minutes ago, Ghanderflaffle said:

Wait, since when was this me? I suppose I can try and get something in on time still, but wasn’t it someone else earlier? It didn’t give me a notification if you edited it. I can try and write something in my free time, but I’m in school right now. @Paranoid King

I won't get anything done in time, so don't stress yourself. It's already afternoon for me, and I'm busy this evening.

Could we maybe push the deadline back a day, better two? I've started to work again after two weeks off and it eats most of my time to catch up with my mails and projects.

@Paranoid King

Edited by Sorana
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Alright, here's my entry:

Spoiler

I see you're back
from a journey afar
hello Jak
Still chasing your star?
I bet you're working on your next tale
did you spend some time lurking
maybe saw a whale?

You lie to me
lie to the crowd
you prefer to flee
when you should shout out loud
you exaggerate
for your stories to be sold
use lies like a bait
hand them out like a blindfold

Obscuring the truth
is you real strength
you are but a youth
can barely hold a wrench
At least you've got tin
to use in your ploys
spikeless little boy

They cheer to you
but it's all a facade
just come to me
on the barricade
look the foe in the eye
brandish your sword
no fighting a fly
no dancing to a chord

I left my realm, my home
my kingdom behind
unlike you little gnome
I'm of a strong mind
Everything I've been,
What I was trained to do
has been more than I've seen
has been just like you

A lie wrapped in hatred
I won't go back
beautifully created
I broke through, I quit
I am not that person
I don't want to be
I created my own version
the one you can see.

Looking forward for yours! @Ghanderflaffle

Edited by Sorana
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Pretty good, but here's mine. @Sorana @Paranoid King

Spoiler

I've been through the Roughs a time or two

It may sound like nonsense, but I swear it’s all true

I’ve found the Survivor's Treasure

From a deepness without measure*

 

I've survived enough to be considered immortal

But I am nothing if not humble**

So I suppose what I'm saying to you

Rust and Ruin, what did you even do?

 

You've been ditched for a bridgeboy with a magical spren 

And been left with the wall guard, what’s up with these men?

They do nothing but lie and try to impress

Beard's really helping with all of your stress

 

Only one Soulcaster you found in a pew

You needed Wit for aluminum too

The wall guard can eat while the city goes hungry

It's all they can do across the whole country

 

Can't save the king from his terrible fate

The missions a fail, you run for the gate†

Dragged through corruption to a possible doom

Wait sorry, I forgot, but you’re used to the gloom‡

 

Adventure is calling, and I must continue on

And face the Ko!oss• with nothing but brawn

But before I go, let your hair change its hue

Rust and Ruin, what did you even do?

 

———————————————————————————

*Actually, it was 18.3 fathoms.

**As is clear from all of Jak's accounts.

†I know the proper term is “Oathgate,” but he won’t let me change it.

‡Jak doesn’t understand Shadesmar very well, but he won't let me change this either.

•Sigh.

 

Edited by Ghanderflaffle
Typo
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