Ashspren

Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles

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Sorana versus Itiah?!? Is that even possible, or will it break the Shard? :P

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Posted (edited)

On 7.8.2019 at 4:17 PM, AonEne said:

Sorana versus Itiah?!? Is that even possible, or will it break the Shard? :P

I don't know :wacko:

=================

EDIT:

Here's my entry

Spoiler

Feel free to step close, and hello old man
welcome to the show – (dramatic pause)
Beware my chalk and my creativity
I will bring some fun, into your captivity
This battle is hard, but I never loose hope
never give up, stand tall and proud
It’s my time now, no time for fear
The world is mine, as I know I’m here
despite of your knowledge, you will never see
it’s not about facts, it’s ‘bout being free
Let the world look up and take a perk
contrasting you, I’m more than a clerk
The circle’s drawn, my path is clear
It’s time for you to tremble in fear

Life is real, you know, like a large show
It is good and bad, happy and sad
and when you need someone to pull your wagon
don’t hesitate to ask, my friendly dragon

I leave school soon, live my own life
never look back, never stop, I am going to strive
there’s a path for me, I won’t wait, just see
what I’ve done, I wrote history
No need for your knowledge, ‘cause it’s way too much
Better change the world than read that much
This is my life and it’s mine to take
I’m strong, I’m real, I am no fake
Staring you down, I will never give up
I will listen to stories and I will look up
Mighty creatures will fight for me
They stand by my side till eternity

Life is like a dream, like a scoop of icecream
It’s sweet and bitter, full of glitter
And when you stand in the middle of genesis
remember to create your own Pegasus

What are your plans, your goals, your aim?
Do you even know how it is, to feel pain?
As an aspect you are but a thought
nothing more than a construct, or a fraught
trapped in a brain you share with others
no chance to live life and see all its wonders
Your knowledge is dry like an empty can
what use are bare facts, without talking to man?
No chance to see, the world on your own
No way for you, to walk alone
Tobias Leeds, you have all of my pity
I almost feel a little bit guilty
So here, for you, a present from me
a unicorn, proud and free

Life is bright and it’s chaos, sometimes full of pathos
just be brave and look, it’s more than a book
and when you face a wall of hatred and scorn
remember to cuddle your unicorn.

@I think I am here.
I'm not 100% sure about the time, but I think, I was already too late, so here a small reminder ;)

Edited by Sorana
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Posted (edited)

Great rap, @Sorana! Thanks for the reminder :)

Without further ado, make way for Tobiaaaaaaass!

Spoiler

Tobias appears with a wise smile and he waves politely to Melody. He gasps a little as Melody roasts him, thinking about kids these days. But he hugs his unicorn, and he tries thinking of a rebuttal...

Hand me a dias!
‘Cause this calls for a Riot.
Your a spineless F-minus,
I’m the highest, no bias, Tobias!

Here to remedy this Melody’s melody with my brevity,
With my endlessly relentless dispense of intensity.
On this defenceless enemy and all her chalking entities,
With an insensibly detestability for an identity.

‘Cause incidentally I have a fundamental superiority,
You’re a sorority girl against a historical authority.
Your brother got destroyed, so perhaps this is hereditary,
You’ll inevitably perish, so consider this a lengthy elegy.

You’re rap essentially was a single-insult boast,
An incessantly incessancy of verbal perplexity for a roast.
Because why is travel something I’d need the most?
When I can recount every city in the world coast-to-coast?

You got saved at the Melee because you traced Joel’s lines,
Now he’s not here to help you, how will you do this time?
Because the rhymes I design are so fresh in expression,
While you prance around half the book only creating more questions!

Like how can you talk to Chalklings?
Ingenuity? Fortuity?
Your whole character is so bad,
You broke your own book’s continuity!

I’m a purpose-built archivist,
If I don’t scare you my technique will.
I’ve got three full novellas,
While you’re still waiting on a sequel!

Your skills are a mystery,
Your insults are hollow.
I’m a master of history,
Let’s see if you can follow:

I’m going to win,
Like I’m Muhammad Ali.
Going to melt your raps to nothing,
Like I’m Salvador Dali.
Going to win the crowd over,
Like I’m Michael Jackson.
Going to conquer you for good,
Like I’m the Anglo-Saxons.
Going to create pure art,
Like I’m Vincent Van Gogh,
You’ll be scared by my raps,
Like I’m Edgar Allan Poe,
I’m an underrated star,
Like I’m Vince Vaughn.
And I’m unstoppable,
Like I’m Genghis Khan!

But thanks for the unicorn,
An imaginary man needs an imaginary pet.
But on the topic of animal neglect,
Here is a cool fact which I hope you won’t forget!
 
Tobias tells Melody the interesting story of how he once saw this magnificent piece of architecture on the street, and how it’s bricks were 1788 exclusively manufactured. It’s boring, but his voice just makes it so interesting...

 

Edited by I think I am here.
I’m actually neutral about Vince Vaughn. I just needed something that rhymed with Genghis Khan :P
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On 8/7/2019 at 8:34 AM, Sorana said:

I'm not 100% sure about the time, but I think, I was already too late, so here a small reminder ;)

Not at all. At least, you're both within the timer I set.

And boy howdy, you both used that time well! These roasts are fantastic! I actually took a minute to look up Vince Vaughn, 'cause I didn't know who he was. And I love Melody's motivational roast. It's so wholesome. :)

Vote on the winner here: https://forms.gle/81UcEuhsdL2n47zu6

 

Next up is @Snipexe as Jason Write!

And @MetaTerminal as Stephen Leeds!

You have 48 hours. Good luck!

https://www.tickcounter.com/countdown/1368868/leeds-v-write

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On 8/10/2019 at 0:10 PM, Paranoid King said:

Next up is @Snipexe as Jason Write!

And @MetaTerminal as Stephen Leeds!

Wow, that timing was and is really unfortunate for me. Could I get another day or so? I don’t mind if Snip gets extra time as well.

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9 hours ago, MetaTerminal said:

Wow, that timing was and is really unfortunate for me. Could I get another day or so? I don’t mind if Snip gets extra time as well.

No problem. I'm moving apartments tomorrow anyways, so I'll give you both another 2 days.

https://www.tickcounter.com/countdown/1371178/leeds-v-write

And the winner of the previous round is @I think I am here. Congratulations!

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Congratulations @I think I am here.

Was an honor to loose against you! Your roast was awesome!!

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19 hours ago, Paranoid King said:

And the winner of the previous round is @I think I am here. Congratulations!

Yay :)

19 hours ago, Sorana said:

Congratulations @I think I am here.

Was an honor to loose against you! Your roast was awesome!!

Thanks! I’ve never heard anyone say it was an honour to lose against me before though :P 

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Sorry, I’m frantically working on it atm. It should be up by the end of the day (>3hrs).

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Argh. Out of time.

My schedule has not improved in the slightest, unfortunately, and shows no signs of doing so. As in, I have no free time to work on this. I thought I would be able to, but that turned out not to be the case...

Is it possible to forfeit? I know that’s not really in the spirit of things, but unless I put out something spectacularly sub-par based on the few brief notes I have then I don’t see anything good being produced. If I am allowed to forfeit, Snip might be saved from this round and having to put out something quickly. (Though of course they are free to do so.)

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Having done it twice, I can confirm that forfeiting is allowed. Unless the rules have changed since then.

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1 hour ago, MetaTerminal said:

Argh. Out of time.

My schedule has not improved in the slightest, unfortunately, and shows no signs of doing so. As in, I have no free time to work on this. I thought I would be able to, but that turned out not to be the case...

Is it possible to forfeit? I know that’s not really in the spirit of things, but unless I put out something spectacularly sub-par based on the few brief notes I have then I don’t see anything good being produced. If I am allowed to forfeit, Snip might be saved from this round and having to put out something quickly. (Though of course they are free to do so.)

I’m planning on finishing my roast either way, so don’t let that effect you either way.

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1 hour ago, Snipexe said:

I’m planning on finishing my roast either way, so don’t let that effect you either way.

I'm looking forward to it!

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@Paranoid King @MetaTerminal Here you go:

A Roast of Stephen and Company:

Spoiler

Stephen
I’ve got a feelin’
that right now the playing field is a little uneven,

There’s quite a few of you, and only one of me
But then again, I’m not the one with the insanity,
Stephen, I guess I’ll start with you,
But don’t worry about your friends, I’ll roast them too,

You call yourself a detective,
But your methods aren’t effective,
Don’t you know the family’s the one with the incentive

While you went solved a little camera mystery,
I uncovered a galactic conspiracy,
You may have stopped an explosion in Longway,
But have you ever held the entire human race at bay?
While a single car bomb was enough to take you down,
I killed a Cyto master and ported out of town,

Trust me Stephen, we you might think that we’re done,
but now it’s time I roast your aspects one by one,

Adoline, you’re the one with OCD,
It’s sad your skills cramped by your compulsity

Armando, the fake Mexican ex-Emperor
You seem to be an aspect killing murderer
While you were busy living in a fantasy,
You could have solved a case that made history,

Arnaud, the imaginary physicist,
It’s unfortunate that quantumly you don’t exist,

Audrey, the fictitious, the fake, the imaginary,
in its context your psychosis seems reactionary,
you may provide some helpful handwriting analysis,
but the strife your presence causes is  simply fabulous

Chin, you seemed to help  out Ivans during the Longway Incident,
But based on present events it didn’t set a precedent

Clive, yet another aspect whose skill were found lacking
your lack of smarts on Chemicals nearly sent the case packing

Dylan, the pacer, 
the inner book spacer,

Flip, you got gipped
your main character trait in the entire book is that you’re definitely not ripped.

Ivans, the lackluster, the Longway mechanic,
the lack of your presence in Israel certainly caused a  panic.

Ivy, come on, you’re one of the core 3,
That seems to be quite the responsibility,
You have influence with Stephen, I won’t have lied,
But when you messed things up, aspects died,

J.C, you’re a gunman I guess,
But the fact of the matter is,
Your situation’s a mess.
You stay with Stephen thinking you’re a time ranger, 
but in this reality, you aren’t a danger

Kalyani, translator of Hebrew
you were made for a job, but after that you’re career’s through

Leroy, you’re an unknown, a name on the page,
It doesn’t surprise that you weren’t sent backstage

Lua, you say you’re a survivalist,
but you also seem to be an optimist, an idealist,
but most importantly, not a pragmatist

Marinda, you seem to be an artist,
but drawing in the middle of a case doesn’t seem the smartest

Mi Won, a medic, but I repeat
You have to be able touch someone in order to treat

Ngozi, the forensic germaphobic,
The effort bacteria would need to get you sick would be heroic

Owen, how’s a goin?
Does it hurt knowin,
that you playing golf is the only time your name is spoken

Rahul, how does it feel to be a mistake,
compared to the other aspects you don’t got what it takes,
Sure you’ve got a few decent general skills,
but compared to them you can’t pay the bills

Tobias, you’re the expert in history
But your use in the books is a mystery,
You seem to have nothing but the goal to bore
Your voice appears to be your only allure

Turquoise ain’t that an interesting name
then again art is under your domain,
but I got to say
the stoner voice?
it’s a cliche

Xavier, come on you’re a Satanist,
honestly, there’s a reason this roast is at the end of my list.

As I come to the end of my roasts in rhyme,
I gotta say Stephen, I hope you had a good time.

 

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22 hours ago, MetaTerminal said:

Is it possible to forfeit?

Nah, that's fine. As AonEne said, it's a well-honored tradition around here.

20 hours ago, Snipexe said:

 @Paranoid King, @MetaTerminal Here you go:

A Roast of Stephen and Company:

Did... did you just roast 23 people? In alphabetical order? What a champ! If only I had more upvotes to give...

 

Next up is the final battle between @I think I am here. and @Snipexe!

@Snipexe, you just finished your last battle, so feel free to take a few extra days on this one. I look forward to seeing the champion roast! Good luck!

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