Ashspren

Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles

1,518 posts in this topic

Spoiler

Welcome, Hoid to my city fair,

Try not to blow too much hot air.

While the world is ending, you pontificate,

Refuse to elaborate,

Unwilling to collaborate.

What are your lasting creations?

My elantrian sensations-

Pottery, made from my own hands

To bring beauty to my homeland

Will last beyond my lifespan.

And Gemmel- what is your legacy?

I wish I could look and see,

But you were a teacher,

Measured by the killer

You helped tutor.

A tool of Ruin, manipulated

Decieved by voices in your head

Schizophrenic

Prone to panic

Appearance--just ick.

 

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The results are in:

The winner or Round 2, Match 2 is @Silva, representing Frost!

The winner of Round 2, Match 3 is @I think I am here., representing Sja-Anat!

Congrats to both of you!


Also, voting for Round 2, Match 4 is now open! By way of reminder, our contestants are:

Hoid, as voiced by @Paranoid King!

Gemmel, as voiced by @Archer!

and Taan/Aanden, as voiced by @John203!

 

Vote vote vote!

The poll will stay open for 48 hours (possibly more, if I can't get to it quickly enough)

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Congratulations, @Silva!

@I think I am here., you have bested me with your skill.  *bows head*  Well done.  
Actually, it still kinda feels like a victory to me since you were representing Sja-anat, the character I'd originally picked. :lol:

17 hours ago, Herowannabe said:

Also, voting for Round 2, Match 4 is now open! By way of reminder, our contestants are:

Hoid, as voiced by @Paranoid King!

Gemmel, as voiced by @Archer!

and Taan/Aanden, as voiced by @John203!

Storms, this is a difficult choice...

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17 hours ago, Herowannabe said:

 

The results are in:

The winner or Round 2, Match 2 is @Silva, representing Frost!

The winner of Round 2, Match 3 is @I think I am here., representing Sja-Anat!

 

Congrats Silva!

And cool :D

19 minutes ago, Zath said:

 

@I think I am here., you have bested me with your skill.  *bows head*  Well done.  
Actually, it still kinda feels like a victory to me since you were representing Sja-anat, the character I'd originally picked. :lol:

We can say it’s a victory for both of us ;) 

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I have not been following this well enough. :ph34r:

15 minutes ago, I think I am here. said:

Congrats Silva!

Congrats to you too!

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1 hour ago, Zath said:

Actually, it still kinda feels like a victory to me since you were representing Sja-anat, the character I'd originally picked. :lol:

Darn, so I get to lose the most? 

Eh, Itiah deserves it. :P Nice job!

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Alright everyone, welcome to the Semi-Final round of the Tournament of Champions! Congrats to our semi-finalists, who have proved their mettle in the last round by taking on the role of a character not their own! (Don't worry, for the rest of the Tournament you will be representing the character you signed up to represent) Entering the semi-final rounds we have:

@I think I am here. representing Yomen

Myself, representing Galladon

@Paranoid King, representing Gemmel

and @Silva, representing Yokska

 

Thank you to all who have participated in this tournament so far, including: @hoiditthroughthegrapevine, @Zath, @Gray to, @Archer, @Felt, @AonEne, @Toaster Retribution, @Sorana, @Ark1002, @Kidpen, @John203, and @ILuvHats (hopefully I got everyone. If not, I'm sorry!). Before we begin the semi-final round, we have one last task for all of you. The twist for the semi-finals is going to be that each contestant will have a list of words that they are required to use and rhyme with in their roasts. We are calling on you- all of the previous contestants in the tournament- to offer up suggestions for required words. FYI the goal is to encourage and challenge the contestants creativity- not to try to trap them with words that can't be rhymed with. As such, any words deemed too difficult to rhyme with (eg: orange, purple, etc) as well as any inappropriate words will be rejected. You may offer as many suggestions as you'd like, though no guarantees that all of them will be used. We will try to use at least one suggested word from each person though. 

Here's the link. We'll give you 2 days to submit your suggestions and then we'll begin the semi-final round!

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Triangle.

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Avast! I have been bested. Well played, Paranoid King. You too, John203.

Now that I’m out, I feel obliged to over-enthusiastically cheer for someone, whether they want me to or not. And since I’ve already gotten into the head-space of that crazy mistborn lad, I might as well root for him.

So spread the news!:

5cd9740706486_Archerleavesteamtaan.png.4a87fe05250bb41e5e208e687b8b9906.png

YEEHAW! I’m hopping on the Gemmel bandwagon. So, WOOOOOOOOO!!!!! RHYME THEIR FACES OFF, GEMGEM!

Note: This doesn’t mean I won’t submit horribly difficult words that you'll be forced to rap with. You’re still going to have to rhyme with ‘marshmallow’. It fits too well with the whole ‘roasting’ theme not to submit it. But I will provide unhelpful "heartfelt" encouragement from the sidelines while you do so. ;)^_^

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Well fought my dudes. Gemmel was left in good hands. Props to Taan as well, he's not an easy character to work with. High fives all around!

Storms yeah! Gemmel is all about faceoffs! He'll face off anyone anytime!

BTW, as a contestant, can I also submit words? 

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On 5/13/2019 at 10:53 PM, Paranoid King said:

BTW, as a contestant, can I also submit words? 

I'm going to have to say no, just to keep things neat and clean. Sorry! 

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So... 2 days turned into 7. Whoops. :rolleyes:

But I'm here now, and we are officially beginning the Semi-Final Round of the Cosmere Rap Roast Battles Tournament of Champions!

First off, thanks to everyone who submitted words for this round. I made sure everybody had at least one word who made it through, and for those who submitted multiple words I made sure at least 3 of their words. A special thanks to @Zath who submitted more words than anybody else (almost more than everybody else combined!), and also to @hoiditthroughthegrapevine, whose themed list of words amused me (I'll let you guys try to figure out what the theme was and which words were his. ;))

For the Semi-finals we have two 1v1 matches, but to keep things moving along we will be running them both at the same time. Each contestant will be randomly assigned 5 words from the required words list. As a reminder, you must not only use each of those 5 words in your roast, you must also rhyme with each of those words. Good luck!

Match 1:

@Paranoid King representing Gemmel! (Required words: Puppy, Yolish, Herald, Elocution, Cause)

vs.

@Herowannabe representing Galladon! (Required words: Ideal, Triangle, Thaylen/Thaylenah, Coffee Jelly, Novel)

 

Match 2:

@I think I am here. representing Yomen! (Required words: Dim-witted, Sharp, Turkish delight, Avalanche, Bundt cake)

vs.

@Silva representing Yokska! (Required words: Obfuscate, Allomancy/Allomancer, Fierce, Marshmallow, Sixteen

 

You have 4 days (until end of the day Thursday) to submit your roasts. If you need more time or are unable to compete in this round, then please let us know. Good luck everyone! (EDIT: Also, please highlight your required words in your roast to make it easier to see which words you used and how you used them. Thanks!)

Edited by Herowannabe
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OH YEAH! Gemmelle Monáe is gonna crush the G division! (But good luck anyway, Herowannabe and those of you in the Y match.)

I have a few theories about hoiditthroughthegrapevine's theme:

1. They're all potentially romantic words: Love triangle, puppy love, love bundt cake

2. Or words that when mispronounced make other, funnier words: herald (hurled!), obfuscate (officiate!), coffee jelly (covfefe!)

But the most likely one is this, I think:

3. Words whose anagrams create a secret message when strung together: triangle (integral), cause (sauce), avalanche (can halve a), allomancy (loamy clan).

I’m not sure how integral sauce can halve a loamy clan, but I feel much safer now that I know that. Thanks, hoiditthroughthegrapevine!

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19 hours ago, Herowannabe said:

I'll let you guys try to figure out what the theme was and which words were his.

Coffee Jelly

Marshmallow

Bundt cake

Turkish delight

Sweet things?

Spoiler

I know I normally don't post on this thread out of shame, but I had to guess :P

(Nobody's celebrating fifty pages? FIFTY, WOOO!)

Edited by AonEne
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20 hours ago, AonEne said:

Sweet things?

ON THE PROVERBIAL

Spoiler

OnTheNose.jpg.b1cba3ffec039810a394d408b65790d6.jpg

AONENE, on the

Spoiler

OnTheNose2.jpg.c692befefa38aac908829eb861ccc04e.jpg

It was actually a collection of "just desserts", but sweet things is a winner (you got the custom close up picture of my dog's nose as he is shaking off water award and an upvote for your oh so close guess. @Archer you got an upvote because it's a stroke of genius to realize that Allomancy is really just an anagram for a Loamy clan, don't know if you're a Malazan fan, but that's a perfect description of the T'lan Imass).

Excited to see the raps from this coming round, this tournament and the signing updates are the few hooks still buried deep in my soul that keep pulling me back to the shard. And the Nightwatcher boon/bane game. And the fan art...so many hooks, so little soul...

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4 hours ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

ON THE PROVERBIAL

  Hide contents

OnTheNose.jpg.b1cba3ffec039810a394d408b65790d6.jpg

AONENE, on the

  Hide contents

OnTheNose2.jpg.c692befefa38aac908829eb861ccc04e.jpg

It was actually a collection of "just desserts", but sweet things is a winner (you got the custom close up picture of my dog's nose as he is shaking off water award and an upvote for your oh so close guess.

Yay! Also, your dog's adorable!

I have upgraded my title appropriately, as clearly this is a huge honor. Sorry that I couldn't fit your whole name.

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3 hours ago, AonEne said:

I have upgraded my title appropriately, as clearly this is a huge honor. Sorry that I couldn't fit your whole name.

Never has this prestigious award been given to a more deserving candidate. Well done, AonEne, well done.

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Well...the words are underlined.

Spoiler

The Lord Ruler is dead,

Yomen, you misguided Allomancer,

Get that fact into your bald head.

No one nearby is a functioning necromancer.

 

Being an Obligator may have brought up your ego,

But tattooed skin that looks like moldy marshmallow

Is still by all reasonable folks an attractiveness no-no.

Besides, your head strongly resembles a tangelo.*

 

Looks can be deceiving,

Or so I’ve been told,

But because of your bereaving,

You just seem kind of old.

 

It might be time for you to abdicate,

Let go of your delusions,

There’s no one else you can obfuscate.

Collapse your little bubble illusion.

 

Your beliefs are fierce,

And while philosophy has no price,

I doubt your head it does pierce.

Just like those spikes you consider nice.

 

You’re a Misting.

You aren’t without ability.

Yet your sole thing

You treat like a liability.

 

During that time as king in between,

You had people spread a lie,

That you could use all sixteen,

And on that untruth you would to rely.

 

I’m really just a measly clothing tailor,

Not worthy of your expensive time,

So simply know I’d hate to have you as my jailor,

And on you, I don’t want to waste another rhyme.

 

*No offense of any kind intended to tangelos

 

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Nicely done, Silvia! I particularly like your necromancy jab.

(Side note: Never before this contest did I think I would see Yomen compared to a Tangelo...)

 

Anyways, looks like this contest is gonna push Gemmel out of his comfort zone.
...
And into the other three mistborn eras!

Ladies and Gentlemen, pick your poison.

 

The Roughs:

Spoiler

 

Things had changed since my time in the cognitive realm. Horseless carriages careening through the streets, metal candles lining the city. No semblance of order – Even the mists seem to have retreated from the chaos. Everything’s faster, louder. The whole city’s in an uproar. But there’s one thing I didn’t miss – And that was the music.

0:30

Time’s a wasting, gotta
face my rival, the
New elantrian, battle
For survival, the

Scene is set, the stands are
Piled high, I go to
check my pack, refill my
Roast supply, the

Chosen announcer, a
lauded herald, a
distinguished man who is
fine appareled,

1:00

Starts the contest, and I aim my gaze
Across the field, the man appears ablaze
With white fire glowing, almost light as yolish
Notwithstanding, he seems rather slow-ish

I make to down a vial, but he intervenes,
“This is a roasting match, no need to cause a scene,”
He’d struck the first blow, and I fell away,
For this injustice, I would make him pay

I’m practiced not in elocution,
I am better far at execu-u-ution
But stood my ground, balance now regained
(I pretended that my mishap had been feigned)

Searching round for roasts, a clean one caught my eye
I said, “Your creativity’s in short supply!”
“A surprise Raoden’s the man who led the cause,”
“When you’re the one who should know farming laws”

I was drowned by boos, as the crowd got uppity,
It almost felt like I’d just kicked a puppy
Shrugged my shoulders, and picked up my pack,
“Once I find more rhymes, I’ll be back!”

Went my way, into the setting sun,
Felt so different outside Era One.

Mistborn Modern

Spoiler

My name is Gemmel, I'm a mistborn pro,
Praised for my power wherever I go.
Voice in my head, my own personal herald
Forces combined, and my skills are unparalleled.

Prowess is unrivaled, and no others can compare,
Surely there's no Dula man who can go flying through the air.
Hide yo-self, the ruler of night is here, truly you're wise to fear (This is your chance to flee)
If I had a say, you'd lose your way, become my prey, turn dark and grey, unknown today (Your fate's a mystery)

TenSoon is known as a savage, (just a puppy)
Eating from a dish, perhaps as weak as the Yolish, can't grant your wish, useless as fish (frail as a guppy)
Dilaf, Hrathen, not a threat.
With one hand, I'd win, I bet.

Sel has been shattered, no help to the cause.
Doom and destruction, the natural laws.
Buoyed by two shards of Devotion, Dominion,
Galladon's role is a glorified minion

Barely a right-hand man, Sule here is just a sheep
Leave him to his own devices, and he'll just wind up asleep.
Prowess lacks, he's no famous warrior, a misplaced foreigner, (bought for a strip of meat)
Never feel the thrill, he's always chill, best write your will, Can't eat your fill from roasting grill (enjoy the taste of defeat)

Searching for food, no scholar (poor elocution)
There is a simple charm to stay on farm, employ your arm away from harm, but feel alarm, (No food solution!)
Must be jealous of my fork
Every night I dine on pork

You're just a farmer, good at planting seed.
Well, for your story, that's all that you need.
As for myself, well, the bar's been set high, (so!)
With just a flick, I could topple you like a domino.

Space Age

Spoiler

Captain’s log, stardate 063:

1:03

Lower engines, leaving warp speed
System entered, crew has agreed
Scan the system, find survivors
Take some time to update drivers

Power sensors, life detected
Land on planet, crew objected
Safe in orbit, there’s no telling
Hostility surface dwelling

Overruling, deny the wish,
Can’t be half as bad as yolish,
Complaint has no valid cause -
Few men died to Nexu jaws.

Engineer refuses travel
Tension makes the crew unravel
Words are heated, tempers flaring
People have devolved to glaring

Realize brass supply’s run hollow
Can’t ensure that crew will follow
Trust my skills in elocution
To suppress the revolution

Shoot a warning shot with phaser
Realize ship is weak to laser
Life supply is running double
This keeps up, we’re in some trouble

Power systems overloading
Sirens fill me with foreboding
Trust my instincts within reason
Give up on suppressing treason

To the lifeboat, finding shelter
Crew is running helter skelter
Pulling lever, separation
Knocked off feet by detonation

2:07

Drifting
Floating
Ruin
Gloating

(Half time)

Falling
Sinking
Time for
Thinking

(Normal speed)

Surface
'landing'
Barely
Standing

Brought to
City
Need no
Pity

Glowing
People
Center
Steeple

(half time)

Lifesigns
Fading
Healer
Aiding

2:55

Back to senses, check surrounding
Recovery is astounding
Out into the streets I barreled
Everyone a glowing herald

Check transceiver, won't turn on -
Bowling over Galladon -
Feeling like a missing pup
"C'mon, Scotty, beam me up!"

Feel a hand upon my shoulder,
Could this man be any bolder?!
Grab a vial, burning metal
He's just grabbed a stinging nettle

Tin to sharpen all my senses
Pewter breaks through his defenses
Steel to slam him through a wall -
Iron like a wrecking ball -

3:27

Need to recover, find my crashed pod,
Thought stranding captains had been outlawed
Wreckage should have a strong transmitter,
Hope engineer is not still bitter

Speeding through badlands, Pass a red priest
Push off his armor, towards the southeast
Finding the wreckage, activation
Wait for a response from space station

...

...

...

 

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Well!  Well, well, well!  Words.  Wow.  :lol:  The semi-finals are off to a great start!

Nice one, @Silva!  (tangelo-- such a great word.)

Storms, @Paranoid King, that was fantastic!  Loved it, especially the Mistborn Modern Era roast, it fit so perfectly to the song.  (I did have some trouble matching your Roughs roast to the music. *shrugs* Still set the mood well, though.)

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50 minutes ago, Zath said:

Storms, @Paranoid King, that was fantastic!  Loved it, especially the Mistborn Modern Era roast, it fit so perfectly to the song.  (I did have some trouble matching your Roughs roast to the music. *shrugs* Still set the mood well, though.)

Thanks! I hoped the modern era would connect, because it pauses every 8th beat, but had no idea if any of the three would make sense to someone other than me. So this turned out way better than expected. :D

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Well unfortunately I’m not done with my rap and I’m not going to have time to finish it tonight. I’ll do my best to have it up tomorrow. 

@I think I am here., how about you? How’s your roast coming? 

 

@Silva and @Paranoid King, thanks for getting your raps in. I haven’t read them yet, but I can’t wait too. :D 

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54 minutes ago, Herowannabe said:

how about you? How’s your roast coming? 

Well! Sorry for not submitting it now, I should probably have it in ~6 hours.

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Aha! Sorry for the double post, but it has been 6 hours and I have it ready! Words are underlined.

Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for the one, the only, semi-finalist of this very competition, the Last Obligator, or, as you better know him...  ARADAN YOMEEEEEN!

Spoiler

Yomen here, rapping for the ‘Y’ section,

Sorry Yokska, but you can’t beat perfection.

But battling you makes me want to scream “objection!”

All I need to roast you is your own reflection!

 

In the book you’re described as “plump and short,”

So wide you’d probably need beams for support.

So small your raps aren’t worthy of me to retort.

So full of flaws that they’re impossible to sort.

 

Face it, miss, my roast’s gonna make you meet your maker,

The last obligator against a single lowly tailor?

It’s blasphemy!

Why put a success against a failure?

 

And we’re only just beginning, we’re in the first tranche,

I’ll pummel you with roasts harder than a Selish avalanche!

 

You’re idiotic and dumb, this ain’t even a fight,

I’m exotic and fun, call me Turkish Delight. ;)

I could keep this diss going for all of tonight,

But for your own sake, I’m gonna keep it light.

 

(A one, a two, a one two three four)

I was chosen by the mist, my raps are paramount,

You were chosen to pad your book’s word count.

My lines are wild, I have style, dog,

You’re just expositional dialogue!

Now even with foresight, I’m still on the fence.

What’s worse? Your raps or your awful fashion sense?

Without me, HOA wouldn’t have a happy end,

Without you, Adolin’s hair wouldn’t fit the latest trend.

‘Cuz I’m the real deal,

My actions have reactions.

You should squeal and kneel,

Your fashions are crashing.

Can’t you see?

You’re an NPC,

I’m an MVP, 

You’re a sissy,

I’m busy,

Turning your raps to history.

 

You must be hungry now, want a Bundt cake?

Unlike your rhyming skills, it’s not abundantly fake!

I mean, you’re as sharp as a harp and about as bright as the dark,

And as round as a ball rolling through a ballpark.

 

But enough with the fat-jokes, 

I don’t like being typical.

Sort of like your bald joke,

Wow, that was real original.

 

Because looking at your stall,

Frankly I’m appalled.

Now I’m happy that I’m bald,,

I never need to give you a call.

 

‘Cuz if I knew I’d be fighting a bore,

I would’ve left at the door.

‘Cuz my roasts are an ocean,

And there ain’t no shore.

‘Cuz my lines are a storm,

And you can’t take more.

‘Cuz my rap’s a volcano,

And it’s ‘bout to explode, yo!

 

‘Cuz your Yokska, fighting in the ‘Y’ bullpen,

As in “Y do I have to rap against the great Yomen?”

You’re too dim-witted to sing, too ill-fitted to rhyme,

Now I’m done with this roast, so stop wasting my time.

 

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Nicely done, Itiah! Those roasts were smooth as butter. If not for the underlining, the special words wouldn't have seemed out of place at all. What a pleasure to read!

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