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Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles


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In the fight for supremacy of the 4th roast tournament, one round stands out…. The Nobility of Roshar is grouped together to roast each other… While the smoke rises from the Rift based roasts, in a clearing a figure steps out, dressed in a splendid coat made of the best Liaforian fabrics…. While the word HATE appears in golden flames on the ground, he starts to rap in a perfect beat, initiating the end of this round….

Spoiler

Yo, my name is Adolin,
last ones Kholin
Ima keep rollin’,
and try to get your vote in

The end of the beginning,
The nobles are sinning
The flow of my rhyme
….straight up winning
 

Now I think all of you heard
that I’m a ladies man
But getting married…
wasn’t a part of the plan

I’ve been known to quicken heart rates
When a woman seduces she sedates
I’ll tell you what awaits,
I’ve been on many dates

Washing dishes and plates,
has never been one of my good traits
So I don’t dance,
to what A Vorin woman dictates.
 

First off I’m gonna tell you,
about my next of kin
I know we are crazy,
I know we’re full of sin

So daddy o daddy,
what you up to now?
You couldn’t win this round,
you wouldn’t know how

The people are scared of you,
for that they have good reason
If you don’t watch your back,
you’ll have to deal with high treason

So when you deal with nations,
you have to collaborate
(Just look at me)
All the people I accommodate

I’m an advocate of the appropriate
I liberate, and I motivate
You are a barbarian,
and all you can do is intimidate

You just keep sinning,
ima tell it to you straight
At the end of this,
you’ll still be Rayses play mate


Next up is Amaram
the man with the power
Your heart and soul stink,
go take a shower

Evil to the core,
respectable on the outside
But when I come for you,
there is nowhere to hide

Now you asking for permission,
and acting all nice
But when Odium came knocking,
you sold your soul thrice

The words you emulate,
are empty and full of hate
Mine are sophisticate,
and relate you to the primate

Stupid like a single cell organism
called bacterium
Like a chicken in an aquarium,
you’d be submitting to odium

Your roasts are so stupid
(I just can’t believe it),
So while I hold my cranium,
ima ride off with my Ryshadium

 

Now last up is Taravanian,
he’s a man of state
He’s stupid and he’s smart,
and prone to miscalculate

He’s lying in wait,
deciding the children’s fate
For him a mental checkup,
is really due date

So let me give you an update,
you discriminate and depopulate
You are the provoker of desolations,
and you don’t deserve a clean slate

 

For all you Odium lovers out there,
between me and you
While you don’t have anybody,
I’ve got a whole crew

So let me berate,
quicken your heart rate

All the competition I incapacitate,
while you recuperate

When you negotiate, you negate
I mediate, You obliterate

I give life and I resuscitate,
You fabricate and I create

I am master of my fate
and once more I reiterate
that at this flow rate
I’ll make you stop the HATE

 

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6 hours ago, Felt said:

Now last up is Taravanian,

Misspelling my name, huh?  I’ll misspell YOU’RE name, Adolan!

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Well done @ILuvHats! That roast definitely fit Taravangian. I loved the diagram bit at the beginning.
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Brilliantly done, @ILuvHats! Going at Amarams arc is an extreme low blow though, but I guess it fits smart Taravangian pretty well...

Thanks!  Good job to you guys too!

Edited by ILuvHats
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I am Hrathen,
Lord of blazin'
Foolish heathen
Superstition.
Fjordell nation
Busting pagans
My religion
No contendin'.

You ignorin'
The convention
May help you win
At Tarachin,
But you can't spin
Ev-erythin'-
Declaration:
You weren't dreamin'
Your girlfriend's grin
'Cause your own sin.
No salvation
From her pale end
A sad fridgin'
Motivation
To believe in
Your religion
And stop lazin'
And do somethin'
You faker Stenn-
Imar. I win.

Is Lift runnin'
As though I'm Nin?
Scared of changin'.
Cultivation
Ain't protectin'
You from this un'-
You're more than ten.
The onsettin'
Of menstruation 
Is signallin'
You're not gettin'
Your request, and
Some regrowin'
Won't be savin'
from this lashin'.
Your precious Wyn-
Dle ain't helpin'-
You're annoyin'
No escapin'.
Puny urchin.

There's no gettin'
out this rappin'
Confrontation.
While y'all wastin'
Life you're given
I'm redeemin'
A whole nation
Will be thankin'
My deeds, even
Foe Raoden
(Elantrian)
Eulogizin'-
Their salvation.
No contestin'
My Dominion 

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10 hours ago, Badadah said:

Sorry Bit, but I have to vote for Hrathen. That was my first character, back in the days of being a pinchhitter.

We need, once we get the winner roast battle, to do a new one that is non cosmere characters.

 

Agreed. I suspect that when we do there will be a frantic scramble to claim David to rep. Bad metaphors AND rap roasting? Sparks that sounds even better than a potato in a mine field!

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@BitBitio? @Spacefaring Ferring? If you do not post within the next couple hours, I’ll have to hand the round to @John203. Sorry, guys. :( 

6 hours ago, Herowannabe said:

Agreed. I suspect that when we do there will be a frantic scramble to claim David to rep. Bad metaphors AND rap roasting? Sparks that sounds even better than a potato in a mine field!

I have something special planned for the fifth tournament, so I’m thinking non-Cosmere for the sixth. 

Also, “potato in a minefield”... that’s a bad metaphor, a statement of truth, and an effective pickup line all rolled into one. :P 

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18 minutes ago, Ashspren said:

@BitBitio? @Spacefaring Ferring? If you do not post within the next couple hours, I’ll have to hand the round to @John203. Sorry, guys. :( 

I have something special planned for the fifth tournament, so I’m thinking non-Cosmere for the sixth. 

Also, “potato in a minefield”... that’s a bad metaphor, a statement of truth, and an effective pickup line all rolled into one. :P 

I'll have mine up by 9:00 MST.

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