Ashspren Posted October 21, 2018 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2018 Sorry for the extremely long wait, everyone. IRL stuff got really busy... But, without further ado, the CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND! Let’s introduce our competitors... @Herowannabe is our favorite Hemalrugic being, but claims to be more of a person than you’ll ever be... HUMAN THE KOLOSS! @hoiditthroughthegrapevine is definitely prepared for this battle — in fact, there’s probably a list... STERIS HARMS! I am so looking forward to seeing this battle play out. Good luck to both of you! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herowannabe Posted October 21, 2018 Report Share Posted October 21, 2018 Excuse me while I go whip myself up into a Koloss blood frenzy really quick... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine Posted October 22, 2018 Report Share Posted October 22, 2018 6 hours ago, Herowannabe said: Excuse me while I go whip myself up into a Koloss blood frenzy really quick... Thanks for doing that in the mud room, it's ever so much easier to clean that way... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine Posted October 22, 2018 Report Share Posted October 22, 2018 (edited) Ahhhh yeah, Roastin' time. Sorry Human, but Steris has the broiler on high, looks like Roasted Koloss is coming up: Spoiler For you, Human, I shall speak slowly and ennuciate Because you're exactly the kind of mean dunce that I hate. Resorting first to violence, unless they are bigger or stronger You're a dimwitted bully—a bloodthirsty war-monger You're root problem is quite specific, I've attached a visual aid, as you can clearly see Human, you'll never make the grade. Spoiler Though on the Pyramid of Feeble Mindedness you're somewhere near the tops Being a low functioning moron's not enough to get you props I can appreciate that you're goal oriented, but let's talk about your plan Committing genocide and stealing would make you a very BAD human. I can see the carnival barker now, saying "Step right up, take a look!" "As History's biggest monster struggles to read a book" "I found him in a leveled city, on a setteee sipping tea" "I said 'You're quite clever chappy, but you'll be most happy if you leave and come with me'" "He said his name was Human the Koloss, but for clever names, I'm never at a Loss" "I've dubbed him Baby Blue Hitler, because though mentally he's quite young His lack of cogitation doesn't excuse the evil that he's done" "So see now as the blue skinned dullard recites bad poetry to the Skaa, but if you ask for your boxings back, I'll have to tell you 'Nah'" So there's the only future for you Human, though it pains me so to speak, that you'd only fit in the human world as a side-show circus freak. Can I just say too, that physically you're nauseating (sick) With your blue skin and bloody wounds that are always suppurating (ick) When you betrayed your people and revealed the secret of Koloss procreation You also showed that the whole "big sword" thing is really just compensating. Stick a fork in human, I gotta run, he's roasted up good, I think he's done. Edited October 22, 2018 by hoiditthroughthegrapevine Changed Human's circus name from Baby Hitler, to Baby Blue Hitler. Much better. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herowannabe Posted October 23, 2018 Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 (edited) Not bad, @hoiditthroughthegrapevine, not bad, but now, give it up for HUUUUUUUUUMAAAAAAAAAAAN!!! Spoiler Ladrian Manor rumbles and begins to shake The windows rattle and the foundations quake As a massive fist breaks down the door And Human bursts in and starts to roar: Where is the wimpy puny girl I come to smash like little squirrel!? She likes to hide while friends do work They don’t like her, they say she’s jerk! She’s only good at making lists She can’t fight or hit with fists I never hide or run from men My usefulness is ‘hundred ten! So come out and accept your doom Or I demolish every room Until I find your hidey place And put my fist right through your face! Human lifts his massive Koloss blade And begins to smash the colonnade With solemn grace Steris at last arrives And the Koloss stills as he meets her eyes He begins to gawk and his rage decreases His sword lowers and his thrashing ceases He starts to quiver and his knees go weak He gulps and stammers as he starts to speak: Who is this who stands before me And makes my chest flutter warmly? It can’t be you I’ve come to kill Your pretty face gives my heart thrill Your stern glance and frowning features Makes me wish I handsome creature I’d sweep you up off of your feet Your husband Wax could not compete So what he flies you through the skies Just cast your eyes on my big size I would be a much finer man And guard you better than he can If anyone tried bother you I’d chop them up and make a stew Serve it up in fancy dishes And then you’d give me lots of kisses And you could sit and list the ways That my bigness makes you amazed We would go on grand adventures And I’d find you heaps of treasures I would take you on fancy dates Then we’d go back to your estates And stay awake all the night long And I would sing you rapping songs Then when the sun dispelled the mists I’d kneel down and open fist And there you’d see a wedding ring Yeah I would give you anything And once you were my blushing bride I would take you to meet my tribe Other Koloss sure to like you They’d be glad to take and spike you Then you’d be my Koloss queen The prettiest thing I’ve ever seen Proper and neat yet big and tough Together we would rule the Roughs A thousand foes have tried to best me But not one could e’er contest me It will be said last but not least It was Beauty that slayed the Beast I took a little bit of a different track with this one, I hope no one minds. Human has been fun to represent, but I feel like I've exhausted all the Koloss jokes I can come up with, and to be honest I'm looking forward to trying out some other characters. So with that, if @Ashspren approves, I'd actually like to concede the match to @hoiditthroughthegrapevine (his rap was better anyway) Well fought! Edited October 23, 2018 by Herowannabe 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashspren Posted October 23, 2018 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 3 hours ago, Herowannabe said: So with that, if @Ashspren approves, I'd actually like to concede the match to @hoiditthroughthegrapevine (his rap was better anyway) Well fought! If you insist conceding the match, I won’t stop you. The rap was great, though, and the emoticons were amazing. So, with that... the winner of Tournament 3 is @hoiditthroughthegrapevine, with Steris Harms! Congratulations! Your raps were amazing, and I could really feel Steris come through in each of them. ~~~ If you want to sign up for Tournament 4, now is the time to do it! Please post which character you want to do, and I’ll put you in. Cosmere characters only, please, and the following characters are not allowed: Spook, Allomancer Jak, Steris Harms. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Sorana Posted October 23, 2018 Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 @hoiditthroughthegrapevine Congratulations! Your rap was great and really fitting for Steris! @Herowannabe I loved the way you told a story with your rap. And I have to admit, I'm glad that I don't have to choose between the two entries! That choice would have been close to impossible! @Ashspren If you'll let me participate a fourth time I'd be glad, but I can understand, if not. If possible, I would like to be Breeze. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fezzik Posted October 23, 2018 Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 Hrathen for me, s'il vous plait. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ink Posted October 23, 2018 Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 This round, I'm staying out. School is picking up and I don't need another time-sensitive thing. I'll be sure to read and vote, though! Good job everyone! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Ark1002 Posted October 23, 2018 Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 School is picking up, but I do it in school, so... I'll take TenSoon. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ILuvHats Posted October 23, 2018 Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 Can I be Taravangian? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Herowannabe Posted October 23, 2018 Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 @Ashspren yeah I’m sure. Congrats to @hoiditthroughthegrapevine! You deserve it! And now, if there is space in tournament 4, then I’ll be signing up as Rock. I am thinking it is time to show you airsick lowlanders how it’s done! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toaster Retribution Posted October 23, 2018 Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 Can I be joining Tournament 4? I miss writing raps. I would like to give it another try with Amaram, if that is okay. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid King Posted October 23, 2018 Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 Is there still room for one more? I'd like to sign up as Tillaume, AKA The Butler 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine Posted October 23, 2018 Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 15 hours ago, Herowannabe said: I took a little bit of a different track with this one, I hope no one minds. Yours was amazing!!! I really love the direction you took your rap this round, it was a really sweet and touching story, and you never broke meter. I think your rap was better and that love struck Human emoji is ADORABLE!! I would have voted for yours this time becaus it was so good, but I can see how writing for Human is a bit of one note symphony, but given the constraint you took it to a whole new level. Really good stuff hero! 11 hours ago, Sorana said: @hoiditthroughthegrapevine Congratulations! Your rap was great and really fitting for Steris! Thanks Sorana! I think hero's was better, but nice to hear anyways. Thanks again for setting this up @Ashspren, I still think this is the funnest thing going on the shard. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyndlerunner Posted October 23, 2018 Report Share Posted October 23, 2018 I'll sign up as Dalinar Kholin, Bondsmith extraordinaire, Highking of Urithiru. That is if you'll have me? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashspren Posted October 24, 2018 Author Report Share Posted October 24, 2018 Thanks to everyone who has signed up so far! We are looking for 7 more people, so let your friends, fellow role-players, and other Sharders know! If we do not have 16 by the end of the week, I will start the tournament regardless, as long as we have 12 competitors. Additionally, the Roast Archive has been updated to Tournament Three! If you have some friends that are reading through the Cosmere right now, I definitely recommend showing them some of your favorite roasts –– I've done that with some of my Sanderfan converts (the person known as "them," if you've read You Know You're A Sanderfan Part 2), and they had a blast. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BitBitio Posted October 26, 2018 Report Share Posted October 26, 2018 I'll sign up as... Hmm... so far the champs have been all from Mistborn, and all the ones I've done were from Stormlight. SHAI IT IS! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I think I am here. Posted October 28, 2018 Report Share Posted October 28, 2018 I will join as another Threnodite character, one of my favourite: Nazh! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Sorana Posted October 28, 2018 Report Share Posted October 28, 2018 On 26.10.2018 at 8:27 PM, BitBitio the Mudkip said: I'll sign up as... Hmm... so far the champs have been all from Mistborn, and all the ones I've done were from Stormlight. SHAI IT IS! I definitly, 100% support that choice! Shai is a fantastic character! @Rhapsody would you be interested to participate again? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhapsody Posted October 28, 2018 Report Share Posted October 28, 2018 ok then I'll join with Khriss =) that should be fun! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Sorana Posted October 28, 2018 Report Share Posted October 28, 2018 30 minutes ago, Rhapsody said: ok then I'll join with Khriss =) that should be fun! Cool! Let's hope we don't need to "battle" each other 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Felt Posted October 28, 2018 Report Share Posted October 28, 2018 I'll sigh up as Adolin Kholin 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhapsody Posted October 28, 2018 Report Share Posted October 28, 2018 5 hours ago, Sorana said: Cool! Let's hope we don't need to "battle" each other jep judging by your last raps you would beat me into the ground 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Ark1002 Posted October 29, 2018 Report Share Posted October 29, 2018 So, when is this going to start again? Because I am hyped. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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