Jump to content

Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles


Recommended Posts

15 hours ago, Firerust said:

Quick question: What are the ethics of voting for oneself in this competition?!

 

15 hours ago, Wyndlerunner said:

It's entirely ethical

Shallan would say it’s ethical, but not moral. :P


1 hour ago, Ashspren said:

Let's introduce our next competitors:

@Silva, with Hoid!

@Kidpen, with Nightblood!

@Felt, with Cultivation!

@AxeliustheGreat, with Vasher!

Vasher vs Nightblood? It’s like watching a Cosmere soap opera! 

Spoiler

giphy.gif

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, Ashspren said:

And the winner is... @Firerust, with Lopen! 


Let's introduce our next competitors:

@Silva, with Hoid!

@Kidpen, with Nightblood!

@Felt, with Cultivation!

@AxeliustheGreat, with Vasher!

OhcrapIneedtodothisI'mterribleatcreativitywhydidIsignupforthis

May the best person win!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

...Well. That's a surprise. A pleasant one, but a surprise nonetheless.

Thanks, y'all! And congrats to all of you for your terrific raps as well! :lol:

Edit: @Kidpen, I felt the same way when I signed up. I have confidence in you.

Edited by Firerust
You got this, Kidpen!
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hope you don't mind that I took emphasis in the fact that it's insulting with poetry rather than the roast aspect.

Spoiler
Hoid looked around before taking a seat on a log next to a burning fire. He picked up a flute then began to play. Smoke tendrils rose from the campfire and Hoid raised an eyebrow.
This is what they read:
 
Vasher,
Kalad,
Strifelover,
Peacegiver the Blessed,
Quite a few names you’ve got.
Talaxin,
Zahel,
Warbreaker the Peaceful,
But are any really you?
You’re a Returned.
You’re appearance can be turned.
No name.
No face.
Does even your identity have no name?
You’ve got no appreciation for Breath.
You use it to bring death.
A grump,
You’d be better as an
Inanimate lump.
 
Huh, Cultivation.
You’re almost an equal to me in age
But it’s becoming more visible in you.
Gee, Cultivation.
You could’ve done better than Honor.
The real Stormfather’s gone now and your alone.
Wow, Cultivation.
Odium’s gaining all sorts of power
And you aren’t doing much to help the people, are you?
Okay, Cultivation.
You’ve got a powerful spren,
But Nightwatcher isn’t all that social.
Oh, Cultivation.
You could be so much more if you tried,
I just don’t think you’re going to.
Laziness, Cultivation.
Is not an
Attractive trait.
 
           How
            Do
           You
          Even
         Work?
  You’re a talking
Sword, Nightblood
        Around
        Solely
        Since
        People
        Lost
        Breath.
        Shame
        Should
        Be all
        You feel
        Except
        You don’t
        Feel.
        You’re a
        Sword.
        You suck
        Life from
        Those who
        Wield you.
        No one
        Keeps
        You for
        Very long.
        There’s a
        Reason
        You know.
        It’s due
        To the
        Fact
        That
        You
        Are
        A
Sword.
And that’s all you’ll ever be.
Better than inanimate objects, but still not alive.
 
I know you may think
That I have many issues
But you all have more.
 
Standing up, Hoid stomps out the fire and wanders off.

Also, some of it turned purple for reasons I don't understand.

Edit: Fixed the purple problem

Edited by Silva
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here we go, obviously spoilers for Stormlight Archive and Warbreaker
 

Spoiler

Battle roast / tournament win / the rhyme writing Cultivation /
 writing, rhyming / the winning tournament roast battle

-Ketek written by Navani Kholin after the Third Tournament of the Roast Battles-

“Her rhymes break the bar, but they always equal exactly 16 lines, 4x4…”
-commentary of Adolin Kholin after the first round of the Third Tournament of the Roast Battles-

“I would give my arm again to see her roast some more people”
-commentary of the Lopen after the first round of the Third Tournament of the Roast Battles-

 

My rhymes are four by four, I’ll show you out the door, I go to much extent, now let me take the floor
Part of Adonalsium, Cultivation is my intent, I’m Ketek bent, content to be 1/16 percent
Hosting
, slowly starting rhyming, boasting, don’t do much posting, but I am good at roasting
I create, patience is another word for wait, tell it to ya straight, your character isn’t so great

You call yourself Vasher, who za hell is that? Warbreaker the Peaceful sounds like a pussycat
I will call you deceitful, disgraceful and wasteful, nightbloods point of view, I’ll give him an ear full
Is evil black? Or is it maybe blue? You have no clue about what it is that you need to do
Swords will never grow, destroying evil’s all you know, put you in your place, now come enjoy the show

Now just in case Hoid shows his face, gotta brace a little faster, gotta cut to the chase
you’re a shameful disaster and I AM the Roast Master! Didn’t you know? I am the fastidious,
now is your name Cephandrius or midious? I will call you perfidious, insidious and hideous
King’s Wit, hypocrite, didn’t you know? That Cultivation is THA sh*t..........I have no mortal fear

Now all you comic punks, you can go home my dear, you’re faking rapping, crying, why is it unclear?
You’ll never reach my level, I will persevere, I’ll drown you little homies while I chug a beer
Do you volunteer to be on the frontier? Lets kick it into high gear and make it crystal clear
No more going back mate, didn’t you hear? I’m the f*cking best, yes, IN THA COSMERE

 

Edited by Felt
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Working on mine. It'll be done in time. Just had to figure out how to rhyme. 

Here it is. It's not very good.

Spoiler

Hello, would you like to destroy some evil today?
Would you please, I’m just dying to slay

All the people who make you pay

Cause they deserve to die my way

 

Oh, what’s that I hear?

You want me to kill those people over there?

I’ll vaporize them into air

Do you prefer your roasts medium or rare?

 

*Nightblood is unsheathed*
 

HOID!

You know you talk too much  (You’re abrasive, I'm incredible in court. Succinct, persuasive.)

You have about the opposite of a gentle touch

People you insult end up needing a crutch

 

CULTIVATION!

You only participate

In the events in your world that precipitate

Your people aren't gonna end up in a perfect state.

 

VASHER!

You hold me tight

Even though you know it's not right

Vivenna uses me to kill evil

You just ignore me even though I'm primeval

 

*Nightblood is sheathed*

 

Vivenna, did I do good?

And stop all the evil in your neighborhood?

I worked just about as hard as I could

Hopefully you understood

 

Edited by Kidpen
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...