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Tournament: Cosmere Character Roast Battles


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We have reached the agreed upon time for our lyrical altercation I believe.

 

RoW and Mistborn, Era 2, and Secret History Spoilers 

Spoiler

Gazing down from my view point so haughty
I see the way you work has been naughty
I thought you might have learned from your friend
A word it seems you forgot since your end

Your latest crew doesnt seem all that fond
Thats what you get hiring scum from a pond
Do they know that theyre the ones being conned?
Why dont you move on and con the beyond

Who was the one on the hero's path? Vin
Youve been going down the hill since Hathsin
No Dockson around has made your math thin
Your mess is one we all take a bath in

Stretching your scarred arms into other lands
Sending poor seons to spout your demands
You think you know true power with your bands
Nice try, I got the whole WORLD in MY hands

You think you've faced something like me before
You are used to being half-right, I'm sure
Play a god's game with your toys on the floor
It pains me that you could be so much more

 

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Ok this is very sloppy because I did this quickly

All Cosmere spoilers RoW 

Spoiler

    The crowd watches, waiting, for Kelsier to make his debut

But none is coming.

Suddenly Kaladin Stormblessed crashes through the roof and sees what is going on

”I will protect those who cannot protect themselves!”says  Stormblessed looking straight at Kelsier who is lurking in the corner
He faces Sazed ready to give his Roast

Spoiler

 

Sazed Why do think your so great?

Where are all your accomplishments, wheres your claim to fame

You’ve never done a single thing without inflicting pain


Killing the Lord Ruler, that wasn’t so constructive 

Sure it ended with one terror gone, but another rose up bent on mass

 

The Catacendre wasn’t so great, in truth it was a disaster  

SoScad will hate you for eons after

 

 Calling yourself Harmony certainly has a lot of gumption

Because as Syl once told me, ‘Harmony is the ability to function’”

 

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I've been expecting you

Spoiler

Oh Kaladin, Kaladin
Acting like a paladin
Straight back to the battlin'
Never wants a pal let in
Then you take a paddlin'
Faith in friends is ballot thin
Never gave a gal a grin
Roshone sucked your Laral in
Can't confess a Tarah sin
Lost Shallan to Adolin
I say thats a Shallan win
You wish you were saddlin'
Mo-ash to toss a salad in
Taught to take the javelin
You should take a mallet in
The head you had Sylphrana in
That might make you foul again
That costume you look palid in
Smell like you had to foul it in
The jail you had your pallet in

I apologize for my unkind words fledgling radiant.

 

(loved "I will protect those who cannot protect themselves!") @Bejardin1250

Edited by AceBassMan
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15 hours ago, Frustration said:

The votes come in favor of Harmony

"Harmony humbly accepts this, and hopes that himself and Kaladin have both learned from their encounter."

 

Also, very enjoyable thank you @Frustration, and @Bejardin1250, and @Ashspren for good measure. I am totally down for another, if there'll be a tournament or more duels.

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Harmony steps up to a lectern that wasn't there before.

We all need more Harmony

so we wouldn't harm a flea

we would then be karma free

reasons for it are-many

you are all alarmin' me

we just think of our-money

wars we're waging are-bloody

won't you all disarm for me

melt down the whole armory

how much worse would farmin' be?

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1 minute ago, AceBassMan said:

Harmony steps up to a lectern that wasn't there before.

We all need more Harmony

so we wouldn't harm a flea

we would then be karma free

reasons for it are-many

you are all alarmin' me

we just think of our-money

wars we're waging are-bloody

won't you all disarm for me

melt down the whole armory

how much worse would farmin' be?

Are you going against @Szeth_Pancakes ?

Or do yuo ant to face me?

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