78 posts in this topic

To all those who hides Unmade in the basement: stop it. It is not funny.

Edited by Toaster Retribution
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Edgedancers: Not only is cutting off your fingers and immediately Regrowing them a sick joke to play in front of children, but it is also a complete waste of stormlight.

Edited by Khyrindor
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1 hour ago, MasterheartsXIII said:

-To the lightweaver who put an illusion of a chasmfiend in the oathgate entrance, a foreign emissary was coming on a diplomatic mission, and suffice to say relations are now…strained.

I got that far into the list before I had to stifle my laughs since I'm at work. 

36 minutes ago, Toaster Retribution said:

The final message before the Urithiru shutdown must have been real fun:

”Honor is dead. Odium reigns.”

Part of me is upset with you for killing the vibe, and the other part just imagined an intense scene where they decode one of the gemstones and it says that. That would be epic.

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- Windrunners, we have reason to believe that a certain few of you have been popping up in front of the lady’s bathrooms windows at washing time. Refrain from doing so or you will have consequences

from Snrpz

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Willshapers and Stonewards. Whoever among you turned the entire field surrounding the Oathgate to Shin Kak Nish to quicksand will be found, and will face consequences. 

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Whoever left the gravitation fabrial on top of the Alethela oathgate, you must move it immediately or it will be towed. 

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To all of the releasers who have been dividing the sanitation fabrials cease and desist immediately.

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Welcome to Urithiru. Many of the things you see here may appear odd. In time you will adapt. Please always remember, that the face in front you may not be who they appear, or even a person at all.

You have been warned. 

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- A general reminder to all radiants: Your squires' functional excellence and combat readiness require your proximity.  Be mindful of your relative position during operations; scouting resources are strained enough as it is.

- To all windrunner squires: please restrict training exercises to your order's designated grounds; the administration will henceforth consider unsanctioned utilization of other order's facilities an intentional instigation of confrontation and will be punishing offenders in a proportional manner.  The other orders are not responsible for combating the burden of your opulent participation.

- Edgedancers and Truthwatchers found utilizing Progression to grow plants in community spaces will face harsh retribution; the recent collapse of a certain dining hall due to rapid crack-propagation resulting from an unsustainable influx of root systems in the foundation stones was a completely preventable disaster.

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- Whoever keeps creating illusions of charging chasmfiends in the men's lavatory: Your assistance is appreciated but excessive. Thank you.

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- To the Edgedancer that slicked the floor in front of a waitress at the tavern, you have been banned from the establishment. 

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A message sponsored by the Devoteary of Commerce-

"Soulcasts meat, it's the other white meat"

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12 hours ago, MasterheartsXIII said:

Since there are still many of you who refuse to refer to the Dustbringers by their preferred name, Releasers, mandatory sensitivity training will be held within the week. Please check the notice board for your order’s scheduled date and time.

This is wonderful.  I laughed out loud.  

Here are a few.

Bondsmiths, you are now required to inform visiting dignitaries that you can learn their language just by touching them.  There are a few who are very upset that you were intentionally eavesdropping on their gossip.

Elsecallers, please use the hallways instead of Transporting through Shadesmar whenever you feel the need to take a shortcut.  We suppose this is better than Soulcasting walls into blood but it still can really startle people (not to mention an axehound hopped behind one of you and was lost into the sea of beads recently).

Skybreakers, please stop dragging people to the ministers of justice and exposing their minor offenses.  There is law enforcement in place to handle these types of things (and seriously, the boys who are drawing uncovered safehands in the bathroom stalls are not worth our time so stop harassing them).  

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Truthwatchers, please try to not sneak up behind people and startle them by making creepy predictions.

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Bondsmiths, please, remember to ask permission before touching someone to learn their language, and touch them in a place they feel comfortable with. We have had complains.

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A reminder to all Radiants that your spren is your responsibility, especially in regards to propriety and privacy. Do not neglect to teach them that a locked door is normally locked for a reason.

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In an effort to bring better understanding between our orders, Releasers and Edgedancers will be Slicking a portion of the roof for anyone who'd like to experience Abrasion firsthand. Windrunners will standing by.

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To: All Radiants and military personel

From: Logistics

All Radiants with the gravitation surge and/or gravitation fabrials, refrain from using reverse lashings outside the training grounds.

From now on, Lopen of Bridge Four is to be checked when leaving the provisions room.

 

Soulcasting radiants are not allowed to soulcast organs, its creepy.

 

Attention all shardbearers, keep all shardblades, living or dead, unsummoned outside of the training grounds.

 

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To the Elsecaller prankster who has been Soulcasting human waste into aluminum, please cease and desist, the waste reclamation fabrials are now barely functional.

Be forewarned as well that the sewage system has backed up into the Lightweavers quarters, and they are very motivated to find the source of their current discomforture. 

The Lightweaver playhouse theater is pleased to announce a repeat performance of the greatest Envisagers play ever made, Dumas Seppuku's masterpiece, Scared Radiant.

 

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Due to last week's incident, all Dustbringer meetings must be registered with a one week warning and must be attended by at least one Bondsmith sponsor. All participants, including Bondsmith, are responsible for cleanup and repairs afterward.

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Due to a very misfortunate accident, when throwing surprise party for a Radiant, please stay at least 6 feet away from the surprisee to avoid potential impalement. On a completely unrelated side note, we are holding a funeral for Kalan-son-Reth on the fourth floor.

Edited by Snipexe
Dang it gasper
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The Stormfather wants you to know that he is tired of hearing you Radiants complain to him about the weather. Focus on the Desolations instead, thank you. 

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13 hours ago, Snipexe said:

Due to a very misfortunate accident, when throwing surprise party for a Radiant, please stay at least 6 feet away from the surprisee to avoid potential impairment. On a completely unrelated side note, we are holding a funeral for Kalan-son-Reth on the fourth floor.

Don't you mean impalement? 

Having just because you have shardplate does not excuse you from having to clean out the airducts. The Truthwatchers have holed up in there again and the Windrunners are getting tire of having to try and remove them.

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