I Am Witless

If Alcatraz were a movie......

14 posts in this topic

I was listening to the Alcatraz audiobook, and I started brainstorming about how fun it would be to have an Alcatraz movie.

Asides. Alcatraz has a lot of asides, especially in the beginnings of chapters. It would be fun to set these up like Kuzco's asides in The Emperors New Groove, only there would be more of them. It would also be cool to have random ones in the middle of a scene where Alcatraz has to explain something.

What do you guys think? How would you like to see Alcatraz as a movie?

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I would love to see the librarians and Alcatraz fighting, and just when it gets intense, Alcatraz breaks in to explain exactly how stoopid he is.

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The easy answer is like Deadpool

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How I always thought the opening should look like:

Darkness....

 

BOOOOM!!!!!
Dramatic drumming while liebrarians scream war chants. Three-second glimpse of a chaotic scene, liebrarians in a mosh pit or something

Weird wobbling of the scene sends us back to darkness...

Short glimpse of struggling Alcatraz

Darkness...

Dinosaurs rampaging

Darkness...

Alcatraz sitting behind a microphone in a studio, reading off a script (war cries still blasting along with the music)

Alcatraz looks up, surprised. Looking directly at the camera he says 'Oops'. Camera screen shatters and everything goes crazy.

Flying penguins.

Laser blasting liebrarians. 

Sing falling down a flight of stairs.

Then back to the sacrificial mosh pit. The music's volume lowers a bit, and Alcatraz begins speaking

"So there I was...."

As he does the voiceover, camera pulls out, waaaaay out, going into the clouds to flash the title.

The view then drops back to Earth to follow a car driving down a typical suburban road, headed for Alcatraz's current home...

 

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@Archer.... We need to do this. 

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@Archer, you have a gift. For making alcatraz movie scripts. We need this movie now...

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Have you guys read the original chapters for alcatraz? that could be a very intresting way to work it into film

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The opening would have to include the altar of outdated encyclopedias. Just to trigger everyone who hasn’t read the books.

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I could imagine Alcatraz the Movie being random similar to the Monty Python films

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On 9/18/2018 at 4:09 PM, Draginon said:

I could imagine Alcatraz the Movie being random similar to the Monty Python films

Yes.

This is exactly right, and fits in with Alcatraz's style of deconstruction and making fun of most anything (including various conventions).

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I always imagined it starting with him getting up to get a midnight snack.

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(fade from black into the set of the first chapter. ALCATRAZ is strapped to an altar of outdated encyclopedias with a masked executioner standing over him)

(record scratch)

(freeze frame)

ALCATRAZ. (voice-over) Yup, that's me. I bet you're wondering how I got into this situation. Well, let me start from the beginning...

(epic music as the camera zooms out to reveal the title screen. The title shatters and the camera zooms back into ALCATRAZ'S home)

ALCATRAZ. (voice-over) I've had bad luck since I was born, for example, my name is Al. Under normal circumstances, that would have been an okay name, but my parents must have had a cruel sense of humor. My name isn't Alfred or Alfonzo or even Allison. My name is Alcatraz. Alcatraz Smedry.

(ALCATRAZ stops doing a voice-over)

ALCATRAZ. (he holds a lightbulb in his hands carefully. The lightbulb explodes) Whoops.

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