ElephantEarwax

The Longest Thread (Misadventures)

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And then proceded to throw up. 

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He stared on in horror at the scene he had just created. Why!?

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There was lots of pineapple in it.

Edited by Kidpen
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But it tasted so good. He thought.

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Because. That is why. The voice answered.

That’s not a reason! Butt protested.

Why not? The voice replied. Are you seriously questioning this, and not the rest of the madness you have created? What about this makes it special?

Butt wasn’t sure, but he knew the voice had raised some good points.

Searching for answers, he broke the fourth wall, and asked the mad puppeteers directing his life.

“Why?” He cried, throwing his gaze to the unending heavens.

“I don’t know, Butt. We felt like it, I guess.” I turn to the other contributors to the thread. “He has a point, why are we doing this to him?”

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"To make the longest thread on a forum devoted to worshiping an author of fantasy."

Then Butt died.

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It turns out he was allergic to pineapples this whole time. 

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But it turns out Butt was allergic to a different kind of pineapple, not this one. Thus, he lives!

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But he was dying, as the pineapple had become a vital part of him, only for him to eat it.

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So he died.

And was reincarnated as Brandon Sanderson's evil twin who publishes a bad romance novel every two months with the exact same plot.

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This person wrote bad romance novels, but they were still better than twilight.

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And Elend didn't like them anymore because they were evil and wrote bad romance novels. Also, he didn't know they had been reincarnated.

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For Butt still looked and acted the same, along with the same name he used to publish his novels. One day, Butt settled down to write his newest novel, The Chull at Dusk, a terribly cliche novel about a cremling desperate for love, and an emotionally disabled chull.

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The first line began, “Kaladin Chullblessed began his journey to achieve true awesomeness”

Edited by Snipexe
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It was as bad as Sanderson books are good, if that's possible.

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The cremling’s opening line was worse. It read, “Crem-Son-Son-Cremmy, Cremless; cremmed in the cremmy crem.”

Edited by Apollyon
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Even the pages were printed on Crem, for that was how cremmy the story it contained.

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Butt then ate the book.

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And he proceded to throw up again. 

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Crem-Son-Son-Cremmy was offended at this and called his fiancé, Kaladin Chullblessed to take revenge on Butt Venture.

Guys, I just found something terrible:

Help me make this a thing.

 

Spoiler

07DA5EC6-725E-43CB-8108-3A67E1C62EF2.png

 

Edited by Apollyon
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So Kaladin Chullblessed rose up from the book and killed his maker, Butt Venture.

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But he really did not kill Butt. 

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For Butt simply became meta and wrote that Chullblessed would not kill him, and would instead bake him a tree.

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So Chullblessed baked Butt a tree, whatever that means.  He also gave Butt a chicken.

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He grew this chicken from a small seed.

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