The Longest Thread (Misadventures)

[+ElephantEarwax]

Once upon a time, on a non-canon planet in the Cosmere, a powerfully invested man chose to take over the world.

Old OP:

Spoiler

This thread is an attempt to make the longest thread ever.  We got shut down in the Intro section and were told to come here. So the way to do this is to make a story. One sentence at a time. Put the story in bold so we can identify it from other things. Other discussion is allowed, but the story is the excuse to start. Here we go. @MacThorstenson @Kidpen @Archer @Stormblessed Dolphin @Rebecca @I think I am here. @Leyrann @Tesh @The Forgetful Archivist @Nerd3.14159265358979 @Voidus Tag other people who would help us.

Link to doc with it updated to at least the middle of thread page 37.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1alzgzw_ZHV-sLHPe3jg_XPCP2VOud3sY5eozOUdeiII/edit

This thread has accomplished its goal, and continues to be a hilariously random story with no rails.

[Guest]

That cosmere planet was prone to violent volcanic eruptions the entire calendar year, so people had to live in special domed cities to protect themselves.

Edited April 27, 2018 by Illythyrra Dark

[Archer]

The man decided to use hamsters to do it.

[Apollyon]

The problem was, his hamsters were all spiked to be lazy and carefree.

[MacThorstenson]

But they were also spiked with all the powers. EVER. 

[+ElephantEarwax]

Where are all the spikes in the hamsters?

They were very large hamsters.

[Archer]

The hamsters were carefully placed into a large envelope addressed to the mayor of the biggest city on the planet. 

[+ElephantEarwax]

The planet was called Rondure, the city Megalopolitan.

[Archer]

The planet's economy was based on selling dirt, and other soil related exports.

Edited April 27, 2018 by Archer

[Kidpen]

There was some concern that a superhero could appear to stop the man, but a dirt superhero would suck, so it was fine.

[Hemalurgic Headshot]

Unfortunately, the Ronduran Postal Service (RPS) had a maximum weight limit for all shipped items, and the heavily spiked hamsters exceeded the limit, causing the entire shipment to be redirected to Central Processing for inspection.

(I doubt we could possibly have the longest thread on the forum, since Random Stuff has been around for a long time, among others. We'd need to exceed 200 pages or more.)

Edited April 27, 2018 by Hemalurgic Headshot

[MacThorstenson]

Upon hearing that his hamsters were redirected, the man sent a basket of assorted baked goods to the RPS.

(We can do this. I will try to figure out exactly which thread we have to beat)

[Kidpen]

Probably random stuff, you know when, nightwatcher, or an older similar thread.

[Hemalurgic Headshot]

Once at Central Processing, the Ronduran Animal Protection Agency (RAPA) was notified of the arguably inhumane treatment of these animals, but that was when the dubious edibles arrived.

[Apollyon]

The pres. of RAPA received the baked goods at the RPS, interrupting his original task. The workers joined them for a lunch break of assorted pastries. The hamsters took this oppurtunity to escape... very slowly due to their lazy nature.

Edited April 27, 2018 by Apollyon

[MacThorstenson]

Once escaped, they began to move throughout the city.

Here is the thread we need to beat.

 

[Nathrangking]

Under the cover of darkness they began their assault.

[Hemalurgic Headshot]

The hamsters' silent escape was ignored, as the pastries' intent was accomplished, heralded by the dull thump of the quickly unconscious RAPA president's body on the floor of the cafeteria and swiftly followed by other similar thumps.

[Apollyon]

The hamster’s assault was unexpected, and so rodential chaos ensues...

Adding the link to my signature, I would encourage all you to do so.

Edited April 27, 2018 by Apollyon

[+ElephantEarwax]

They started by gnawing through doors. Just a Malefactor(villian) wanted.

[I Am Witless]

Three giant penguins landed outside of the city, silent and elegant with their rocket-powered butts.

"We would like like to treaty with you."

Edited April 27, 2018 by I am Witless

[Snipexe]

However the Hamsters had already taken over, and as any sane man knows....

Hamsters never use diplomacy

[Apollyon]

The penguins had to get pengu-out of there before the hamsters destroyed them.

Edited April 27, 2018 by Apollyon

[Archer]

Like a fuzzy wave of fury, the hamsters descended on the penguins. 

[Rebecca]

Ooh, this looks fun. I will do my best to contribute. 

With all their amazing power granted by the spikes, the hamsters attacked in a flurry of claws and teeth. (Muahahaha)