So lets hear everyone's favorite excerpts.

[GCBL Noble-Blooded]

I'll start us off.

"He saw it in her eyes. The anguish, the frustration. The terrible nothing that clawed inside and sought to smother her. She knew. It was there, inside. She had been broken.

Then she smiled. Oh, storms. She smiled anyway.

It was the single most beautiful thing he’d seen in his entire life."

[Gary Singer Noble]

“So yes, I Adolin Kholin— cousin to the king, heir to the Kholin princedom— have shat myself in my Shardplate. Three times, all on purpose.”

[Sabrina Stormshard Prelan]

"I am a stick!"

[Konn Ardent]

"You Insult! (…) I will tell all who are to listen! When arriving, I will say, 'Kholin is a stealer of boots and taker of women's virtue!'"

Edited March 14, 2014 by Konn

[kaos Noble-Blooded]

"I'm going to strangle that- She cut off, feeling a stab of depression. She had ended up killing Tyn."

[Velnica Noble]

Without a doubt:

"No apologize! Boots"

[Dalinaut Pahn Kahl]

2 from the same chapter:

 

"And this Whitespine was not yet caged"

 

and

 

"What happened to us?" Dalinar asked.  "Where is honor?"

"Honor is dead," a voice whispered from beside him. 

Dalinar looked at Captain Kaladin.  He hadn't noticed the bridgeman walking down the steps behind him.

Kaladin took a deep breath, then looked at Dalinar

"But I'll see what I can do."

[Gagylpus Idrian Monk]

Nalan's dialog with Szeth. Just chilling. My favourite bits of it:

 

Nalan: "You were banished by petty men with no vision. I will teach you the path of one uncorrupted by sentiment."

...

Nalan: "I watched you destroy yourself in the name of order, watched you obey your personal code when others would have fled or crumbled. Szeth-son-Neturo, I watched you keep your word with perfection. This is a thing lost to most people - it is the only genuine beauty in the world."

...

Szeth: "If I am to bring judgement on my people, I will face enemies with Shards and power."

Nalan: "This is not a problem. I have brought a Shardblade for you. One that is a perfect match for your task and temperament." *tosses sword*

Nightblood: Hello. Would you like to destroy some evil today?

[Kaladeen Spearman]

Simple one:

 

"Stretch forth thy hand!"

 

Next is:
 

"Honor is dead, but I'll see what I can do."
 

[xbauks Grand]

Hello. Would you like to destroy some evil?

[Lateralus Noble-Blooded]

It wasn't time for a show.

It was time for a beating.

[Lhurgoyf Noble-Blooded]

I AM CALLED. I MUST GO. A DAUGHTER DISOBEYS.

[Gamma Fiend Steel Inquisitor]

"Ah. forgot myself for a moment," Wit said. "Sorry. Let me make it more appropriate for you. A piece of wet slime and a disgusting crap thing with seventeen legs slunk across the rocks together on an insufferably rainy day. Is that better?"

Gotta love Wit messing with Kaladin. It'll never get old.

Or when Wit says to Amaram, "You're what Sadeas aspires to be!" or something like that.

Basically, anything Hoid says.

But, let's not forget the forever-classic, "I am offend!"

[V'rish Makik Bridgeman]

First of all, sorry for any typos/mispelled names, I listened to the book so I don't have the text. I love Lopen so much, every seen he's in is hilarious and awesome.

"The Lopen sucked in light. It happened in an eye blink, and then there he sat, stormlight streaming from his skin. Ha! he shouted, leaping to his feet. Ha! Hey Chalinko! Come back here! I need to stick you to the wall!"

[Adamantame Pahn Kahl]

"'I will protect even those I hate,' Kaladin whispered through bloodied lips, 'So as long it is right.'"

Edited March 14, 2014 by Adamantame

[Cromptj Cobalt Guard]

He is mine! a feminine voice said. I claim him.

[GeneSedai Bridgeman]

I also listened on Audio so I'm not 100% sure of the accuracy of this quote, but it was among my favorites:

 

"Difficult things. Yes, I believe I told you I've learned that lesson already. Thank you." 

[Chrono King's Tester]

"Hey, up there? Anyone? We're down here, and we're making bad puns. Please save us from ourselves!"

[Seloun Scadrian Waffle Cook]

 

She studied him. Then the sword burst to mist, vaporizing. She lowered her arm. “I don’t have time for you. A storm is coming, a terrible storm. It will bring the Voidbringers to—”

 

“Already here.”

 

“Damnation. We need to find Urithiru and—”

 

“Already found.”

 

She hesitated. “The Knights—”

 

“Refounded,” Wit said. “In part by your apprentice who, I might add, is exactly seventy-seven percent more agreeable than you are. I took a poll.”

 

“You’re lying.”

 

“Okay, so it was a rather informal poll . But the ugly lizard-crab -thing gave you really poor marks for—”

 

I think what makes that so hilarious is that it's usually Jasnah who far ahead of everyone else.

[Hemiak Darkeyes]

"I'm practicing my fancy words.  They help a fellow obtain reasonable feminine companionship. You know - the kind of young lady who doesn't smell too bad an' has at least a few teeth left."

[WhiskeyJackDaniels Pahn Kahl]

I know this was already mentioned in abridged for up ahead, but it was the funniest line in the book to me, so I wanted to give it its due credit.

"Perhaps a story for a child," Wit said. "I will tell you one, to get you in the mood. A bunny rabbit and a chick went frolicking in the grass together on a sunny day."

 

"A chick…baby chicken?" Kaladin said. "And a what?"

 

"Ah, forgot myself for a moment," Wit said. "Sorry. Let me make it more appropriate for you. A piece of wet slime and a disgusting crab thing with seventeen legs slunk across the rocks together on an insufferably rainy day. Is that better?"

 

"I suppose."

This,  my friends, is worldbuilding lol.

[gofunkiertti Bridgeman]

 

“I’ve never actually had someone’s tongue on me,” Shallan said, turning a page and not looking up, “clever or not. I’d hazard to consider it an unpleasant experience.”

   “It ain’t so bad,” Gaz said.

   They both looked at him.

   He shrugged. “Just saying. It ain’t . . .”

 

This is actually veering into smut. I'm so proud.

[Awesomeness Summoned Savant]

“I don’t talk to myself because I’m crazy.”

“No?”

“I do it because I’m awesome.”

[sailense Spearman]

"You sent him to the sky to die, assassin," Kaladin said, Stormlight puffing from his lips, "but the sky and the winds are mine. I claim them, as I now claim your life."

 

That was so epic when I first read it.

 

"Kid," Zahel said ... "Two people live in this room ... "

 

That whole speech perfectly illustrated Zahel's character for me.

[name_here Stormwarden]

 

Dalinar climbed into Gallant's saddle to get a little height. He turned towards the ranks of men nearby. "Yes," he shouted over the sound of the rain,"these are Voidbringers. Yes, we're going to fight them. I don't know what they can do. I don't know why they've returned. But we came here to stop them.

 

"I know you're scared, but you have heard of my visions in the highstorms. In the warcamps, the lighteyes mocked me and dismissed what I'd seen as delusions." He thrust his arm to the side, pointing at the sea of red eyes. "Well out there, you see proof that my visions were true! Out there, you see what I have been told would come!"

 

Dalinar licked wet lips. He had given many battlefield speeches in his life, but never had he said anything like what came to him now. "I," he shouted, "have been sent by the Almighty himself to save this land from another Desolation. I have seen what those things can do; I have lived lives broken by the Voidbringers. I've seen kingdoms shattered, peoples ruined, technology forgotten. I've seen civilization itself brought to the trembling edge of collapse.

 

"We will prevent this! Today, you fight not for the wealth of a lighteyes, or even for the honor of your king. Today, you fight for the good of all men. You will not fight alone! Trust in what I have seen, trust in my words. If those things have returned, then so must the forces that once defeated them. We will see miracles before this day is out, men! We merely have to be strong enough to deserve them."

 

Dalinar gives the best speeches.