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Rules for Surviving a Fantasy World


Aon Ati

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I'm sure that I'm not alone when I say that I often imagine about living in a fantasy world. All the cool magic and creatures would make a fantasy land a great place to live. But as I continue to indulge in fantasy media, I have noticed a couple of patterns of behavior that, if acted out, lead to a character ending up in grave danger. This thread is designed to gather knowledge on what and what not to do in a fantasy world. These are my big three rules:

1. Never summon a demon, spirit, etc.

    No matter the book, movie, or even video game, every time a person tries to summon some supernatural creature to use in some way, it usually ends with the summoner being attacked/killed by the creature and it then being the main source of conflict for the rest of the story. When ever I read or see someone in a fantasy world about to do this, I automatically know what is about to happen.

2. Never touch treasure that you or someone else happen to find.

    I've noticed that treasure that is just laying on the ground in the middle of nowhere in fantasy has a high percentage of being cursed or belongs to a very scary individual.

3. Always be kind to strangers in the woods.

    There is a chance that this person is not trustworthy, but better safe then sorry. It could be a kindly old wizard who could grant you a wish. Or turn you into a frog if you annoy him.

Those are my rules for surviving a fantasy world.

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Always try to be friendly to mysterious old men in your village. There is a high possibility that they were great heroes in the past and may teach you some awesome magic and sword fighting skills.

This is very important. Buy a horse! You are going to be doing a great deal of traveling. 

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13. Avoid exploring tombs. Tombs either have traps, curses, monsters, or high value artifacts, and the artifacts are almost never worth it.

14. Do not, under any circumstances, plot to kill your nephew/niece.

15. In the event that you ignored rule 14, be thorough. Don't trust that your minion/servant/bodyguard did the job correctly.

Edited by Faceless Mist-Wraith
words in wrong order
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19. Don’t eat the cookies. (Wait...)

20. Don’t be the love interest to a budding main character before the plot starts. You won’t even live to see chapter 1.

21. Don’t be the mentor to the protagonist. Just say no.

22. Don’t be the main villain. No matter how fun it sounds.

23. Don’t follow the creepy sound into the forest.

Spoiler

24. Don’t anger the king by challenging Amaram to a duel. Unless you are Axies the Collector and want to see some nice captivityspren. 

25. Be Hoid.

26. Bring the armor with you. It’ll be useful, I promise.

27. If you happen to be a god, don’t rest on your laurels. Or ignore the people plotting to assassinate you.

28. Always hire better guards. The standard issue ones come with defects (ie inability to keep things not stolen/keep friends not dead)

29. When hiring employees or accepting quest members, do a thorough background check. Twice.

30. Don’t ignore the mentor.

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50. If you are the villain and there is a prophecy that a young hero will be your doom, don't try to find out  and/or attack his/her village. You will fail to eliminate him and only start him on the path to fulfilling the prophecy. 

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On 3/22/2018 at 3:55 AM, Zennix said:

50. If you are the villain and there is a prophecy that a young hero will be your doom, don't try to find out  and/or attack his/her village. You will fail to eliminate him and only start him on the path to fulfilling the prophecy. 

What happened to rules 41-49?:lol:

41. In the event of a natural disaster based apocalypse, avoid living in cities with famous landmarks, as these will likely be destroyed in a spectacular fashion. Then just pray that one of your friends is the main character, and that their plot-line is to save their family and 1-2 friends.

42. A towel is a massively useful thing. Never go anywhere without one.

43. In the event of an alien invasion, see rule 41.

44. In the event of the zombie apocalypse, see rule 41. Additionally, never trust a person when they say any of the following things:"It's just a scratch", "I cut my hand", or "I'm not feeling too good".

Edited by Faceless Mist-Wraith
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Rule 51.  Make an animal friend.

       Preferably one that can kill your enemies. A hamster is not the best idea for a guard animal, unless that hamster has reality altering powers and looks adorable while laying waste to your enemies. In that case, make that hamster your friends at any cost. A more practical animal is a dog/wolf, big cat, etc. 

       WARNING: there is a 90% chance that this animal friend will die by the end of your quest, most likely by sacrificing themselves for you. To avoid this, lock it in a concrete room (leaving food and water), place several boulders in front of the door, place guards who own their lives to you in front of the room to keep your pet in, and only after that are you allowed to go on the final part of the quest. This might seem harsh but this will significantly decrease the chances of your pet following you into danger.

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