Poetry Thread

[Xardan Ta'Caran]

I hope nobody minds, but this one really resonated with me considering the recent events. It was actually written by my sister. Also, I'm not sure if bringing in current events like this will cause issues, so rather than getting angry or upset, let me know that this bothers you and it will be removed post haste.

Thanks!

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine]

It' interesting to see the syllabic breakdown, thanks!

5 hours ago, TheDwarfyOne said:

I highly recommend him. The man makes prose seem like poetry. I will warn you that his third book in the series has been going to come out this year for the past ten years.

Yeah, I haven't read the whole series. I read an excerpt from the Name of the Wind that was included in an anthology, he does have a nice turn of phrase, but the whole setup with Kvothe is a bit too much for me. I can totally see why people love it though, he's an original thinker for sure.

Don't know if you're a Mark Lanegan fan or not (check out his song "One Way Street"), but he just released a memoir, Sing Backwards and Weep. It's so unbelievably good, the prose is spartan, the truths are dark and he writes it like he writes his best songs, never dodging unpleasant truths and with a truly poetic soul.

Also, if you listen to audio-books, Audible has it and Mark Lanegan even narrates it with his deep, smoke cured voice. So good!

[TheDwarfyOne]

I wasn't a fan. (Never heard of him).

 

But I am now.

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine]

On 6/4/2020 at 0:16 PM, TheDwarfyOne said:

But I am now.

If you liked that song check out Carnival, it's from his second solo album Whiskey for the Holy Ghost which is, in my humble opinion, one of the best albums ever made.

Here's a poem that I wrote for my wife:

Close your eyes and take my hands
  Spin with me and see what lies
    In the sunlit red behind your eyes.

Faster, arcing flame red strands
  Your hair lifts up and then it flies
    A fire whirl under unseen skies

Ragged breathed, in grassy strands
  We lay and hear the finches cries
    And watch the sun behind our eyes

Far from us, life's dull demands,
  Wait and duly amortize
    Still we choose not to arise

Our languid limbs forget commands
  Our torpid chests barely rise
    The dream we dream doth tranqualize

The grass grows o'er us in bands,
  Verdant hillocks our new disguise
    Lost in our love that never dies.

 

Edited June 7, 2020 by hoiditthroughthegrapevine
Typos, always typos

[TheDwarfyOne]

'Amortize' - hey, I learned a new word today. I'm sure your wife loved it.

Edited October 19, 2020 by TheDwarfyOne

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine]

Oohhh, chills!

That's great, I love it!

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine]

Sorry to double post, I got home late last night and didn't have time to formulate a proper reply.

That is an amazing poem!

8 hours ago, TheDwarfyOne said:

Long
Had we watched
And marvelled.
Long
had we bathed
in silver light.

But now
Our feet trod dust
We dared not breathe.
It was a small step.
Nothing more.

This part is so good! The cadence of the first stanza and the parallelism reflected in the meter around the hinge of "Long" is really satisfying.

X/XxX-xX

X/XxX-xXx

The small step part is perfect!

8 hours ago, TheDwarfyOne said:

We drank his words
Tasting them like
The wine of gods
And fashioned out of earth
Promethean ships

The only part that was slightly uneven, in what otherwise I think is a perfect poem, are the lines "Tasting them like/The wine of gods"

This is totally just my reading of it, and I could be completely off base, but the rest of the poem is so tight and fits together so well, this was the only bit that was mildly off for me.

That is a fantastic poem and the ending gave me actual goosebumps. So good! Really nice work!

[TheDwarfyOne]

Thanks very much! I read some theory afterwards which you may find interesting. I'll demonstrate with a poem (quality not guaranteed; written as an example).

 

The Ent

 

I can recall the rain

When bees flitted in forests,

Corn brought whispered sighs.

 

I walked lost paths which stretched

Into an age. I chortled

So my bark grew cracked.

 

Elves saw, and taught me speech

So I could sing of growing

To refrains of star and sky.

 

Sigh, sigh. For ages fly.

 

The rowans kept this hill

In gouts of silver bloom

'Til crowns were burned.

 

I loved them. Wind forgets

Their exhalations. I am mute

With stump-like words.

 

But I recall, if not relive

A time I sang, and bees

Were golden on the trees.

 

This is where I stopped, though I could keep changing it. The theory relates to expansion and contraction. You take an idea - in this case I'd just reread the chapters concerning Ents in LotR - and write some stream of consciousness paragraphs concerning it. Like so:

Spoiler

I can remember the dripping rain from days when sunshine shone in Lorien in a glade of summer sweet the smell of bees on wing. I can remember the hair of love with apples in the cheeks and corn in the brow. I can remember walking wearied ways through woods without beginning and without end, and every step was an expression of my mind, a feeling that the world was mine. The elves taught speech and gave us tongues, and how we loved to speak with trees and to the flowers on the branch. There used to be rowan trees growing, flower-crowned and tall upon a hill, until the fires of industry tore through the glade, tore off the crown and hewed the limbs. I wept and my tears were like the rain which I had let in elder days beneath a jewelled sun. So now I wonder whether it was right for the elves to wake speech in us, for it only brings me the ability to sing my woe, to sing a song of sighing limbs and fires which gnaw the flesh of those I loved.

(This is probably too short, but meh.)

Then you pick out the pieces which seem most poetic. Like so:

Spoiler

 

dripping rain from days

sweet the smell of bees on wing

apples in the cheeks and corn in the brow

walking wearied ways through woods without beginning and without end, and every step was an expression of my mind, a feeling that the world was mine

The elves taught speech

and how we loved to speak with trees and to the flowers on the branch

 

be rowan trees growing, flower-crowned and tall

industry tore through the glade, tore off the crown and hewed the limbs

. I wept and my tears were like the rain which I had let in elder days beneath a jewelled sun.

right for the elves to wake speech in us

a song of sighing limbs and fires which gnaw the flesh of those I loved.

 

This is the first contraction. You are then meant to expand (or, more appropriately, sew these pieces together). Like so:

Spoiler

 

The past is rain and sunshine

sweet the smell of bees on wing

Looking from great grey trees

To apples and a corn-lined brow

apples in the cheeks and corn in the brow

 

I walked through Ages, stride long

Through woods without an end

And every step was like a sighed

Expression of my mind. All this was mine.

 

Then elves taught speech

That we could sing

And I remember trees and flowers

Singing to that tune.

 

Here there once grew the flower-crowned

Rowan tree, which industry has snared

And ripped its crown in flame

I weep.

 

So that I have cause to regret the elves

And speech they taught

 

For all I sing is a song of sighing limbs

And fires which gnaw the flesh

Of those I’ve loved since days when

All was clear and I could walk in woods from sea to sea.

 

Then you contract again, thinking more of structure and form. More innovation if you wish. Like so:

Spoiler

 

I can recall

Rain and sunshine in days when bees

Flitted the branches of great trees

And kissed the apples and the corn

Of those I loved.

 

I walked lost paths

Which stretched through leaves

Into long ages. This is mine, I thought,

And smiled ‘til bark grew cracked.

 

Elves saw, and taught me speech

So I could sing a melody of flowers

To refrains of star and sky.

 

Sigh, sigh. For ages fly.

 

The rowans kept this hill

In gouts of silver bloom,

Young princes of the bough.

 

Industry snared and ripped their crowns

So that I weep and singing ends

Remembering lithesome limbs.

 

I loved them. Wind forgets

Their exhalations. I am mute

With stump-like words.

 

I can recall but not relive

A time I sang, and bees

Were golden on the trees.

 

Technically you can leave it here, but I decided to contract further, thinking more of form, and got the final poem. The first half uses trochee and is juxtaposed with the second, slightly broken verse.

 

Completely unsolicited, I know, but I found it an interesting method. Thought others might like it, even if I mess it up

 

Edit: I should say that I don't recommend being slavish in the use of methods for poetry creation. But this method encourages people to think of the important elements of poetry - language, form and structure. For instance, in my final contraction I could have experimented with traditional forms. Forced it into a sonnet, couplets, whatever. 

I think it's useful to think of any poem which you create as an organic thing. It is never static, caught in amber like a fossil. It is alive and can change. [/my two cents]

Edited June 9, 2020 by TheDwarfyOne

[TheDwarfyOne]

.... To further illustrate the point, I turned it into a sonnet.

 

The Ent

I can recall the rain on corn in sighs

While bees flitted in forests made of ease

And great-grey rose the crownings of the trees

Above lost pathways under jewelled skies.

Life stretched into an age. I laughed so well

Elves heard and drew from me still-water song

Which passed like ages, beautiful and long

To the refraining tinkle of a bell.

I came to love the gush of silver bloom

Which marked the rowan on the hill, now felled

So that songs falter and words failed

Describing axes brought with flame and doom.

 

But I recall, if not relive, the bees

And singing golden music to the trees.

Edited June 9, 2020 by TheDwarfyOne

[SirWolfe]

The End

The time that we spend,

with one another,

we treasure,

for one day,

this journey will end,

and we will reach,

our destination.

 

Like the fading light,

at the end of the day,

so must we,

go on our way.

And as the day turns to night,

it will be sad,

but it will also be beautiful.

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine]

@TheDwarfyOne that technique is awesome! Thanks for sharing the whole process, all the variants of The Ent are beautiful!

The sonnet is my favorite, I love how it starts and ends with the bees.

The first quatrain is incredibly beautiful, especially these lines:

5 hours ago, TheDwarfyOne said:

While bees flitted in forests made of ease

And great-grey rose the crownings of the trees

Above lost pathways under jewelled skies.

This is just totally according to my aesthetic preferences, but my favorite lines of all the variations are:

16 hours ago, TheDwarfyOne said:

But I recall, if not relive

A time I sang, and bees

Were golden on the trees.

I can't help but feel that this is like a mote of dust in the upper atmosphere, with the potential to form the core of the most beautiful snowflake ever to crystallize.

Really nice work!

@SirWolfe that's a really pretty poem, I like the parallel between a life lived and the passage of a day. Nice work!

[Wyndlerunner]

Here's one of my poems:

Quote

 

The ocean meets the land, in its tender, cool, caress,

As I walk upon the shores, and recall what I now miss.

Ebbing and flowing, in the constant tide,

Joy is mixed with sorrow, disgust is one with pride.

The stones are worn and weathered, beaten by the waves,

Some are cast upon the land, some dragged to wat’ry graves.

 

This is how I often feel, a stone upon the shore,

Dry and cold behind me, tempests rage before.

Both are choices fated ill, a trial sore and tough,

But then I look upon the stones, and see they are not rough.

Time and trial leave them smooth, in their form most pure,

Indeed, I am like a stone, of this I’m now sure.

 

Life is alike that stormy shore, beautiful, yet cold

We are like the stones, our fate yet to unfold-

Whether we be cast aground, or dragged to depths untold,

When we’re through we shall be just as the stones foretold.

Smooth and pure, all flaws now past,

And we shall live in peace at last.

 

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine]

1 hour ago, Wyndlerunner said:

The stones are worn and weathered, beaten by the waves,

Beautiful poem @Wyndlerunner!

That line above is my favorite!

The rythym of the line and repeated W's mirrors the pounding of the waves, really nice!

The final couplet is very sweet too.

With your affinity for stones you should check out the song "A Stone" by Okkervil River from their fantastic album Black Sheep Boy (link spoilered below)

Spoiler

 

 

[BringerOfLight]

Glad I found this thread, here's a poem:

Spoiler

"Petrichor"

A musty, airy dampness draws

After rain into my schnoz

Post the thunder's gentle roar

Smell the misty petrichor

 

The leafy odor staunchly stays

Until the sun beats down its rays

But it's not out yet, and before

it comes I sniff petrichor

 

Edited June 10, 2020 by BringerOfLight

[TheDwarfyOne]

What do 'schoz' and 'petrichor' mean? Did you make them?

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine]

39 minutes ago, BringerOfLight said:

Post the thunder's gentle roar

Smell the misty petrichor

Super pretty!

It's funny, I went on a road trip with my brother last weekend and he was just talking about petrichor and the was the first time I'd ever heard of it. A truly sublime scent, one of the finest things in life.

Currently out of upvotes (I was looking at some gallery posts that I hadn't checked in awhile), but I'll definitely be getting you one when they come back in).

Realloy nice work @BringerOfLight!

*EDIT*

I think you have a typo, you forgot the n in "Schnoz"

Edited June 10, 2020 by hoiditthroughthegrapevine

[BringerOfLight]

1 minute ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

Super pretty!

It's funny, I went on a road trip with my brother last weekend and he was just talking about petrichor and the was the first time I'd ever heard of it. A truly sublime scent, one of the finest things in life.

Currently out of upvotes (I was looking at some gallery posts that I hadn't checked in awhile), but I'll definitely be getting you one when they come back in).

Realloy nice work @BringerOfLight!

*EDIT*

I think you have a typo, you forgot the n in "Schnoz"

Thanks, mate! I try- I wrote this poem on the day I learned the word "petrichor", actually. Thanks for telling me about the typo!

[BringerOfLight]

3 minutes ago, TheDwarfyOne said:

What do 'schoz' and 'petrichor' mean? Did you make them?

"schnoz" means nose, and "petrichor" is the smell after it rains.

[TheDwarfyOne]

That's a great word.
I'm just gonna file that away for future use. 

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine]

1 minute ago, BringerOfLight said:

Thanks, mate! I try- I wrote this poem on the day I learned the word "petrichor", actually. Thanks for telling me about the typo!

Hahhahah, no problem, I might make a shirt that says "Typos Hapen"

Look at my post, You can "Re-alloy nice work", always trying to stamp out typos, but they keep cropping up.

[BringerOfLight]

Just now, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

Hahhahah, no problem, I might make a shirt that says "Typos Hapen"

Look at my post, You can "Re-alloy nice work", always trying to stamp out typos, but they keep cropping up.

I'd buy that shirt for sure.

[TheDwarfyOne]

The Wanderer’s Song

 

                That day when days went dim

                the fish of some unlooked-for pool

                shone bright and pink and blue.

 

A song.

I’d wandered long

through endless space debris and dust

in search of it.

 

But found it not.

 

Instead, I found a woman.

Cunning, knowing,

Loving skies.

 

We joined in common enterprise

to find

          the song. The song.

 

One day

We landed on a barren hill.

   “We will not find it here”

I said. But she was gone.

 

A fall. No more.

         It was enough.

The hard land drank of her

while I turned

onwards, ever upwards.

 

I had a longing for the sky.

 

But I got lost in crags

then caves where dappled beings slouched

and water wormed primordial cracks.

 

I sat beside a pool

and thought

and saw.

 

That day when days went dim

the fish of some unlooked-for pool

shone bright and pink and blue.

 

   I saw.

And wept.

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine]

This is one of my favorite of your poems! So hauntingly beautiful, this repeated refrain is seriously amazing!

6 minutes ago, TheDwarfyOne said:

                That day when days went dim

                the fish of some unlooked-for pool

                shone bright and pink and blue.

I also love this stanza, so good!

6 minutes ago, TheDwarfyOne said:

But I got lost in crags

then caves where dappled beings slouched

and water wormed primordial cracks.

Are you sending these out to get published, this one totally rocks!

*EDIT* will get you an upvote for this one for sure when they trickle back in.

Edited June 10, 2020 by hoiditthroughthegrapevine

[TheDwarfyOne]

Well, thanks. I've never written anything worth publishing, but I'll let you know if I do. 

[Wyndlerunner]

4 hours ago, TheDwarfyOne said:

Well, thanks. I've never written anything worth publishing, but I'll let you know if I do. 

You won't know if it's worth publishing if you don't try my friend!