Cosmere Poetry (and a bit of Tolkien, 'cause why not.)

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine]

On Saturday, March 10, 2018 at 4:38 AM, TheDwarfyOne said:

A tear would fall down craggy face
For comrades slain in war
And monuments of thanks and hope
Would crowd the cavern floor.

And

On Saturday, March 10, 2018 at 4:38 AM, TheDwarfyOne said:

So not for gleaming falls of gold
Nor weapon laid in hoard

Brilliantly done @TheDwarfyOne!

The cadence and the imagery are perfect, really nice work!

[TheDwarfyOne]

Hah, thanks. Out of curiosity, do you write yourself?

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine]

@TheDwarfyOne, I've written a fair bit of poetry, here's a little something I wrote a couple years back, think it's pretty good:
 

One Crisp Night in November

The naked limbs of the dogwood are silhouetted,
    by the dandelion glow of an incandescent streetlamp.

I remember when your leaves burst forth in spring,
    fluted, green and tipped with dew
The laughter of my girls as they swung beneath
    your cool green shade — and you were gnarled and beautiful

But the frost came early, the leaves died upon your branch—
    denied the beauty of their slow decay
Then they fell, mottled and brown
   lost amid the mud and the uncut grass

But now I see the hydrangeas and rhododendrons in bloom,
    a seasonal anachronism – beautiful nonetheless

Your bright crimson berries have come and gone, now you wait–
    naked, cold in the crisp November air
    for the promise of another spring

 

I am not generally a fan of free verse poetry, I love Leaves of Grass by Whitman, but then again this is the book that set the stage for people to write in stream of consciousness without regards to formal constraints and call it poetry. Really though I don't want to talk ill of what other people enjoy, whatever makes people happy is great, it's just personally not my cup of tea.

Here's something more along the lines of the observational poetry that I like to write. This was a really wet night and while I was smoking a cigarette, the lights from the condo behind my house were illuminating water dripping off of a crossbeam of a covered parking structure. The light was limning the water just right so that it looked like the water dripping was liquid golden light, it was hauntingly beautiful:

 

Through the smoke curling blue around me
    the light falls dripping from the beam
The world runs wet and gurgles
    I am awake, yet still I dream.

 

Edited April 22, 2018 by hoiditthroughthegrapevine

[TheDwarfyOne]

I seem to have forgotten to respond, but I really liked those. Good work!

 

The jester sets his case upon the stone.
Beneath a peaked rim, light eyes scan
And note each undulation of the land.
Notes, too, that wind and crem are all
The audience that he will have.

He sighs, then smiles a secret smile
Meant for himself alone.
No lesson to impart,
No life to change with words.
Just art
And surety in its practise.

The case is opened without flair,
No stoop or bow or coloured hair
Hide him from his bare crowd
Of wind and crem.
No artifice nor design
Impinge upon his rhyme.

And so he plays his pipe and sings
The song of wind and sun
Of gods in battle far and high
Beyond the outer limits of the sky.
He sings of love possessed
And worlds in flame.
But most of all he sings
Of his own shame.

He finishes with that same secret smile
And knows
There won't be tears nor pleas
To sing his song again
From wind and crem.

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine]

22 hours ago, TheDwarfyOne said:

I seem to have forgotten to respond, but I really liked those. Good work!

Thanks!

22 hours ago, TheDwarfyOne said:

And so he plays his pipe and sings
The song of wind and sun
Of gods in battle far and high
Beyond the outer limits of the sky.
He sings of love possessed
And worlds in flame.
But most of all he sings
Of his own shame.

I like the whole poem, but I really like this part, it seems like it's the hinge upon which the whole poem swings.

The opening stanza has a very bleak atmosphere, and this stanza takes that atmosphere and expands it to something beautiful yet still very much tinged with sadness.

Is this in response to "The Traveler"?

[TheDwarfyOne]

The Traveller? I don't know what/who that is, I'm afraid. Unless you mean Hoid, in which case, yes. It's meant to be Hoid.

[+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine]

On 8/25/2018 at 8:55 AM, TheDwarfyOne said:

The Traveller? I don't know what/who that is, I'm afraid. Unless you mean Hoid, in which case, yes. It's meant to be Hoid.

Holy crap, you've got to check this out, it's a short story about the cosmere that Brandon read during Jordan Con:

After you finish listening to or reading the short story, read your poem again, so good!

[TheDwarfyOne]

Ye gods how did I not know that existed.

[TheDwarfyOne]

I once came down from Kae to see

Elantris shining on its hill of gold,    

I came to see the people there        

For healing at their hands.                 

I left with beauty on my mind,          

In my heart.                                           

 

Since then I have not seen a thing

More beautiful indeed that it was then

When waters flowed beneath the well

And Aons shone with light.

I long for beauty to return

To this land.

 

See here how dreams have been debased!

See now this ruined husk of lifeless clay

The dregs of Old Elantris gone,

Last remnants of their art.

It faded like a summer mist

On the wind.

 

I stand here now and curse my lot,

The leader Raoden, or Spirit, tall

But skin of mottled black and white

Is hidden ‘neath my shawl.

I ruled a Kingdom with my heart

That won’t beat.

 

But I can see it yet, the Light

And how the people flocked to see it shine

Like me when I was young, a child

Who wept and knew true love.

Oh Domi, if you hear my plea

Bring it back.

 

I really quite like Elantris (the book), not sure if that comes through  

[Kingsdaughter613]

On 1/22/2018 at 6:33 PM, TheDwarfyOne said:

I absolutely love constructive criticism. It's hard to get a lot of the time; for some reason, most people don't read poetry. Who knew?

 

I completely agree about the last bit. I had some issue with them, then finished them and had a moment where I could no longer tell if it was good or not. Hard to be impartial when you're the one that wrote it, I suppose. The second line, I didn't read as falling flat, but I do now. Hmmm. I'll change it a bit.

 

  Hide contents

 

The city stood in ruin and slime,

A poem which had ceased to rhyme.

Hollow the castles, dead the men

Whose art was wrought beyond all ken.

There once the scribes had thought to write

Where walls themselves provided light,

And books were stored in mighty keep

Open to all who knowledge seek.

Their blades could cut a stone-made wall

And never, never, would they fall.

 

Until they did.

 

The light has left the lady's bower,

No more blooms the midnight flower,

Gates are barred which once stood wide

And none are left alive inside.

Elantris, city of a thousand loves

Elantris, shining as a feathered dove.

Oh, by the grace of Domi, fair Elantris

Where a man could touch the gods

And hear them laugh in silver tones.

Their greatness laced the very stones,

And wrought a smile on every face.

Most proud of men, the fairest race.

 

Though grime has long its splendour spoiled,

Though beauty now in filth has toiled,

Elantris must not here forget

Nobility and spirit yet.

Have faith, and know the walls

Once more will shine like waterfalls

When one of love has crossed the gate

And fair Elantris embraces fate.

 

Any better? Can't help but think the second line still needs help. Perhaps CPR?

 

 

 

Oh, as for the last line breaking meter, it's probably because I pronounce it 'Ray-ah-din.' No idea if that's the right pronunciation; I now think not.

It’s pronounced Ray- Oh - den. Elantris is Ee- lane- tris. Sarene is Sar- Ee-nee. Aonic (Ay-Oh-nick) has a hard double vowel in every word/letter.

I suspect that knowing the proper pronunciation is interfering with my reading of the Elantris/gods line pair. Otherwise I like it.

(Scadrial is worse. Kell’s name ends with an ‘ay’ sound and Vin is Vah. Since I use those pronunciations in my head, but most people don’t, it causes issues when reading rhyming poems set on Scadrial.)

Edited May 17, 2019 by Kingsdaughter613

[TheDwarfyOne]

Thanks for the pronunciation tips - I tend to form my own and then get stuck with them. In a world like Sanderson's, you could go insane trying to remember all the different pronunciations. But still, I should perhaps look it up when writing verse.

e-LANT-ris would be my pronunciation. I suspect we each form our own internalised ways of voicing the words depending on our own localities.

[Wyndlerunner]

Well, given that this thread exists, I think I'll throw in a bit of Wheel of Time poetry I wrote back in September. (There's no Spoilers)

Spoiler

 

The Wheel Weaves as the Wheel Wills.

By Wyndlerunner

 

I walked along the northward road, through towers tall, and hamlets small.

I met a woman traveling there, with perfect ringlets in her hair, her face was young, her eyes were old, the words she spoke were true and bold. Her stature was short, her presence was tall.

She taught me something I’ll not forget, meeting her I’ll ne’er regret.

“The Wheel weaves as the Wheel Wills”, she said “and we are all threads, weaving the Pattern ‘till the end of the end.”

 

Yes life will have pain, and there will be strife, but there is a meaning to all in your life.

You may stand at crossroads, or be deep in winter’s heart, fear the rising shadow, or have only a memory of light. You may tread a pathway paved with daggers, or wear a crown of swords. Yes there is purpose behind every circumstance, whether you seek peaceful ways, or with the spears you dance. The Wheel weaves as it wills, and we be but threads, weaving great tapestries until the end of ends.

 

Dedicated to Robert Jordan, Brandon Sanderson, and Harriet McDougal.

You showed me light, and I knew it for good.

Let the Dragon ride again on the Winds of time

I would definitely list Tolkien, and Robert Frost as foremost among my poetic influences.

[Kingsdaughter613]

I found a WoB talking about the pronunciations years ago, and just started using them. At this point I don’t even hear it as E-lan-tris in my head anymore, even though I used to call it that. Now it’s always Ee-lane-tris.

The only one I still think of with my original pronunciation is Kelsier, which has a lot to do with the difficulty in pronouncing it properly. It a very French sounding name, and I don’t speak French... Amusingly Brandon, by his own admission, mispronounces it too - despite being the one who created the name!

The Rosharan ones were easy; I know enough Hebrew that I recognized the linguistic root and always pronounced them correctly. Most people really can’t pronounce Kholin correctly unless they have a background in one of the languages that uses gutturals, much like the word Khazad in Tolkien’s legendarium.

So I didn’t just pull Ee-lane-tris out of a hat! That actually is how it is supposed to be pronounced. Every Aon (Ay-Own) has a double vowel. (It’s why it should be obvious that Ati/Ruin and Aon Ati are simply a coincidence; the former is Ah-tee and the latter is Ay-Tie. They only seem the same when written in English; if you heard them they’d be completely different.)

[BethG]

Love the poetry!  Thanks!