ForcesOfNoodles

[Mostly Satire] [Massive ASoIaF Spoilers] Hoid in Westeros?

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Once, when she was just a little girl, a wandering singer had stayed with them at Winterfell for half a year. An old man he was, with white hair and windburnt cheeks, but he sang of knights and quests and ladies fair, and Sansa had cried bitter tears when he left them, and begged her father not to let him go. “The man has played us every song he knows thrice over,” Lord Eddard told her gently. “I cannot keep him here against his will. You need not weep, though. I promise you, other singers will come.”

When Sansa Stark was a young girl, a singer that looks suspiciously like Hoid came to Winterfell and told stories of noble knights and princes and so on. This left it's mark on Sansa, and she grew up as an idealist, and when she went south to King's Landing in an arranged marriage with Prince Joffrey, she was very excited.

She also did some very stupid things in the name of preserving this union.

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“It was for love,” Sansa said in a rush. “Father wouldn’t even give me leave to say farewell.” She was the good girl, the obedient girl, but she had felt as wicked as Arya that morning, sneaking away from Septa Mordane, defying her lord father. She had never done anything so willful before, and she would never have done it then if she hadn’t loved Joffrey as much as she did. “He was going to take me back to Winterfell and marry me to some hedge knight, even though it was Joff I wanted. I told him, but he wouldn’t listen.” The king had been her last hope. The king could command Father to let her stay in King’s Landing and marry Prince Joffrey, Sansa knew he could, but the king had always frightened her. He was loud and rough-voiced and drunk as often as not, and he would probably have just sent her back to Lord Eddard, if they even let her see him. So she went to the queen instead, and poured out her heart, and Cersei had listened and thanked her sweetly … only then Ser Arys had escorted her to the high room in Maegor’s Holdfast and posted guards, and a few hours later, the fighting had begun outside. “Please,” she finished, “you have to let me marry Joffrey, I’ll be ever so good a wife to him, you’ll see. I’ll be a queen just like you, I promise.”

She confessed to Cersei about her father's plans to overthrow Joffrey and crown Stannis, and told her when it would happen, giving her a chance to strike first and execute him.

This led to:

  • Stannis, and Robb declaring themselves king, giving a chance for Renly and Balon to do so as well, basically starting the entire War of Five Kings.
  • The Stark children being scattered across the globe; Arya becomes a Faceless Woman, Rickon becomes a cannibalistic unicorn rider, Bran becomes a tree, Jon considers leaving but eventually fully committing himself to the Night's Watch; without this, he might not have gone ranging with Qhorin Halfhand and might've died at the Fist or Mutiny and never become Lord Commander of the Night's Watch.
  • Tyrion never would've ended up in Essos.
  • The Faith wouldn't have been re-armed; Cersei wouldn't have had the power to do so.
  • Barristan wouldn't have gone to Daenerys; she would've been killed by the manticore in Qarth.

So clearly Hoid really hates this planet.

 

Next up: Hoid secretly being Littlefinger

Sneak Peek:

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And while I am your friend, please understand that our goals do not completely align. You must not trust yourself with me. If I have to watch this world crumble and burn to get what I need, I will do so. With tears, yes, but I would let it happen.

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Littlefinger would see the realm burn if he could be king of the ashes. [SHOW ONLY]

 

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3 hours ago, ForcesOfNoodles said:

So clearly Hoid really hates this planet.

Can you blame him though? He lives in a dynamic universe where things are happening all the time and he likes that. In Westeros, five or more years can pass with literally nothing happening. :P

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See, this is why I named Hoid as an overrated character in Stormlight Archive. Once you start looking for Hoid, you spot him everywhere. it's distracting and habit-forming!

I mean, there I was, reading a book with my small nephew, when it hit me: this guy appears out of nowhere, flabbergasts everyone around him with strange statements that suggest he knows what's Really Going On Behind The Scenes, and inspires actions in others they may not have otherwise been on the path to doing, with hints that it's all towards some unknown personal agenda of his own...

HOLY CRAP, HOID IS THE CAT IN THE HAT!
 

Edited by robardin
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BIG Spoilers for the Season 7 finale of GoT:

Spoiler

Littlefinger can't be Hoid. I doubt Hoid could be killed with a knife.

 

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2 hours ago, Toaster Retribution said:

BIG Spoilers for the Season 7 finale of GoT:

  Reveal hidden contents

Littlefinger can't be Hoid. I doubt Hoid could be killed with a knife.

 

Spoiler

Hoid could certainly fake his death so that he could move on. ;) 

 

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1 hour ago, CaptainRyan said:
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Hoid could certainly fake his death so that he could move on. ;) 

 

True that! Lightweaving, I guess.

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