Musician Jokes

[Faceless Mist-Wraith]

[Sami]

3 hours ago, Faceless Mist-Wraith said:

you just knocked over my harp

*winces visibly*

Edited March 6, 2019 by Sami

[Sunbird]

@Showman Oh man, I remember playing Dresden in high school band class! Nobody really took it seriously in my class either, especially the part with the whispering/babbling in the background.

[Queen’sWit]

This is by far one of my favorite music jokes!  

Q: Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

A: They only said, "Bach, Bach."

Edited March 16, 2019 by ThaylenEyebrows

[Showman]

What is a chair's favorite type of song?

A concerto

[Zephrun’s Imperium]

I hope this isn't too much of a necro, but...

Oh, you're a fan of music jokes aria?

[Truthless of Shinovar]

If we're talking about musical jokes, I've got a great one!

The bagpipe

 

[Borio Singaldi]

That lament picture nearly killed me. I can't believe that's a real song. *sob quietly*

When doing a test review in a guitar class, our teacher was handing out colored paper clips shaped like treble clefs or guitars to students who answered a question correctly. One student was trying to get a clef clip, but it was stuck to another one. As she tried to untangle them, I asked her, "Are you having treble with that?"

Here's one I found on the internet:
A 'C', an E-flat, and a 'G' go into a bar. The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.
A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."
The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au natural.
Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.
 

I'd tell a joke about a fermata, but it would be too long.

And here's this little gem I just found:

A symphony orchestra was performing “Beethoven’s Ninth”.
In the piece, there’s a long passage, (about 20 minutes) during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.
Rather than sitting around- looking stupid, a few bassists decided to sneak-off to the tavern next door for a couple beers.
After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said,
“Hey! We gotta GO!”
“No rush, really,” said another,
“I tied the last few pages of the conductor’s score together with string, just in case we needed more time. It’ll take him a few minutes to get it untangled.”
After slamming another beer, they staggered back to the concert hall and quietly took their seats.
About this time, an audience member nudged her husband, noting that the conductor seemed a bit on-edge.
“Of course he’s stressed, don’t you see…
It’s the bottom of the Ninth,
The score is tied,
AND the bassists are loaded.”

[Ashspren]

2 hours ago, Firerust said:

“Of course he’s stressed, don’t you see…
It’s the bottom of the Ninth,
The score is tied,
AND the bassists are loaded.”

As a softball player, I appreciate this way too much.  

[BringerofShadows]

*Percussionist playing the symbols during the 16 measure rest* “What if we used an old car brake as a drum and banged it with a stick?”

Edited April 28, 2019 by BringerofShadows

[Ethan_sedai]

Cello there!

[Zephrun’s Imperium]

1 hour ago, Ethan_Sedai said:

Cello there!

When I was in 5th grade, we would say that to each other all the time in Orchestra.

[BringerofShadows]

*Whiny French horn player* “My instrument is so hard and difficult to play!”

*Percussionist* “Funny joke.”

And for those of you who think it’s just banging stuff at the right time, I suggest you try and learn drum set. Four different limbs doing four different things.

Edited May 1, 2019 by BringerofShadows

[Wyndlerunner]

5 hours ago, BringerofShadows said:

*Whiny French horn player* “My instrument is so hard and difficult to play!”

*Percussionist* “Funny joke.”

And for those of you who think it’s just banging stuff at the right time, I suggest you try and learn drum set. Four different limbs doing four different things.

I think there is a different type of difficulty for each type of instrument- playing precussion is hard, in a different way than Clarinet is hard (which once you get into it- it kind of is. Altissimo register anyone?)

[+Doomstick]

6 hours ago, Wyndlerunner said:

I think there is a different type of difficulty for each type of instrument- playing precussion is hard, in a different way than Clarinet is hard (which once you get into it- it kind of is. Altissimo register anyone?)

And playing bass is hard

Spoiler

On your fingers

 

[Sami]

On 29/04/2019 at 0:28 PM, Ethan_Sedai said:

Cello there!

general kenobi

 

Edited May 2, 2019 by Sami

[BringerofShadows]

1 hour ago, Sami said:

general kenobi

 

I don’t get it.

I think the death waltz stole this: 

This is one of my favorites.

 

Edited May 2, 2019 by BringerofShadows

[Jaywalk]

1 hour ago, Sami said:

 

I love it.

[Faceless Mist-Wraith]

9 hours ago, BringerofShadows said:

 

10 hours ago, Sami said:

general kenobi

 

I don’t get it.

 

I think it's because triplet technically has 2 syllables, but musicians often count it with 3.

[Kidpen]

On 5/1/2019 at 4:01 PM, Wyndlerunner said:

(which once you get into it- it kind of is. Altissimo register anyone?)

not yet.

On 5/1/2019 at 10:46 AM, BringerofShadows said:

*Whiny French horn player* “My instrument is so hard and difficult to play!”

*Percussionist* “Funny joke.”

And for those of you who think it’s just banging stuff at the right time, I suggest you try and learn drum set. Four different limbs doing four different things.

See, but drum set isn't really part of concert band, which presumably is what you were talking about considering you mentioned french horn.

Even standard concert band percussion does seem pretty hard though, considering how complex the rhythms are and how you have to have the right technique for lots of different instruments.

Edit: Oh yeah, and kind of unrelated, but does anybody have some good audition pieces for clarinet at a high middle school level? I don't have long to learn it, but I'd like to see what anyone has anyways.

Edited May 2, 2019 by Kidpen

[Borio Singaldi]

 

Sponsoring commercial at the end, but we can still appreciate this.

[Mistrunner]

"You want me to play notes and rhythms and dynamics? What do you think I am, a musician?"

-my friend, while trying to practice audition music

[Wyndlerunner]

On 7/3/2019 at 10:37 PM, Firerust said:

 

Sponsoring commercial at the end, but we can still appreciate this.

I see you're a man of good taste

[Showman]

I haven't been active for a long time, and neither has this thread... But no longer!

Is Beethoven the best composer?

Deafinitely.

[Lissa]

This thread is really funny.