Fully_Invested Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 Guys, I can't even. This is gold. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScarletSabre Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 (edited) 14 hours ago, Weedolfin said: I ran out of likes I can give to posts, but this is so great lol - so consider this a little thumbs up Haha, thank you! Glad you like it ^^ Harry Potter The Philosopher's Stone Spoiler An abused orphan goes to boarding school, makes friends, helps a staff member cover up a crime, and after taking a long look at himself in a mirror, decides that the way to save the day and stop the murderer after him is to touch his teacher inappropriately. The Chamber of Secrets Spoiler A boy on the cusp of puberty learns he can talk to his snake, and plumbing problems cause a ghost, a cat and several students to stiffen. To find out what's causing it our hero and his friends drug classmates and in the process discover their female friend is a furry. And a celebrity develops sudden amnesia after going into the bathroom for his young female students. The Prisoner of Azkaban Spoiler A new teacher forces a class to reveal their deepest fears, including that one student is both amused and scared of an abusive teacher crossdressing. Time-travel shenanigans allow our hero and his friends to save an animal that gored a student (simply because they don't like this fellow student), and a temporal paradox becomes a life saving plot point. Meanwhile evidence to exonorate our hero's godfather is lost because it's that time of the month for the new teacher, and our hero gets a piece of paper, created by his father, that invades the privacy of everyone in the school. Plus we find out one of our young heroes has been keeping a much older man as a pet and letting him sleep snuggled up to him in bed. The Goblet of Fire Spoiler A story that starts off with a gardener being murdered by a foetus progresses to inter-school sporting events, which stress the friendships of our heroes. Teenage hormones help crossing the language barrier at a dance, and our hero gets spied on in the bath by someone younger and at the same time older than him. Plus it turns out they never really knew the paranoid, flask-swigging teacher who showed them mind-control, torture and death on animals in the classroom, thanks to the issues with his luggage he's been having all year. Oh, and one of our heroes keeps a human being trapped in a jar in the shape of an insect for the heinous crime of being a journalist. The Order of the Phoenix Spoiler Our hero learns never to trust government appointed officials as the new teacher makes him literally carve propoganda into his own flesh. Meanwhile he has private lessons with the headmaster, which turns out to be the very old man recounting the past disjointedly, which leaves our hero even more confused. Oh, and probable offscreen centaur gangrape and the trauma it causes is used as comeuppance to lighten the mood after misinterpreting dreams causes people to die. The Half-Blood Prince Spoiler Blindly following the advice of scribbled notes in an old textbook causes our hero to get good grades, become lucky, and shiv his rival. Said rival has a year long struggle with helping friends come out of the closet, and in the end while he can do that, he can't go the natural step further and commit murder. And it turns out that the person who stalked and had an obsession with our hero's mother even years after her death, had a hobby of murdering insects in the school holidays from boredom and was abusive to our hero from the moment they met was evil all along. Who'd have thunk it? The Deathly Hallows Spoiler Three teenagers go on a quest to murder magical Hitler one piece at a time. But quitting school a year early to live in a tent causes one of our heroes to make their parents forget their very existence, another to get a good chunk of his flesh ripped from his body as they run from trying to infiltrate the government, and the third to use what's essentially mind rape on someone unsuspecting and just doing their job. Our heroes manage to complete their quest thanks to a weapon given to them by his mother's stalker, help and a passage revealed to them by a goat molester, friends dying for them, and our hero being given a literal extra life like in a video game. And in the epilogue we find out our hero decided that he'd rather name his son after the person who murdered his mentor, stalked his mother and verbally and mentally abused him for years, rather than his godfather or the friend who took him from his abusive home for the first time, brought him his first birthday cake, bought his animal companion who was a dear friend for years to him, risked his life taking him from his abusive home for the last time and literally wept over him as he carried his dead body. Oh, and there are at least six people our hero knows who now know exactly what he looks like naked from the start of the book. Edited April 25, 2018 by ScarletSabre Typos 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mistspren Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 Elantris Spoiler Two dead guys spend a whole book trying to fix a dor. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AonEne Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 12 hours ago, Fully_Invested said: Guys, I can't even. This is gold. Such a pure alloy of it that you could store health. The 17th Shard's History In Relation To The DA and TUBA Spoiler A bunch of nerds and book fanatics talk to each other about murder and cookies. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quickbronze Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 1 minute ago, AonEne said: Such a pure alloy of it that you could store health. Such a pure sample. If it was an alloy, it would, by definition, not be pure. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AonEne Posted April 25, 2018 Report Share Posted April 25, 2018 My bad. That's what I meant. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Windrunner2319 Posted April 26, 2018 Report Share Posted April 26, 2018 These are so much fun. Bands of Mourning Spoiler It starts with wedding, ends with a wedding, and there is a really blood family reunion in the middle. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angsos Posted April 26, 2018 Report Share Posted April 26, 2018 Alcatraz 1 Spoiler A book about a boy complaining and interrupting himself. There's also dinosaurs 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyndlerunner Posted April 26, 2018 Report Share Posted April 26, 2018 On 4/25/2018 at 8:05 AM, Mistspren said: Elantris Reveal hidden contents Two dead guys spend a whole book trying to fix a dor. I'm laughing so hard right now 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Archer Posted April 28, 2018 Report Share Posted April 28, 2018 Shadows of Self: Despite the title sounding like a luddite's name for selfies, the book is about some giraffes who live in the Roughs. Their lives are occasionally interrupted by noisy humans. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zath Posted April 28, 2018 Report Share Posted April 28, 2018 (edited) Spoilers for the original Mistborn trilogy (TFE, WoA, HoA). Spoiler Mistborn TFE: A teenage girl named Vin finds that she enjoys wearing dresses and going to parties. And also using magic to kill people. Her mentor's brother Marsh gets a complete makeover.WoA: Marsh is angst-y. Vin's boyfriend Elend gets a complete makeover. The eunuch Sazed falls in love, but a horde of eldritch monsters creates a lot of unnecessary drama. Vin and her crazy stalker flirt with each other by trying to kill each other. This ends badly. Vin takes a bath, dooms the world. HoA: Vin's friend Spook gets a complete makeover, becomes freakin' awesome. Elend grows a beard and thinks about mist. An eldritch monster makes a clever pun. Sazed gets a complete makeover. Warbreaker spoilers. Spoiler Warbreaker: It turns out that almost everyone is color-blind. A cheerful sword is everyone's favorite character misunderstands basic concepts of morality. Lots of things are awake, even though they're not, really. Alternate Warbreaker. Spoiler Warbreaker: Eleanor Estes' "The Hundred Dresses" adaptation by Christopher Nolan. Elantris spoilers. Spoiler Elantris: Should've taken a double major in calligraphy and cartography... Edited April 28, 2018 by Zath Adjusted my Warbreaker bad plot summary and added an alternate one. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AonEne Posted April 28, 2018 Report Share Posted April 28, 2018 You WoA and HoA are SO GOOD. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zath Posted April 28, 2018 Report Share Posted April 28, 2018 Thank you! I thought so too, but it was like midnight when I posted, so I half-suspected that it only seemed funny to me because I was loopy from sleep-deprivation. Glad to know that's not the case (at least, not entirely the case ) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Apollyon Posted April 28, 2018 Report Share Posted April 28, 2018 Alcatraz spoilers: Spoiler A boy who hates himself does cool stuff with his collection of monocles. Reckoners spoilers: Spoiler Steelheart: Superman kills himself with a kid’s pen. Firefight: An adolescent boy whines cause he can’t swim and kills his girlfriend. Calamity: A giant glowy star is really salty. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truthweaver Posted April 29, 2018 Report Share Posted April 29, 2018 Avengers: Infinity War Spoiler Your childhood heroes are beaten, tortured, killed, and emotionally broken by a giant purple alien with a bejeweled oven mitt. Oh, and there's also a wizard. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashspren Posted May 1, 2018 Report Share Posted May 1, 2018 (edited) Steelheart: Spoiler Gives a new meaning to “the pen is the mightiest weapon.” Firefight: Spoiler Mizzy better get her sparking cookie. Calamity: Spoiler A bunch of people die and everyone’s sad. Also, everyone is caught third-wheeling David and Megan. No Sanderfans are sad. Final Empire: Spoiler A man is so overprotective of his teenage adoptive daughter that he tries to kill her boyfriend. Well of Ascension: Spoiler A girl’s boyfriend’s mentally unstable brother hits on her even though the creepy voice in his head is telling him not to. Hero of the Ages: Spoiler Made a bunch of teenage Sanderfans a lot more excited for their Sweet Sixteens... Also, a man trying to become atheist becomes God. Warbreaker: Spoiler A super grumpy guy has a super awesome sword that also doubles as a wingman. His name is Vasher. This super awesome princess with color changing hair replaces her big sister as a sacrifice to this scary king dude, who actually turns out to be the BIGGEST SOFTIE EVER. Elantris: Spoiler People who used to be gods are now scared of paper cuts. (I don’t blame them.) Sixth of the Dusk: Spoiler People with no originality like talking about spaceships and have big fancy pet birds. The Emperor’s Soul: Spoiler Tables have feelings too. White Sand: Spoiler Sand Castle Building Contests 2.0 Shadows for Silence in the Forests of Hell: Spoiler A lady kills people for money and keeps her grandmother in a closet. STORMLIGHT ARCHIVE Kaladin’s Plot Arc: Spoiler A super gloomy man has a super cheerful imaginary friend that also doubles as a wingwoman, and all Sanderfans love them. Aka, Vasher the sequel. Shallan’s Plot Arc: Spoiler A girl gets bested by a stick. Renarin’s Plot Arc: Spoiler A guy who’s always been less than his brother now gets to see stuff from the future. Does that count as better yet? Jasnah’s Plot Arc: Spoiler Everyone has a gigantic debate over how to pronounce her name. Turns out it’s YOSS-nah. Does a bunch of kick-butt stuff like a QUEEN. Slay girl slay. Lift’s Plot Arc: Spoiler An awesome girl uses her awesomeness to steal people’s breakfast. Sadeas’s Plot Arc: Spoiler Can he just die already? *Adolin kills Sadeas* We love Adolin even more now. Stick’s Plot Arc: Spoiler “I am a stick.” What a legend. Edited August 27, 2018 by Ashspren 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AonEne Posted May 1, 2018 Report Share Posted May 1, 2018 But the greatshells aren't the Parshendi gods. Also, I will forevermore pronounce it JAHs-nah. And no one can stop me. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Mistspren Posted May 1, 2018 Popular Post Report Share Posted May 1, 2018 (edited) Ooh, just thought of an even better one than my last one for Shadows for Silence. Spoiler Everyone is so shocked when grandma comes out of the closet, the tax collector dies. Edited May 1, 2018 by Mistspren 21 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashspren Posted May 1, 2018 Report Share Posted May 1, 2018 (edited) 2 hours ago, AonEne said: But the greatshells aren't the Parshendi gods. Also, I will forevermore pronounce it JAHs-nah. And no one can stop me. Thanks, I fixed it. And I pronounce is JAZ-nah, and no matter how many times I tried to correct it, it just goes back. Same thing with Sarene: I will always say Suh-REEN and not Suh-REE-nee (or Sun-RAY-nay, Sanderson said either one of those was correct). Edited May 1, 2018 by Ashspren 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashspren Posted May 1, 2018 Report Share Posted May 1, 2018 1 hour ago, Mistspren said: Ooh, just thought of an even better one than my last one for Shadows for Silence. Reveal hidden contents Sorry for the double post, but there was weird formatting... THIS. IS. GOLD. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quickbronze Posted May 1, 2018 Report Share Posted May 1, 2018 I always pronounced Sarene "sah-REN" JAZ-nah for me as well 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca Posted May 1, 2018 Report Share Posted May 1, 2018 Really? I pronounce them YAS-nah and Sah-REE-nee, but I’ve been corrected by a friend on Sarene’s name. So I always thought I was saying it wrong. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashspren Posted May 2, 2018 Report Share Posted May 2, 2018 (edited) 23 minutes ago, Rebecca said: Really? I pronounce them YAS-nah and Sah-REE-nee, but I’ve been corrected by a friend on Sarene’s name. So I always thought I was saying it wrong. Sanderson has an official Elantris pronunciation guide on his website... that’s how I learned it. Check it out! It’s cool. Edited May 2, 2018 by Ashspren 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AonEne Posted May 2, 2018 Report Share Posted May 2, 2018 1 hour ago, Ashspren said: Thanks, I fixed it. And I pronounce is JAZ-nah, and no matter how many times I tried to correct it, it just goes back. Same thing with Sarene: I will always say Suh-REEN and not Suh-REE-nee (or Sun-RAY-nay, Sanderson said either one of those was correct). I think we have the same pronunciation on Jasnah's name. I also say SAHR-een. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zath Posted May 2, 2018 Report Share Posted May 2, 2018 On 5/1/2018 at 3:32 PM, Mistspren said: Ooh, just thought of an even better one than my last one for Shadows for Silence. Reveal hidden contents Everyone is so shocked when grandma comes out of the closet, the tax collector dies. This is the best. @Mistspren, if I could give you more upvotes for that, I would. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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