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2 hours ago, Captains Domon said:

The Temple of Doom:

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"Sorry, Steven. This movie's way too whacked up. It needs an R rating."

"Whoa, wait, how about we make a new rating, so it only allows thirteen and up? We could call it....PG-13!"

"......Sure. That'll work."

? This movie is PG.

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Sixth of the Dusk

Spoiler

Man threatens armed fort with death via bird to keep them from opening a box. Fails. Also there’s telekinesis vultures and demon whales.

 

Edgedancer

Spoiler

Girl runs away to steal pancakes from  insane hyper law abiding killers, saves a stump, hugs aforementioned psychopath in the middle of a hateful storm that turns slaves into devils, and meets a creepy old collective conscience of ants stalking her for philosophical reasons.

Shadows for Silence in the Forests of Hell

Spoiler

Bounty hunter mom kills a group of men in a forest full of color codedly vengeful spirits with bags and glow paste and accidentally hurts one of the men she’s killing, causing the spirits to go berserk until she kills her tax collector with her dead grandma.

Stormlight Archive [OB spoilers]

Spoiler

A bunch of depressed people team up with ideas to fly, make magical illusions, and save the world from long dead evil ghosts and ideas inhabiting rocks and rock/crab people. Most surprisingly of all, no LSD is involved.

Just a little firemoss...

Mistborn Original Trilogy

Spoiler

An unstable megalomaniac criminal mastermind hold a mutiny, trains a shy girl to be a murderer, dies, becomes a god, the girl kills a bad god, frees a bigger badder god to rule the world with body piercings and volcanos. A man believing ‘all the religions’ decides they are all lies. Then to prove them all wrong, he becomes god. Both of them.

Mistborn Wax and Wayne [BoM and SH spoilers]

Spoiler

A lawman, kleptomaniac, detective girl, and pragmatic girl kill the lawmans immortal friend. Then God has the lawman kill his dead ex. A family reunion ends with 3/3 parties dead, but 2/3 are only mostly dead. God has company. The kleptomaniac has a hat. Oh, and steals a feruchemical nuke. Oops. The aforementioned megalomaniac refuses to be dead and instead thaws out people with masks and planes. They also have chocolate. 

Theres always another secret.

That’s all I’m doing for now. This is really fun! :P

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Shadows For Silence

Spoiler

A bounty hunter lures in criminals by running an inn that is haunted by the spirit of her dead abusive grandma. She thinks about her dead abusive grandma while killing a guy without stabbing him. Ghosts give her daughter a serious dermatological issue, and she calms down her phsycopathicly vengeful adopted toddler. Then her dead abusive grandma helps her out.

 

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On 3/5/2018 at 11:17 PM, Mistspren said:

Sixth of the Dusk

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Man threatens armed fort with death via bird to keep them from opening a box. Fails. Also there’s telekinesis vultures owlbears and demon whales aboleths.

 

I think this is more accurate.

Edited by Personification
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These are hysterical!

Sixth of Dusk

Spoiler

A man who traps birds on a predatory island has to learn how to talk to girls

Oathbringer (I mean, spoilers I guess?)

Spoiler

Alcoholic rage machine gives himself magical amnesia to forget he was an alcoholic rage machine.

 

Edited by Zellyia
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Deltora Quest

Spoiler

Overall

Spoiler

Seven magical gems go on a quest to reunite with each other and defeat the Dark Lord, escaping many dangerous situations and wicked foes. They also enlisted a few humans as transportation.

Will do the individual books later.

The Emperor's Soul

Spoiler

Magic postal stamps allow you to import things from alternate timelines 

Allomancer Jak and the Pits of Etania, episodes twenty eight through thirty

Spoiler

 The epic tale of one man's struggle to stave off the twin demons of misquotes and exaggeration. Also there's an adventure in there somewhere? 

Fablehaven & Dragonwatch

Spoiler

Overall

Spoiler

Macguffins are king 

Fablehaven

Spoiler

Seth gets tricked. Causes problems.

Fablehaven: Rise of the Evening Star

Spoiler

Seth gets tricked. Causes problems. Macguffin one is found

Fablehaven: Curse of the Shadow Plague 

Spoiler

Seth actually helped! ...by getting better help. He immediately gets into trouble that he needs to be bailed out of by the new help. Macguffin two is found 

Fablehaven: Secrets of the Dragon Sanctuary 

Spoiler

Seth's recklessness works out one more time. Macguffin three is found; by the enemy

Fablehaven: Keys to the Demon Prison 

Spoiler

Seth loses his win streak and gets tricked, causing problems. Macguffins four and five are found. The enemy has number five, and the good guys lose number four. Oh wait, now they've lost all of them. Seth saves the day by finding another macguffin though, so it's all good. 

Dragonwatch

Spoiler

Seth's recklessness pays off once more; however, this time he puts someone else at risk. Wonder what'll happen when he inevitably messes up again?

 

 

Edited by Quickbronze
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  • 4 weeks later...

This thread isn't too abandoned for me to post, is it? Sorry if it is.

Elantris

Spoiler

Some people die; then the dead people die again and later become gods. More people die.

The Hope of Elantris

Spoiler

See the above. Except not the kids. Also, pregnancy.

Mistborn

Spoiler

A man teaches a girl the joys of murdering. She falls in love and murders someone who was her love's lover. He loves her.

WOA

Spoiler

Murdering occurs. On the scale of a war.

HOA

Spoiler

Two gods die. There is more murdering.

AOL

Spoiler

Murdering...with guns!

SOS

Spoiler

Essentially the same as above, with extra Wayne.

BOM

Spoiler

See the above with death.

Oathbringer

Spoiler

One god is confused. Another is confusing. The last is murderous.

 

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Shadows for Silence -

Spoiler

Woman with an abusive grandmother uses glow in the dark paste to make horses urinate in order to pay off her inn's debts.

Sixth of the Dusk -

Spoiler

An alien choking to death causes a shipwrecked girl to learn about birds from a man who has a love/hate relationship with his father, who happens to be an island.

Elantris -

Spoiler

Zombies stub their toes until they go insane, try to become not-zombies, while a girl becomes a technical necrophiliac.

 

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Warbreaker -

Spoiler

A princess needs to be impregnated by a god, but they can't have sex due to him havng no tongue. Her sister meets a homeless man who talks to little creatures he makes out of straw and learns from him about love, and tying people up.

 

Edited by Rawrbert
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Ender's game

a kid is bred to be a supergenius and goes into space to fight bugs. Then he plays a video game and kills the bugs but the video game was real. He then goes to a part from his game and takes the last bug egg.

Eragon 

a kid becomes friends with a dragon and learns to speak a new language 

Fablehaven

kids drink milk and see magic creatures. (What was in that milk?) 

 

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On 4/18/2018 at 7:40 AM, ScarletSabre said:

Warbreaker -

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A princess needs to be impregnated by a god, but they can't have sex due to him havng no tongue. Her sister meets a homeless man who talks to little creatures he makes out of straw and learns from him about love, and tying people up.

 

I ran out of likes I can give to posts, but this is so great lol - so consider this a little thumbs up

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Stormlight Archives

Spoiler

Way of Kings/Words of Radience: Shallan: A woman kills her parents, who are involved with secret societies, grieves for her brother, who was involved with another secret society, is poisoned by her boyfriend, who is in a secret society, Survives an assassination attempt by a secret society, and joins a secret society.

Edited by Windrunner2319
I realized I went past the end of WoK...
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1 minute ago, Windrunner2319 said:

Stormlight Archives

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Way of Kings: Shallan: A woman kills her parents, who are involved with secret societies, grieves for her brother, who was involved with another secret society, is poisoned by her boyfriend, who is in a secret society, Survives an assassination attempt by a secret society, and joins a secret society.

I love it, alternate title The Way of Secret Societies

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