Kinnsayyy

Explain a Plot Badly

734 posts in this topic

On 10/9/2017 at 0:31 PM, Nathrangking said:

 alternatively WoR

  Hide contents

A mind controlled choir brings the apocalypse.

An idea dies and then comes back to life.

A double murderer gets engaged to to the son of a reformed sociopath.

 

Actually, I think Dalinar's a pyschopath.

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The Final Empire:

Spoiler

A dude with superpowers kicks off the apocalypse and becomes a cult leader.

The Well of Ascension: 

Spoiler

There's an annoying love story, a talking dog and the cult leader's protégé makes the apocalypse so much worse. 

The Hero of Ages:

Spoiler

All your favorite people die, including the talking dog, except that one guy who becomes God.

 

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8 hours ago, Foxx said:

The Final Empire:

  Hide contents

A dude with superpowers kicks off the apocalypse and becomes a cult leader.

The Well of Ascension: 

  Hide contents

There's an annoying love story, a talking dog and the cult leader's protégé makes the apocalypse so much worse. 

The Hero of Ages:

  Hide contents

All your favorite people die, including the talking dog, except that one guy who becomes God.

 

The Hero of Ages one though.  So True.

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Well of Ascension

Spoiler

A king tries to solve things politically and fails, so his wife kills everyone.

 

 

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The Eleventh Metal

Spoiler

Kelsier takes notes.

 

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Allomancer Jak 

Spoiler

His terrisperson makes fun of his stupidity and grandiosness. And somehow, Jak gets things done. 

 

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Shadows for Silence in the Forest of Hell:

Spoiler

The innkeeper might make a nice bowl of hot soup, but she can also make a nice bowl of pounding your head in while wrapped in a bag.

Sixth of Dusk:

Spoiler

In a society with overly specific names, the only hope for survival are birds with worms. It's a really good thing they don't have deworming tablets.

White Sand:

Spoiler

Some dude kicks about sand and whines about not being special while everyone knows his true power is avoiding sunburn.

 

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Hero of Ages:

 
  • Spook vs. the French Revolution
  • Vin gets harassing phone calls from Satan
  • Marsh has strong opinions on women's jewelry
  • Sazed dons his new fedora so hard he becomes the God of Fedoras
Edited by Unlicensed Hemalurgist
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You all are killing me! Have a few non-Cosmere for juxtaposition.

The Eye of the World

Spoiler

Sheep-headed youth discovers he's actually good at everything, then kills Satan.

The Great Hunt

Spoiler

Sheep-head's friends get lost, several people that should kill him decide not to, and he kills Satan. Again.

Also, one of his friends turns into Dances With Wolves, but with a battle-ax.

The Dragon Reborn

Spoiler

Sheep-head not so important, check out my mad gambling skills! Also, Satan isn't dead, but pseudo-Satan is. I think.

The Shadow Rising

Spoiler

Seriously, I thought the bad guys were supposed to at least try to kill Sheep-boy, and there's a really annoying angry ginger girl. Well, at least Wolf-boy gets a cool lady-friend. And no Satan in this one.

The Fires of Heaven

Spoiler

The one time that exploding everything with a forbidden magic actually makes things right again.

And they're finally really trying to kill Sheep-boy, while he gets cozy with the angry ginger, which was all we really cared about the last three books.

The Lord of Chaos

Spoiler

The #$%@ you mean psuedo-Satan's not dead? And Sheep-boi is not the slightest bit suspicious about his new friend that he's given complete control over an unstable force of potentially explosive psychopaths...

A Crown of Swords

Spoiler

Okay, is NOBODY dead, then? Also, it's hot, so we need a washbasin to splash our face in (hey, that rhymed!). And why why WHY is pseudo-Satan not trying to kill Sheep-head?

The Path of Daggers

Spoiler

Shep-boi needs Xanax, and maybe a less stressful line of work? And maybe someone should talk to him about his friend training the exploding psychopaths.

That's all I've got in me for now. Here's another completely unrelated summary.

The Bartimaeus Trilogy

Spoiler

Wizard/lawyer/politicians don't make particularly good role models, especially when they brainwash the next generation to be just like them by enslaving helpless and generally kindhearted (*Bartimaeus doubles up laughing*) demon/elementals using funny words and sidewalk chalk. And if you let slip your name, Latin and Greek are the least of your worries.

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1 minute ago, Shadowmancer said:

You all are killing me! Have a few non-Cosmere for juxtaposition.

The Eye of the World

  Hide contents

Sheep-headed youth discovers he's actually good at everything, then kills Satan.

The Great Hunt

  Hide contents

Sheep-head's friends get lost, several people that should kill him decide not to, and he kills Satan. Again.

Also, one of his friends turns into Dances With Wolves, but with a battle-ax.

The Dragon Reborn

  Hide contents

Sheep-head not so important, check out my mad gambling skills! Also, Satan isn't dead, but pseudo-Satan is. I think.

The Shadow Rising

  Hide contents

Seriously, I thought the bad guys were supposed to at least try to kill Sheep-boy, and there's a really annoying angry ginger girl. Well, at least Wolf-boy gets a cool lady-friend. And no Satan in this one.

The Fires of Heaven

  Hide contents

The one time that exploding everything with a forbidden magic actually makes things right again.

And they're finally really trying to kill Sheep-boy, while he gets cozy with the angry ginger, which was all we really cared about the last three books.

The Lord of Chaos

  Hide contents

The #$%@ you mean psuedo-Satan's not dead? And Sheep-boi is not the slightest bit suspicious about his new friend that he's given complete control over an unstable force of potentially explosive psychopaths...

A Crown of Swords

  Hide contents

Okay, is NOBODY dead, then? Also, it's hot, so we need a washbasin to splash our face in (hey, that rhymed!). And why why WHY is pseudo-Satan not trying to kill Sheep-head?

The Path of Daggers

  Hide contents

Shep-boi needs Xanax, and maybe a less stressful line of work? And maybe someone should talk to him about his friend training the exploding psychopaths.

That's all I've got in me for now. Here's another completely unrelated summary.

The Bartimaeus Trilogy

  Reveal hidden contents

Wizard/lawyer/politicians don't make particularly good role models, especially when they brainwash the next generation to be just like them by enslaving helpless and generally kindhearted (*Bartimaeus doubles up laughing*) demon/elementals using funny words and sidewalk chalk. And if you let slip your name, Latin and Greek are the least of your worries.

Thank you for doing Wheel of Time!  Been wanting to do those, but read them so long ago I can't remember what happens in each book exactly.  XD

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49 minutes ago, Shadowmancer said:

You all are killing me! Have a few non-Cosmere for juxtaposition.

The Eye of the World

  Reveal hidden contents

Sheep-headed youth discovers he's actually good at everything, then kills Satan.

The Great Hunt

  Hide contents

Sheep-head's friends get lost, several people that should kill him decide not to, and he kills Satan. Again.

Also, one of his friends turns into Dances With Wolves, but with a battle-ax.

The Dragon Reborn

  Hide contents

Sheep-head not so important, check out my mad gambling skills! Also, Satan isn't dead, but pseudo-Satan is. I think.

The Shadow Rising

  Hide contents

Seriously, I thought the bad guys were supposed to at least try to kill Sheep-boy, and there's a really annoying angry ginger girl. Well, at least Wolf-boy gets a cool lady-friend. And no Satan in this one.

The Fires of Heaven

  Hide contents

The one time that exploding everything with a forbidden magic actually makes things right again.

And they're finally really trying to kill Sheep-boy, while he gets cozy with the angry ginger, which was all we really cared about the last three books.

The Lord of Chaos

  Hide contents

The #$%@ you mean psuedo-Satan's not dead? And Sheep-boi is not the slightest bit suspicious about his new friend that he's given complete control over an unstable force of potentially explosive psychopaths...

A Crown of Swords

  Hide contents

Okay, is NOBODY dead, then? Also, it's hot, so we need a washbasin to splash our face in (hey, that rhymed!). And why why WHY is pseudo-Satan not trying to kill Sheep-head?

The Path of Daggers

  Hide contents

Shep-boi needs Xanax, and maybe a less stressful line of work? And maybe someone should talk to him about his friend training the exploding psychopaths.

That's all I've got in me for now. Here's another completely unrelated summary.

The Bartimaeus Trilogy

  Reveal hidden contents

Wizard/lawyer/politicians don't make particularly good role models, especially when they brainwash the next generation to be just like them by enslaving helpless and generally kindhearted (*Bartimaeus doubles up laughing*) demon/elementals using funny words and sidewalk chalk. And if you let slip your name, Latin and Greek are the least of your worries.

Good Wheel of time summaries! Also, Bartimaeus Trilogy! Have an up vote.

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But seriously, here's the entire WoT summarized...

Spoiler

We should tone down these hazing rituals.

 

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May I direct you to This regarding wot joke summaries?

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On 7/19/2017 at 9:24 PM, Draginon said:

This group is going to be one big joke:

WOT

  Hide contents

Man takes 15 years to write 12 books and dies trying

Game of Thrones

  Hide contents

Man takes 20+ years to write 7 books

Kingkiller Chronicles

  Hide contents

Man takes a decade to write 3 books

Lord of the Rings

  Hide contents

Man takes 17 years to write one book

If you get the joke you get a cookie!

... about the last one... Man takes 17 years to write a book. Is unsatisfied with the published result and continuously revised subsequent editions for the rest of his life.

The Silmarillion: man takes a lifetime trying to tell a story about a language he made up. Randomly tells a couple of other stories in the same world - which actually get published!- while working on the original. Never finishes; his son publishes FIFTEEN books (and counting!), trying to explain it all, inserting his commentary, interpretations and sometimes making significant errors. cough... Gil-Galad Fingon’s son... cough... (Beren and Luthien doesn’t count; it was all stuff published in other books.)

Seriously, Tolkien has EVERYONE beat.

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Saw the Tolkien post above and just wanted to say its funny that he is still publishing about one new book a year! The last one, which came out recently, was called: Beren and Lúthien. 

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1 hour ago, Ammanas said:

Saw the Tolkien post above and just wanted to say its funny that he is still publishing about one new book a year! The last one, which came out recently, was called: Beren and Lúthien. 

It doesn’t count as 16, since it is a blatant money grubbing scheme. All the information therin was previously published in other books. A lot of Silm fans are really annoyed, because we thought someone had actually turned the story into a novel. Grumble, grumble...

More Silm: Lots of people (99%) die fighting an unwinnable war. When help finally shows up the continent sinks. And the villain is going to kill the sun and moon and come back.

Atalante: Arrogant people rebel against God. God drowns them, except a handful of (mostly) good ones. The world becomes round (unless it always was that way; see Morgoth’s ring) and a continent leaves the planet. Oh, and the overly pretty dude is now stuck being ugly.

Morgoth’s Ring: Weird elvish custo- Wait?! The world was always round?!

Rings of Power: In which a grandson trying to make up for his family’s sins fails to learn anything from the war they had fought. (Seriously Tyelpe...)

Beren And Luthien: Sauron is a wimp who is easily defeated by a girl and her dog. And now we want to know what was wrong with everyone in LotR.

The attack on Sirion: Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. You can be heroes AND awful parents; be a villain and a good one. And who knew Elrond had Stockholm syndrome?

Fall of Doriath: in which Luthien’s son behaves like a son of Feanor with predictable results.

Death of Elu Thingolo: pay your debts or get stuck in increasingly vicious cycles of revenge.

The Shibboleth: Seriously?! The ENTIRE TRAEDY OF THE SILMARILLION WAS CAUSED BECAUSE OF A STUPID LINGUISTICS ARGUMENT?!?!?!?! Elves...

Alqualonde: the original sin and a giant mess.

The darkening of Valinor: Trees die and Isaac Asimov’s Nightfall happens.

And speaking of which: Nightfall-  a planet of nyctophobes experiences night. And the stars cause madness.

Aule and Yavannah: an overeager angel creates sentient life too early; fortunately God adopts them. His wife responds by created sentient trees.

The fourth age: an interesting suspense novel that never happened. The bad guys’ cult grows. May have been intended to end with the biblical Flood.

LotR: the single bright spark in an otherwise gloomy tale spanning from Creation to today -scratch that- to Armageddon and beyond.

Edited by Kingsdaughter613
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SA

Spoiler

If you are looking for a story about a group that are basically a cross between the Ood, crabs, and Kirby fighting a different group that actually considers Bob to be not only a sacred name, but a name too sacred for people to use, plus badly disguised robotic exoskeletons, magic swords, and paladins who are really good at falling, this is the book for you!

Beyonders

Spoiler

An alternate universe is saved by a dude who got swallowed by a hippo....twice

 

Edited by Personification
Not supposed to double-post
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Beyonders

Spoiler

Saved by hippo boy and Narnia girl but with a butterfly

 

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Beyonders attempt three:

Spoiler

The alternate universe is saved by:

Jason: A kid who got swallowed by a hippo... twice

Tark: A guy whose superpower is the ability to play a demon tuba

Ned: A serial killer zombie

Ferrin: a pathological liar who lays down his arms at the first sign of danger

Corinne: A Pythonesque source of more lighthearted moments in the books

Nia and Io: two-year-old twins with the musculature of adults

The Amar Kabal: A bunch of sticks in the mud

Rachel: A girl with immense magic powers who saves the world through contract negotiation

Inter-library politics, coupled with the study of ancient topography

The chemical composition of a mountain

And finally, the fact that a bunch of shadow demons from a different alternate dimension decided to unionize

 

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Let me get this back on track:

Mistborn Series

Spoiler

It's complicated

Stormlight Archive

Spoiler

Extremely, wait no, ridiculously complicated!

Elantris

Spoiler

Slightly less complicated, but still very complicated

Warbreaker

Spoiler

Politically complicated

Wax and Wayne

Spoiler

Lots of hat jokes and ridiculous shenanigans

Steelheart

Spoiler

Bad puns and similes abound. Also, there's a simple kind of complication going on here. Not sure what that means

Alcatraz

Spoiler

Haven't read it, sure it's got lots of jokes and it's probably a little complicated

Hope you like these! :D

Edited by MasterJack
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Shadows for silence 

Spoiler

A loan shark is murdered by the ghost of his victims abusive grandma. Ghosts have color-coded moods and are afraid of pigs.

 

Edited by Farnsworth
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Mistborn: The Final Empire

A girl learns that if she consumes enough heavy metals, she can gain superpowers.

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Edgedancer

Spoiler

Girl chases the insane man who wants to murder her so she can eat his pancakes with a lightsaber.

The Wise Man's Fear

Spoiler

Teenage boy goes on epic quest to have sex with every female who is not his girlfriend.

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Warbreaker: 

 

A scruffy muderhobo kidnaps a princess, ties her up, and forces her to touch his big black sword. A romance novel.

Edited by Unlicensed Hemalurgist
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