SilverTiger Posted October 16, 2017 Report Share Posted October 16, 2017 On 10/9/2017 at 0:31 PM, Nathrangking said: alternatively WoR Hide contents A mind controlled choir brings the apocalypse. An idea dies and then comes back to life. A double murderer gets engaged to to the son of a reformed sociopath. Actually, I think Dalinar's a pyschopath. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Foxx Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 The Final Empire: Spoiler A dude with superpowers kicks off the apocalypse and becomes a cult leader. The Well of Ascension: Spoiler There's an annoying love story, a talking dog and the cult leader's protégé makes the apocalypse so much worse. The Hero of Ages: Spoiler All your favorite people die, including the talking dog, except that one guy who becomes God. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taliax Posted October 20, 2017 Report Share Posted October 20, 2017 8 hours ago, Foxx said: The Final Empire: Hide contents A dude with superpowers kicks off the apocalypse and becomes a cult leader. The Well of Ascension: Hide contents There's an annoying love story, a talking dog and the cult leader's protégé makes the apocalypse so much worse. The Hero of Ages: Hide contents All your favorite people die, including the talking dog, except that one guy who becomes God. The Hero of Ages one though. So True. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faceless Mist-Wraith Posted October 27, 2017 Report Share Posted October 27, 2017 Well of Ascension Spoiler A king tries to solve things politically and fails, so his wife kills everyone. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crucible of Shards Posted October 27, 2017 Report Share Posted October 27, 2017 The Eleventh Metal Spoiler Kelsier takes notes. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steeldancer Posted October 29, 2017 Report Share Posted October 29, 2017 Allomancer Jak Spoiler His terrisperson makes fun of his stupidity and grandiosness. And somehow, Jak gets things done. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A Budgie Posted October 30, 2017 Report Share Posted October 30, 2017 Shadows for Silence in the Forest of Hell: Spoiler The innkeeper might make a nice bowl of hot soup, but she can also make a nice bowl of pounding your head in while wrapped in a bag. Sixth of Dusk: Spoiler In a society with overly specific names, the only hope for survival are birds with worms. It's a really good thing they don't have deworming tablets. White Sand: Spoiler Some dude kicks about sand and whines about not being special while everyone knows his true power is avoiding sunburn. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unlicensed Hemalurgist Posted October 31, 2017 Report Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) Hero of Ages: Spook vs. the French Revolution Vin gets harassing phone calls from Satan Marsh has strong opinions on women's jewelry Sazed dons his new fedora so hard he becomes the God of Fedoras Edited October 31, 2017 by Unlicensed Hemalurgist 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadowmancer Posted November 7, 2017 Report Share Posted November 7, 2017 You all are killing me! Have a few non-Cosmere for juxtaposition. The Eye of the World Spoiler Sheep-headed youth discovers he's actually good at everything, then kills Satan. The Great Hunt Spoiler Sheep-head's friends get lost, several people that should kill him decide not to, and he kills Satan. Again. Also, one of his friends turns into Dances With Wolves, but with a battle-ax. The Dragon Reborn Spoiler Sheep-head not so important, check out my mad gambling skills! Also, Satan isn't dead, but pseudo-Satan is. I think. The Shadow Rising Spoiler Seriously, I thought the bad guys were supposed to at least try to kill Sheep-boy, and there's a really annoying angry ginger girl. Well, at least Wolf-boy gets a cool lady-friend. And no Satan in this one. The Fires of Heaven Spoiler The one time that exploding everything with a forbidden magic actually makes things right again. And they're finally really trying to kill Sheep-boy, while he gets cozy with the angry ginger, which was all we really cared about the last three books. The Lord of Chaos Spoiler The #$%@ you mean psuedo-Satan's not dead? And Sheep-boi is not the slightest bit suspicious about his new friend that he's given complete control over an unstable force of potentially explosive psychopaths... A Crown of Swords Spoiler Okay, is NOBODY dead, then? Also, it's hot, so we need a washbasin to splash our face in (hey, that rhymed!). And why why WHY is pseudo-Satan not trying to kill Sheep-head? The Path of Daggers Spoiler Shep-boi needs Xanax, and maybe a less stressful line of work? And maybe someone should talk to him about his friend training the exploding psychopaths. That's all I've got in me for now. Here's another completely unrelated summary. The Bartimaeus Trilogy Spoiler Wizard/lawyer/politicians don't make particularly good role models, especially when they brainwash the next generation to be just like them by enslaving helpless and generally kindhearted (*Bartimaeus doubles up laughing*) demon/elementals using funny words and sidewalk chalk. And if you let slip your name, Latin and Greek are the least of your worries. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Taliax Posted November 7, 2017 Report Share Posted November 7, 2017 1 minute ago, Shadowmancer said: You all are killing me! Have a few non-Cosmere for juxtaposition. The Eye of the World Hide contents Sheep-headed youth discovers he's actually good at everything, then kills Satan. The Great Hunt Hide contents Sheep-head's friends get lost, several people that should kill him decide not to, and he kills Satan. Again. Also, one of his friends turns into Dances With Wolves, but with a battle-ax. The Dragon Reborn Hide contents Sheep-head not so important, check out my mad gambling skills! Also, Satan isn't dead, but pseudo-Satan is. I think. The Shadow Rising Hide contents Seriously, I thought the bad guys were supposed to at least try to kill Sheep-boy, and there's a really annoying angry ginger girl. Well, at least Wolf-boy gets a cool lady-friend. And no Satan in this one. The Fires of Heaven Hide contents The one time that exploding everything with a forbidden magic actually makes things right again. And they're finally really trying to kill Sheep-boy, while he gets cozy with the angry ginger, which was all we really cared about the last three books. The Lord of Chaos Hide contents The #$%@ you mean psuedo-Satan's not dead? And Sheep-boi is not the slightest bit suspicious about his new friend that he's given complete control over an unstable force of potentially explosive psychopaths... A Crown of Swords Hide contents Okay, is NOBODY dead, then? Also, it's hot, so we need a washbasin to splash our face in (hey, that rhymed!). And why why WHY is pseudo-Satan not trying to kill Sheep-head? The Path of Daggers Hide contents Shep-boi needs Xanax, and maybe a less stressful line of work? And maybe someone should talk to him about his friend training the exploding psychopaths. That's all I've got in me for now. Here's another completely unrelated summary. The Bartimaeus Trilogy Reveal hidden contents Wizard/lawyer/politicians don't make particularly good role models, especially when they brainwash the next generation to be just like them by enslaving helpless and generally kindhearted (*Bartimaeus doubles up laughing*) demon/elementals using funny words and sidewalk chalk. And if you let slip your name, Latin and Greek are the least of your worries. Thank you for doing Wheel of Time! Been wanting to do those, but read them so long ago I can't remember what happens in each book exactly. XD 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faceless Mist-Wraith Posted November 7, 2017 Report Share Posted November 7, 2017 49 minutes ago, Shadowmancer said: You all are killing me! Have a few non-Cosmere for juxtaposition. The Eye of the World Reveal hidden contents Sheep-headed youth discovers he's actually good at everything, then kills Satan. The Great Hunt Hide contents Sheep-head's friends get lost, several people that should kill him decide not to, and he kills Satan. Again. Also, one of his friends turns into Dances With Wolves, but with a battle-ax. The Dragon Reborn Hide contents Sheep-head not so important, check out my mad gambling skills! Also, Satan isn't dead, but pseudo-Satan is. I think. The Shadow Rising Hide contents Seriously, I thought the bad guys were supposed to at least try to kill Sheep-boy, and there's a really annoying angry ginger girl. Well, at least Wolf-boy gets a cool lady-friend. And no Satan in this one. The Fires of Heaven Hide contents The one time that exploding everything with a forbidden magic actually makes things right again. And they're finally really trying to kill Sheep-boy, while he gets cozy with the angry ginger, which was all we really cared about the last three books. The Lord of Chaos Hide contents The #$%@ you mean psuedo-Satan's not dead? And Sheep-boi is not the slightest bit suspicious about his new friend that he's given complete control over an unstable force of potentially explosive psychopaths... A Crown of Swords Hide contents Okay, is NOBODY dead, then? Also, it's hot, so we need a washbasin to splash our face in (hey, that rhymed!). And why why WHY is pseudo-Satan not trying to kill Sheep-head? The Path of Daggers Hide contents Shep-boi needs Xanax, and maybe a less stressful line of work? And maybe someone should talk to him about his friend training the exploding psychopaths. That's all I've got in me for now. Here's another completely unrelated summary. The Bartimaeus Trilogy Reveal hidden contents Wizard/lawyer/politicians don't make particularly good role models, especially when they brainwash the next generation to be just like them by enslaving helpless and generally kindhearted (*Bartimaeus doubles up laughing*) demon/elementals using funny words and sidewalk chalk. And if you let slip your name, Latin and Greek are the least of your worries. Good Wheel of time summaries! Also, Bartimaeus Trilogy! Have an up vote. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadowmancer Posted November 7, 2017 Report Share Posted November 7, 2017 But seriously, here's the entire WoT summarized... Spoiler We should tone down these hazing rituals. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farnsworth Posted November 8, 2017 Report Share Posted November 8, 2017 May I direct you to This regarding wot joke summaries? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kingsdaughter613 Posted November 8, 2017 Report Share Posted November 8, 2017 On 7/19/2017 at 9:24 PM, Draginon said: This group is going to be one big joke: WOT Hide contents Man takes 15 years to write 12 books and dies trying Game of Thrones Hide contents Man takes 20+ years to write 7 books Kingkiller Chronicles Hide contents Man takes a decade to write 3 books Lord of the Rings Hide contents Man takes 17 years to write one book If you get the joke you get a cookie! ... about the last one... Man takes 17 years to write a book. Is unsatisfied with the published result and continuously revised subsequent editions for the rest of his life. The Silmarillion: man takes a lifetime trying to tell a story about a language he made up. Randomly tells a couple of other stories in the same world - which actually get published!- while working on the original. Never finishes; his son publishes FIFTEEN books (and counting!), trying to explain it all, inserting his commentary, interpretations and sometimes making significant errors. cough... Gil-Galad Fingon’s son... cough... (Beren and Luthien doesn’t count; it was all stuff published in other books.) Seriously, Tolkien has EVERYONE beat. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ammanas Posted November 8, 2017 Report Share Posted November 8, 2017 Saw the Tolkien post above and just wanted to say its funny that he is still publishing about one new book a year! The last one, which came out recently, was called: Beren and Lúthien. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kingsdaughter613 Posted November 8, 2017 Report Share Posted November 8, 2017 (edited) 1 hour ago, Ammanas said: Saw the Tolkien post above and just wanted to say its funny that he is still publishing about one new book a year! The last one, which came out recently, was called: Beren and Lúthien. It doesn’t count as 16, since it is a blatant money grubbing scheme. All the information therin was previously published in other books. A lot of Silm fans are really annoyed, because we thought someone had actually turned the story into a novel. Grumble, grumble... More Silm: Lots of people (99%) die fighting an unwinnable war. When help finally shows up the continent sinks. And the villain is going to kill the sun and moon and come back. Atalante: Arrogant people rebel against God. God drowns them, except a handful of (mostly) good ones. The world becomes round (unless it always was that way; see Morgoth’s ring) and a continent leaves the planet. Oh, and the overly pretty dude is now stuck being ugly. Morgoth’s Ring: Weird elvish custo- Wait?! The world was always round?! Rings of Power: In which a grandson trying to make up for his family’s sins fails to learn anything from the war they had fought. (Seriously Tyelpe...) Beren And Luthien: Sauron is a wimp who is easily defeated by a girl and her dog. And now we want to know what was wrong with everyone in LotR. The attack on Sirion: Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. You can be heroes AND awful parents; be a villain and a good one. And who knew Elrond had Stockholm syndrome? Fall of Doriath: in which Luthien’s son behaves like a son of Feanor with predictable results. Death of Elu Thingolo: pay your debts or get stuck in increasingly vicious cycles of revenge. The Shibboleth: Seriously?! The ENTIRE TRAEDY OF THE SILMARILLION WAS CAUSED BECAUSE OF A STUPID LINGUISTICS ARGUMENT?!?!?!?! Elves... Alqualonde: the original sin and a giant mess. The darkening of Valinor: Trees die and Isaac Asimov’s Nightfall happens. And speaking of which: Nightfall- a planet of nyctophobes experiences night. And the stars cause madness. Aule and Yavannah: an overeager angel creates sentient life too early; fortunately God adopts them. His wife responds by created sentient trees. The fourth age: an interesting suspense novel that never happened. The bad guys’ cult grows. May have been intended to end with the biblical Flood. LotR: the single bright spark in an otherwise gloomy tale spanning from Creation to today -scratch that- to Armageddon and beyond. Edited November 8, 2017 by Kingsdaughter613 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Personification Posted November 9, 2017 Report Share Posted November 9, 2017 (edited) SA Spoiler If you are looking for a story about a group that are basically a cross between the Ood, crabs, and Kirby fighting a different group that actually considers Bob to be not only a sacred name, but a name too sacred for people to use, plus badly disguised robotic exoskeletons, magic swords, and paladins who are really good at falling, this is the book for you! Beyonders Spoiler An alternate universe is saved by a dude who got swallowed by a hippo....twice Edited November 10, 2017 by Personification Not supposed to double-post 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angsos Posted November 10, 2017 Report Share Posted November 10, 2017 Beyonders Spoiler Saved by hippo boy and Narnia girl but with a butterfly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Personification Posted November 10, 2017 Report Share Posted November 10, 2017 Beyonders attempt three: Spoiler The alternate universe is saved by: Jason: A kid who got swallowed by a hippo... twice Tark: A guy whose superpower is the ability to play a demon tuba Ned: A serial killer zombie Ferrin: a pathological liar who lays down his arms at the first sign of danger Corinne: A Pythonesque source of more lighthearted moments in the books Nia and Io: two-year-old twins with the musculature of adults The Amar Kabal: A bunch of sticks in the mud Rachel: A girl with immense magic powers who saves the world through contract negotiation Inter-library politics, coupled with the study of ancient topography The chemical composition of a mountain And finally, the fact that a bunch of shadow demons from a different alternate dimension decided to unionize 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MistbornAlpaca Posted November 11, 2017 Report Share Posted November 11, 2017 (edited) Let me get this back on track: Mistborn Series Spoiler It's complicated Stormlight Archive Spoiler Extremely, wait no, ridiculously complicated! Elantris Spoiler Slightly less complicated, but still very complicated Warbreaker Spoiler Politically complicated Wax and Wayne Spoiler Lots of hat jokes and ridiculous shenanigans Steelheart Spoiler Bad puns and similes abound. Also, there's a simple kind of complication going on here. Not sure what that means Alcatraz Spoiler Haven't read it, sure it's got lots of jokes and it's probably a little complicated Hope you like these! Edited November 11, 2017 by MasterJack 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farnsworth Posted November 12, 2017 Report Share Posted November 12, 2017 (edited) Shadows for silence Spoiler A loan shark is murdered by the ghost of his victims abusive grandma. Ghosts have color-coded moods and are afraid of pigs. Edited November 12, 2017 by Farnsworth 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unlicensed Hemalurgist Posted November 12, 2017 Report Share Posted November 12, 2017 Mistborn: The Final Empire A girl learns that if she consumes enough heavy metals, she can gain superpowers. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neithan Posted November 12, 2017 Report Share Posted November 12, 2017 Edgedancer Spoiler Girl chases the insane man who wants to murder her so she can eat his pancakes with a lightsaber. The Wise Man's Fear Spoiler Teenage boy goes on epic quest to have sex with every female who is not his girlfriend. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy92 Posted November 13, 2017 Report Share Posted November 13, 2017 @neithan Upvote for The Wise Man's Fear lol 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unlicensed Hemalurgist Posted November 13, 2017 Report Share Posted November 13, 2017 (edited) Warbreaker: A scruffy muderhobo kidnaps a princess, ties her up, and forces her to touch his big black sword. A romance novel. Edited November 22, 2017 by Unlicensed Hemalurgist 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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