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Cosmere! The Musical


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1 hour ago, LewsTherinTalamon said:

I really want to write a Lord Ruler villain song, but I can't figure out what tune to use. Any ideas that would work with a choir and a lead? Be Prepared would work for something, but not this.

Be prepared for The Lord Ruler has been discussed. See page 1 of this thread. I think someone did eventually write it  somewhere in the past 6 pages...

 

also, there’s this gem:

 

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4 minutes ago, Herowannabe said:

Be prepared for The Lord Ruler has been discussed. See page 1 of this thread. I think someone did eventually write it  somewhere in the past 6 pages...

I shall look for it. I was thinking of the idea for an Inquisitor choir with TLR singing in a bored tone on his throne.

Although, You're Welcome could work, with him talking about saving everyone from Ruin. I may write that.

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I just found my new home!

So I don't know if anyone has mentioned this yet, (cause I'm too lazy to read through all six pages rip) but I am totally imagining Hoid or Shallan (or even Tyn) singing Razzle Dazzle from Chicago. Or Shallan and Hoid singing We Both Reached for the Gun. And last but not least, something that gets me laughing everytime, I imagine Shallan forcing Kaladin and Adolin to sing and dance Nowadays/Hot Honey Rag.

Edited by Shallan's Ward
Fixing a typo
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On 1/9/2018 at 11:05 AM, LewsTherinTalamon said:
On 1/9/2018 at 10:58 AM, Herowannabe said:

Be prepared for The Lord Ruler has been discussed. See page 1 of this thread. I think someone did eventually write it  somewhere in the past 6 pages...

I shall look for it. I was thinking of the idea for an Inquisitor choir with TLR singing in a bored tone on his throne.

Hey @LewsTherinTalamon, you might consider the Rolling Stones Sympathy for the Devil, it doesn't have the bored on his throne tone you're looking for, but it has potential for a Lord Ruler tooting his own horn number.

I wrote a version of Be Prepared sung by Taravangian and Diagramists:

If you want to effect the bored, jerky, haughtily aloof quality of TLR, you might consider a parody of Soft Cell's Tainted Love:

TaintedLove.jpg.d0b95c4ba03c0d2a7bdd07a98e543ee7.jpg

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I present to you, with minimal changes and major WoR spoilers:

"Defying Gravity" (to the tune of the song from Wicked with the same name)

Spoiler

[Moash, spoken]

Kaladin, why couldn't you stay away for once

Instead of flying off the handle!

I hope you're happy

(sung)

I hope you're happy now

I hope you're happy how

You've hurt your friend forever

I hope you think you're clever

 

[Kaladin, spoken]

I hope you're happy

(sung)

I hope you're happy too

I hope you're proud how you

Would kill one of your best friends, to feed your petty revenge

 

[Moash & Kaladin]

So though I can't imagine how

I hope you're happy right now

 

[Moash, spoken]

Kaladin, listen to me. Just step aside now!

(sung)

we can still just kill Elhokar

What we've worked and waited for

You’ll still have all you ever wanted

 

[Kaladin, spoken]

I know

(sung)

But I don't want it, I can't want it anymore

Something has changed within me

Something is not the same

I'm through with playing by the rules

Of someone elses game

Too late for second-guessing

Too late to go back to sleep

It's time to trust my instincts

Close my eyes and leap!

 

It's time to try

Defying gravity

I think I'll try

Defying gravity

I'm defying gravity

And you can't pull me down

 

[Moash]

Can't I make you understand

You're having delusions of grandeur?

 

[Kaladin]

I'm through breaking promises

'Cuz someone tell me so

Some things I want to change

But still I’ll try to let it go!

Too long I've been afraid of

Losing you, who now I've lost

Well, if that's you

you come at much too high a cost!

 

I'd sooner buy

Defying gravity

Kiss me goodbye

I'm defying gravity

And you can't pull me down

Moash, let him be. Think of what we could do—together!

 

Unlimited

Together we're unlimited

Together we'll be the greatest team

There's ever been—Moash!

Dreams the way we planned 'em

 

[Moash]

If we work in tandem

 

[Moash & Kaladin]

There's no fight we cannot win

Just you and I, defying gravity

With you and I defying gravity

 

[Kaladin]

They'll never bring us down!

 

Well, are you stopping?

[Moash]

I hope you're happy

I hope your happy now that your choosing this -

 

[Kaladin]

You too—

I hope it brings you bliss

 

[Moash & Kaladin]

I really hope you get it

And you don't live to regret it

I hope you're happy in the end

I hope you're happy my friend

 

Flying so high! (Defying gravity)

Kiss me goodbye! (Defying gravity)

 

[Kaladin]

So if you care to find me

I’ll be at Kholin’s side!

As someone told me lately:

"Honor means helping those you despise!"

 

And if I'm flying solo

At least I'm flying free

To those who ground me

Take a message back from me

 

Tell them how I'm defying gravity!

I'm flying high

Defying Gravity!

And soon I'll match them in renown

And nobody in Alethkar

No princes that there are or were

Is ever gonna bring me down!

 

 

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I now present to you, Hoid's Song (to the tune of "Your Song" by Sir Elton John)

Spoiler

It's a little bit funny, this feeling inside
I’m not one of those who avoids being snide, I
Don't try to be punny but boy, if I did
I'd break all your brains, making Leras livid

If I was a Forger but then again, no
Or a man who makes Aons in a city that glows
Oh, I know it's not much cause it’s the least I can do
My gift is my song
And this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is Hoid’s song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
Just pay me no mind
Just pay me no mind
As I put down in words
How pitiful life is on this lame Shardworld

I sat on the roof and kicked up the moss
Well, a few dumb Highprinces, well, they've got me quite cross
But Odium’s been unkind
While I wrote this song
It's for people like you that
He just wants gone

So excuse me forgetting
But these things, I do
You see, I've forgotten
If it’s green or it’s blue
Anyway, the thing is, what I really mean
Yours is the sweetest Shardpool I've ever seen

And you can tell everybody this is Hoid’s song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
Just pay me no mind
Just pay me no mind
As I put down in words
How pitiful life is on this lame Shardworld
Just pay me no mind
Just pay me no mind
As I put down in words
How pitiful life is on this lame Shardworld

 

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I present to you "Thrill's in the Battle" (as sung by Dalinar to the tune of "Cat's in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin) Major OB Spoilers:

Spoiler

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there was folks to kill, and hell to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say, I'm gonna be like you, dad
You know I'm gonna be like you

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten while we were at war
He said, thanks for the sword, dad, come on let's spar
Can you teach me to fight, I said, not yet for
I got a lot to do, he said, lead the charge
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
Said, I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came from Kholinar just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son, I'm proud of you
Can you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
What I'd really like, dad, is to let people duel me
See you later
Can I fight them please?

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, son?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

I just want to retire, have my son take me place
He’d be king, Elhokar got stabbed in the face
I said, I'd like to abdicate if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, and I’m the next in line
But see, I killed Sadeas, and I’m a newlywed too
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up my cloak, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, son?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

 

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5 hours ago, Personification said:

I present to you "Thrill's in the Battle" (as sung by Dalinar to the tune of "Cat's in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin) Major OB Spoilers:

  Hide contents

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there was folks to kill, and hell to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say, I'm gonna be like you, dad
You know I'm gonna be like you

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten while we were at war
He said, thanks for the sword, dad, come on let's spar
Can you teach me to fight, I said, not yet for
I got a lot to do, he said, lead the charge
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
Said, I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came from Kholinar just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son, I'm proud of you
Can you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
What I'd really like, dad, is to let people duel me
See you later
Can I fight them please?

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, son?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

I just want to retire, have my son take me place
He’d be king, Elhokar got stabbed in the face
I said, I'd like to abdicate if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, and I’m the next in line
But see, I killed Sadeas, and I’m a newlywed too
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up my cloak, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, son?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

 

This is a MASTERPIECE.

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5 hours ago, Personification said:

I present to you "Thrill's in the Battle" (as sung by Dalinar to the tune of "Cat's in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin) Major OB Spoilers:

  Reveal hidden contents

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there was folks to kill, and hell to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say, I'm gonna be like you, dad
You know I'm gonna be like you

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten while we were at war
He said, thanks for the sword, dad, come on let's spar
Can you teach me to fight, I said, not yet for
I got a lot to do, he said, lead the charge
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
Said, I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came from Kholinar just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son, I'm proud of you
Can you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
What I'd really like, dad, is to let people duel me
See you later
Can I fight them please?

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, son?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

I just want to retire, have my son take me place
He’d be king, Elhokar got stabbed in the face
I said, I'd like to abdicate if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, and I’m the next in line
But see, I killed Sadeas, and I’m a newlywed too
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up my cloak, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, son?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

 

OMH this is one of my favorite things in a year on here. Perfect.

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I also now have: I Will Survive (Reprise) MAJOR SECRET HISTORY SPOILERS

Spoiler

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
Kept thinking I could never live because I had just died
But then I spent a few minutes in that Cognitive Realm place
I punched god’s face, and I learned a way I could stay

And so I'm back from outer space
I just walked in to find the world exploding right up in my face
But gods are quite easy to con
And no one cons better than me
Ruin, knowing that I was there you should never have run free

Go on now, go. Walk out the door
Just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye?
Did you think I'd crumble?
Did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh, no, not I
I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love I know I'll stay alive
I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give
And I'll survive
I will survive, hey, hey

 

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12 hours ago, Personification said:

I present to you "Thrill's in the Battle" (as sung by Dalinar to the tune of "Cat's in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin) Major OB Spoilers:

  Hide contents

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there was folks to kill, and hell to pay
He learned to walk while I was away
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew
He'd say, I'm gonna be like you, dad
You know I'm gonna be like you

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

My son turned ten while we were at war
He said, thanks for the sword, dad, come on let's spar
Can you teach me to fight, I said, not yet for
I got a lot to do, he said, lead the charge
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed
Said, I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, dad?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

Well, he came from Kholinar just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
Son, I'm proud of you
Can you sit for a while?
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
What I'd really like, dad, is to let people duel me
See you later
Can I fight them please?

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, son?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

I just want to retire, have my son take me place
He’d be king, Elhokar got stabbed in the face
I said, I'd like to abdicate if you don't mind
He said, I'd love to, dad, and I’m the next in line
But see, I killed Sadeas, and I’m a newlywed too
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you
And as I hung up my cloak, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

And the Thrill’s in the battle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you coming home, son?
I don't know when
But we'll get together then
You know we'll have a good time then

 

I love it all except for the line “... and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon.” It just doesn’t fit Roshar or Dalinar at all so it kind of stands out. 

Instead, maybe something like:

”And the Thrill’s in the battle after ten heartbeats,

Glory Spren come when my foes I defeat”

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2 hours ago, Herowannabe said:

I love it all except for the line “... and the silver spoon, little boy blue and the man in the moon.” It just doesn’t fit Roshar or Dalinar at all so it kind of stands out. 

Instead, maybe something like:

”And the Thrill’s in the battle after ten heartbeats,

Glory Spren come when my foes I defeat”

Well, "silver spoon" might not, but "little boy blue and the man in the moon" actually fits weirdly well with the whole blue Natanatan myth.

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21 hours ago, Personification said:

Well, "silver spoon" might not, but "little boy blue and the man in the moon" actually fits weirdly well with the whole blue Natanatan myth.

And what does the blue Natanatan myth have to do with Dalinar and/or Adolin? ;)

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I've used up almost all of my upvotes going through this thread, especially on the Les Miserables songs. My favorite mental image is now Kaladin wearing Elsa's dress and singing his heart out, looking absolutely fabulous. It is second only to the movie-worthy image of Elend beating up koloss while singing a twisted version of "Let it Go". 

My song suggestion, for whoever wants to use it: "Modern Major General" from Pirates of Penzance, complete with background of singing skaa/bridgemen/Returned/whatever.

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I am the very model of a skaa rebellion general

I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral

I know the man from Hathsin, and I quote the fights historical

From Tougier to Luthadel, in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters hemalurgical

I understand the spikings, both the simple and fantastical

About my facial features I'm teeming with a lot o' news

With many cheerful facts about the obligators' new tattoos.

I'm very good at integrating spikes because I'm fabulous

I know the scientific names of beings (kandra) Ruinous

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral 

I am the very model of a skaa rebellion general.

 

I feel pretty good for 40 minutes from "hey, someone posted on this thread" to one full verse.

Edited by John203
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22 hours ago, Taliax said:

@Personification you're on a roll!  These are fabulous!  :D

Thank you.

9 hours ago, Herowannabe said:

And what does the blue Natanatan myth have to do with Dalinar and/or Adolin? ;)

I would say that "little boy blue" is relatively tangential to the original song as well, so it fits into the parody, and I also prefer to keep my parodies as close to the original song as possible if it still works well in the altered version.

 

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I have always been a fan of this song, and have made parodies of it for other things. In fact, I had been considering making a parody of it anyway, but I just never really felt like it. Until now...

Modern Major-Worldhopper (as sung by Hoid to the tune of "Modern Major-General" from Pirates of Penzance)

Spoiler

Hoid:
I am the very model of a modern Major-Worldhopper,
I've information so vast it would overflow your F-copper,
I know the kings of Roshar, and I quote the fights historical
From Rathalas to Kholinar, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with Shards of Adonalsium,
I understand their feelings, to be honest many are quite dumb,
About Realmatic theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts all your false notions I will disabuse.

All:
With many cheerful facts all our false notions he will disabuse.
With many cheerful facts all our false notions he will disabuse.
With many cheerful facts all our false notions he will disabuse.

Hoid:
I'm very good at internal and external Allomancy;
And my grasp of Feruchemy is awesome just you wait and see:
In short, to make sure that I don’t just overflow your F-copper,
I am the very model of a modern Major-Worldhopper.

All:
In short, to make sure that he won’t just overflow our F-copper,
He is the very model of a modern Major-Worldhopper.

Hoid:
I know your mythic histories, the Heralds and the Lord Ruler;
My answer are sarcastic, I've been told that no one is crueler,
I often wax prosaic when I’m talking about gibberish,
Don’t even get me started on the great word that is “Gibbletish”;

I can tell undoubted Rosharans from Threnodites and Selish men,
I know the clicking chorus of the hordelings of a Dysian!
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
And tap out all the beats that Singers can hear in their core.

All:
And tap out all the beats that Singers can hear in their core.
And tap out all the beats that Singers can hear in their core.
And tap out all the beats that Singers can hear in their core.

Hoid:
Then I can write a washing bill in Alethi’s calligraphic form,
And tell you ev'ry detail of the Blackthorn’s tattered uniform:
In short, to make sure that I don’t just overflow your F-copper,
I am the very model of a modern Major-Worldhopper.

All:
In short, to make sure that he won’t just overflow our F-copper,
He is the very model of a modern Major-Worldhopper

Hoid:
In fact, when I know what is meant by "Everstorm" and "the Sibling",
When I can tell at sight a Ranette rifle from an Immerling,
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
And when I know precisely how to Awaken a Lifeless cat,
When I have learnt what progress has been made in instant noodlery,
When I know more of pasta than a novice in a foodery--
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
You'll say a better Major-Worldhopper has never sat a gee.

All:
You'll say a better Major-Worldhopper has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better Major-Worldhopper has never sat a gee.
You'll say a better Major-Worldhopper has never sat a gee.

General:
For my culinary knowledge, though I'm plucky and often hungry,
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
But still, in matters capable of blowing up your F-copper,
I am the very model of a modern Major-Worldhopper.

All:
But still, in matters capable of blowing up our F-copper,
He is the very model of a modern Major-Worldhopper.

 

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