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Cosmere! The Musical


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Here's a Shallan solo. If It Hadn't Been For Dad, to the tune of If It Hadn't Been For Love by the Steeldrivers (not Adele).

WoK and WoR spoilers

Spoiler

Never woulda sailed out to Kharbranth

If it hadn't been for Dad

Never woulda walked to the Shattered Plains

If it hadn't been for Dad

 

Never woulda jumped to Urithiru

Without the soulcaster that was due

If it hadn't been

If it hadn't been for Dad

 

Never woulda made Jasnah Kholin's ward

If it hadn't been for Dad

Never woulda killed my mother with my sword

If it hadn't been for Dad

 

Nobody knows my story but me

The truth that makes me wish I was free

If it hadn't been

If it hadn't been for Dad

 

Memories buried in my mind

At least there's Veil to hide behind

Memories that I cannot face

Pattern, help me find my place

 

Never woulda locked that part of my mind

If it hadn't been for Dad

Never woulda lost my voice and shut my eyes

If it hadn't been for Dad

 

Never woulda made up a mask to wear

Hid myself from toes to hair

If it hadn't been

If it hadn't been for Dad

 

Memories buried in my mind

At least there's Veil to hide behind

Memories that I cannot face

Pattern, help me find my place

 

Never woulda sailed out to Kharbranth

If it hadn't been for Dad

Never woulda walked to the Shattered Plains

If it hadn't been for Dad

 

Never woulda made up a mask to wear

Hid myself from toes to hair

If it hadn't been

If it hadn't been for Dad

 

If it hadn't been

If it hadn't been for Dad

If it hadn't been

If it hadn't been for Dad

 

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2 hours ago, Shard of Thought said:

Someone should make, "Never Had A Spren Like Me" about the Stormfather to the tune of "Never Had a Friend Like Me" from Aladdin. I would crack up so much. 

Well, there just so happens to be that very thing on this very thread. (tis about Syl, though)

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11 hours ago, Shard of Thought said:

Someone should make, "Never Had A Spren Like Me" about the Stormfather to the tune of "Never Had a Friend Like Me" from Aladdin. I would crack up so much. 

Here’s the one about Syl that Wyndlerunner mentioned.

https://www.17thshard.com/forum/topic/58276-cosmere-the-musical/?do=findComment&comment=619910

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  • 3 weeks later...

Came back from break with some new songs, so I'll dump them here on you all.

Bad, Bad Amaram, to the tune of Bad, Bad Leroy Brown. WoR spoilers.

Spoiler

Well the highborn of the lighteyes

Are killers, every man

And if there's men to save

You better stay away

From a man named Amaram

 

Now, Meridas, he's trouble

He's a general through and through

All the lighteyed royals call him perfect soldier

All the darkeyes say it's true

 

But he's bad, bad, Amaram

Baddest man in the stormin' land

Badder than a whitespine freed

And meaner than a chasmfiend

 

Meridas, he a hero

And he like his ego fed

And he like to hold his spotless name

Over everybody's head

He got his fame for bein' perfect

No atrocities in sight

He got a Shardblade to wield from an assassin on the field

He's the flawless manly knight

 

But he's bad, bad, Amaram

Baddest man in the stormin' land

Badder than a whitespine freed

And meaner than a chasmfiend

 

In the warcamps, not too long ago

Meridas watchin' duels

And on the duelin' sand

Fought a soldier man

With that slave brand on his head

Well, their eyes met o'er the fallen

In their own private war

Amaram learned a lesson 'bout a messin'

With the Stormblessed of Bridge Four

 

And he's bad, bad, Amaram

Baddest man in the stormin' land

Badder than a whitespine freed

And meaner than a chasmfiend

 

Well, the bridgeman tried to fight him

And when Kholin took a stand

Amaram fell broken and bloodied

His honor all but gone

 

And he's bad, bad, Amaram

Baddest man in the stormin' land

Badder than a whitespine freed

And meaner than a chasmfiend

 

And he's bad, bad, Amaram

Baddest man in the stormin' land

Badder than a whitespine freed

And meaner than a chasmfiend

 

Badder than a whitespine freed

And meaner than a chasmfiend

With a very wrong rhyme scheme (Mraize is a pain in the neck to rhyme with), here's You Don't Mess Around With Mraize, to the tune of You Don't Mess Around With Jim. Some WoR spoilers, but nothing bad. Probably the most half-baked one on here. Sorry.

Spoiler

Shinovar got assassins

Alethkar got its king

Shattered Plains got Mraize the Ghostblood

He's a dart-blowin' killin' machine

Yeah, he's just a man in a world of gods

But he sharper than a Shardblade edge

And when the bad folks hear of the Ghostbloods in town

You know all bets are hedged

Just because

 

And they say

You don't tug on Jezrien's cape

You don't spit into the storm

You don't pull the mask off that one mad Ghostblood

And you don't mess around with Mraize

 

Well outta south Jah Keved come a country girl

She say "I'm lookin' for a man named Mraize

I am a light-weavin' gal

My name is Shallan Davar

But right here you just call me Veil

Yeah, I'm lookin' for the leader of the Ghostbloods

He got a blow gun in his pack

You see, I owe him a debt

And he sure won't forget

So I come to get him off my back

 

And everybody say, girl, don't you know

You don't tug on Jezrien's cape

You don't spit into the storm

You don't pull the mask off that one mad Ghostblood

And you don't mess around with Mraize

 

Well a hush fell over the hideout

Mriaze come slidin' in soft as silk

And when the talkin' was done

The only thing that wasn't dizzy

Was Shallan's Pattern friend

Yeah, she were hidin' for her life one minute

And she were riskin' it the next

And you better believe

She joined them singin' 'bout the Ghostblood

When it was on her brothers' necks

 

Now she say

You don't tug on Jezrien's cape

You don't spit into the storm

You don't pull the mask off that one mad Ghostblood

And you don't mess around with Mraize

 

[Spoken] Yeah, poor Veil got her scare

Hope she'll be more prepared

It's not just her life on the line

There's a whole world, coast to coast, on the decline

 

You don't tug on Jezrien's cape

You don't spit into the storm

You don't pull the mask off that one mad Ghostblood

And you don't mess around with Mraize

Dirty Paws by Of Monsters and Men can be interpreted as about WWII. So, I thought it might also work about a Desolation. Golden Crown, with major Oathbringer spoilers and some WoR spoilers. My favorite of these four.

Honestly, read Oathbringer first. This song references secrets.

Spoiler

Spun across the whole Cosmere

The Shards are the humans' gods

And once there was an honor god

When he died, a sliver split

The sliver tried to fight the void

He called forth the Heralds bold

One Herald fell down into Braize

But he came back with a warning to say

 

His golden crown and killing schemes

He destroyed the Bondsmith's dreams

The dreams that told him to unite

They used to show him the battles to fight

The voidbringers started the war

Roshar wasn't big enough for them all

The parshmen got help from below

From golden crown and his nine dark shadows

 

So for a while things could hold

All the allies did not fold

But dreams that once gave hope

Were burned away by fire and smoke

And he and his nine shadows

Turned the alliance into foes

Yet still the story does not end

The story of the Bondsmith and golden crown

And last, a tribute to all those who ever wished to go to the places we read about. Fiction, to the tune of Trampoline by SHAED.

Spoiler

I've been havin' dreams

Hikin' in the summer heat

In weeks I've gone so far

I stumble into Roshar

As I'm looking up

Suddenly the sky erupts

A highstorm on the breeze

Whippin' at the sea

Now it's right upon me

 

Wait, if this is fiction

How am I so deep in love?

When I dream of flying

It never feels so real

 

I've been havin' dreams

A genie in a rubbish heap

A portal in the air

 In one step I can be there

A night of winding mist

Ash so that they can exist

Burning steel and gold

A planet he can mold

I feel right at home

 

Wait, if this is fiction

How am I so deep in love?

When I dream of flying

It never feels so real

 

Wait, if this is fiction

How am I so deep in love?

When I dream of flying

It never feels so real

 

It never feels so real

 

Wait, if this is fiction

How am I so deep in love?

When I dream of flying

It never feels so real

 

Wait, if this is fiction

How am I so deep in love?

When I dream of flying

It never feels so real

 

Edited by Yellow Cremling
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  • 1 month later...

Do you all remember the Wind's Pleasure? The ship Shallan sets out on for her grand adventure? Well, I figured it needed its own solo, so here's Merchant Trader to the tune of Rusty Old American Dream. Some WoR spoilers.

Spoiler

I've been a ship so long now

I don't want to change my skin

They've told me that they need me

And I'm happy serving them

I've carried them through highstorms

Through the ports we passed

Won't you let me go my merry way

And don't make me soulcast

 

I'm a trusted old merchant trader

I was passed from father to son

I can feel the intruders, the blood on my decks

I wish I could save even one

 

I left the port in Kharbranth

With one new man on board

For three weeks it was easy

The wind was all for'ard

But then it turned to trouble

It can't be true

The new man turned a traitor and

He's murdering my crew

 

I'm a trusted old merchant trader

I was passed from father to son

I can feel the intruders, the blood on my decks

I wish I could save even one

 

Now this ship needs someone to help them

One who will keep them alive

I would give my life to my duty

Just make sure it's for them I die

Just give me some Stormlight to feed on

For this, I need every gem

Let me know, now, am I doing what is right?

I'd do anything for them

 

I am a trusted old merchant trader

And now my story is done

I will send my crew to the water below

I hope that I saved even one

All for them!

I hope that I saved even one

 

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  • 1 month later...

Recently reread Mistborn, and seeing as it's close enough to spooky season, here's Spooky Steel Inquisitors to the tune of Spooky Scary Skeletons. Indeed, welcome to the dark side.

Spoiler

Spooky Steel Inquisitors

Send shivers down your spine

Eleven spikes inside your skin

Keeping you alive

 

Spooky Steel Inquisitors

Stalk the city streets

If they see your secret spot

Get ready for a shriek

 

Stay away, Inquisitor

We don't like your kind

You've killed too many of our friends

You've a twisted, evil mind

 

'Cause spooky Steel Inquisitors

See in lines of blue

They're Seekers, true, but more than that

Smoke and they still find you

 

Lord Ruler and his Ministry

Are mean, there's no debate

But nobles still support him 'cause

They're safe in their estates

 

Spooky Steel Inquisitors

Are meaner than the rest

They'll smile as they slaughter you

And crush you into dust

 

Sticks and stones won't break their bones

A spear won't slow them down

Spooky Steel Inquisitors

Are evil's highest crown

Oh, and this:

On 2/4/2019 at 7:55 PM, Shard of Thought said:

Here's my Come Alive from Kelsier to Vin from our Greatest Showman cosmere parody collection.

 

 

  Reveal hidden contents

 

You’re prowling through your days

With your head hung low

Your skies' a shade of red

You don’t believe in hope

You're asleep inside

But you can shake awake

'Cause you're just a dead skaa walking

Thinking that's your only option

But I can flip the switch and show you what you’re really worth

Mists are out and the world is open

Take the night and redefine it

Leave behind your ashen mind

You'll never be the same

Come alive, come alive

Can’t you see that light?

It’s not hard to find!

Reaching up

Through the mists

And it's open wide

There’s no wrong or right

When the world becomes a fantasy

And you see who you were meant to be

'Cause you're fighting with your metals burning

And you know you can't go back again

To the shadows you were hiding in

'Cause you're fighting with your metals burning

So, come alive!

I see it in your eyes

You believe that lie

That you can’t trust anyone

Afraid to open up

So you lock your doors

But don't you stay that way

No more living in those shadows

It’s not worth distrust and fear, no

'Cause once you see it, oh you'll never, never be the same!

The mists are here for you, Vin!

This is who you’ve always been

You can prove there's more to you

You cannot be afraid!

Come alive, come alive

Now you see your light

Go and flare it bright

Reaching up

Through the mists

And it's open wide

You've been revived

When the world becomes a fantasy

You’ve become who you were meant to be

'Cause you're fighting with your metals burning

And you know you can't go back again

To the world that you were living in

'Cause you're fighting with your metals burning

So, come alive!

You’re not

The same

It’s your

Domain

The mists are yours so claim them, my dear

It’s all

For you

You see

The truth

And suddenly you’ve found yourself a way to break free

Break free! (Break free!)

When your world becomes a fantasy

And you are who you were meant to be

'Cause you're fighting with your metals burning

And you know you can't go back again

To the world that you were living in

'Cause you're fighting with your metals burning

When your world becomes a fantasy

And you are who you were meant to be

'Cause you're fighting with your metals burning

And you know you can't go back again

To the world that you were living in

'Cause you’re fighting with your metals burning

'Cause you’re fighting with your metals burning

So come alive!

 

 

I had this stuck in my head for a week! It was great by itself, but even greater because this is totally the sort of thing Kelsier would do - break into song in front of Vin. Loved it!

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Hey there, parody-makers and parody-readers. I'd like to offer a collaborative project based on What Do You Do With a Drunken Sailor. For those of you who don't know it, it basically has infinite verses, all of one line repeated three times followed by "ear-ly in the morning."

I'd like to hear all y'all's verses for What Do You Do With a Drunken Bridgeman and What Do You Do With a Drunken Mistborn and what ever other books you want to include. They can be funny, they can be the deprivations of Sadeas and the Lord Ruler, they can be spoiler-free or spoiler-full, they can be whatever you want. I want some help to make this!

Some ones I came up with:

Spoiler

What do you do with a drunken bridgeman

What do you do with a drunken bridgeman

What do you do with a drunken bridgeman

Ear-ly in the morning

 

Tie him up on the stormward wall

Tie him up on the stormward wall

Tie him up on the stormward wall

Ear-ly in the morning

 

Drag him through a chasm till he's sober

Drag him through a chasm till he's sober

Drag him through a chasm till he's sober

Ear-ly in the morning

Thanks in advance! Even if you've never written a parody before, we all started somewhere. I'd love for you to give it a shot. See you out there!

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  • 3 weeks later...

A new song (finally) about the experience of the Alethi soldiers on the Shattered Plains, to the tune of "Goodnight Saigon" by Billy Joel:

Spoiler

We met as soulmates
From shattered princedoms
We left as inmates
From an asylum
And we were sharp
As sharp as knives
And we were so gung
ho to lay down our lives

We went on bridge runs
Leading our forces
We died in canyons
Unnumbered corpses
And we learned fast
To travel light
Our arms were heavy
but our bellies were tight

We had no homefront
We had no Blackthorn
We went for gemhearts
This wasn't real war
They dug in deep
And shot on sight
We prayed to Talenel
with all of our might

We had stormwardens
To spot the bad days
We passed the firemoss
And barred our doorways
And it was dark
So dark at night
And we held onto each other
Like brother to brother
And saw by our weak diamond light

And we would all go down together
We said we'd all go down together
Yes we would all go down together

Remember Kelley
Remember Bakar
They left their childhood
On every acre
And who was wrong
And who was right
It didn't matter
in the thick of the fight

We, held the shards
In the palm of our hands
They, ruled the plains
And the war, seemed to stretch
as long as six years
Of shattered princedoms
We held the warcamps
They held the highland
And they were sharp
As sharp as knives
They heard the step of the bridgemen
They counted on their spren
And waited for us to arrive

And we would all go down together
We said we'd all go down together
Yes we would all go down together

 

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A new song (finally) about the experience of the Alethi soldiers on the Shattered Plains, to the tune of "Goodnight Saigon" by Billy Joel:

Spoiler

We met as soulmates
From shattered princedoms
We left as inmates
From an asylum
And we were sharp
As sharp as knives
And we were so gung
ho to lay down our lives

We went on bridge runs
Leading our forces
We died in canyons
Unnumbered corpses
And we learned fast
To travel light
Our arms were heavy
but our bellies were tight

We had no homefront
We had no Blackthorn
We went for gemhearts
This wasn't real war
They dug in deep
And shot on sight
We prayed to Talenel
with all of our might

We had stormwardens
To spot the bad days
We passed the firemoss
And barred our doorways
And it was dark
So dark at night
And we held onto each other
Like brother to brother
And saw by our weak diamond light

And we would all go down together
We said we'd all go down together
Yes we would all go down together

Remember Kelley
Remember Bakar
They left their childhood
On every acre
And who was wrong
And who was right
It didn't matter
in the thick of the fight

We, held the shards
In the palm of our hands
They, ruled the plains
And the war, seemed to stretch
as long as six years
Of shattered princedoms
We held the warcamps
They held the highland
And they were sharp
As sharp as knives
They heard the step of the bridgemen
They counted on their spren
And waited for us to arrive

And we would all go down together
We said we'd all go down together
Yes we would all go down together

 

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On 10/7/2019 at 7:05 PM, Personification said:

A new song (finally) about the experience of the Alethi soldiers on the Shattered Plains, to the tune of "Goodnight Saigon" by Billy Joel:

I love this song and your parody's amazing, great work Personifcation!

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  • 7 months later...

Sorry to double post, but wow,  it's been a long time since this thread of pure gold was up near the top where it deserves to be. If there was ever a thread that deserves to be immortal it's this one.

For all you Moash haters out there, sorry but this is a song that has got be song

I'm Your Vyre (sung to the tune of Venus by Bananananaramama

Spoilered because why not

Spoiler

Flying over a mountain top
Burning like a purple flame
The Herald killer full of hate
And Vy--re is his name

He's got it
Yeah, baby, he's got it
He's not Moash, he's your Vyre
The Void's desire
Well, he's not Moash, he's your Vyre
The Void's desire

His weapons are his backstabbing knives
Betrayed every friend he had
Black as the dark night he is
Got no pain cuz now he's bad
Wah!

He's got it
Yeah, baby, he's got it
He's not Moash, he's your Vyre
The Void's desire
Well, he's not Moash, he's your Vyre
The Void's desire

Vy--re

He's got it
Yeah, baby, he's got it
He's not Moash, he's your Vyre
The Void's desire
Well, he's not Moash, he's your Vyre
The Void's desire

Flying to the mountain top
Knife burning like a silver flame
For some it'll all end soon
The Herald's gonna scream his name
Wah!


I got it
Yeah, baby, I got it
I'm the vacuum, I'm your pyre
So feed my fire
Well, I'm not Moash, I'm your Vyre
The Void's desire

Vy--re is my name

Yeah baby I got it
Yeah baby I got it
Yeah baby I got it
Yeah baby I got it

 

Edited by hoiditthroughthegrapevine
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Dalinar:

And some doctored lyrics:

Spoiler

 

Voices joined will never tire

Brothers all are we

Plains they run with blood and fire

The price of treachery

 

My vengeance pact carries me

In a moment lost in time

My vengeance pact sets me free

I will flow across the lines

 

Bring out the brother in me

I’m searching for unity

Everything is changing

Inside of me

The parsh are under my feet

The ruins of the elite

Everything is changing

Inside of me

 

Secret truths are buried deep

Two sharders on two sides

With every lunge and leap

Closer to their kind

 

My vengeance pact carries me

In a moment lost in time

My vengeance pact sets me free

I will flow across the lines

 

Bring out the brother in me

I’m searching for unity

Everything is changing

Inside of me

The parsh are under my feet

The ruins of the elite

Everything is changing

Inside of me

 

[Dalinar uses Spiritual Adhesion to temporarily learn another language]

 

Pacte de vengeance sûres les plaines (Vengeance pact on the plains)

Je vois le chaos en dessous (I watch the chaos down below)

La justice est une rivière rouge (Justice is a red river)

Je te cherche, où es-tu? (I search for you, where are you?)

 

My vengeance pact carries me...

My vengeance pact sets me free...

 

My vengeance pact carries me

In a moment lost in time

My vengeance pact sets me free

I will flow across the lines

 

Bring out the brother in me

I’m searching for unity

Everything is changing

Inside of me

The parsh are under my feet

The ruins of the elite

Everything is changing

Inside of me

 

My vengeance pact...

It’s gonna carry me

Carry me

 

[Dalinar renews his Spiritual Adhesion]

 

Pacte de vengeance sûres les plaines (Vengeance pact on the plains)

Je vois le chaos en dessous (I watch the chaos down below)

La justice est une rivière rouge (Justice is a red river)

Je te cherche, où es-tu? (I search for you, where are you?)

 

Okay, so my French isn't exactly stellar. Someone please correct me if I'm wrong.

Edited by TheDwarfyOne
Changed 'Révolution sûres les plaines' to 'Pacte de vengeance sûres les plaines'
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  • 2 weeks later...

Not sure if this has been done but...

Wayne singing "Me" from the Broadway Beauty and the Beast to Ranette.

Lyrics:

Spoiler
Gaston:
You've been dreaming, just one dream
Nearly all your life
Hoping, scheming, just one theme:
Will you be a wife?
Will you be some he-man's property?
Good news! That he-man's me!
This equation, girl plus man
Doesn't help just you
On occasion, women can
Have their uses too
Mainly to extend the fam'ly tree
Pumpkin, extend with me!
Gaston:
We'll be raising sons galore
Belle:
Inconceivable!
Gaston:
Each built six foot four!
Belle:
Unbelievable!
Gaston:
Each stuffed with ev'ry Gaston gene!
Belle:
I'm not hearing this!
Gaston:
You'll be keeping house with pride!
Belle:
Just incredible!
Gaston:
Oh so gratified
Belle:
So unweddable!
Gaston:
That you are a part of this idyllic scene.
Gaston:
Picture this: A rustic hunting lodge,
my latest kill roasting over the fire,
my little wife massaging my feet, while
the little ones play on the floor with the dogs.
We'll have six or seven!
Belle:
Dogs?
Gaston:
No, Belle! Strapping boys...like me!
Belle:
Imagine that!
Gaston:
I can see that we will share
All that love implies
We shall be a perfect pair
Rather like my thighs
You are face to face with destiny!
All roads lead to...
The best things in life are...
All's well that ends with me!
Escape me? There's no way
Certain as "Do, Re,"
Belle, when you marry...
Gaston:
So Belle, what would it be?
Is it "yes", or is it "oh, yes"?
Belle:
I...I just don't deserve you!
Gaston:
Who does?
ME!

 

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On 3/1/2017 at 11:11 AM, Rasarr said:

I want Hoid's musical number to be something like "You're welcome" from Moana, where (Moana spoilers, I guess) he leads his listeners into some magical world with his singing and then it turns out he stole everything from them while they were busy being amazed.

Also, each Shard needs its own song. With Bavadin's being a choir piece and her doing all of the voices.

I love this idea.

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I love this idea with my whole soul

Kaladin sings (S)He Used To Be Mine from Waitress about Tien (So change from she to he)

Another one from Waitress (I don't even like this show that much, these songs just work really well): When He Sees Me: Shallan worrying about her arranged marriage with Adolin

Some song about being blinded by light for Spook when he's a tin savant? There are lots of songs like that... right?

Anything You Can Do (I Can Do Better) from Annie Get Your Gun with Kal and Shallan? I think that would work. Especially if it had something about boots added in.

Something similar to Schuyler Sisters with Shallan's three different personalities (Veil, Radiant, and Shallan) I just think it would be way cool to have a trio with them. *the harmonies would have to invoke chilllllls*

WHY IS IT THAT I HAVE AN INFINITE MENTAL LIST OF SONGS FROM MUSICALS BUT AS SOON AS I HAVE SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO USE THAT INFORMATION FOR IT ALL DISAPPEARS?!?!?!?!?

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Okay, hear me out.  (Spoilers for Oathbringer)

Spoiler

That scene in Oathbringer where Kaladin bursts through the doors in an Aragorn style entrance, Sylspear in hand and Skar and Drehy behind him?  The movie poster worthy moment?  

Now imagine that, but with 'The Spark' from The Last Jedi playing.

 

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