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Cosmere! The Musical


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42 minutes ago, Singer said:

I put this song on fan works, but it might really belong here, it's "My Favorite Things" but Cosmere! I'm pretty proud of it and Julie Andrews is my personal hero so singing anything she sang is the best. Enjoy! (Spoilers for HoA)

My Favorite (Cosmere) Things.m4a

  Reveal hidden contents

Shadesmar and high storms and cremlings and riddens

Nightblood and Sureblood and Pahn Kahl Rebellions

Mistborn and Twinborn, Feruchemist's rings

These area few of my favorite things!

Shardblades and Seons and Awakened squirrells

Shaod and Reod and Koloss so brutal

Kandra and Skyeels who fly without wings

These are a few of my favorite things

Ashmounts and soulstamps and lifeless and singers

Worldhoppers, Dawn Singers, Dawn Shards, World Bringers

Hoid making cameos, Shards pulling strings

These are a few of my favorite things

And when Ruin strikes with Hemalurgic spikes

and all seems so grim

I add to my list of favorite things when Marsh gets the best of him!

Dalinar, Kaladin, Renarin, Tien

Jasnah and Shallan and Taravangian

Syl, Wyndle, Pattern, Navani, and Lift

Adolin, Szeth, Elhokar, Venli, Teft

Kelsier, Ham, Elend, Human, and Cett

Breeze, Waxillium, Marasi, Ranette

Dockson and Tensoons, Melaan, Steris, Vin

Alendi, Wayne, Rashek, Demoux and Ruin

Vivenna who's Azure and Vasher, now Zahel

Taln, Kelek, Ash, Ishar, Jezrien, Nale

Hrathen and Raoden, Silence and Khriss

Lightsong, Scoot, Siri, Shai, Dai-Gonarthis

Though release dates sometimes seem late

I don't feel too glum

I simply re-read all my favorite books until sequels finally come!

When life's dreary, craft a theory

Maybe write a song

But make sure you share them despite your concern you've guessed or pronounced things wrong!

 

That's really good!

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So I guess this next parody might need a little explaining. This is a parody of Billy Joel's "For the Longest time", but as sung by the Dysian Amian who's writing the things on the back of Stormlight books. It's both a little of me, and a little of him, as the back of the Way of Kings was super instrumental in me getting into Sanderson as a whole. 

OB spoilers

Spoiler

 

For The Longest Time (Roshar Edition)

 

Oh oh oh

For the Longest time

Oh oh oh

For the Longest

If the Desolation came tonight

There would still be stories left to write

What else can I do?

I’m so delighted by you

This hasn’t happened in the longest time

 

Once I thought that Radiance was gone

Now I know that some will find a bond

The Knights refounded

The Everstorm rebounded

I haven’t seen this for the longest time

 

Oh oh oh

For the longest time

Oh oh oh

For the longest

I’m that cremling sitting in the hall

Witnessing the greatest miracle of all

It’s how they see you

No longer vilify you

That hasn’t happened in the longest time

 

You might not last very long

Then I see the light

I might be wrong

I see glory all around Dalinar

We’ve gotten this far

And it’s more than I hoped for

 

There were difficulties at the start

I said to myself, hold on to your heart

Now I see the Radiants you are

It’s wonderful so far

It’s more than I dreamed for

 

I remember when Magic was on Roshar

Before the Heralds left us in the dark

They’ve gotten so bad

Yeah they ain’t doin so rad

Even though Taln held on for the longest time.

 

Oh oh oh

For the longest time

Oh oh oh

For the longest time

 

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The following has very few changes from the original, it is about Moash, but it fits WoR Kaladin well too. I see the middle part as sung by Zahel.

"Angry Young Man" (to the tune of the song with the same name by Billy Joel)(WoR spoilers):

Spoiler
There's a place in the world for the angry young man
With his lower nahn ties and his radical plans
He refuses to bend, he refuses to crawl
He's always at home with his back to the wall
And he's proud of his scars and the sorrows he's born
And he struggles and bleeds as he hangs in the storm
And he likes to be known as the angry young man
 
Give a moment or two to the angry young man
With his foot in his mouth and his heart in his hand
He's been stabbed in the back, he's been misunderstood
It's a comfort to know his intentions are good
And he sits in a room with a lock on the door
With his spear and his shardblade laid out on the floor
And he likes to be known as the angry young man
 
I believe I've passed the age of consciousness and righteous rage
I found that just surviving was a noble fight
I once believed in causes too
I had my pointless point of view
And life went on no matter who was wrong or right
 
And there's always a place for the angry young man
With his fist in the air and his head in the sand
And he's never been able to learn from mistakes
So he can't understand why his heart always breaks
But his honor is pure and his courage as well
And he's fair and he's true and he's boring as hell
And he'll go to the grave as an angry old man
 
There's a place in the world for the angry young man
With his lower nahn ties and his radical plans
He refuses to bend, he refuses to crawl
He's always at home with his back to the wall
And he's proud of his scars and the sorrows he's born
And he struggles and bleeds as he hangs in the storm
And he likes to be known as the angry young man

 

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3 minutes ago, Personification said:

The following has very few changes from the original, it is about Moash, but it fits WoR Kaladin well too. I see the middle part as sung by Zahel.

"Angry Young Man" (to the tune of the song with the same name by Billy Joel)(WoR spoilers):

  Hide contents
There's a place in the world for the angry young man
With his lower nahn ties and his radical plans
He refuses to bend, he refuses to crawl
He's always at home with his back to the wall
And he's proud of his scars and the sorrows he's born
And he struggles and bleeds as he hangs in the storm
And he likes to be known as the angry young man
 
Give a moment or two to the angry young man
With his foot in his mouth and his heart in his hand
He's been stabbed in the back, he's been misunderstood
It's a comfort to know his intentions are good
And he sits in a room with a lock on the door
With his spear and his shardblade laid out on the floor
And he likes to be known as the angry young man
 
I believe I've passed the age of consciousness and righteous rage
I found that just surviving was a noble fight
I once believed in causes too
I had my pointless point of view
And life went on no matter who was wrong or right
 
And there's always a place for the angry young man
With his fist in the air and his head in the sand
And he's never been able to learn from mistakes
So he can't understand why his heart always breaks
But his honor is pure and his courage as well
And he's fair and he's true and he's boring as hell
And he'll go to the grave as an angry old man
 
There's a place in the world for the angry young man
With his lower nahn ties and his radical plans
He refuses to bend, he refuses to crawl
He's always at home with his back to the wall
And he's proud of his scars and the sorrows he's born
And he struggles and bleeds as he hangs in the storm
And he likes to be known as the angry young man

 

I sense a Billy Joel trend coming...

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"And So it Goes" (with minimal changes to the original by, you guessed it, Billy Joel) sung by Shallan (if you have read WoR you probably know to whom, and if you have read OB you definitely know)

Spoiler
In every soul there is a room 
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from loved ones past
Until a new one comes along
 
I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense 
And still I feel I said too much 
My silence is my self defense
 
And any time I got too close
It seems my sanity was torn
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose
 
But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break
 
And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows
 
So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break
 
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

 

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I was looking through Arcanum, and I found this:

Quote

Questioner [PENDING REVIEW]

If you had to make any of your books into a musical?

Brandon Sanderson [PENDING REVIEW]

Ooh. Well, since we already have a canonical version of The Hero of Ages as a musical in the Mistborn world, in one of the broadsheets, we would have to go with that, we would have to do the version in-world.

Questioner [PENDING REVIEW]

I think Warbreaker would translate the best.

Brandon Sanderson [PENDING REVIEW]

Yeah, that's probably true. If you want a real answer, that's probably true. It's probably the best.

source

So, let's get to work!

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Here’s one that I’ve been kicking around for the last few days, to the tune of “Free Falling” by Tom Petty. Enjoy!

Minor Stormlight spoilers up through Oathbringer

Spoiler

She's a good girl, though she killed her mama
With a shardblade. Choked her father too
She's a good girl, is crazy in the head

Loves sketching, and Adolin too

It's a long day living in Ur’thiru
training Bridgemen to protect Dalinar

And I'm a bad boy 'cos I never did kiss her
I’m a bridge boy with a broken heart

And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah, I'm free, free fallin'

All the voidbringers walkin' through the valley
Move east down towards Kholinar

And all the bridge boys are turning into Radiants

And the good girls are draining gemhearts


And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah, I'm free, free fallin'
 

(Bridge Four joins in)

Free fallin', now, I'm free fallin', now I'm
Free fallin', now, I'm free fallin', now I'm

I wanna glide down in front of the Highstorm
I wanna lash myself to the sky
Gonna free fall out into Shadesmar

Gonna leave this Realm for a while

And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah, I'm free, free fallin'

Yeah, I'm free, free fallin', oh
Free falling
Yeah, I'm free, oh, free fallin'

 

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29 minutes ago, Herowannabe said:

Here’s one that I’ve been kicking around for the last few days, to the tune of “Free Falling” by Tom Petty. Enjoy!

Minor Stormlight spoilers up through Oathbringer

  Reveal hidden contents

She's a good girl, though she killed her mama
With a shardblade. Choked her father too
She's a good girl, is crazy in the head

Loves sketching, and Adolin too

It's a long day living in Ur’thiru
training Bridgemen to protect Dalinar

And I'm a bad boy 'cos I never did kiss her
I’m a bridge boy with a broken heart

And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah, I'm free, free fallin'

All the voidbringers walkin' through the valley
Move east down towards Kholinar

And all the bridge boys are turning into Radiants

And the good girls are draining gemhearts


And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah, I'm free, free fallin'
 

(Bridge Four joins in)

Free fallin', now, I'm free fallin', now I'm
Free fallin', now, I'm free fallin', now I'm

I wanna glide down in front of the Highstorm
I wanna lash myself to the sky
Gonna free fall out into Shadesmar

Gonna leave this Realm for a while

And I'm free, free fallin'
Yeah, I'm free, free fallin'

Yeah, I'm free, free fallin', oh
Free falling
Yeah, I'm free, oh, free fallin'

 

@Herowannabe, that's pretty good!

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I want to take Disney's Little Mermaid and re-imagine the whole thing as Syl and Stormfather instead of Ariel and King Triton.  Rebellious daughter with a fascination for the other world, collecting baubles from markets, watched by her worried and stern father who doesn't trust the humans.

---------------

"Daddy they're not barbarians! They still have honor!"

"They're dangerous! Do you think I want to see my only daughter betrayed by some spearman's oath!"

"I'm 2000 years old, I'm not a child anymore!"

"Don't you take that tone of voice with me young lady!  As long as you live under my sky, you'll obey my rules!"

-----------

"Part of Your World" wouldn't even require much editing, it fits so well. XD

 

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Somehow got "The Ultimate Showdown" stuck in my head, and I realized we didn't already have one here. So... Now we do! (Slight AoL and HoA spoilers)

Spoiler

Ol' Lord Ruler was bouncin' around

the shattered plains like a big playground,

when Raoden burst out like a buzzsaw,

and hit the Lord Ruler with an Aon Daa

 

Lord Ruler was angry and started to fight,

but was suddenly blocked by the assassin in white,

who started to take the Lord Ruler apart,

when he was intercepted by Steelheart,

 

And they both started whipping Szeth around,

when white sand started popping out of the ground,

but Raoden returned with a bolt of fire,

that hit young Kenton and made him expire.

 

A chasmfiend burst out from the debris,

and started partaking in the killing spree,

but Nightblood had come in to join the fray,

Would you like to destroy some evil today?

 

This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny

Mistborn, Shardbearers, Elantrians, as far as the eye can see,

And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be,

This is the ultimate showdown,

Of ultimate destiny.

 

Lord Ruler broke Szeth across his knee,

like Kelsier killing the nobility,

when chull dung suddenly started to fly,

and hit the Lord Ruler in his eye

 

Rock won the battle, but lost the war,

as Sixth of the Dusk came to even the score,

and Steelheart was battling Silence Montane,

when Wax shot a bullet right into his brain,

 

And he tried to shoot Jerkface, but he missed,

when his leg was erased by a rithmatist,

and Leeds attacked him, all forces combined,

but somehow Alcatraz broke his mind,

 

And rolling to the side, he slid on a pair of glasses,

but was suddenly moving as slow as molasses,

'cause Marasi caught him in a time-slowing bubble,

then they both got trapped in a pile of rubble.

 

This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny,

Mistborn, Shardbearers, Elantrians, as far as the eye can see,

And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be,

This is the ultimate showdown-

 

Parshendi began

An unholy thrum

As down from the heavens

Came Adonalsium

 

Who, waving a hand

Reduced to a husk

The triumphant form

Of Sixth of the Dusk

 

Who fell to the ground

And shattered to ash

As Hoid was equipping

A decoy mustache

 

But Ad. saw through

The clever disguise

And decided to end the

Dragonsteel franchise

 

Then TenSoon the kandra and TenSoon the dog,

And that Vine plant living in Pajti's bog,

And the Hero of Ages,

And Randland Sages,

The God King, and

Stormlight mages,

Smedry Fam,

Ryshadia,

Dakhor,

Crystallia,

Ghostbloods,

Spiked men,

Every single type of spren,

Epics,

Feruchemy,

Skaa,

The Law,

Reod,

Calamity,

 

All came out of nowhere, quick as steel,

And shattered Adonal before he had time to heal

It was the bloodiest battle in cosmere or out,

And many a watcher had reason to doubt.

The fight raged on till Stormlight ten,

(The victor was determined only then)

The final winner, the judges concur,

Is none other than Doomslug the Destroyer.

 

This is the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny

Mistborn, Shardbearers, Elantrians, as far as the eye can see

And only one will survive, I wonder who it will be,

This is the ultimate showdown, (This is the ultimate showdown)

This is the ultimate showdown, (This is the ultimate showdown)

This is the ultimate showdown,

Of ultimate destiny.

 

Edited by Paranoid King
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  • 2 weeks later...

Okay, given that it's that time of year, I have another SA parody to present to you, but not written by me. This piece was written by my younger brother, who had to write a very specific parody of the song "You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch" for a school assignment. He knew that I had written some Cosmere parodies, and asked me for advice; while the general idea came from me, most of the work is his. Edit: He has read SA, all the way through.

Presenting: You're a Mean one, Amaram OB Spoilers Imminent 

Spoiler

You're a mean one, Amaram.

You really have no appeal.

You're as cuddly as a whitespine,

You have the charm of a Skyeel, 

Amaram. 

You're an axehound with a meal!

You're a monster, Amaram. 

Your heart's an empty sphere. 

Your brain is full of cremlings, 

You've got shalebark in your ears.

Amaram!

I wouldn't touch you with a, six foot shardspear

You're a vile one, Amaram. 

You're scheming in the shade. 

You have all the honor 

of an Odius Unmade. 

Amaram. 

Given the choice between the two of you

I'd take the Odius Unmade!

You're a foul one, Amaram. 

You're an ugly Santhid,

Your heart is full of unwashed wounds

Your soul's full of the dead. 

Amaram.

The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote: 

Crem, Phlegm, Gem!

You're a Rotspren, Amaram 

You're the king of Voidbringers. 

Your heart's an uncut crystal

With voidlight all inside,

Amaram!

Your soul is the Everstorm

Overflowing with the most acidic assortment of evil imaginable,

In a pot that Ghostbloods stir.

You disgust me Amaram, 

With a broken little plan.

You're a stick that won't ignite

And you're as sour as blacksbane. 

Amaram!

You're a chull-dung infused chouta

with Chasmfiend Sauce!

 

 

Edited by Ookla the Witty
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I love rock 'n' roll by Joan Jett, now with 62% less statutory rape!

Spoiler

I saw him standin' there by the other bridgemen
I knew he must a been about six foot ten
The horn was blowin' strong
Playin' the call to arms
An' I could tell it wouldn't be long
Til I was with Rock, yeah Rock
An' I could tell it wouldn't be long
Till he was with me, yeah me, yellin'
I love Lunamor
So put another arrow in the unmade, baby
I love Lunamor
So come an' take bridge four an' run with me.
He smiled so I got up and' asked for his name
That don't matter, he said
Cause it's all the same
Said Airsick lowlanders can't pronounce my name
An' next we were movin' on
He said I'm called Rock, yeah Rock
Next we were movin' on
He was called Rock, yeah Rock singin'
I love Lunamor
So put another bridge over chasms baby,
I love Lunamor
So come an' take bridge four an' run with me
Said call me Numuhukumakiaki'aia
Next part Lunamor
He was called Rock, yeah Rock
Numuhukumaki
aki'aialunamor
Yeah with me, singin'
I love Lunamor
So put chull dung in the soup pot, baby
I love Rock (Bridge 4!)
So come an' side carry right with
I love Lunamor
So say another time "Airsick Lowlanders!"
I love Rock (Bridge 4)
So come an' bring your Unkalaki
I love Lunamor
So tell another lie 'bout your siblings, baby
I love Rock (Bridge 4)
So come an' serve your nuatoma,
I love Lunamor
So he can see spren, cause he's mahfah'liki
I love Rock (Bridge 4)
So come an' take alaii'iku
I love Lunamor
Numuhukumakiaki'aialuna
I love Rock (Bridge 4)
So come an' run a bridge with Lunamor

 

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