Cosmere! The Musical

[Vortaan]

Forgot this section was spoiler free. Deleting and posting in cosmere

 

Edited October 11, 2018 by Vortaan

[Wyndlerunner]

Behold a parody! 

"The Survivor of Hathsin"

Spoiler

 

Sung to the tune of “Eye of the Tiger”

 

Vin’s a kid, grew up on the streets

Working with a crew, pullin’ heists.

Now she’s a Mistborn, and she just can’t be beat

‘Cause she met a man who survived!

Chorus

It’s the Survivor of Hathsin, it’s the thrill of the flight

When you’re pushing with steel on some metal

Now that cool Allomancer’s stalking prey in the night,

And the priests think that she is the Heir, of the Survivor.

Verse 2

Face to face, out in the mists

Kel and her are pushing coins

Pushing the distance from Luthadel to Fellise

It’s just her, in the mists with that man: The Survivor

Chorus

Kelsier thinks that nobles are awful,

Vin was inclined to agree,

Then she met Elend and realized,

You don’t get morals through your pedigree!

Chorus

Vin’s in the crowd, watching the square

Sees him face down the Lord Ruler

Says “I’m Hope”, and Lord Ruler slaps his smug face

Then lets the executions commence

Chorus

Vin survives that terrible day

To see the fruit of Kel’s labors

OreSeur the Kandra helps the Skaa to rebel

And Lord Ruler will rue the day he killed

The Survivor.

 

[Pagliacci]

Mistborn opens with the Steel Inquisitors hunting Mistings while singing "Heigh-Ho" from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

[Wyndlerunner]

Presenting yet another parody with Major OB spoilers 

Spoiler

 

Rosharan Rhapsody

 

[Shallan, Veil, and Radiant Singing in a Chorus]

 

Is this my true life?

Or is it all fantasy

Caught in this landslide

There’s no escape from reality

Look in my eyes, see how my soul cries

Yes see

I’m just a monster, I shouldn’t get sympathy

‘Cause I killed my Mom, and my Dad

It messed me up, really bad

Any way the storm blows doesn’t really matter to me

Veil+Radiant:To We

 

[Dalinar, soliloquizing in tears]

 

Stormfather, I killed Evi

Let The Thrill inside my head

Burnt the city, now she’s dead

Stormfather, our bond had just begun

Now I’ve gone and gotten drunk to forget the pain

Stormfather! Oooo!

Didn’t know I helped her die

If I am Rayse’s man this time tommorow

Carry on, Find a bond, before your mind is shattered

 

[Taln, sitting huddled in the cart]

 

Too late, the time has come

The pain sends shivers down my spine

My mind is aching all the time

I was their only shelter, and I finally broke

But at least I gave them time, and that’s the truth

Honor! Oooo (anyway the storm blows)

So many times I died

I wish I hadn’t let them through at all.

 

[Kaladin, Bridge 4, and Sadeas]

 

Sadeas: I see this little defiant bridgeman

Run the Bridge, Run the Bridge, while I hang up your leader

Teft: Stormlight and the lashings, very very frightening me

Bridge 4: He’s our leader, he’s our leader, he’s our leader

He’s our leader, let him go.

Kaladin: I’m just a darkeyes, my highlord betrayed me

Bridge 4: He’s just a bridgeman, we are his family

Spare him his life from this monstrosity!

Kaladin: Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? (anyone got any better lines?)

Sadeas: Judged by the Storm! I will not let him live

Bridge 4: Let him live!

Sadeas: Judged by the Storm! I will not let him live

Bridge 4: Let him live!

Sadeas: Judged by the Storm! I will not let him live

Kaladin: I will Live!

Sadeas: No no no no no no no!

Kaladin: Oh Sylphrena, oh Sylphrena, oh Sylphrena, help me live!

The Stormfather has a spren bond put aside for me, for me! For Me!

 

[Szeth]

So you think that I’ll stonewalk and profane my life?

So you think you can shame me and let the truth lie?

Oooh Shamans, gonna cleanse you Stone Shamans

You better get right, you better get right out of here

 

[All, except for Sadeas]

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah

We have souls so broken

Anyone can see

Your choices are what matter

Your oaths are what matter

Honor: To meeee

 

[TheDwarfyOne]

Ye gods, that was a good one.

[Wyndlerunner]

50 minutes ago, TheDwarfyOne said:

Ye gods, that was a good one.

Thanks. I had an opportunity, and I made good use of it

[Personification]

16 hours ago, Wyndlerunner said:

Presenting yet another parody with Major OB spoilers 

  Hide contents

 

 

Rosharan Rhapsody

 

[Shallan, Veil, and Radiant Singing in a Chorus]

 

Is this my true life?

Or is it all fantasy

Caught in this landslide

There’s no escape from reality

Look in my eyes, see how my soul cries

Yes see

I’m just a monster, I shouldn’t get sympathy

‘Cause I killed my Mom, and my Dad

It messed me up, really bad

Any way the storm blows doesn’t really matter to me

Veil+Radiant:To We

 

[Dalinar, soliloquizing in tears]

 

Stormfather, I killed Evi

Let The Thrill inside my head

Burnt the city, now she’s dead

Stormfather, our bond had just begun

Now I’ve gone and gotten drunk to forget the pain

Stormfather! Oooo!

Didn’t know I helped her die

If I am Rayse’s man this time tommorow

Carry on, Find a bond, before your mind is shattered

 

[Taln, sitting huddled in the cart]

 

Too late, the time has come

The pain sends shivers down my spine

My mind is aching all the time

I was their only shelter, and I finally broke

But at least I gave them time, and that’s the truth

Honor! Oooo (anyway the storm blows)

So many times I died

I wish I hadn’t let them through at all.

 

[Kaladin, Bridge 4, and Sadeas]

 

Sadeas: I see this little defiant bridgeman

Run the Bridge, Run the Bridge, while I hang up your leader

Teft: Stormlight and the lashings, very very frightening me

Bridge 4: He’s our leader, he’s our leader, he’s our leader

He’s our leader, let him go.

Kaladin: I’m just a darkeyes, my highlord betrayed me

Bridge 4: He’s just a bridgeman, we are his family

Spare him his life from this monstrosity!

Kaladin: Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? (anyone got any better lines?)

Sadeas: Judged by the Storm! I will not let him live

Bridge 4: Let him live!

Sadeas: Judged by the Storm! I will not let him live

Bridge 4: Let him live!

Sadeas: Judged by the Storm! I will not let him live

Kaladin: I will Live!

Sadeas: No no no no no no no!

Kaladin: Oh Sylphrena, oh Sylphrena, oh Sylphrena, help me live!

The Stormfather has a spren bond put aside for me, for me! For Me!

 

[Szeth]

So you think that I’ll stonewalk and profane my life?

So you think you can shame me and let the truth lie?

Oooh Shamans, gonna cleanse you Stone Shamans

You better get right, you better get right out of here

 

[All, except for Sadeas]

Ooh yeah, ooh yeah

We have souls so broken

Anyone can see

Your choices are what matter

Your oaths are what matter

Honor: To meeee

 

This is one of the best that I have seen. I even upvoted your other post because you can't double upvote. That being said, I am a serial nitpicker, and I noticed that if you change Stormfather to Honor in verse 2, it will scan a bit better.

[Wyndlerunner]

1 hour ago, Personification said:

This is one of the best that I have seen. I even upvoted your other post because you can't double upvote. That being said, I am a serial nitpicker, and I noticed that if you change Stormfather to Honor in verse 2, it will scan a bit better.

Thanks @Personification! You have no idea how much that compliment means coming from a person who's work I respect, and am inspired by.

[Personification]

17 minutes ago, Wyndlerunner said:

Thanks @Personification! You have no idea how much that compliment means coming from a person who's work I respect, and am inspired by.

I had no idea that my work meant that much to anybody (and now I feel really guilty about procrastinating instead of doing more of these), thank you so much!

[Bacon]

Stick: I’m the Map (Dora the Explorer)

Edited October 26, 2018 by Bacon

[Wyndlerunner]

2 hours ago, Personification said:

I had no idea that my work meant that much to anybody (and now I feel really guilty about procrastinating instead of doing more of these), thank you so much!

It's cool, no need to feel guilty. And you're welcome

[Herowannabe]

15 hours ago, Bacon said:

Stick: I’m the Map (Dora the Explorer)

  

[Personification]

I have decided to return to the parody scene in the most ambitious way possible: "We Didn't Start the Highstorm"

Unfortunately, it is not yet done, (though I will try to have it by the end of the week). I am mostly having trouble with the early Rosharan history, so if anyone could give me a moderate list of important events that happened pre-age of solitude, it would be greatly appreciated and speed up the writing process immensely.

[Wyndlerunner]

20 hours ago, Personification said:

I have decided to return to the parody scene in the most ambitious way possible: "We Didn't Start the Highstorm"

Unfortunately, it is not yet done, (though I will try to have it by the end of the week). I am mostly having trouble with the early Rosharan history, so if anyone could give me a moderate list of important events that happened pre-age of solitude, it would be greatly appreciated and speed up the writing process immensely.

I eagerly anticipate your comeback! Also, great song choice

[strangerthanfiction]

Because I'm far too much of a Broadway nerd, and because I want to see what I can come up with, Falcon in the Dive from Scarlet Pimpernel, sung by Nale hunting Knights Radiant.

 

Spoiler

Hunt for these knights!

Comb the cities, every street, every grate.

Watch for if they find an Oathgate -

Drag them out, I know that I will find them.

Storms!

Knock in the doors, lock up the Shardblades,

Track them down by their Spren,

And be quick about it now!

How in Damnation can I ever prevail, when I'm only a Herald?

I can never be duped by those Storming Knights again.

I wasn't born to walk on water,

I wasn't born to sack and slaughter,

But on my soul I wasn't born

To stoop, to scorn, to let Knights wander!

A man can learn to fight and sunder,

A man can learn to rise from under,

But when the gauntlet's down,

It's time to rise and climb the sky!

And soon their eyes will smolder,

And their Spren I will deprive!

Yes, a man grows older,

But his soul remains alive.

While there are still Spren that splinter, 

I will survive! 

Let my heart grow colder and as bitter

As a Highstorm in the drive.

There was a dream, a dying ember;

There was a dream, I don't remember.

But I will resurrect that dream,

Though Voidspren scream and wake the sleepers

For there on Braize, life seems cheaper -

Oh there on Braize the torture's deeper,

So when the final duel is near,

I'll rise and climb the sky!

And soon their eyes will smolder,

And their Spren I will deprive!

Yes, a man grows older,

But his soul remains alive.

While there are still Spren that splinter, 

I will survive! 

Let my heart grow colder and as bitter

As a Highstorm in the drive.

These are the days, yes!

Days of glory, days of rage and the dream!

And the dream of Roshar preys on my bones, 

Clawing night and day -

And no, never kneel, never bend,

Enforce the laws, right!

Oh the beauty of the sight.

I'm not a man to hunger for blood, but the spirit can cry,

To be stronger and fiercer and fly,

Piercing into the sky and higher,

And justice will thrive!

Yes, the Knights will cower, while the lawful will survive,

If we wait for the darkest hour,

Then we come alive! 

And with winds and Stormlight, we devour,

Like a Highstorm in the drive.

 

...that did not take near as long as I thought it would, and I am rather proud of it as my first attempt.

 

Edited October 30, 2018 by strangelee7

[Borio Singaldi]

I know I want to do a Stormlight parody of Men At Work's "Down Under" involving Gavilar, Dalinar, and Eshonai, but I have yet to figure it out. Just putting it out there that I want it done, and if I can't do it, I leave the suggestion up to others.

That parody you just did there is the best, Wyndlerunner. (Formatting is being weird.)

@Wyndlerunner

[Wyndlerunner]

34 minutes ago, Firerust said:

I know I want to do a Stormlight parody of Men At Work's "Down Under" involving Gavilar, Dalinar, and Eshonai, but I have yet to figure it out. Just putting it out there that I want it done, and if I can't do it, I leave the suggestion up to others.

That parody you just did there is the best, Wyndlerunner. (Formatting is being weird.)

@Wyndlerunner

Thanks man! it's been a goal of mine since I joined to contribute at least 1 parody to this awesome thread.

[Wyndlerunner]

Alack, I double post. But on this most spooky of days, I have a Halloween-esque parody for you. 

Behold, The Kholin Family. (The Addams Family theme

Spoiler

 

They’re Radiant and lighteyed,

Their Chouta’s always deep fried

Some think they’re losing their minds

The Kholin Family

(Duh duh duh dun)

(Duh duh duh dun)

(Duh duh duh dun)

(Duh duh duh dun)

(Duh duh duh dun)

There’s Dalinar and Evi,

And don’t forget Navani

Adolin, and Renarin

The Kholin Family

(Repeat duh duh duh dun bit)

There’s also King Gavilar,

Who’s with the Sons of Honor

Jasnah and Elhokar

The Kholin Family

(Repeat Duh duh duh dun bit)

They live at Urithiru

Where Jasnah tried to get to

They might try to unite you

The Kholin Family

(Duh duh duh dun bit)

 

[Paragrin]

On 3/2/2017 at 1:48 PM, Haradion Drogon said:

Hurricane for Kaladin maybe?

I wrote it...

Leads up to challenging Amaram in WoR.

Spoiler

In the height of a highstorm there is quiet

For just a moment 

And in the sky…

 

When I was eighteen I saw this man betray those I’d saved

I was enslaved

I couldn’t seem to die

 

I fought my way out 

Helped everyone out far as I could see

I fought their way out

I stood up and the bridge turned its eyes on me

 

They turned their lives around

Total strangers

Moved to action by my urging

Did enough to get their backing on a trip that was Kholin-bound

 

I fought my way out of hell

I fought my way to being Stormblessed

I was fiercer than anyone could quell

I fought - for this man - a Shardbearer until he fell

i fought for anyone around me and defended them well

And in the face of enemies and resistance

I fought a squad of spearmen into existence

And when my prayers to God were met with indifference

I picked up a spear, I made my own deliverance

 

In the height of a highstorm there is quiet

For just a moment 

And in the sky…

 

I was fourteen when my brother died

He looked at me

We were at war and he just looked at me

I couldn’t seem to die

 

I’ll fight my way out

Fight for this renown far as I can see

I’ll fight my way out

Get my leverage with victory

This is the height of the highstorm, this is the only way I can avenge their memory

 

I challenge you!

I think it's kind of funny that this leads straight into The Reynolds Pamphlet, but that would work way better for the leak of the edited vision transcriptions than the aftermath of the challenge.

[Personification]

Technically, it hasn't been 168 hours yet, so I still got it in by the end of the week (for a given definition of week). Also, the mid-twentieth century had a sadistic meter. This definitely has many problems, and I would love any suggestion to make it fit better with that twisted evil meter that it has.

Anyway OB SPOILERS!!!!

"We Didn't Start the Highstorm" (to the tune of Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire")

Spoiler

Cultivation, Honor, Rayse, dead Ashyn, travel space

South of Rira, live in fear of surges uncontroled

Eila Stele, Desolation, terraforming, new religion

Hatred brewing, people stewing, tension starts to grow

 

Voidbringers, Dawnshards, girl-looks-up, full on wars

Oathpact, The King And I, and The Guardsman that I like

Battar, Kalak, Ishi, Chanarach is with me

Vedeledev, Ash (that is me), Nalan saying goodbye

 

We didn't start the Highstorm

It was always churning

Since Roshar's been turning

We didn't start the Highstorm

No, we didn't brew it

But we’ve all lived through it

 

Nahel Bonding, Nohadon, Knightly Orders being formed

Natanatan, Makabakam, Silver Epoch

Soulcasts, Thunderclasts, Midnight Essence held back

Purelake Starfalls, Shock Around the Clock

Stormseat is lost, Listeners escape their gods

Heralds cracking make a plan, leave it all up to one man

Ba-ado, Melishi, Desolation falsely

Perfect Gems, Unmade spren, Trouble with history

 

We didn't start the Highstorm

It was always churning

Since Roshar's been turning

We didn't start the Highstorm

No, we didn't brew it

But we’ve all lived through it

 

Odium, Tanavast goes senile from the pact

Sibling’s somnolence, Urithiru’s lost defense

Feverstone, Nakku lies, Skybreakers stay alive

Stormfather is incensed, Causes of the Recreance…

 

Human folly, lighteyes, Shard wielders, most spren die

Dogma groups, Fakers, conquer every acre

visions, Prophecy, causes the Hierocracy

New Alethkar’s taker, Sadees the Sunmaker

 

We didn't start the Highstorm

It was always churning

Since Roshar's been turning

We didn't start the Highstorm

No, we didn't brew it

But we’ve all lived through it

 

War of Loss, expand, conquering Azish land

Vorins ruined, death of information

Ardents become property, they must join Devotaries

King dies, heirs none, kingdom split by his sons

 

The Thrill, Mania, Scouring of Aimia

The Oathgate blown away, what else do I have to say?

 

We didn't start the Highstorm

It was always churning

Since Roshar's been turning

We didn't start the Highstorm

No, we didn't brew it

But we’ve all lived through it

 

Gavilar, Diagram, Alethi kings back again

Hard road, Nergaoul, Navani, Torol

Jasnah, Vamah, Rathalas, Oathbringer at long last

Evi Kholin is Riran, Blackthorn fights Herdazians

Evi gets killed, Rift burning, Sons of Honor, Way of Kings

Homeless Jez, Truthless Szeth, Parsh, Orbs, royal death

Nightwatcher prunes Dalinar, Narak's under martial law

King Elhokar goes to war, I can't take it anymore

 

We didn't start the Highstorm

It was always churning

Since Roshar's been turning

We didn't start the Highstorm

But when we are gone

It will still churn on and on and on and on

And on and on and on and on...

 

We didn't start the Highstorm

It was always churning

Since Roshar's been turning

We didn't start the Highstorm

No, we didn't brew it

But we’ve all lived through it

 

We didn't start the Highstorm

It was always churning

Since Roshar's been turning

We didn't start the Highstorm

No, we didn't brew it

But we’ve all lived through it

 

We didn't start the Highstorm

It was always churning

Since Roshar's been turning

We didn't start the Highstorm

No, we didn't brew it

But we’ve all lived through it

 

 Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!

[Wyndlerunner]

What a lovely return to form @Personification! 

[Personification]

49 minutes ago, Wyndlerunner said:

What a lovely return to form @Personification! 

Thank you

[Feruchemist]

On 1/19/2018 at 6:52 AM, Personification said:

 

 (Also, what does OMH stand for?)

 

Oh my Hoid.

[Singer]

I figured it was about time I lived up to my name! Here is some lyrics plus recording for

"Rolling in the Deep...ness". Much spoilers for Mistborn Era 1, enjoy my mediocre guitar skills and not at all Adele-esque singing. This is Vin's angry break up song to the Lord Ruler. Lol.

Rolling in the Deep...ness.m4a

Spoiler

Vin:

There's a fire starting in my heart, steel, iron pewter, tin--so I can see in the dark

Finally all Alendi's words are clear, Now I see the metal minds that your arms bear.

See how I'll leave you, withered, old, you're through. Don't underestimate the things that I will do

There's a fire coming from the mist, Giving me power that I never knew existed.

The scars on his arms, you caused all that harm

It brought him power that he used to make you fall

The scars on his arms, the skaa all know him

I can't help thinking

[Chorus]

Rashek's gonna fall

We're rolling in the deepness

Ruin had us all in his hands

And he played us to the beat

Lord Ruler:

You're gonna wish you never had killed me

Ash is gonna fall rolling in the deepness

Vin:

There's a frightening story to be told You've carved in metal so Ruin will never learn

Thinking of you in the depths of your despair You planned all these caverns out, it's almost like you cared

[Chorus]

Your Inquisitors break through every door They'll tear this world apart to find what they search for

Where's the atium more treasured than gold? Protected by Kandra who will foil Ruin's goal

[Chorus]

 

Edited November 9, 2018 by Singer
because grammar

[Embrisk]

Lift singing "I'm on the edge the edge, the edge the edge, the edge the edge THEEEE EEEEDDDDGGGGEEE!!!!"

The king leads everyone on singing a version of "How do we solve a problem like Maria" but with Siri as the theme.

Edited November 9, 2018 by Servillius