Robinski

Robinski - 170220 - TMM, Chapters 5 and 6 - 3394 words (L) (+V, kinda, little bit)

30 posts in this topic

Hey everyone,

So here are Chapters 5 and 6; kind of short, but that's part of my whole approach to this story and these characters; short, sharp and hopefully sparky.

So, early on in this chapter is something that I feel might be controversial. It's there with the intention of creating 'instant' character, to spice up the sound of the story a bit (in passing), and I really am just looking for your reaction to it, does it work or does it not, and why.

Cheers, Robinski

Edited by Robinski
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Ha, I'll be first today 3:)

 

p.2

Confused here - are we back to the end of chapter 1 chronologically? Wow, that's been a leap.

p.3

"about 600 millimeters wide" sounds awfully precise to me. Is this Q.'s POV or third omniscient?

p.4/5

O, a nice turn of events here :) Interested to see how Q. gets out of the situation. The police woman's introduction was odd to me, though - seemed too telly.

p.6

So he doesn't get out? Cool.

Confused why she put handcuffs on him if she were going to remove them in the next minute or so. Or did I miss something O.o

p.8

The first paragraph on this page (the sleep-not-sleep describtion) is awesome :3 The whole fragment is, I want to know more about who's the one experiencing all this. The android from chapter 1 comes to my mind, but it's just a loose thought.

p.9/10

Introduction to G. POV, I see. I'm glad that it's not a completely new character. He reads good so far.

I do wonder however if "about thousand years ago" is a hyperbole or an actual time. I mean, it's the future, there might be ways to stop the aging process.

p.11/12

The conversation I enjoy. My only issue is that perhpas T. uses G.' name a tad too often - people don't really do it in real life, though it happens in the movies - but I guess it might be taken for a mannerism. It makes him sound condescending.

p.13

The old dirtballer looked at his upturned hands in his lap. - I think you're missing " before this sentence.

p.15/16

O, I like the trick with poison. Cruel, but still. Shows G.'s intelligence.

Overall

I think I enjoyed G's POV - and chapter - the most of what I've read from you so far. I hope he doesn't die right there, LOL. Again, the read was easy. I don't know why Q's first chapter was so hard for me to swallow =.=

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Wow, things have certainly sped up some. A lot more suspense and/or action in these two chapters than in what came before.

And holy shards! I've only just noticed the binary chapter numbers! Like the wall-poster says, I guess there really are "only 10 kinds of people in the world"... some are just slower at it than others.

Am I correct in assuming that all the off-worlders use "Sol" and Earth residents will be referring to "the sun". If so, nice bit of characterization.

I'm not especially fond of the policewoman's accent, but it's not at a level where it actually becomes bothersome.

It's clear the cop knows who Q. is and why he's there, so I don't understand the detour with asking him to "explain his presence".

Q.'s just been kidnapped by a (presumably crooked) cop working for a mob boss, why is he so calm in the cab? It could just be in his character, but if an actual person told me he were thinking about various romantic entanglements in a situation like that, I'd recommend psychiatric help, and not for trauma counseling.

"massive d___ of the private variety", that got a massive lol

The "65 days earlier" segment is well written, very visceral (ironically, since the POV character appears to be a disembodied head). 

It's pretty interesting to look at M. from G.'s perspective, especially since it establishes her as an unreliable narrator.

I'm seeing a number of parallels here between G. and Q., is that intentional?

"a debt, of gratitude.”, nice use of the comma for emphasis.

"G. seemed to be chewing at something in his mouth.", he was chewing at something; unless I'm mistaken, we're in his POV right then.
Also, if you're chewing at something, chances are it's going to be in your mouth, so you can leave that out.

Wow, that poison spit came out of the blue.

Finally, you've left out some required commas or added unnecessary ones, but mainly I'd like to say that there are place I think you'd be better served with em dashes instead of commas. "...had established—completely between the lines—that they..." for example.

Overall a very enjoyable read, I'm looking forward to what happens next.

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Thoughts:  I like Quirk’s personality more and more at this point. Of course, I’m always a fan of those who can drop one-liners to any given situation, and to those who feel comfortable in any situation. He curses slightly more than I would expect from a man of his caliber, but nobody’s perfect. The end is an interesting bit, I assume it’s from a human mind in stasis. I would, of course, like to know a lot more than is presented (and this grates some of my hard sci-fi sensibilities), but it’s a decent set-up to what I hope is a good finish.

Chapter six: di F’s organization is called the Brotherhood, something I must take a moment to appreciate.  He feels a bit flat, too be blunt. That’s probably only coming across from the deep character richness of Quirk, but the conversation between him and G just don’t seem as animated as Quirk’s dialogue. Also, I’m going to make this point. There are a lot of poisons that are quicker acting than the one G uses, especially considering he says ‘dead by Friday’, and 11-Aug-99 is a Tuesday.

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Overall

Still entertaining. Slow in a few places, and I had a major hangup on the cop's words without context, but the rest was enjoyable. The pacing is good thus far, and I'm not finding myself wandering despite the number of POV characters or the setting. Nice!

 

As I go

- page three: the jasmine smell is overdone, in my opinion, but the fact that it took me three pages to find a minor quibble is fantastic!

Quirk watched his companion leave and smiled, appreciating the way gravity and musculoskeletal movement combined to make the hem of her skirt sway. In terms of flow, I think this needs a follow up sentence, otherwise it seems out of place and not performing much

- page four: the 'b-face' curse seems very un-Quirk like. I'd expect him to have more refined curses. Definitely curse, but A) not with derogatory female ones and B.) with some inherent flare and showmanship

“Ah’m a gay, Italo-Nigerian police officer with a limp" What has this got to do with anything? Very off-putting sentence. On page seven now it still is utterly out of place. I would likely put this book down at this point. It's not that you can't or shouldn't write lines like this, but they have to be part of a character and we have to understand why they are part of the character. Otherwise it's like just leaving a giant racial homophobic slur in your writing for funsies. 

- page eight is sort of floating out in space for me right now, without any context

- page nine: I know, I know, but I still really don't know who Grimes is or why I care about him

- page eleven: I'm always wary of scene recaps from another POV, because the information is stale, but this one I think I'm okay with

- the conversation at the end was getting long and my attention was wandering, but everything came back with the negotiations

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18 hours ago, Ernei said:

"about 600 millimeters wide" sounds awfully precise to me. Is this Q.'s POV or third omniscient?

Gah, yes, transport engineering speak emerging, sorry. I going for metric, but I've gone too far. Thanks! - Change to "less than a metre wide"

18 hours ago, Ernei said:

The police woman's introduction was odd to me, though - seemed too telly.

Hmm. It's supposed to sound fake, because it's a set up. Would that cover it, do you think?

18 hours ago, Ernei said:

Confused why she put handcuffs on him if she were going to remove them in the next minute or so.

Fair point, maybe just to put the wind up him. I'll consider that.

18 hours ago, Ernei said:

I want to know more about who's the one experiencing all this.

Thanks! And it's supposed to be noticeable that it's Callan, the crippled miner from the first chapter, but I think maybe you mentioned that you hadn't read that? I'll be watching closely to see what the others think of the section, but so glad it worked for you. If you did read Chapter 1 and didn't get the Callan reference, I'll need to bring it forward a bit, I guess.

18 hours ago, Ernei said:

I do wonder however if "about thousand years ago" is a hyperbole or an actual time.

It's totally hyperbole, but I can understand why you might express doubt in an SF setting. Again, I need to see how this chimes across the other critiques.

18 hours ago, Ernei said:

The conversation I enjoy. My only issue is that perhpas T. uses G.' name a tad too often

Excellent, thanks. And good comment, I don't like that myself so I've taken one out, even before re-reading it myself.

18 hours ago, Ernei said:

I think I enjoyed G's POV - and chapter - the most of what I've read from you so far. I hope he doesn't die right there, LOL. Again, the read was easy. I don't know why Q's first chapter was so hard for me to swallow =.=

Yeah, heh, 'lol'... :unsure:

Glad you enjoyed it, Ernei - great comments, thank so much for reading.

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18 hours ago, Eagle of the Forest Path said:

I guess there really are "only 10 kinds of people in the world"... some are just slower at it than others.

Lol. Glad you felt the pace, and does give me something to think about the early stuff, although I'll admit I'm reluctant to change the general flow, I accept the drop/pick-up needs some adjustment.

18 hours ago, Eagle of the Forest Path said:

Am I correct in assuming that all the off-worlders use "Sol" and Earth residents will be referring to "the sun". If so, nice bit of characterization.

They do now!! Thanks :) It wasn't conscious, but I'll make a note of that.

18 hours ago, Eagle of the Forest Path said:

I'm not especially fond of the policewoman's accent, but it's not at a level where it actually becomes bothersome.

Okay, noted - I'll recap this once the critiques are in. I won't say any more at this stage, although I did note that Ernei didn't mention it.

18 hours ago, Eagle of the Forest Path said:

so I don't understand the detour with asking him to "explain his presence"

Ok - again, as with @Ernei's comment about the handcuffs, probably just 'roughing' Quirk up to emphasise the risks of dissing Toni. I might need to emphasise this.

18 hours ago, Eagle of the Forest Path said:

why is he so calm in the cab? It could just be in his character

Okay, good comment - I'm going to need to show more state of mind there - thanks.

18 hours ago, Eagle of the Forest Path said:

that got a massive lol

:) 

18 hours ago, Eagle of the Forest Path said:

I'm seeing a number of parallels here between G. and Q., is that intentional?

Umm, nope. I don't think it will be a problem going forward.

18 hours ago, Eagle of the Forest Path said:

he was chewing at something; unless I'm mistaken, we're in his POV right then

I tried to write this in a kind of omniscient, so we're not supposed to be in anyone's POV - I got this far! Might need to revise. I didn't want the reader knowing what was going on (in Grimes' mind), but I didn't want to add another POV (Toni's).

18 hours ago, Eagle of the Forest Path said:

I think you'd be better served with em dashes instead of commas.

I'll note this for Edit 2 - thanks.

Glad you enjoyed it. Good comments here, I feel it's better already. Thanks for reading :) 

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9 hours ago, aeromancer said:

He curses slightly more than I would expect from a man of his caliber

Hey, thanks for reading Aero, glad Quirk is 'solidifying' as a character, that's good to hear. The cursing, yes, I'm conscious of his cursing because of Moth's propensity for it. I can't have both of them going at it, so I'm trying to be sparing with Quirk's swears. I'll need you guys to flag for me when it feels too much. I'd like him to drop one now and again and it have impact, whereas it's almost expected of Moth.

10 hours ago, aeromancer said:

I assume it’s from a human mind in stasis.

Not far off. Again, I'm not sure if you read the first chapter, where we see something of the crippled miner, Callan. That's the voice we hear, and there is a use of his name which was supposed to flag it. Again, I might need to draw this out more if it's not clear.

10 hours ago, aeromancer said:

He feels a bit flat, too be blunt. That’s probably only coming across from the deep character richness of Quirk, but the conversation between him and G just don’t seem as animated as Quirk’s dialogue. Also, I’m going to make this point. There are a lot of poisons that are quicker acting than the one G uses

This is a good point. I'll admit that I've had a similar nagging feeling about 'the Brotherhood' - there's a strong chance I'll change that - thank you.

The point, another good point, and I might just contract the timescale. I'll ponder that.

Great comments, thank for reading Aeromancer. There are some good changes here that will improve things :) 

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1 hour ago, Robinski said:

Hmm. It's supposed to sound fake, because it's a set up. Would that cover it, do you think?

I guess?

1 hour ago, Robinski said:

Thanks! And it's supposed to be noticeable that it's Callan, the crippled miner from the first chapter, but I think maybe you mentioned that you hadn't read that? I'll be watching closely to see what the others think of the section, but so glad it worked for you. If you did read Chapter 1 and didn't get the Callan reference, I'll need to bring it forward a bit, I guess.

Was it the guy who talked with the android? It might be just WRS.

1 hour ago, Robinski said:

Yeah, heh, 'lol'... :unsure:

He dies? Well, a shame. Honestly, I'm kinda used to it :P

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I seem to have similar comments to the others. I was also thrown by the dialogue in the first section, sort of confused in general as to why things were happening, and similarly put off by the cop woman's description, like @kaisa.

I got that the miner was the same as in the first chapter, but not really sure what the interlude was doing there.

The last section with G was better, but I thought the pace dragged a little, especially in the recollection, until right at the end. Also some confusion on which was G's first and last name. I'm assuming G is the last name?

 

pg 3: "“Don’t worry, sir, madam,” the police woman nodded to the donna."
--wait, what's going on? I was with you until now. why is the police officer randomly accosting the short man?

pg 4: "“I think I must leave you here..."
--and then the donna just leaves him. Seems unconcerned about the man waving his arms. Are they connected?

pg 5: "“Ah’m a gay, Italo-Nigerian police officer "
...what now? This is getting weird. Is Q there illegally? How did the officer know? Why is no one responding to the strangeness of the situation?

pg 6: "With a broad smile, she reached up to her collar and switched off her copcam, then touched the other lapel, probably her audio recorder" 

--so confused.

pg 7: Okay, so Tony wants to see Q. I am still very unsure of why the police officer had to go through all that to arrest him. Still not sure what the short man had to do with things.

pg 7: "massive dick of the private variety"
--lol

pg 8: Hmmm...the interlude with Mr. C is interesting, but not sure what it has to do with anything tacked on to the end of Q's chapter. I'm sure 65 days earlier has some significance, but I'm not picking it up yet.

pg 9-10: G reminiscing: good character building, but it slows down the pace considerably. It's also restating a lot of the action from the last chapter, which is redundant. I'm not sure G actually gains any information in the scene.

pg 12: Is G's first name Paxton, or last? if first, then why does he think of himself by last name?

Pg14-5: ok, was getting a little bored from the talk of trade deals, but you certainly spiced it up at the end!

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10 hours ago, Robinski said:

Not far off. Again, I'm not sure if you read the first chapter, where we see something of the crippled miner, Callan. That's the voice we hear, and there is a use of his name which was supposed to flag it. Again, I might need to draw this out more if it's not clear.

That I got, actually. (I've read everything of this submission, even though I haven't commented on them all). I just have a problem with a human mind functioning not within a brain without some kind of explanation. This is just a personal thing, as I have an unhealthy obsession with hard sci-fi

 

10 hours ago, Robinski said:

This is a good point. I'll admit that I've had a similar nagging feeling about 'the Brotherhood' - there's a strong chance I'll change that - thank you.

I love the name Brotherhood. It does get overused as a cliche name for evil societies, but I still love it.

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10 hours ago, Ernei said:

He dies? Well, a shame. Honestly, I'm kinda used to it :P

Or does he?

Was it the guy who talked with the android? It might be just WRS

Yeah :) 

Edited by Robinski
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53 minutes ago, aeromancer said:

I just have a problem with a human mind functioning not within a brain without some kind of explanation.

Ha-ha, okay then. I'm going to get a good test if you get further into the story.

54 minutes ago, aeromancer said:

I love the name Brotherhood. It does get overused as a cliche name for evil societies, but I still love it.

Lol - yes. So I'm still conflicted about it! :) 

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Hey @Mandamon and @kaisa - sorry to not get to your comment today, that's gonna be tomorrow morning now, but thanks so much for commenting, my breath is bated. :) 

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1 hour ago, Robinski said:

Or does he?

You're teasing me now... :ph34r:

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- The police woman being surprised by Quirk's retort doesn't work for me. I think she would be more angry than surprised. 

- That said, I do like Quirk's snark in this situation.

-  The bit 65 days earlier is a bit confusing. I didn't really see the point to it. Feels a bit incomplete.

-  The scene with Grimes and Toni was really well-done.

- Can't wait to see what happens next.

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6 hours ago, rdpulfer said:

The police woman being surprised by Quirk's retort doesn't work for me. I think she would be more angry than surprised.

Hey, thanks for reading RDP! Okay, I can see that. I'd imagine she'd been called all sorts, so surprise may not be appropriate. Good call. I've changed it a bit.

6 hours ago, rdpulfer said:

I didn't really see the point to it. Feels a bit incomplete.

It is just that. It's part of a short series of interludes in Callan's POV. I'm hoping in normal reading, they would not seem too far apart. I guess with WRS, this might be a bit of an issue.

6 hours ago, rdpulfer said:

Can't wait to see what happens next.

Awesome!! :) Thanks for reading!

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On 21/02/2017 at 3:39 AM, kaisa said:

but the fact that it took me three pages to find a minor quibble is fantastic!

Awesome!! :D 

On 21/02/2017 at 3:39 AM, kaisa said:

I think this needs a follow up sentence,

I've added a little something. Enough to remind to me review in Edit 2.

On 21/02/2017 at 3:39 AM, kaisa said:

A) not with derogatory female ones and B.) with some inherent flare and showmanship

Yeah - that line has not been sitting comfortably. It originated in coarse Quirk back in the beginning.

On 21/02/2017 at 3:39 AM, kaisa said:

i) wary of scene recaps from another POV, because the information is stale, but this one I think I'm okay with

ii) the conversation at the end was getting long and my attention was wandering, but everything came back with the negotiations

i) Cool, and ii) also cool. I will pick up 'wander' in the next edit, I hope.

On 21/02/2017 at 3:39 AM, kaisa said:

I know, I know, but I still really don't know who Grimes is or why I care about him

Yeah, okay. I'll try to address this in changing up the scene between Giulia and Moth, which I have tagged as a to-do for Edit 2.

On 21/02/2017 at 3:39 AM, kaisa said:

What has this got to do with anything? Very off-putting sentence.

So, firstly, I'm in no way wedded to this line, and will take it right out. The intention was to have the cop try to shock Quirk (more than she has already), but also to see if the line was shocking to an audience after being introduced to the character (somewhat) through her accent. The accent is based on the comedy of Gina Yashere, whose mother was an immigrant to Britain from Nigeria, and Yashere would represent her mother's strong Nigerian cadence in this way (pretty much) on stage.

I think it's clear that the cop's of African extraction from the dialogue to that point, and I think only one person commented on not being fond of her accent (still to read Mandamon's comment!), but it doesn't seem to be a fail, and I hope it paints a picture of the character without mentioning the colour of her skin, which is what I was trying to do. Heavy-handedly? Maybe, but I'm nothing if not heavy-handed.

In terms of that single line of dialogue from the cop, I appreciate that you've been through one learning example this week already... but I'll risk a short question. Is it purely the lack of context for this line, or is it unacceptable for a character to use their sexuality to their advantage to unbalance an opponent in an argument? Feel free to disregard. And the line is cut, btw.

Thank you so much for reading, @kaisa. really encouraged by your comments. Challenged and encouraged :) 

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Hey, thanks for reading, Mandamon! Yeah, the cop's offending line is cut (well, I'm taking out the sexuality reference for starters). Quirk's swear is also going in the mincer, although I don't have a good replacement yet.

15 hours ago, Mandamon said:

I got that the miner was the same as in the first chapter, but not really sure what the interlude was doing there.

Excellent, as noted above, it's part of a series of vignettes, but I'm concerned that I won't really get a solid view on them until the first Alpha-read. Good to know the voice was recognisable though.

15 hours ago, Mandamon said:

The last section with G was better, but I thought the pace dragged a little, especially in the recollection, until right at the end. Also some confusion on which was G's first and last name. I'm assuming G is the last name?

Yeah, that's coming through - pace up for review, I'm taking that it's a step forward though :) And him having two surnames probably is not ideal!

15 hours ago, Mandamon said:

Why is no one responding to the strangeness of the situation?

15 hours ago, Mandamon said:

--so confused.

Yeah - I'm going to need to work this in the edit.

15 hours ago, Mandamon said:

G reminiscing: good character building, but it slows down the pace considerably.

Noted. I'll try and streamline.

15 hours ago, Mandamon said:

was getting a little bored from the talk of trade deals, but you certainly spiced it up at the end!

Heh - it was a Phantom Menace homage... Glad the ending landed!

Thanks so much for reading, @Mandamon, I'm always delighted to have your eyes on this stuff and you've challenged me on some teasers this week - good stuff, much appreciated. :) 

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Hello, I'm new. Longtime lurker, first time poster and all that. Diving in...

Some thoughts as I go...

Right off, I'm sorry to say the intro sentence is not very interesting. I would not be late for work reading "just a little farther" with a chapter lead-in like that.

I agree, jasmine is indeed overdone. So are lavender and vanilla, just in case. Oh, i see lavender pops up later. As a generic scent for a rent-a-car, that's not too terrible. Overdone makes sense there.

This might be Jumping in the Middle Syndrome, but I'm 3 pages into this chapter and feeling like nothing much has happened. I've had a summary of an idyllic shopping trip and (scifi?) paradise surroundings (I think), and a potentially interesting interaction with a street-corner kook that was bundled off into summary-nowheresville, with me craning my neck after it like a kid watching a neat dog go by on the other side of the street. Not that it needs to be super actiony, but summaries... gloss things over? There's nothing for me to latch onto or get invested in. Which again, isn't bad per se, (especially in middle chapters) but it could be so much better. If he's enjoying his time with his Ladyfriend, why not live in the moment a little more?

... And honestly, that bum was the most interesting part so far. Is this a Chekhov's bum? Is he going to come back? He was saying important things, wasn't he? You should always listen to street bums, they know that all the conspiracies are true...

(Chekhov's bum, a reference to Chekhov's Gun, over here at TVTropes: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ChekhovsGun
Also, Standard TVTropes Warning: TV TROPES IS A SUCKING BLACK HOLE TIMESINK OF THE INTERNET CLICK AWAY FROM THE PROVIDED LINK AT YOUR OWN PERIL)

I agree, Q really seems like he'd be more creative with his cursing. I highly recommend this linguistic blog post on creating fabulous compound expletives http://www.languagejones.com/blog-1/2017/2/9/linguists-have-been-discussing-rust-gibbon-i-argue-its-not-entirely-about-gibbons
because he really seems like the fabulous compound expletive sort.

adding my vote to the "cop is too hokey" pile. Nobody should ID themselves by their stereotypes non-ironically, not even throwaway characters.

(...It was the bum, right? it was totally seeing the bum that brought Bad-Trope-Cop down on poor Quirk and the bum was like some kind of super-secret secret agent infected with a alien plague that the public can't know exists and Quirk and Ladyfriend like totally almost blew his cover and there would have been panic in the streets if they'd talked and THAT"S why Trope-Cope is Bad Cop Trope-ing so hard!)

CCTV = Closed Circuit Television? I know you mean, like, super far future CCTV that can do all that stuff (and it is a lot of stuff you're having it do), but it feels incongruous to have an existing tech name (especially one that's kind of junky, despite TV making it out to be otherwise) do all the fancy stuff you're having it do.... Oddly i don't have a problem with the cop-cam or audio feed: to me those feel general enough to work in this context.

got a tense change with the "I mean" but otherwise a very strong scene end! I really like Quirk, even from just this small bit.

"brown torment" hehehee I am 7...

That was an odd little interlude. I'm not sure what it had to do with anything, but I expect that's Jumping in the Middle Syndrome again.

and now another POV with a stereotypical retired gangster and a stereotypical mob boss? This piece has a better intro than Quirk's but I can't say I like this guy as much. The poison is interesting, but I'm unclear on how G survived its delivery. Did he? And won't Quirk have trouble meeting a dead mob boss?

(but really, what's up with that bum?)

Edited by industrialistDragon
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Hey @industrialistDragon, (That's quite a handle) thanks for commenting. Yeah, jumping at Chapter 5 might be hit-and-miss on some things, but I'm glad you did :) 

Yeah, good point on the jasmine. It shows that I spent all of 3 seconds considering that choice. If nothing else, it's a missed opportunity to show more of Quirk's 'aesthetism' by choosing a more esoteric or specific scent. I'll change.

Chekhov? Is that a Star Trek reference?

Yeah, I've changed up Quirk's curse there. He does curse, but rarely and only in moments of real peril / emotion (I trust).

Good catch on the CCTV, that was lazy of me. 

Yeah, the interlude only makes any kind of sense reading from the start. There's a crippled miner / terra-former who is paralysed from the neck down. He is participating in experiments into synaptic mapping, putting his consciousness into an android. He has been undergoing these experiments for some time and may be showing signs of strain now. His name is Callan.

There is background to both Grimes and Toni in the earlier chapters that might make them more interesting. I won't say much more because 'spoilers', but I note your comments. 

Thanks for your comments. Really appreciate you taking the chance to jump on a moving train. It's really valuable to get that totally 'cold' perspective, and super encouraging to hear that you are likain't Quirk straight off the bat :) 

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2 minutes ago, Robinski said:

Hey @industrialistDragon, (That's quite a handle) thanks for commenting.

it's an in-joke from another forum about a million-and-half years ago. "Dragon" works, if there's not another one around. ;)

Chekhov's Gun is a reference to Chekhov the author. it's the name of a genre trope for a thing mentioned in passing at the beginning of a work that turns out to be suuuuper important later.  (I thought I linked it... lemme see... Chekhov's Gun (TVTropes link) Still getting the hang of this forums code.)

 

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12 minutes ago, industrialistDragon said:

Chekhov's Gun is a reference to Chekhov the author.

Sorry, I was pulling your leg. I know what Chekhov's gun is, I've been writing for over 30 years (of and on), not to mention listening to 11 seasons of Reading Excuses, a course of Brandon's lectures and subscribing to David Farland's online writing lessons. I'd need to have had my fingers in my ears for the last 15 years to avoid it.

:wacko:

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In defense of the Dragon (oh, that's not a bad title for something, actually): facetiousness and the internet aren't a good combination. It's a better reaction if you use smileys as a catalyst, but that's still no guarantee.

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On 24/02/2017 at 6:34 AM, Eagle of the Forest Path said:

In defense of the Dragon

Awesome title! That's yours, Eagle :) 

Fair point but, like Dragon's original joke, it loses impact when you explain it... ;)

Edited by Robinski
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