Paranoid King

In Soviet Roshar...

107 posts in this topic

In Soviet Roshar, the king imprisons your best friends parents so that they cannot compete with his favored noble in business and allows them to die in the gulag.

 

Oh, wait. 

I don't think I'm very good at this game.  And that reads a lot darker than everything else.

 

Let's try again.  In Soviet Roshar, stick Soulcasts you!

 

And Dalinar's army wears Red!  Rubies and Garnets are the most valuable gems! The only state approved Radiants are Dustbringers and Lightweavers, and the Everstorm is the only true storm!

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Stark said:

And Dalinar's army wears Red!

You monster, it's like you want them to all get killed off by the Chasmfiend/Voidbringer/Unmade Of The Week!

- In Soviet Roshar, Shardplate wears you for protection.

- In Soviet Roshar, you spy on the Sleepless.

- In Soviet Roshar, you insult Wit. And then the next day you realize that he secretly Awakened your pants with the Command 'Fall off in public'. Oops.

5

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In Soviet Roshar, food eats Lift.

In Soviet Roshar, Nale is an anarchist.

And in Soviet Roshar, Sadeas is still a piece of crem.

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Weltall said:

You monster, it's like you want them to all get killed off by the Chasmfiend/Voidbringer/Unmade Of The Week!

You mean like what happened at the Tower?

 

Besides, I said they wear red, making them the Red Army.  Not that they all become Redshirts.  I may be a monster, but I'm not so cruel as to remove all hope of survival from them.  No matter how many hopeless plateaus they get stuck on, there is always that lone bridge team there to save them at the last minute.  And fully develop and synthesize an anti-venom for those bitten by the Wit within the hour provided by each episode.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In Soviet Roshar, Dustbringers send dust away!

In Soviet Roshar, Lift is normal?

In Soviet Roshar, Keteks are written backwards! Oh wait...

Edited by theRoyalDingus
3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In Soviet Roshar, the Nightwatcher comes to YOU for a boon and a bane.

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In Soviet Roshar, stones walk on YOU.
 

..... Storming Thunderclasts....

7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The windspren cause wind! ...Or maybe the wind makes windspren... or... or something like that, I don't know!

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In soviet roshar Callings choose you!

In soviet roshar spheres spend you!

In soviet roshar chasms map you!

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In Soviet Roshar, the Shardblade summons you.

In Soviet Roshar, the Shardblade awakens you. 

2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In Soviet Roshar, the Heralds make Odium insane from torture.

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In Soviet Roshar, bridgemen’s issues are paid attention to by lighteyes!

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In Soviet Roshar, cremlings crush YOU underfoot

In Soviet Roshar, Dysian Aimians are the Sleepy...

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In soviet Roshar. Your arms grow Lopen's 

people hide from the grass,

and there's a wall being built to make Alethkar great again! ( and free of them pesky Herdazians)

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In Soviet Roshar, all the knights radiant find computers and get together online, talking about their favorite 17th Sharders (I'm totally one of them. The Sharders, or course. Not the Radiants. But in Soviet Roshar, perhaps I am a radiant, talking about...myself? Wait. Never mind. This is getting too meta).

Edited by theRoyalDingus
7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 4/9/2018 at 3:54 AM, The Thinking Herald said:

Redacted cause I think it's a spoiler.

In soviet Roshar, Oathbringer spoils you!

That's a spoiler, right? Correct me if I'm wrong.

In soviet Roshar, Radiants roleplay you!

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In Soviet Roshar, people make fun of the Soviet Union by saying: "In Soviet Roshar, people make fun of the Soviet Union by saying: "In Soviet Roshar, people make fun of the Soviet Union by saying: "In Soviet Roshar, people make fun of the Soviet Union by saying: "In Soviet Roshar, people make fun of the Soviet Union by saying: "In Soviet Roshar, people make fun of the Soviet Union by saying: "In Soviet Roshar, people make fun of the Soviet Union by saying...

4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In Soviet Roshar, a Sanderson-obsessed kid makes up excuses to post on a nonsensical thread in rabbit-hole nerdy website when he's supposed to be doing something with his life! Oh wait, that happens in real life. Weird...

1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hah, is this how you see Roshar?

 

Airsick lowlanders. Horns eat YOU

3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In Soviet Roshar, Shallan poisons Kabsal

In Soviet Roshar, Fire could be Stick

[OB Spoilers]

Spoiler

In Soviet Roshar, Humans are Voidbringers

In Soviet Roshar, Voidspren captures Timbre

 

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In Soviet Ro)shar, Kelsier steals Kaladin's ideals (*heavy breathing* SURVIVE) while Shallan tries not to be Serini and Siri at the same time.

0

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.