krystalynn03 Posted October 11, 2016 Report Share Posted October 11, 2016 Feedback Stuff: What worked for you? What didn't? Resist the urge to go after typos--it's really late and I don't have time to have my friend comb though the draft for lices, eh, I mean splices! (See what I did there?) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandamon Posted October 12, 2016 Report Share Posted October 12, 2016 Not too much to say, as I've read several versions of this already. The main additions I liked were that Leon laid a trap, and the expanded view of the world we get from Roamwald's height. Helps to put the town in perspective. Now I'm wondering what the end of ch17 is going to do to the next few chapters... pg 3: "Crouching over her like an enormous shadow, he almost felt more like an extension of the mountain than a person she could talk to." --This gives some good description of the size difference. pg 6: "Roamwald turned his ear toward her. “Eh?” --Did he hear her thinking? Ch 16 thoughts: I like that the worldbuilding is expanded here some, though it doesn't really move the plot forward. We get a better view of where the valley is, how secluded the humans are, and how big Roamwald really is. I still find it hard to believe that no one's seen him. pg 11: I like the addition of Roamwald getting presentable for Jennie's parents. pg 15: "At the same time, she jerked upwards and was flying into the air again without realizing Roamwald’s other hand had reached for her at all." --this was hard to follow--I had to read through it a couple times. Ch 17 thoughts: I like that Leon laid a trap for Roamwald. Makes Leon seem more competent, and a bigger threat. And now I'm really worried that Leon shot Papa... Good changes! Looking forward to more, as always. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rdpulfer Posted October 13, 2016 Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 - I like the idea of a time bomb plot (I'm doing something similar for one of my books), but I'm not sure if trying to keep a goat alive is a high enough stake to keep readers interested, at least from what I remember of the book's plot. - I like the moment where Roamwald calls her "little hummingbird". - I also like the mental note she makes about Roamwald's age. - I liked the pacing of the straw man's reveal (and I also like that you literally have a straw man in this novel. - And as has been previously noted, I liked the cliffhanger. I'm very anxious to see what happens next. - I really like this book. This one I'll definitely buy when it's published. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krystalynn03 Posted October 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 13, 2016 On 10/12/2016 at 2:31 PM, Mandamon said: Good changes! @Mandamon You are the absolute bomb-diggity for not only reading the same basic chapter 3 times, but for giving useful feedback each go around. I'm emailing you digital cookies--though I i understand you should probably not eat them... On 10/12/2016 at 2:57 PM, Ernei said: I read the summary and try to quickly take a grasp on the story. @Ernei Thanks for jumping in despite not having the 16 chapters before. You gave me really good insight, even though the story's not to your taste. I don't think you're a middle grade reader...so I'm not terribly surprised by that. I know the inserted words bothered you and I respect, but I'm a bilingual teacher, so believe me, I see a plethora of language coping skills by students transitioning at all levels into English. Throwing out words from native tongue sounds like something you purposefully avoid, but in a culture where two language have been purposefully allowed to mix over the course of decades, it's not really a big deal. (Best sentence I've heard: One little boy say to another this year : "Tomorrow te va a salir CHEST HAIR!") Spanglish FTW. Also, thanks for letting me know about the sheep--that whole section is not actually about the sheep. It's set up for later and won't be apparent what I was setting up until later. It wasn't long enough that you quit reading, so I guess it wasn't too long. Thank you so much taking time to read and give me useful feedback. 19 minutes ago, rdpulfer said: I really like this book. This one I'll definitely buy when it's published Oh good. I think I got this knocked into a better shape. If I recall, the last iteration didn't strike you so well, but I think I've got the arc headed in the right direction at last. Thank you so much! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandamon Posted October 14, 2016 Report Share Posted October 14, 2016 12 hours ago, krystalynn03 said: @Mandamon You are the absolute bomb-diggity for not only reading the same basic chapter 3 times, but for giving useful feedback each go around. I'm emailing you digital cookies--though I i understand you should probably not eat them... I shall appreciate and distrust them from afar! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robinski Posted October 23, 2016 Report Share Posted October 23, 2016 On 14/10/2016 at 0:42 AM, krystalynn03 said: You are the absolute bomb-diggity for not only reading the same basic chapter 3 times I'm sorry, /k, I just can't do it. I do well to read something twice, and still feel the atrophy in the thinking part of my brain if it's been anything less than about a year. I enjoyed the story when I read it, and I'm sure it will only be getting better with all the hard word that is going into revising. I hope you'll be hitting the submitting trail in the coming months 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krystalynn03 Posted October 23, 2016 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2016 6 hours ago, Robinski said: I'm sorry, /k, I just can't do it. I do well to read something twice, and still feel the atrophy in the thinking part of my brain if it's been anything less than about a year. I enjoyed the story when I read it, and I'm sure it will only be getting better with all the hard word that is going into revising. I hope you'll be hitting the submitting trail in the coming months <R>...you're still the bomb-diggity. I'm really more embarrassed that you felt the need to apologize at all. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robinski Posted October 23, 2016 Report Share Posted October 23, 2016 4 hours ago, krystalynn03 said: <R>...you're still the bomb-diggity. I'm really more embarrassed that you felt the need to apologize at all. Lol - I'm just assuming that the 'bomb-diggity' is good and different from Guagmire's catch phrase in Family Guy, right? And, in actual fact, when you have a guilty conscience, 'sorry' really isn't the hardest word*. (*That's one for all you Elton fans out there, which I expect will float past everyone on here, since clearly I am the old fogey of the forum.) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kais Posted October 24, 2016 Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 8 hours ago, Robinski said: since clearly I am the old fogey of the forum I don't know about that. I'll bet you and I are around the same age. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robinski Posted October 24, 2016 Report Share Posted October 24, 2016 8 hours ago, kaisa said: I don't know about that. I'll bet you and I are around the same age. Lol - let's agree to leave that great question of our time unanswered 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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