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Rules Lawyer Genie


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I wish for all of my remaining homework for this semester to be finished: specifically my senior research project in physics, my senior research project in religious studies, my 3 physics lab reports, and all of my overdue arabic homework from this semester. ... At that point, I will add further conditions to prevent the consequences of which I disapprove of. This wish may never be interpreted in such a way as to render the initial design null and void.

 

All of your remaining homework for this semester to be finished are handed to you in a USB drive. It seems to be rather devoid of the files you expected. Unfortunately, it only contains the answers to your remaining homework -- homework that has not been assigned yet is not "remaining homework".

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The drives weigh 5 tons each.

I wish to become the genie.

Granted, you become the genie Jaffar from Aladdin and are now trapped in a cartoon forever.

I wish for all nuclear weapons to vanish and further production of them to be impossible due to them spontaneously and supernaturally collapsing into a useless heap of dust whenever completed.

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Granted, you become the genie Jaffar from Aladdin and are now trapped in a cartoon forever.

I wish for all nuclear weapons to vanish and further production of them to be impossible due to them spontaneously and supernaturally collapsing into a useless heap of dust whenever completed.

Granted. I- I can't bring myself to destroy this wish.

I wish for Voidus' wish to not me maligned in any way by other genies. It must also come true.

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Granted. I- I can't bring myself to destroy this wish.

I wish for Voidus' wish to not me maligned in any way by other genies. It must also come true.

Granted. Due to the lack of nuclear weapons Biological and Chemical warfare replaces them.

On a brighter note I wish to have the ability to glow. I must be able to turn the glow on and off, and to change the intensity of the glow with no upper or lower limit. The glow must take the energy required from stars with no sentient life in their solar systems and must use it with no energy loss.

Edited by ChickenPlague
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Granted. You can turn it on and off and change how bright it is, but the first time you turn it on it has the brightness of a thousand suns, destroying your retina and those of everyone in the same hemisphere as you.

I wish that Stormlight 3 gets released tomorrow. (Go ahead, ruin that wish, I dare you.  :angry:)

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Granted. You can turn it on and off and change how bright it is, but the first time you turn it on it has the brightness of a thousand suns, destroying your retina and those of everyone in the same hemisphere as you.

I wish that Stormlight 3 gets released tomorrow. (Go ahead, ruin that wish, I dare you.  :angry:)

Stormlight 3 is released tomorrow, unfortunately, it is only half completed and not edited.

I wish for Arcanum Unbound, fully completed, to appear right in my hands, right now, without harming me.

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Perfect. Except you're constantly in the company of people and things that annoy you to the point of wishing you weren't.

 

I wish I could see more colors than just ROYGBIV with no negative consequences of any kind for as long as I live (with the stipulation that my lifespan is not to be altered as well).

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Perfect. Except you're constantly in the company of people and things that annoy you to the point of wishing you weren't.

 

I wish I could see more colors than just ROYGBIV with no negative consequences of any kind for as long as I live (with the stipulation that my lifespan is not to be altered as well).

 

 

You can now view new colors, but cannot see any of the original colors that you were previously able to see. This is not harmful, and therefore not negative.

 

I wish to have all of the powers of the genie without having any of the responsibilities, restrictions, or problems that come along with being the genie.

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You can now view new colors, but cannot see any of the original colors that you were previously able to see. This is not harmful, and therefore not negative.

I wish to have all of the powers of the genie without having any of the responsibilities, restrictions, or problems that come along with being the genie.

You now have the power of granting the wishes of other people without any responsibilities, restrictions and problems.

Edit- It's not really fun twisting a wish when it says that it cannot have negative consequences, since anything the person wishing doesn't like is negative and therefore no bad results can apply to the person.

Edit2- My wish is to have an unlimited, full battery on my phone. The phone must also become indestructible and never stop working.

Edited by ChickenPlague
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You now have an unlimited-battery, indestructible phone...until someone finds out you have it, becomes jealous, and knifes you so they can steal it.

 

I wish to have a job that I enjoy and that pays $50 per hour.

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You now have an unlimited-battery, indestructible phone...until someone finds out you have it, becomes jealous, and knifes you so they can steal it.

I wish to have a job that I enjoy and that pays $50 per hour.

Granted. You also get a terrible boss.

I want world peace.

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The world shatters. You get to keep a piece.

I wish I had a teleport device.

Granted you now have a small cube that teleports itself randomly.

I wish to have a golden ball with a diameter of 500m. It must not do physical harm to living beings, buildings, and national treasures.

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Granted you now have a small cube that teleports itself randomly.

I wish to have a golden ball with a diameter of 500m. It must not do physical harm to living beings, buildings, and national treasures.

You now have a golden ball with a diameter of 500m! Touching it would cause some of your slin cells to die, so it is kept far away from you or any other living being in an unknown location in space.

I wish to have a new pair of high quality sneakers. They must be US women's size 5. I must be able to run, jump, stomp, and do all other actions that involve physical exertion comfortably, and no damage may happen to the sneakers except for what wear would normally occur to a high quality pair of sneakers. I must have two sneakers that my feet can fit into, and the sneakers must be aesthetically pleasing unless it would make them less functional or comfortable to me. The sneakers must include laces, one shoelace threaded though each sneaker in the same pattern that sneakers normally have their laces threaded in. The sneakers must appear in a location fully accessable to me, and no event may befall the locations the sneakers appear in that would make these location any less accessible to me. No event may befall me that would make the location any less accessible to me. I must be notified via a 17th shard PM when and where my sneakers will arrive and no event may block my ability or will to receive this notification. No physical, social, or emotional harm may befall me as a consequence of receiving my sneakers. I must be able to use and enjoy my new high quality sneakers between the hours of 0700 and 2300 seven days a week until my new high quality sneakers naturally degrade beyond practical use. I must get the sneakers by 1200 April 10 2016 CE of the standard solar calendar.

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You now have a golden ball with a diameter of 500m! Touching it would cause some of your slin cells to die, so it is kept far away from you or any other living being in an unknown location in space.

I wish to have a new pair of high quality sneakers. They must be US women's size 5. I must be able to run, jump, stomp, and do all other actions that involve physical exertion comfortably, and no damage may happen to the sneakers except for what wear would normally occur to a high quality pair of sneakers. I must have two sneakers that my feet can fit into, and the sneakers must be aesthetically pleasing unless it would make them less functional or comfortable to me. The sneakers must include laces, one shoelace threaded though each sneaker in the same pattern that sneakers normally have their laces threaded in. The sneakers must appear in a location fully accessable to me, and no event may befall the locations the sneakers appear in that would make these location any less accessible to me. No event may befall me that would make the location any less accessible to me. I must be notified via a 17th shard PM when and where my sneakers will arrive and no event may block my ability or will to receive this notification. No physical, social, or emotional harm may befall me as a consequence of receiving my sneakers. I must be able to use and enjoy my new high quality sneakers between the hours of 0700 and 2300 seven days a week until my new high quality sneakers naturally degrade beyond practical use. I must get the sneakers by 1200 April 10 2016 CE of the standard solar calendar.

You can now use your sneakers from the 700th hour of each day to the 2300th hour of each day.(So never.)

I wish to have a tree within 30m of my current location that never dies and keeps growing at the same rate forever.

Edited by ChickenPlague
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You can now use your sneakers from the 700th hour of each day to the 2300th hour of each day.(So never.)

I wish to have a tree within 30m of my current location that never dies and keeps growing at the same rate forever.

Assuming that you are in your home, it grows through your house. No foundational concrete or floorboards are going to stop the immortal tree!

I wish that the length of each day will be increased by one hour. This will start Sunday, April 10, 2016. The increase of hours must not affect the number of days in a year or cause any problems with existing time zones.

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I wish that the length of each day will be increased by one hour. This will start Sunday, April 10, 2016. The increase of hours must not affect the number of days in a year or cause any problems with existing time zones.

 

Your body isn't adjusted to a 25 hour day. You sleep earlier and earlier each day, and wake up earlier and earlier. You are eventually completely out of sync with the new 25-hour clock.

 

I wish that my sneaker wish hadn't been broken.

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I assume you mean that you are wishing for the shoes to be able to be worn.

After analyzing your wish, you said that it must allow for normal physical activities to be comfortably accomplished. However, if you ever take a break from said exertion, the sneakers become extremely uncomfortable.

I wish for the power—and full control over said power—to create alternate universes, every detail in that universe determined by a book, movie, TV show, or some other story that, prior to my decision to make said universe, had been in existence and known of by at minimum ten humans including myself. Infinite universes should be able to be made and sustained, the universe not ending after the events of the story have run their course, and my ability to create unique universes is only limited by my knowledge of the existence of said story. Concerning these universes, I will have the power to travel to these dimensions at any time in the story I want and in any location I want—being unable to go directly to locations where, upon arrival, my chances of dying in the following week are greater than 70%, as well as only being able to transport to events that are covered by the story—with anything or anyone I want so long as I carry the object while traveling to the universe, with equal ability to leave said alternate universes and return to my own universe at any time I please, in the exact moment that I left my universe to go to the other. My ability to communicate in these universes will be, except for written speech, understood in their most familiar language, i.e. a Spanish person will sound as if he's speaking English to me, while I will sound Spanish to him, with no limits on the number of languages that can be understood, either one at a time or multiple languages at once. My interactions with the beings in these worlds do not effect the events of the universe outlined in the source story, and will only be possible if conducted during times in the narrative that are not covered by the story, or where the outlined events are such that interactions between certain characters are not detailed to the point that would forbid someone being there without being noticed.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Your wish has been fulfilled. You have within your grasp  the ability to mentally create said parallel universes and experience them. Also, an anonymous call has been made on your behalf to the nearest psychiatrist to you, claiming that you experience "delusions of grandeur."

 

I wish for the mathematical concept of pi, or the ratio of the diameter on a circle to the circumference of a circle (defining circle as a two-physical dimensional geometric object with an infinite array of connecting angles and sides equidistant from a central point) to equal exactly 3,that is 1 + 1 + 1.

Edited by aeromancer
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I wish for the mathematical concept of pi, or the ratio of the diameter on a circle to the circumference of a circle (defining circle as a two-physical dimensional geometric object with an infinite array of connecting angles and sides equidistant from a central point) to equal exactly 3,that is 1 + 1 + 1.

 

Congratulations. Pi now is equal to 3, but it won't be proved within your lifetime.

 

I wish that every human on Earth had proper nutrition.

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I wish this statement is false.

 

 

Granted! Your statement--"I wish this statement is false"--becomes false! Because the statement claiming that this is what you wish for is now false, this means that your mind is forcibly altered so that you no longer desire for your statement to be false, thus fulfilling the wish that you no longer wish.

 

That makes sense, right?

 

 

Whatever. I wish for a chocolate milk and a bag of Cheetos.

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