game Rules Lawyer Genie

[A Joe in the Bush]

This game ia a lot like the Nightwatcher Boon/Bane game, but this time the giver of the wish has to obey the wording of the wish exactly. But, the wording is up to the giver's interpretation.

So if I wish for A million dollars, the giver can choose to bury me in one million dollars worth of pennies. But he can't as an example, give me a million dollars in paper than make a wind blow it all away. I didn't ask for a wind, so he cannot affect it.

The genie is out to get you. You win by making a perfectly worded wish.

 

EDIT: Enough Meta wishes about changing the rules or the genie. You can't do that any more.

---

I'll start. I wish for a pancake, cooked fully, with a diameter of 8 inches and a quarter inch tall, on a plate. Edited April 4, 2016 by The Only Joe

[Seonid]

You receive a fully cooked, 8 inch diameter and quarter inch thick pancake made of arsenic, lead, and flour made from nightshade leaves and tapioca starch on a uranium plate a kilometer across centered on your current position

[Aonar]

This game ia a lot like the Nightwatcher Boon/Bane game, but this time the giver of the wish has to obey the wording of the wish exactly. But, the wording is up to the giver's interpertation.

So if I wish for A million dollars, the giver can choose to bury me in one million dollars worth of pennies. But he can't as an example, give me a million dollars in paper than make a wind blow it all away. I didn't ask for a wind, so he cannot affect it.

The genie is out to get you. You win by making a perfectly worded wish.

---

I'll start. I wish for a pancacke, cooked fully, with a diameter of 8 inches and a quarter inch tall, on a plate.

Ooh, this looks fun.

You end up with a: (I had two options here; I'll go with the less disturbing/cheap one first.)

 

A: Nothing. Upon frantic questioning as to the location of your pancake, you are informed that it is directly beneath your feet. You should have been more specific about what you consider a plate.

 

B: Steaming, well-done pile of meat, bone and viscera, roughly eight inches in diameter and a quarter inch thick, on a dinner plate, in your outstretched hands. You drop it, and the plate shatters. As you slowly stammer out a horrified question, the genie grins mischievously and tells you that he is, "not quite sure what exactly a 'pancacke' is," so he found the first thing matching that description, compressed it to your specifications, and cooked it thoroughly. He thinks it might be German. Bon appetit.

---

As for my wish... I wish that the genie henceforth and forever grant all wishes (including this one) according to the intent of the wisher, rather than their own warped interpretation of the exact wording. (Have fun with that one. )

Edit: Dangit. Ninja'd.

Edited April 3, 2016 by Aonar Faileas

[A Joe in the Bush]

A: Nothing. Upon frantic questioning as to the location of your pancake, you are informed that it is directly beneath your feet. You should have been more specific about what you consider a plate.

 

B: Steaming, well-done pile of meat, bone and viscera, roughly eight inches in diameter and a quarter inch thick, on a dinner plate, in your outstretched hands. You drop it, and the plate shatters. As you slowly stammer out a horrified question, the genie grins mischievously and tells you that he is, "not quite sure what exactly a 'pancacke' is," so he found the first thing matching that description, compressed it to your specifications, and cooked it thoroughly. He thinks it might be German. Bon appetit.

I broke my face grinning so wide. this is exactly what I wanted to happen.

 

As for my wish... I wish that the genie henceforth and forever grant all wishes (including this one) according to the intent of the wisher, rather than their own warped interpretation of the exact wording. (Have fun with that one. )

I. . . I don't think that works. I mean, all that does is completely turn the game on it's head, making it a game of people getting whatever they want. . .  I don't know what to do with this wish.

[spencer12347]

As for my wish... I wish that the genie henceforth and forever grant all wishes (including this one) according to the intent of the wisher, rather than their own warped interpretation of the exact wording. (Have fun with that one. )

 

 

 

My wish is that the game will go back to what it once was.

This game ia a lot like the Nightwatcher Boon/Bane game, but this time the giver of the wish has to obey the wording of the wish exactly. But, the wording is up to the giver's interpertation.

 

Edited April 3, 2016 by spencer12347

[Aonar]

I broke my face grinning so wide. this is exactly what I wanted to happen.

 

I. . . I don't think that works. I mean, all that does is completely turn the game on it's head, making it a game of people getting whatever they want. . .  I don't know what to do with this wish.

I know. You can feel free to ignore that one. (I saw a way to break the game, and I couldn't resist. [Which I believe may mean that I win. ]) If you can think of a way to warp it, go ahead, otherwise try:

I would like an orange. To be more specific, one singular fruit of the citrus reticulata tree, of average size, fully ripened, unaltered, placed exactly one centimeter above my left palm. This fruit's internal temperature must be within 10 and 25 degree Celsius, and it must be unblemished. It must not contain seeds, and must be both flavourful, and juicy. It must not in any way be offensive the the palate, and it must be in all ways normal in anatomy and composition, other than those exceptions already stated. Once again, good luck.

Edit: And ninja'd again.

Edited April 3, 2016 by Aonar Faileas

[A Joe in the Bush]

The orange matches all specification s, but is moving at mach 1 when it appears above your palm.

[Silverblade5]

Same specifications, but it hits my hand at a force of 1 Newton.

[Arrae]

I know. You can feel free to ignore that one. (I saw a way to break the game, and I couldn't resist. [Which I believe may mean that I win. ]) If you can think of a way to warp it, go ahead, otherwise try:

I would like an orange. To be more specific, one singular fruit of the citrus reticulata tree, of average size, fully ripened, unaltered, placed exactly one centimeter above my left palm. This fruit's internal temperature must be within 10 and 25 degree Celsius, and it must be unblemished. It must not contain seeds, and must be both flavourful, and juicy. It must not in any way be offensive the the palate, and it must be in all ways normal in anatomy and composition, other than those exceptions already stated. Once again, good luck.

Edit: And ninja'd again.

 

 

Same specifications, but it hits my hand at a force of 1 Newton.

 

The orange slowly flies into your hand at a force of 1 N. It looks good, tastes good, is the right temperature, and is completely normal. You're ready to eat it... and the orange vendor that the orange came from notices you. He does not look happy.

 

[Aonar]

The orange matches all specification s, but is moving at mach 1 when it appears above your palm.

 

But remember, we are in Canada on an unusually cold day, so Mach 1 is only about 10 m/s. * 

 

*Note, this is a joke. It does not actually get this cold in Canada. Or anywhere in the known universe, as a matter of fact. : P

Edited April 3, 2016 by Aonar Faileas

[A Joe in the Bush]

Temperature affects the speed of Mach one? I thought t was a constant.

 

Someone needs to make a new Wish.

[Aonar]

Temperature affects the speed of Mach one? I thought t was a constant.

 

Someone needs to make a new Wish.

Mach is a relative measure based on the speed of sound in air. So as temperature fluctuates, so does speed, when measured in machs.

Would it not be your turn with the wish, as you broke mine? Or perhaps Rae's?

[A Joe in the Bush]

You learn something every day.

 

I wish to be transported instantaneously to Main Street @ Fulton Rd, in my hometown, while maintaining my current velocity and physical position.

[Bugsy]

Granted. You appear in the middle of the intersection and are immediately hit by a car and killed

I wish to be able to transform what and only what I choose into whatever material I choose and for the effects to be limited to only the object or section of object I so choose

[Aonar]

You learn something every day.

 

I wish to be transported instantaneously to Main Street @ Fulton Rd, in my hometown, while maintaining my current velocity and physical position.

A alternate for this one: You find yourself suddenly nowhere, and everywhere. The paradoxical state of both maintaining and altering your current position and momentum in space-time has rendered your whole being quantumly unstable, and scattered your atoms across the cosmos.  

 

I wish to be able to transform what and only what I choose into whatever material I choose and for the effects to be limited to only the object or section of object I so choose

 

At first, your life goes on as normal, and you believe yourself to have beaten the genie. However, when you perform your first major transmutation (turning iron into gold) the heat of the nuclear fusion reaction fries everything in a kilometer's radius, including you.

 

 

Someone else can do the next wish, though. I can't think of a good one.

[Kobold King]

As for my wish... I wish that the genie henceforth and forever grant all wishes (including this one) according to the intent of the wisher, rather than their own warped interpretation of the exact wording. (Have fun with that one.

 

 

My headcanon has always been that this wish wouldn't work because rules-lawyering genies aren't actually bound by any sort of external laws. Their rules are entirely self-imposed as a way of keeping eons' worth of omnipotent power from getting stale; therefore at best they'd completely ignore a wish that robs them of their fun, and at worst they'd be irritated that a puny mortal is silly enough to think they have any power over their games and would condemn said mortal to an eternity of suffering at the heart of a star, constantly burning to death and regenerating without end.

[Bugsy]

I wish that anyone who is in danger due to lack of food receive exactly enough food to return them to ideal condition if they so desire, and that said food is large enough to be easily visible yet small enough to be eaten quickly, has no negative health effects to the person eating it or anyone else, has an ideal taste and texture according to the reciver's preference. It should also be able to be chewed and be as fresh as possible, yet be cooked to the reciver's preference if nesecary.

[Haelbarde]

I wish that anyone who is in danger due to lack of food receive exactly enough food to return them to ideal condition if they so desire, and that said food is large enough to be easily visible yet small enough to be eaten quickly, has no negative health effects to the person eating it or anyone else, has an ideal taste and texture according to the reciver's preference. It should also be able to be chewed and be as fresh as possible, yet be cooked to the reciver's preference if nesecary.

There's one problem with the food. Anyone who eats it refuses to eat anything but that food. And the food was only provided at the time the wish was granted, making the granted food the eaters last meal.

 

I wish for a powersource that fits in a pocket that provides unlimited free energy, the form and rate being able to be changed to what I specify. It must interface with anything I want to transfer energy to. It must be completely safe, with no dangerous side effects. Its existence must be known only to myself and anyone I choose to show, although showing it to others cannot be a requirement of it's use. The device must be completely undetectable. The energy must truly be 'free', and not come from anywhere. The manner in which the wish be granted may not affect my ability to have pockets at all. This device must instantly appear in my pocket, and be able to be removed from my pocket. This should be repeatable so that I can put it in my pocket or pull it out as many times as I  want. I cannot be transported from my current position, or the world altered at all as part of this wish. The wish cannot alter my life expectancy relative to what it would have been prior to the wish, ignoring the use of the power source. There cannot be any additional affects other than those specified when the device enters my possession. I must also be able to give away the device without any harmful effect to myself.

[Master Elodin]

I wish that anyone who is in danger due to lack of food receive exactly enough food to return them to ideal condition if they so desire, and that said food is large enough to be easily visible yet small enough to be eaten quickly, has no negative health effects to the person eating it or anyone else, has an ideal taste and texture according to the reciver's preference. It should also be able to be chewed and be as fresh as possible, yet be cooked to the reciver's preference if nesecary.

Granted. However, the food being summoned ex nihilo angers angry space demons. They destroy Earth.

I wish to have a piece of pie that would be pleasant for 99% of the human population of Earth to eat and will not cause any harm or discomfort towards me or any other human being. Upon receiving this pie I will not be changed or transformed in any way and neither will anyone else. This pie will be on a plate of ceramic 5 inches in radius.

Edited April 4, 2016 by Master Elodin

[A Joe in the Bush]

 

 Its existence must be known only to myself and anyone I choose to show,

The genie attempts to follow your wish, but cannot put it in your pocket as he forgets about it's existence in compliance with your wish as soon as it is created. In order to follow the wish, the fact that you made the wish is also erased.

 

 

I wish to have a piece of pie that would be pleasant for 99% of the human population of Earth to eat and will not cause any harm or discomfort towards me or any other human being. Upon receiving this pie I will not be changed or transformed in any way and neither will anyone else. This pie will be on a plate of ceramic 5 inches in radius.

Granted. The plate and pie are given to you, but the plate is currently 999 degrees celsius. 

 

I wish for a glass of water. The glass and water should both be 70 degrees Fahrenheit, and stationary in relation to the planet. The glass should be smooth enough to not cut my hand, weigh no more than 5 pounds, but no less than a tenth of a pound. The water should be composed of H2O. The water will be inside the glass, and fill it completely. The glass should be put in an upright position, one centimeter above my table.

[king of nowhere]

Bugsy6912, on 04 Apr 2016 - 02:40 AM, said:

I wish that anyone who is in danger due to lack of food receive exactly enough food to return them to ideal condition if they so desire, and that said food is large enough to be easily visible yet small enough to be eaten quickly, has no negative health effects to the person eating it or anyone else, has an ideal taste and texture according to the reciver's preference. It should also be able to be chewed and be as fresh as possible, yet be cooked to the reciver's preference if nesecary.

everyone who is in danger due to lack of food will receive food. that will be taken from their neighbors. who will know why their food disappeared and who it was who wished it to disappear.

As for me, i am afraid i will have to be very specific:

define a "small diamond" as a mass of a carat (0.2 grams, as per the international metric system) of pure carbon (as in, the element with 6 protons, as per the periodic table of elements; don't try to give me a guy named diamond or something) in face-centered cubic confuguration. Said mass will have perfect crystal structure, and all the electrons will be in their ground orbitals (see chemical definition; you may give me a diamond with the electrons triggered to make it decompose otherwise), with the thermal energy being distributed solely as bond vibration; no single bond will have a vibrational energy greater than that of a photon with a wavelenght of 2.5 micrometers (international system, standard scientific definitions of photon and wavelenght; that's more than enough energy for it to be at room temperature, if you're wondering). Said mass will have a perfectly cubic shape, no impurity of other element whatsoever, no distinctive mark whatsoever, just a cube. The carbon atoms will be 98.9% ¹²C and 1.1% ¹³C (that has to be specified cause you may want to give me a diamond made from unstable, radioactive carbon isotopes). the above mentioned mass of carbon will be at a perfectly uniform temperature of 300 Kelvin (again, as per the international metric system; don't try to give me a superheated diamond that will instantly evaporate), at a pressure of 1 atmosphere (again, international metric system; don't try to give me a supercompressed diamond that will instantly explode) and will have a speed equal to 0 m/s and an angular moment of 0 rad/s (international metric system) in a reference system that has my body as immobile the reference.

I wish 100 small diamonds (as per the definition above) to appear in the palm of my hand (as per the common meaning of 'above the palm of my hand, just touching the skin, their wheight-force in equilibrium with the elastic reaction from my body tissue) right now; they are to be conjured from nothing, not taken away from somewhere else. the genie is to provide no other effect; no other element has to be conjured or moved, no energy has to be manipulated in any way except for that required to make the 100 diamonds appear in my hand - that includes, but is not limited to, removing thermal energy from somewhere to make the diamonds, or causing any mobster to know that i have a moderate fortune in diamonds, or creating clues that may make it look like those diamonds were stolen. the air that was in the place where the diamonds appear is to disappear into nothingness, and not, for example (but not limited to) cause an explosion.

Ok, let's see if some of you can think of something that i missed.

EDIT: While this is not part of the wish per se, I must specify that i will express that wish alone in the safety of my home, and definitely not when i am walking in a slum where somedoby may stab me to get my diamonds.

Edited April 4, 2016 by king of nowhere

[Haelbarde]

@Joe: You get a smooth orb of glass filled with pure water, with both at 70 degrees Fahrenheit, and weighs somewhere within the required bound.

I wish that one of Brandon Sanderson's characters was inspired by me.

Edited April 4, 2016 by Haelbarde

[A Joe in the Bush]

@Joe: You get a smooth orb of glass filled with pure water, with both at 70 degrees Fahrenheit, and weighs somewhere within the required bound.

I knew that would happen.

 

everyone who is in danger due to lack of food will receive food. that will be taken from their neighbors. who will know why their food disappeared and who it was who wished it to disappear.

 

As for me, i am afraid i will have to be very specific:

 

define a "small diamond" as a mass of a carat (0.2 grams, as per the international metric system) of pure carbon (as in, the element with 6 protons, as per the periodic table of elements; don't try to give me a guy named diamond or something) in face-centered cubic confuguration. Said mass will have perfect crystal structure, and all the electrons will be in their ground orbitals (see chemical definition; you may give me a diamond with the electrons triggered to make it decompose otherwise), with the thermal energy being distributed solely as bond vibration; no single bond will have a vibrational energy greater than that of a photon with a wavelenght of 2.5 micrometers (international system, standard scientific definitions of photon and wavelenght; that's more than enough energy for it to be at room temperature, if you're wondering). Said mass will have a perfectly cubic shape, no impurity of other element whatsoever, no distinctive mark whatsoever, just a cube. The carbon atoms will be 98.9% ¹²C and 1.1% ¹³C (that has to be specified cause you may want to give me a diamond made from unstable, radioactive carbon isotopes). the above mentioned mass of carbon will be at a perfectly uniform temperature of 300 Kelvin (again, as per the international metric system; don't try to give me a superheated diamond that will instantly evaporate), at a pressure of 1 atmosphere (again, international metric system; don't try to give me a supercompressed diamond that will instantly explode) and will have a speed equal to 0 m/s and an angular moment of 0 rad/s (international metric system) in a reference system that has my body as immobile the reference.

I wish 100 small diamonds (as per the definition above) to appear in the palm of my hand (as per the common meaning of 'above the palm of my hand, just touching the skin, their wheight-force in equilibrium with the elastic reaction from my body tissue) right now; they are to be conjured from nothing, not taken away from somewhere else. the genie is to provide no other effect; no other element has to be conjured or moved, no energy has to be manipulated in any way except for that required to make the 100 diamonds appear in my hand - that includes, but is not limited to, removing thermal energy from somewhere to make the diamonds, or causing any mobster to know that i have a moderate fortune in diamonds, or creating clues that may make it look like those diamonds were stolen. the air that was in the place where the diamonds appear is to disappear into nothingness, and not, for example (but not limited to) cause an explosion.

 

Ok, let's see if some of you can think of something that i missed.

First off, we really need to check for Ninja's people. I know it takes a long time to write out our wishes, but some wishes aren't getting granted. Now, for your wish.

 

. . .Uh, the Diamonds all appear as stated but in an imbalanced pile, causing most of them to fall out of your hands and onto the floor. I can't think of anything else. I think that might be a winning wish. Can anyone think of anything else?

 

I wish that one of Brandon Sanderson's characters was inspired by me.

I'll let someone else grant this, because I'm not certain how to grant this. Does that require changing you to one of Brandon's RL friends, retroactively making you win one of the auctions he does (Like the one that created Yomen) or something else entirely?

 

Since I didn't break either of the two most recent wishes, I won't make one till I do.

Edited April 4, 2016 by The Only Joe

[Master Elodin]

everyone who is in danger due to lack of food will receive food. that will be taken from their neighbors. who will know why their food disappeared and who it was who wished it to disappear.

As for me, i am afraid i will have to be very specific:

define a "small diamond" as a mass of a carat (0.2 grams, as per the international metric system) of pure carbon (as in, the element with 6 protons, as per the periodic table of elements; don't try to give me a guy named diamond or something) in face-centered cubic confuguration. Said mass will have perfect crystal structure, and all the electrons will be in their ground orbitals (see chemical definition; you may give me a diamond with the electrons triggered to make it decompose otherwise), with the thermal energy being distributed solely as bond vibration; no single bond will have a vibrational energy greater than that of a photon with a wavelenght of 2.5 micrometers (international system, standard scientific definitions of photon and wavelenght; that's more than enough energy for it to be at room temperature, if you're wondering). Said mass will have a perfectly cubic shape, no impurity of other element whatsoever, no distinctive mark whatsoever, just a cube. The carbon atoms will be 98.9% ¹²C and 1.1% ¹³C (that has to be specified cause you may want to give me a diamond made from unstable, radioactive carbon isotopes). the above mentioned mass of carbon will be at a perfectly uniform temperature of 300 Kelvin (again, as per the international metric system; don't try to give me a superheated diamond that will instantly evaporate), at a pressure of 1 atmosphere (again, international metric system; don't try to give me a supercompressed diamond that will instantly explode) and will have a speed equal to 0 m/s and an angular moment of 0 rad/s (international metric system) in a reference system that has my body as immobile the reference.

I wish 100 small diamonds (as per the definition above) to appear in the palm of my hand (as per the common meaning of 'above the palm of my hand, just touching the skin, their wheight-force in equilibrium with the elastic reaction from my body tissue) right now; they are to be conjured from nothing, not taken away from somewhere else. the genie is to provide no other effect; no other element has to be conjured or moved, no energy has to be manipulated in any way except for that required to make the 100 diamonds appear in my hand - that includes, but is not limited to, removing thermal energy from somewhere to make the diamonds, or causing any mobster to know that i have a moderate fortune in diamonds, or creating clues that may make it look like those diamonds were stolen. the air that was in the place where the diamonds appear is to disappear into nothingness, and not, for example (but not limited to) cause an explosion.

Ok, let's see if some of you can think of something that i missed.

EDIT: While this is not part of the wish per se, I must specify that i will express that wish alone in the safety of my home, and definitely not when i am walking in a slum where somedoby may stab me to get my diamonds.

Granted. The diamonds are hollow and filled with lava. (You said "no energy has to" instead of "no energy may") This is not an effect, but the natural state of the diamonds.

I wish for the genie to cease to exist with no effect on me or any other human.

Edited April 4, 2016 by Master Elodin

[Aonar]

The genie attempts to follow your wish, but cannot put it in your pocket as he forgets about it's existence in compliance with your wish as soon as it is created. In order to follow the wish, the fact that you made the wish is also erased.

 

 

Granted. The plate and pie are given to you, but the plate is currently 999 degrees celsius. 

 

I wish for a glass of water. The glass and water should both be 70 degrees Fahrenheit, and stationary in relation to the planet. The glass should be smooth enough to not cut my hand, weigh no more than 5 pounds, but no less than a tenth of a pound. The water should be composed of H2O. The water will be inside the glass, and fill it completely. The glass should be put in an upright position, one centimeter above my table.

(So much I could do here, it's not even funny. ) You patiently sit at your table, waiting for your refreshing glass of water to appear. Miraculously, it does. There's just one problem.

Scenario A: The 'glass' is perfectly spherical, filled to the top with water. However, if you want to drink it, you'll have to shatter it.

Scenario B: The glass in question is an over-large whisky tumbler, which, upon hitting the surface of the table, immediately tips over and spills the water into your lap.

Scenario C: The glass appears with a loud crack, and falls to the table, vibrating. A faint mist arises from the top, but it appears otherwise empty. Angrily, you berate the genie for not fulfilling the wish. They patiently go on to explain that, while you did specify that the glass be filled, you didn't say with how much water. As a gas expands to fill the volume of it's container, the glass was filled with water; water vapor, that is. A very small amount of it, suspended in an otherwise perfect vacuum.

 

(Once again, someone else can provide a wish. I'm too tired to try to make one that's properly hard to twist out of shape.)

 

Edit. Ninja'd many times over.

Edited April 4, 2016 by Aonar Faileas