Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

[Marukka]

Again, feel hugged and keep your head up! Maybe you can talk to your mother about wanting to get a job. A lot of the kids in my school had one on the side when they were you age. It ranged from paper routes to small jobs in a supermarket. You can sell that to her by making it about learning in the real world and actual jobs of any kind are very positive on your cv (for applying to better jobs). It might give you some automity and much needed space and time away from your mother.

I am a lot older than you, but at that age my best friend was also never good enough for her mother. She suffered a lot, and most of all she started to believe that she was really worthless.  She developed several eating disorders and went as far as trying to kill herself. She got the help she needed eventually but asking someone else to help was the hardest thing for her. She was in a terrible place and it never was her fault but she felt that she had to get through it all on her own nevertheless. Do not forget that you are not alone. If everything seems dark, you can always call 800-273-8255 (for the US) and just anonymously talk. There are people who are a lot better in listening and helping than I am. And just talking can help. You are not alone, you are never alone! *Hug*

[Elf]

17 hours ago, Marukka said:

Again, feel hugged and keep your head up! Maybe you can talk to your mother about wanting to get a job. A lot of the kids in my school had one on the side when they were you age. It ranged from paper routes to small jobs in a supermarket. You can sell that to her by making it about learning in the real world and actual jobs of any kind are very positive on your cv (for applying to better jobs). It might give you some automity and much needed space and time away from your mother.

I am a lot older than you, but at that age my best friend was also never good enough for her mother. She suffered a lot, and most of all she started to believe that she was really worthless.  She developed several eating disorders and went as far as trying to kill herself. She got the help she needed eventually but asking someone else to help was the hardest thing for her. She was in a terrible place and it never was her fault but she felt that she had to get through it all on her own nevertheless. Do not forget that you are not alone. If everything seems dark, you can always call 800-273-8255 (for the US) and just anonymously talk. There are people who are a lot better in listening and helping than I am. And just talking can help. You are not alone, you are never alone! *Hug*

Aw. Thanks.

Where I come from (not America or Europe) you can't get a job before eighteen, or atleast sixteen.

But still your words mean a lot to me. I know I am not alone.

Thank you so much! 

*Hugs back*

EDIT: I edited some stuff out. Just cause.

Edited July 11, 2021 by Elf_at_heart

[Marukka]

53 minutes ago, Elf_at_heart said:

Aw. Thanks.

Where I come from (not America or Europe) you can't get a job before eighteen, or atleast sixteen.

But still your words mean a lot to me. I know I am not alone. And things did get a bit better, later. The original friend is still angry with me, but the boy who relayed it to me said that he would be my friend. And he's starting a group chat with him, another boy, and me. He told me that I should just move on. And I guess I should. Friendships are fickle, right?

Thank you so much! 

*Hugs back*

Yes, friendships can be hard, some will be, some won't. Just never forget that friendships (same as love or happiness) are like a good fart.

Spoiler

If you force it too much, it'll turn into crap. 

Anyway, don't let yourself get too down, things will get better. And if you need to vent your frustration again, you'll always find someone to talk to here! 

[Elf]

9 hours ago, Marukka said:

Yes, friendships can be hard, some will be, some won't. Just never forget that friendships (same as love or happiness) are like a good fart.

  Reveal hidden contents

If you force it too much, it'll turn into crap. 

Anyway, don't let yourself get too down, things will get better. And if you need to vent your frustration again, you'll always find someone to talk to here! 

Ha Ha! That was funny.

Thanks again to everybody! 

[Nathrangking]

21 hours ago, Elf_at_heart said:

Ok, good.

So, let me start out by saying that I am not an adult. I'm 14 and will be 15 in November. So, I still live with my mother.

And oh, my mother is crazy. I am not allowed to have any friends, even though I'd like to, because she thinks that friends are worthless. That they won't help me succeed in life, and so I shouldn't have any. I did manage to make one when I was thirteen, much to her chargrin.

I got the friend's contact number on my phone because I wanted to talk to her, but I lied to my mother saying that it was for "school stuff." I made an instagram account and followed my friend, but then my mother to stop following her. Naturally, I had to tell this to my friend, and now she hates me. The only friend I have ever had and she hates me now. She said that on and off for the past two years, whenever she's trying to be friendly with me, I shut her down by saying "my mother doesn't want me to do this" and that she's tired of feeling like a doormat, and she's done with me. (Mind you, she didn't tell me this. She told this to another boy who relayed it to me. My friend just stopped replying to my messages and left me on read.)

Its true, though! My mother tries to control every aspect of my existence! And she thinks that she is the best mother on earth. One minute she'll be screaming at me for something I did, and the next she'll say that she loves me and she doesn't know what she would do without me. She even threatened to take away my books if I don't do as she says. Its completely exhausting. Because of her I don't know how to be a functional human being. I don't know how to talk to people or how to make friends. And keep them. I don't know how to make it up to my friend.

All my mother wants me to do is study, study, study. Because she never got a degree and failed 12th grade. And she thinks that I might be a failure. I once overheard her telling my elder sister that after my mother failed she was resilient enough to do something with her life, but if I fail I won't be able to do anything. Honestly, I don't care that much for studying or my grades. 'C's get degrees baby!'

All I want is to get a degree, get my own house and go on long-term travel around the world. I want my days to be packed with travelling, reading, eating, and studying greek mythology.

I know that for as long as I live under her, I will never have the freedom I desire. And I hate that.

Wow. This was long. If you've made it to the end, you're a hero and I appluad you.

*Hugs.* @Slowswift and @Marukka are hard acts to follow. As they said you are not alone nor are you worthless!! I cannot pretend to understand what you are going through. However, let me say this making and holding onto friends is not an easy thing. Your desire to make friends is already the first step. You will not remain alone. The world is out there waiting for you. In time things will get better. When it will I cannot say, but if you keep that fire lit within you, then nothing will be able to stand in your way. We are here for you. If you ever need to vent my DM's are open. 

[Elf]

6 hours ago, Nathrangking said:

*Hugs.* @Slowswift and @Marukka are hard acts to follow. As they said you are not alone nor are you worthless!! I cannot pretend to understand what you are going through. However, let me say this making and holding onto friends is not an easy thing. Your desire to make friends is already the first step. You will not remain alone. The world is out there waiting for you. In time things will get better. When it will I cannot say, but if you keep that fire lit within you, then nothing will be able to stand in your way. We are here for you. If you ever need to vent my DM's are open. 

Thank you so much for this! Your words mean a lot to me. 

It still surprises me how kind all the people on this website are!

Yes, I will keep that fire lit and let nothing stamp it out.

[AonEne]

On 7/10/2021 at 2:17 AM, Elf_at_heart said:

Yes, my mother would absolutely deny that she needs any help. (Not that anyone's ever broached the topic to her, but she'd a 100% deny it.) I think I might have OCD and I hinted this to her once, and she told me that I only think that because of the books I read and nothing like OCD exists in real life.

Ah, don't we all wish. I hope it turns out to not be as bad as that, but if it is OCD I wish you luck. 

I also wish you luck in getting out of there as soon as possible; I'm late, but that's an absolutely awful situation to be in and I wish I could help. *sends hugs* You deserve much better and I'm so sorry you're not currently getting it. 

[Elf]

5 hours ago, AonEne said:

Ah, don't we all wish. I hope it turns out to not be as bad as that, but if it is OCD I wish you luck. 

I also wish you luck in getting out of there as soon as possible; I'm late, but that's an absolutely awful situation to be in and I wish I could help. *sends hugs* You deserve much better and I'm so sorry you're not currently getting it. 

Thank you so much for saying this! Thank you for believing in me.

You are helping me. The words of everyone on this site are more than enough help. They keep me going. 

Edited July 18, 2021 by Elf_at_heart

[Draginon]

Not really bad but more something that makes me angry.

I have this one coworker who I was friendly with but over the past year he’s been getting a bit insufferable. He keeps going on with conspiracy theory stuff and says stuff that is pretty bigoted. The biggest bigotry he displays is his views on LGBT rights, especially trans rights. He refuses to acknowledge their correct gender and pronouns and treats it as them lying and practically drag queens. The worst part is how he says it all in a calm, matter of fact way that makes it insufferable.

Then his opinions on the government, which I never bring up but it comes into the conversation anyway, go into the direction of “Republicans: good and honest, Democrats: communists and destroyers” and he ignores all the good that FDR, a democrat, did to get our country out of the depression and conveniently forgets about watergate which involved a Republican.

Then his conspiracy stuff is grating on my nerves. His current ones are COVID vaccine denier level just so you get the idea. Then there are others where it’s untrue, like one where the Wizard of Oz is a metaphor for the power of gold and they changed the silver shoes to Ruby to cover that up when I keep telling him they changed the shoe color because they wanted to show off how good technicolor was since silver wouldn’t be quite as flashy as a bright color like red.

He’s also vegetarian but he at least doesn’t shove that towards anyone but today he tried giving me the ‘vegans are superior to everyone’ spiel by claiming every single winner of the Olympics and other sports are vegan and when I pointed out the lie in it, since lots of those athletes eat McDonald’s and protein shakes, and he tried backtracking!

What just makes all this bad is he’s not really a bad guy but he just gets to where he rubs you the wrong way after a while to the point that you want to yell at him to shut the crem up.

[Mist]

*hugs* both Draginon and just everyone on this thread

[Nathrangking]

Sometimes I have such a hard time remembering that I can only do that which I can. My role as a academic tutor whom others rely on is something that I take seriously. The expectations that fall on my shoulders both self imposed and those of others is quite heavy. I so badly want those who seek my help to do well. When they don't I always feel as though I'm somewhat to blame. A friend told me not to see it indicating that I am a failure. As hard as I try though It's just so difficult not to. This is especially true when the student digs in the knife when they get anything less than a magic pill. I sympathize with a student that I dealt with recently that the final paper that they are doing is important. I give it my all every time. How much more can I give though? She wanted me to give her specific things to write and accused me of not doing my job when I did not do so. I do not shy away from reexplaining things as necessary. I did so a number of times with this student and left time for the student to ask questions or demand clarification. Am I truly to blame for not telling her what to write? There was a lot of fundamental work to be done I just don't know how to feel. 

Thank you all for listening to my mini rant!

[Marukka]

5 hours ago, Nathrangking said:

Sometimes I have such a hard time remembering that I can only do that which I can. My role as a academic tutor whom others rely on is something that I take seriously. The expectations that fall on my shoulders both self imposed and those of others is quite heavy. I so badly want those who seek my help to do well. When they don't I always feel as though I'm somewhat to blame. A friend told me not to see it indicating that I am a failure. As hard as I try though It's just so difficult not to. This is especially true when the student digs in the knife when they get anything less than a magic pill. I sympathize with a student that I dealt with recently that the final paper that they are doing is important. I give it my all every time. How much more can I give though? She wanted me to give her specific things to write and accused me of not doing my job when I did not do so. I do not shy away from reexplaining things as necessary. I did so a number of times with this student and left time for the student to ask questions or demand clarification. Am I truly to blame for not telling her what to write? There was a lot of fundamental work to be done I just don't know how to feel. 

Thank you all for listening to my mini rant!

*hug*

Well, let me start by saing that she is not a very nice person. There are some terms I would use to describe her that I try very hard not to use anymore, I got kids. 

And don't get yourself down. It's been an eternity since I tutored someone and it was in every case easy to see when someone actually wanted to do better. I never got any grief over not helping a lot but one of my friends at the time actually expected me to do her homework (she was studying medicine at the time and did not like the chemistry aspect of it which was incidently what I was studying) and got storming mad at me when I refused. It's basicly the same thing. People expecting problems to magically disappear without any input from them. Especially if money is involved. 

Anyway, tutoring is not an easy job. And I guess that few students ever appreciate that. You should really work on listening to your friend. You are not responsible for others failures, you can only do so much and if the other person acts as if you are responsible for walking the whole way, they will never reach their goal. It is not the nicest thing to say, but you should try to be more cynical or you'll inevitably end up with a burn out. Focus on the ones who were receptive for your help and not on those who don't really try. Do not take your work home, especially emotionally. Your students won't die from failing and if you can't seperate yourself from their failure you'll end up unable to help anyone. My husband is a nurse, similar effect there. And he can't stop complaining of his colleagues who work themselves up trying to help everybody, then burning out while giving the administration the feeling that they could run the hospital with even less nurses and paying them even less. Ok, that was a bit off, but the point is that you'll need to be able to still help yourself in order to be able to help others. And that is probably as hard as tutoring someone really stubborn. 

[+Slowswift]

Sometimes you just feel a certain way, y'know?

[Draginon]

More an “are fracking kidding me!!” than anything.

At my crem job for the upcoming week they are requiring everyone to wear certain colors for ‘solidarity’. The first one, pink, doesn’t apply to me but the one I have to go to requires yellow. Not just yellow but a collared yellow shirt. I don’t own yellow anything unless it’s part of a picture, graphic, design or pattern on the shirt because I don’t like yellow. I don’t mind yellow but I don’t like wearing it at all. Same goes for red.

I only needed it for one hour so I wasn’t going to spend a lot on a throwaway shirt. I spent the better part of my day looking for a damnation cheap yellow shirt with a collar and everyone was selling them for $40,$50,$60 but had regular yellow shirts for $5-$10.

I was getting so frustrated I was at the point of wanting to do malicious compliance by getting a horrid mustard yellow shirt for $32 but I tried JC Penny’s last and they had a pastel yellow collared shirt for $10 and finally got that done.

Seriously, why do businesses where it doesn’t matter what you wear for your job try to put its employees in unsuitable outfits? My current line of work involves doing dirty things so jeans and a nothing shirt would do but no I have to wear business clothing, slacks and collared shirts, because the superintendent and her husband are so controlling and don’t want anyone to appear ‘lazy’ or ‘sloven’ looking if a parent happens to be near and I’m rarely in contact with areas where parents and when I am it’s in out of the way areas or after the schools are out but heaven forbid I cross paths with a parent in the parking lot wearing jeans and a tee.

[Tesh]

Gahhhh.

Haven't posted here in a while...

So I just got back from a fairly short backpacking trip this afternoon. It was just an overnight thing, we only went about nine miles, nothing very special. 

Finally I got home, and it was great. I caught up on a couple texts I'd missed, and stuff like that. I was about to head into the shower when a friend of mine texted me and said that the AP scores were out. So in an instant, I went from pretty dang exhausted but also pretty content to really on edge and kind of excited. I'd known that I had passed the test. I didn't doubt it. I just knew that sometimes when I take tests and feel like I did well I end up... not doing well. Or I could have done really well, which I felt like I had. I looked it up, and I had gotten a five. It took me about five minutes to stop shaking. So then I called my mom to tell her my score. She's a teacher and so was at my school and told my math teacher from last year, and both were super happy and enthusiastic about it. And then right after that my mom told me that I wouldn't be able to take this class that I wanted to next year. I had taken this class last year, but it was AWESOME. And it changes every year, and I would love to redo a lot of those activities, plus I have two really good friends who are also taking it this year, where last year I literally knew no one in there. But I wouldn't be able to get credit for it, because I'd already taken it. That wasn't a concern, though, because I do well in school and almost have enough credits to graduate as it is. So my councilor said she could make it work, most likely. So I was worried about that all summer, but I thought that it would happen in the end. But then a few days ago she emailed me and said that I had to pick a different elective because I couldn't get credit if I retook this class. But then I told her that a couple months ago she had said that she could make it work. So she said that she would see what she could do.

And guess what.

I can't take it because 34 other people are already in the class.

I can't take it even though it was my first choice of elective.

And so I went from exhaustion to elation to being thoroughly depressed, all in about ten minutes. (There are other reasons I'm really upset about not being able to take that class, but the fact that I should be taking it is the biggest one at the moment.)

So I took a nap. On my floor.

And when I woke up I realized my sister hadn't fed my bird while I was gone and that he was starving.

And then I also realized that I hadn't been paid yet, even though my payday was yesterday.

So at this point, I don't even care at all that I got a five on the AP test. I'm too tired, too sad, too overwhelmed, too anxious, and too mad to even consider trying to be happy about it.

And it's also about 80 degrees outside and I have a very low tolerance for heat so I just feel all-around miserable.

So there's that.

*sigh*

[AonEne]

*hugs @Tesh* 

[Draginon]

Not quite bad but I’m getting worried a bit about my job hunting. I’ve only gotten one call back, Barnes & Noble in Arlington, about 3 weeks back and haven’t heard back regarding coming in for an interview. Everything else is in the ‘we got it but haven’t reviewed it yet’ stage. I really want to have a safe and transferable job so that when I move I can look for a location near where I want to live.

In regards to this my mother keeps bugging me to do ones I’m either not interested in or not comfortable doing. Ones she keeps suggesting are warehouse jobs, school related and even Walmart. She even ‘suggested’ today that if I do get something that I should enroll in some online classes, something involving computers and coding which isn’t my thing at all, to get a BA but I’m just not interested in getting a bachelors degree nor do I want to waste 4 years of my life or get myself into student debt just to get a slightly better paycheck. There was even one suggestion she gave me a couple weeks back that just sounded like pure torture: work at a school Monday through Friday and do Barnes & Noble on the weekends. I can’t do a 7 day work week without breaks! 5 days is too much for me so a 4/3 split is much better than the 5/2 split in the long run unless the job is enjoyable enough to do a 5/2 split.

[caranise]

The last time ı posted anything on the forum was January 31st so it feels a little bit weird. 

The problem is my country on fire. Not a single fire. Last time ı checked there were 20 fires and all of theme started suddenly last week. There are so many speculations about the cause of these fires that spread all over the country and I cannot stand any of them. Some say it is because of terorists, others say the government started all this fires so as to start an internal war.  The only thing I know an area larger than the area of the İstanbul on the Asian continent burned in the south of Turkey and we all learned that Turkey government has only three fire fighting plane while our president have 8 private plane. 

I have stopped watching the news because of it is pissed me of. I was so angry first but now I am just sad that it is all I can do.

Edited August 7, 2021 by caranise

[Draginon]

Power washed part of the driveway on Saturday and now I’m sunburned on the back of my neck, upper back and calves with a little on my forearms and feet. The sun wasn’t out much but it was enough. The burns on my legs were bad enough it stung badly when I had any pant leg on so I tried rolling up my pjs but it got annoying being all bunched up so I ended up just lounging in underwear since I had nothing else short to wear as loungewear.

[Hoid the Former Drifter]

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Spren of Kindness]

I'm friends with a lot of people slightly older than me, which means that a lot of my friends are graduating high school and heading off to other places, and it's been making me feel really lonely.

And I'm worried about school because I've never had to spend multiple hours, five days a week, around hundreds of people.  Not about the classes or how well I'll do, but just... people.  I'm kind of nervous that it's going to drain me and I won't have as much energy to be with my friends.

[Draginon]

Feeling really discouraged job hunting. I’ve been applying since May and I either get rejected or get no contact at all. I’ve only had the one call back a month ago and no follow up to set an interview date at all. It’s really getting me to the point that I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong and why no one wants to hire me even though I meet their qualifications and for ones that require experience I apply for the entry level and still getting rejected.

I’m at the point where it might be better to look for jobs in other states and move. I’m even thinking of the Provo area if Dragonsteel is hiring.

[Marukka]

6 hours ago, Draginon said:

Feeling really discouraged job hunting. I’ve been applying since May and I either get rejected or get no contact at all. I’ve only had the one call back a month ago and no follow up to set an interview date at all. It’s really getting me to the point that I’m trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong and why no one wants to hire me even though I meet their qualifications and for ones that require experience I apply for the entry level and still getting rejected.

I’m at the point where it might be better to look for jobs in other states and move. I’m even thinking of the Provo area if Dragonsteel is hiring.

Yes, it can be really tough getting a new job. A friend of mine was jobhunting for several years before she found one out of sheer luck (being a regular customer in the shop and friendly with the sellers who were overworked and looking for someone with experience to help out).

Anyway, there really might be some things "wrong" with your applications. Years ago, I was sent to some training seminar for applications and there were a lot of little things I simply overlooked in style and content for my cv. I do not know if the requirements in this are the same in the US, but you might find something in the internet that could give you new insights. And you should also just ask when you're rejected. People can be nice and helpful when they don't feel pressured and really knowing what the factor was for not choosing you or why another person made a better impression would be really helpful. Otherwise, I don't know what esle to say other than keep your head up and don't lose hope. *hug*

[Draginon]

On 8/18/2021 at 2:21 AM, Marukka said:

Yes, it can be really tough getting a new job. A friend of mine was jobhunting for several years before she found one out of sheer luck (being a regular customer in the shop and friendly with the sellers who were overworked and looking for someone with experience to help out).

Anyway, there really might be some things "wrong" with your applications. Years ago, I was sent to some training seminar for applications and there were a lot of little things I simply overlooked in style and content for my cv. I do not know if the requirements in this are the same in the US, but you might find something in the internet that could give you new insights. And you should also just ask when you're rejected. People can be nice and helpful when they don't feel pressured and really knowing what the factor was for not choosing you or why another person made a better impression would be really helpful. Otherwise, I don't know what esle to say other than keep your head up and don't lose hope. *hug*

That is kind of my problem, most job positions require work experience in the field you’re seeking, anywhere from 1-5 years, so I’m having to do the entry level jobs just to get the experience but I keep getting rejected, one rejected me in less than 24 hours with no explanation, or they are stuck in received limbo. I also have the problem of having the skills necessary for the job because of my current job, the problem being it wasn’t in the field I’m trying to move to and the only skills I need are being able to use a register and dealing with customers.

The part I’m worried is ‘wrong’ is the demographics. In the US so many companies prefer diversity at the expense of finding a good candidate, IE getting someone who is toxic or lazy just because they happen to be POC or disabled, to the point that they reject you because you’re too white, too male and not disabled enough to look diverse. It’s technically discrimination but it’s extremely hard to prove they rejected based on your demo.

One thing I’ve read that makes it hard to switch jobs is when you go from admin to working class. I’m in a grey area where that is concerned since my current job is at the admin office but it’s not an admin job and I’m trying to get into bookseller retail because my current job isn’t something I’ve ever been comfortable doing and the pace kills me so I’m trying for something I like and feel comfortable being at.

[Marukka]

12 minutes ago, Draginon said:

One thing I’ve read that makes it hard to switch jobs is when you go from admin to working class. I’m in a grey area where that is concerned since my current job is at the admin office but it’s not an admin job and I’m trying to get into bookseller retail because my current job isn’t something I’ve ever been comfortable doing and the pace kills me so I’m trying for something I like and feel comfortable being at.

First of all, that reason is a very good one but something you really should not mention in an application or an interview. It might be interpreted as "I'm looking for something easy to relax". You should probably give reasons such as "lifelong dream" or such. But I guess that's something you already do. Another thing that might be worth trying is offering to do some sort of unpaid test week. Sort of like an unpaid intership, you'll need to be able to afford that of course but this way, even if nothing comes of it, you'll be able to list it as job experience in the next application. And you might be able to just ask the intended boss if this would be something to he/she'd like to better see your qualifications.

Again there is not much I can do to help other than listening. The job market is tough, even more so in the US than in Germany where it's mostly easy to get testwork. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you to get the job you wish for!