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That's enough. i'm tired

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I don't know why. It's easy enough to think you've moved on and then something catches you right where it hurts and the pain is still there, still fresh as the day it first happened.

Was listening to YouTube and getting work done this weekend when a song I'd never heard before came on shuffle and it dragged me back to the day I realised my ex ghosted me and left and then the pain comes flooding back again as if it's not been over a year.

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7 hours ago, Kasimir said:

I don't know why. It's easy enough to think you've moved on and then something catches you right where it hurts and the pain is still there, still fresh as the day it first happened.

Was listening to YouTube and getting work done this weekend when a song I'd never heard before came on shuffle and it dragged me back to the day I realised my ex ghosted me and left and then the pain comes flooding back again as if it's not been over a year.

*Hugssssssssssssss*

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6 hours ago, Hoid the Drifter said:

ouch. hugs? Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug Hug

 

1 minute ago, FriarFritz said:

*Hugssssssssssssss*

Thanks, both of you :'D

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On 6/21/2021 at 5:01 PM, Nathrangking said:

I'm in agony. For two months I have had rather annoying nosebleeds. In recent weeks they have gotten worse. It has left me practically an invalid. Anything might be a trigger and so I was and am unable to do much. Cauterization did nothing to help. Meanwhile the less extreme solution worked too little to be truly effective. Today my doctor pulled the trigger on the nuclear option packing my nose. There is 95% that it works. If it does not then more severe measures have to be taken. Meanwhile the pain is debilitating. When it was put in even when anesthetic was used my eyes watered and I started to hyperventilate. Currently I'm miserable, but I just have to bear it.  This has been my rant. Thank you for listening!

Chronic conditions in a nutshell.  How are you doing now?  Still need a hug, or is a high-five in order?

On 6/27/2021 at 0:40 PM, Kasimir said:

I don't know why. It's easy enough to think you've moved on and then something catches you right where it hurts and the pain is still there, still fresh as the day it first happened.

Was listening to YouTube and getting work done this weekend when a song I'd never heard before came on shuffle and it dragged me back to the day I realised my ex ghosted me and left and then the pain comes flooding back again as if it's not been over a year.

Ouch :( *hug*

Edited by TheCruelSadist
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2 hours ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

I have to live life, like a normal person :(

"..it was good that God kept the truths of life from the young as they were starting out or else they'd have no heart to start at all."

-from All the Pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy 

Not implying anything about your age, just read this and seemed suitably melancholic for this occasion -_-

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Not really bad but just more disheartening and worrisome.

My mother just can’t understand the worry one of our coworkers has whenever her son goes somewhere. For context this coworker is black. Pretty much she worries that something will happen and he’ll be shot by a cop for no reason. I understand why she feels that way because of events over the last few years but my mother just doesn’t see the problem or even acknowledge the problem. She keeps looking at life through a white woman’s experience and doesn’t see any problem with the way black relations with cops is.

My mother views this as racist and needless worrying and just will not see the problem at hand. While I’m not black I know about the issues blacks have had to deal with where the police and the government are concerned. I understand how our coworker feels because I don’t fully trust the cops myself. As a kid I was told to respect them and if they are around you or coming towards you then it means you’ve done something wrong and because of that my body tenses up whenever I see a cop or guard and they’re walking in the opposite direction towards me but not at me. I know it’s not the same but it’s that feeling of ‘is that cop coming towards me? What could I have done wrong?’ that connects both and shows some mistrust.

This feeling also extends towards the military for me, mostly because in my mind I can’t trust a group that is legally authorized to kill people for any reason. Part of this has more to do with my grandpa who was a veteran but I never felt safe around him. There was always something about him I didn’t like and I get that same feeling around war stuff so there’s a link there for me.

My mother though has never had any reason to distrust this stuff and part of it is because one of her brothers was a cop so she doesn’t see the side everyone else does, which is the victim side of things. In her mind it seems like if someone is getting arrested or shot at then there’s always a good reason from the cop side. Me I grew up with the stories of cops shooting the wrongs people, breaking into the wrong homes, refusing to pay for any broken property they caused, discrimination profiling and extreme measures for holding detainees who aren’t even resisting.

I just can’t understand how someone can look a problem in the face, refuse to see it and think someone is overreacting to nothing.

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36 minutes ago, Slowswift said:

By all means!

Ok, good.

So, let me start out by saying that I am not an adult. I'm 14 and will be 15 in November. So, I still live with my mother.

And oh, my mother is crazy. I am not allowed to have any friends, even though I'd like to, because she thinks that friends are worthless. That they won't help me succeed in life, and so I shouldn't have any. I did manage to make one when I was thirteen, much to her chargrin.

I got the friend's contact number on my phone because I wanted to talk to her, but I lied to my mother saying that it was for "school stuff." I made an instagram account and followed my friend, but then my mother to stop following her. Naturally, I had to tell this to my friend, and now she hates me. The only friend I have ever had and she hates me now. She said that on and off for the past two years, whenever she's trying to be friendly with me, I shut her down by saying "my mother doesn't want me to do this" and that she's tired of feeling like a doormat, and she's done with me. (Mind you, she didn't tell me this. She told this to another boy who relayed it to me. My friend just stopped replying to my messages and left me on read.)

Its true, though! My mother tries to control every aspect of my existence! And she thinks that she is the best mother on earth. One minute she'll be screaming at me for something I did, and the next she'll say that she loves me and she doesn't know what she would do without me. She even threatened to take away my books if I don't do as she says. Its completely exhausting. Because of her I don't know how to be a functional human being. I don't know how to talk to people or how to make friends. And keep them. I don't know how to make it up to my friend.

All my mother wants me to do is study, study, study. Because she never got a degree and failed 12th grade. And she thinks that I might be a failure. I once overheard her telling my elder sister that after my mother failed she was resilient enough to do something with her life, but if fail I won't be able to do anything. Honestly, I don't care that much for studying or my grades. 'C's get degrees baby!'

All I want is to get a degree, get my own house and go on long-term travel around the world. I want my days to be packed with travelling, reading, eating, and studying greek mythology.

I know that for as long as I live under her, I will never have the freedom I desire. And I hate that.

Wow. This was long. If you've made it to the end, you're a hero and I appluad you.

 

 

Edited by Elf_at_heart
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3 minutes ago, Elf_at_heart said:

Ok, good.

So, let me start out by saying that I am not an adult. I'm 14 and will be 15 in November. So, I still live with my mother.

And oh, my mother is crazy. I am not allowed to have any friends, even though I'd like to, because she thinks that friends are worthless. That they won't help me succeed in life, and so I shouldn't have any. I did manage to make one when I was thirteen, much to her chargrin.

I got the friend's contact number on my phone because I wanted to talk to her, but I lied to my mother saying that it was for "school stuff." I made an instagram account and followed my friend, but then my mother to stop following her. Naturally, I had to tell this to my friend, and now she hates me. The only friend I have ever had and she hates me now. She said that on and off for the past two years, whenever she's trying to be friendly with me, I shut her down by saying "my mother doesn't want me to do this" and that she's tired of feeling like a doormat, and she's done with me. (Mind you, she didn't tell me this. She told this to another boy who relayed it to me. My friend just stopped replying to my messages and left me on read.)

Its true, though! My mother tries to control every aspect of my existence! And she thinks that she is the best mother on earth. One minute she'll be screaming at me for something I did, and the next she'll say that she loves me and she doesn't know what she would do without me. She even treatened to take away my books if I don't do as she says. Its completely exhausting. Because of her I don't know how to be a functional human being. I don't know how to talk to people or how to make friends. And keep them. I don't know how to make it up to my friend.

All my mother wants me to do is study, study, study. Because she never got a degree and failed 12th grade. And she thinks that I might be a failure. I once overheard her telling my elder sister that after my mother failed she was ressilent enought to do something with her life, but if fail I won't be able to do anything. Honestly, I don't care that much for studying or my grades. 'C's get degrees baby!'

All I want is to get a degree, get my own house and go on long-term travel around the world. I want my days to be packed with travelling, reading, eating, and studying greek mythology.

I know that for as long as I live under her, I will never have the freedom I desire. And I hate that.

Wow. This was long. If you've made it to the end, you're a hero and I appluad you.

Well. That's awful. :( I am so sorry you have to put up with that and I sincerely hope you can find a way to make it and patch things up with your friend.

Either way, you're here now, and we're happy to have you. Hopefully you can stick around and find some friends here, too! ^_^

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10 minutes ago, Slowswift said:

Well. That's awful. :( I am so sorry you have to put up with that and I sincerely hope you can find a way to make it and patch things up with your friend.

Either way, you're here now, and we're happy to have you. Hopefully you can stick around and find some friends here, too! ^_^

Thank you so much for your words. They mean a lot to me.

I hope that I can find a way to patch things up with my friend too.

I am so happy to be here and I definitely know that I am going to find some friends here! :D

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2 minutes ago, Elf_at_heart said:

Thank you so much for your words. They mean a lot to me.

I hope that I can find a way to patch things up with my friend too.

I am so happy to be here and I definitely know that I am going to find some friends here! :D

Hey, that's why we're here!

Gotta bounce now, but best of luck!

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1 hour ago, Elf_at_heart said:

Ok, good.

So, let me start out by saying that I am not an adult. I'm 14 and will be 15 in November. So, I still live with my mother.

And oh, my mother is crazy. I am not allowed to have any friends, even though I'd like to, because she thinks that friends are worthless. That they won't help me succeed in life, and so I shouldn't have any. I did manage to make one when I was thirteen, much to her chargrin.

I got the friend's contact number on my phone because I wanted to talk to her, but I lied to my mother saying that it was for "school stuff." I made an instagram account and followed my friend, but then my mother to stop following her. Naturally, I had to tell this to my friend, and now she hates me. The only friend I have ever had and she hates me now. She said that on and off for the past two years, whenever she's trying to be friendly with me, I shut her down by saying "my mother doesn't want me to do this" and that she's tired of feeling like a doormat, and she's done with me. (Mind you, she didn't tell me this. She told this to another boy who relayed it to me. My friend just stopped replying to my messages and left me on read.)

Its true, though! My mother tries to control every aspect of my existence! And she thinks that she is the best mother on earth. One minute she'll be screaming at me for something I did, and the next she'll say that she loves me and she doesn't know what she would do without me. She even threatened to take away my books if I don't do as she says. Its completely exhausting. Because of her I don't know how to be a functional human being. I don't know how to talk to people or how to make friends. And keep them. I don't know how to make it up to my friend.

All my mother wants me to do is study, study, study. Because she never got a degree and failed 12th grade. And she thinks that I might be a failure. I once overheard her telling my elder sister that after my mother failed she was resilient enough to do something with her life, but if fail I won't be able to do anything. Honestly, I don't care that much for studying or my grades. 'C's get degrees baby!'

All I want is to get a degree, get my own house and go on long-term travel around the world. I want my days to be packed with travelling, reading, eating, and studying greek mythology.

I know that for as long as I live under her, I will never have the freedom I desire. And I hate that.

Wow. This was long. If you've made it to the end, you're a hero and I appluad you.

 

 

That is absolutely horrible. :(

I am actually lost for words. I don't know from which country you are, but there might be people who could help you. Your mother seems to have been through a lot and probably really needs help (although she'd probably denies it) and you are really suffering for it. Are there any teachers you can trust with your story? They might be a lot closer than any more or less anonymus friends in a forum. 

And no, friends are not worthless in life. Actual gool friends help you through hard times and give you strength, fun brings creativity and laughter, sharing and discussing, even fighting opens your mind to endless opinions and possibilities. There is not one way to live life but as many ways as there are people on earth. It never hurts to explore because without discovering new things there can be no growth, no progess. 

I hope that you can find a way to make things better or to get help, and that you have the strenght to get through this horrible time. Keep you head up, if nowhere else, you have friends here and you are not worthless! *HUG*

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1 hour ago, Marukka said:

That is absolutely horrible. :(

I am actually lost for words. I don't know from which country you are, but there might be people who could help you. Your mother seems to have been through a lot and probably really needs help (although she'd probably denies it) and you are really suffering for it. Are there any teachers you can trust with your story? They might be a lot closer than any more or less anonymus friends in a forum. 

And no, friends are not worthless in life. Actual gool friends help you through hard times and give you strength, fun brings creativity and laughter, sharing and discussing, even fighting opens your mind to endless opinions and possibilities. There is not one way to live life but as many ways as there are people on earth. It never hurts to explore because without discovering new things there can be no growth, no progess. 

I hope that you can find a way to make things better or to get help, and that you have the strenght to get through this horrible time. Keep you head up, if nowhere else, you have friends here and you are not worthless! *HUG*

Thanks so much for this.

Unfortunately, I don't think there's much else for me to do except keep my head up, suffer through this, and try to build a better future for myself.

Yes, my mother would absolutely deny that she needs any help. (Not that anyone's ever broached the topic to her, but she'd a 100% deny it.) I think I might have OCD and I hinted this to her once, and she told me that I only think that because of the books I read and nothing like OCD exists in real life.

No, there's absolutely no one else I can trust with my story.

Thanks for telling me that friends are not worthless in life and that I am not worthless. I needed that reminder.

All I think about everyday is the future that I want to build for myself. And that keeps me going. And also this website. It's just full of the kindest people ever. I want to be like y'all. Thanks everybody!

Edited by Elf_at_heart
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