Curious Anamaximder

Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!

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2 hours ago, FriarFritz said:

I'm really having trouble with college right now. I just haven't been able to do work. I know I've always had a pretty bad work ethic, which kinda weirdly combines with my perfectionism to keep me from doing anything. I can't stand not doing something well, but I can't spare the effort to do it up to my own standards, so I just give up and don't do it. This has become a huge problem for me recently, to the point where I have done almost no assignments in the past week, if any. Even though I need to keep my grades up in order to keep my scholarships which are honestly the only thing that lets me go to this school. I've barely even been practicing my instruments, and I like that. I've just been watching YouTube videos for hours on end. Even if I do sit down to work, my ADD ensures that I'll soon head down the rabbit trail of the internet. I've been staying up too late, not getting exercise, and when I do get exercise, it's basically an excuse to avoid responsibility and listen to music. I feel like I should try to get help, but "I can't do work," sounds really pathetic, like a dumb excuse, even though it might be an actual problem, and not just me.

Please, if you have advice, feel free to give it to me. I think I know what I need to do, but someone else telling me to do it will hopefully help motivate me.

First *hugs.* Paralyzing perfectionism is something that I know well. It can be daunting. Work ethic aside for a moment. It can be overwhelming when you need to have something done to you standard of perfection, but doubt that it can be. Combine that with ADD and the task at hand becomes so much more difficult. To address the work ethic issue, I think that you are being unnecessarily hard on yourself. You would not be in a position where you would have scholarships to begin with if you were not deserving. To get back to the original problem this is absolutely something that you can and if you feel that you need to should seek help for. ADD is a medical issue which should be taken seriously. "I can't do work," is not dumb!! Part of the reason is a true medical diagnosis. Talk to a teacher or your parents and see if they can come up with a creative solution to help. I have found teachers to be understanding about a great many things. As far as the perfectionism go forth and make the world your own. To get things done to your standard once you have sought help, remember this doing nothing is not perfect doing nothing is stagnant. The only way to feed your perfectionism is to do that which you much and apply your abilities to it. 

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On 10/20/2020 at 1:22 AM, FriarFritz said:

I'm really having trouble with college right now. I just haven't been able to do work. I know I've always had a pretty bad work ethic, which kinda weirdly combines with my perfectionism to keep me from doing anything. I can't stand not doing something well, but I can't spare the effort to do it up to my own standards, so I just give up and don't do it. This has become a huge problem for me recently, to the point where I have done almost no assignments in the past week, if any. Even though I need to keep my grades up in order to keep my scholarships which are honestly the only thing that lets me go to this school. I've barely even been practicing my instruments, and I like that. I've just been watching YouTube videos for hours on end. Even if I do sit down to work, my ADD ensures that I'll soon head down the rabbit trail of the internet. I've been staying up too late, not getting exercise, and when I do get exercise, it's basically an excuse to avoid responsibility and listen to music. I feel like I should try to get help, but "I can't do work," sounds really pathetic, like a dumb excuse, even though it might be an actual problem, and not just me.

Please, if you have advice, feel free to give it to me. I think I know what I need to do, but someone else telling me to do it will hopefully help motivate me.

I'm in the same boat as far as collage,little work ethic, and ADD goes. I'm still figuring stuff out but I have found that a light course load is definitely helpful. As for studying, I plan on getting distracted and try to work in bursts, the trick is to maximize one's limited production time. Also coffee.

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I have a good work ethic and ADD, which typically results in me hyper focusing on something like Temple Run for eight hours :P Most of my actual work gets done at midnight, I’m pretty sure that’s when my ADD falls asleep. I found about it really recently, so the only thing I’ve found that helps it so far is taking medication. If you haven’t seen a psychiatrist for your ADHD yet, I’d highly recommend it as they would be the most qualified person to help you get back on track.   

Edited by Lunamor
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It's complicated but I sort of lost my job. They're offering me a different one, without a pay cut, but with a drastic increase in working hours and workload.

That new job is Braize. I get that. They've lost six people in three months because everyone hated it so much they upped and quit. Some without even an alternative during the COVID job market.

I don't want to make any decisions. I'm tired. Life is exhausting. Why does it have to be this way?

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11 hours ago, Kasimir said:

It's complicated but I sort of lost my job. They're offering me a different one, without a pay cut, but with a drastic increase in working hours and workload.

That new job is Braize. I get that. They've lost six people in three months because everyone hated it so much they upped and quit. Some without even an alternative during the COVID job market.

I don't want to make any decisions. I'm tired. Life is exhausting. Why does it have to be this way?

Ooh, that's rough, man. Sorry to hear it. I know the feeling of decision paralysis all too well; it sucks. :/

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On 10/20/2020 at 1:22 AM, FriarFritz said:

I'm really having trouble with college right now. I just haven't been able to do work. I know I've always had a pretty bad work ethic, which kinda weirdly combines with my perfectionism to keep me from doing anything. I can't stand not doing something well, but I can't spare the effort to do it up to my own standards, so I just give up and don't do it. I feel like I should try to get help, but "I can't do work," sounds really pathetic, like a dumb excuse, even though it might be an actual problem, and not just me.

Please, if you have advice, feel free to give it to me. I think I know what I need to do, but someone else telling me to do it will hopefully help motivate me.

Okay, so maybe this is me seeing what I look for, but this sounds like textbook perfectionism OCD, how that was explained to me anyway. (Though it could be a total coincidence.) I relate very hard to this, so first, *hugs* - I have been right there where you are, with the ADD and the low work ethic and the perfectionism. It’s not pathetic; it is an actual problem that tons of people have. You are not stupid or lazy or anything like that, you’re just stuck in one place. 

My advice is to try and talk to some other people you know with this issue, encourage each other, do some research into techniques like ‘quick and reckless’ that are supposed to help this kind of thing. Therapy costs money, but peer support doesn’t. I’m always here if you wanna chat about it or even just yell “AAAAAAH Ene I can’t focuuuuus and I don’t waaaaaant toooooo I hate everything, I can’t even think about school because of how Big and how Much it would take and ack” into a PM. *hugs* again. 

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This is really inconsequential but I seemingly can’t change my profile picture back to the Radish Wizard without it being low-quality, which is a source of mild annoyance. 

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Frankly I am not the main hero of what I want to tell but I will do. 

3 Day ago in Turkey was an earthquake of 7.0 intensity and after this there was a flood in the city(İzmir) The announced death toll is 100 now. People collecting donations for the homeless, they are trying to help them. 90 hours after the earthquake a 3 year old girl ws recqued alive. This such a miraculous event but then I found out that the girl's Mother was dead. The things that happened are very sad. But the brutal mindset of other people that hurt me More. I have read many Turkish and foreign comment stating that İzmir deserves this. I think every  act and avery thought that makes human life cheap is disease and I realized that this disease has no religion and race. 

(I am sorry for my bad English) 

Edited by caranise
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4 hours ago, caranise said:

I have read many Turkish and foreign comment stating that İzmir deserves this. I think every  act and avery thought that makes human life cheap is disease and I realized that this disease has no religion and race. 

(I am sorry for my bad English) 

Don’t worry about your English :) 

I didn’t know those natural disasters had happened, I’m so sorry. And I completely agree that people who cheapen the death of innocents are a disease. *hugs* I’m glad you’re alive at least! 

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1 hour ago, AonEne said:

Don’t worry about your English :) 

I didn’t know those natural disasters had happened, I’m so sorry. And I completely agree that people who cheapen the death of innocents are a disease. *hugs* I’m glad you’re alive at least! 

You are very nice, Thank you. There were so many eartquakes in 2020 that I stopped counting. There have been disasters like sandstorms and tsunami that have never happened before in Turkey. But it was the worst disaster. I hope it never happens to anyone again. 

Edited by caranise
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caranise, thank you for posting here -- you actually brought a tear to my eye. Like Ene, I was unaware of the situation in Turkey, but you and your country are in my prayers tonight.

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2 hours ago, Slowswift said:

caranise, thank you for posting here -- you actually brought a tear to my eye. Like Ene, I was unaware of the situation in Turkey, but you and your country are in my prayers tonight.

Thank you very much. 

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I’m about to go on vacation on Tuesday and I’m frankly not really looking forward to it. It’s mostly stuff that doesn’t excite me that much (going to Orlando area) and the non theme park options are limited. My mother wants to do the following:

Go to Give Kids the World: not my cup of tea at all.

Kennedy Space Center: I’m on the wall here since it’s an hour from the hotel and I really don’t feel like driving on vacation.

Busch Gardens and Sea World: been there so I don’t mind but Busch Gardens is an hour away and both parks require getting there early to get a parking spot.

A couple different restaurants in the area including Disney Springs: I don’t mind this since I like the places involved.

Going to the Disney outlet stores: I hate doing this. She does this on every trip to Florida and it’s so annoying to go. One of the two is hard to get a parking spot at and the other is awkward just to get to.

The only thing I have planned is going to the nearby Barnes & Noble to pick up ROW and read that when I can. It’s usually hard for me to read on vacation but this one might be dull enough for me to justify reading.

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43 minutes ago, Draginon said:

I’m about to go on vacation on Tuesday and I’m frankly not really looking forward to it. It’s mostly stuff that doesn’t excite me that much (going to Orlando area) and the non theme park options are limited. My mother wants to do the following:

[...]

The only thing I have planned is going to the nearby Barnes & Noble to pick up ROW and read that when I can. It’s usually hard for me to read on vacation but this one might be dull enough for me to justify reading.

That's really annoying. I'm sorry you're not looking forward to your vacation. 

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Haven't seen a shipping notification yet so trying to resign myself to not getting RoW on the 17th.  Course it might not matter because I'm obsessing when I should be reading (only on chapter 69 of my OB rr). 

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My dad had talked to me earlier and he talked to me about something that really hurt me inside and broke some of the trust we had.

Pretty much it was the discussion on me moving out because I’m to the point I can’t stay with my mother anymore and he talked about him and her moving to The Villages in Florida, it’s a retirement community north of Orlando, when they both retire and he wants me to move with them. His solution to getting me to live there is to use the “he can’t live on his own” excuse because he pretty much told me he believes I’m physically capable of living on my own but not mentally. You have no idea how much it hurt to hear him say that last bit to me. Now I wouldn’t mind living in Florida, Orlando itself is more my speed, but I’d prefer living back home in California than continuing living under their roof, which for him was more a master bedroom to myself when I would rather have my own place and not an attached living situation.

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Can I... offer a hug? I don't especially need one right now(RoW!) but I could really use giving one.

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20 hours ago, Draginon said:

My dad had talked to me earlier and he talked to me about something that really hurt me inside and broke some of the trust we had.

Pretty much it was the discussion on me moving out because I’m to the point I can’t stay with my mother anymore and he talked about him and her moving to The Villages in Florida, it’s a retirement community north of Orlando, when they both retire and he wants me to move with them. His solution to getting me to live there is to use the “he can’t live on his own” excuse because he pretty much told me he believes I’m physically capable of living on my own but not mentally. You have no idea how much it hurt to hear him say that last bit to me. Now I wouldn’t mind living in Florida, Orlando itself is more my speed, but I’d prefer living back home in California than continuing living under their roof, which for him was more a master bedroom to myself when I would rather have my own place and not an attached living situation.

*Hugs.* 

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I am having a really bad week

So I have been talking for some time with this girl and we really connected and were really supportive with each other, I felt we were building something special, until this week.

We usually talked almost everyday, but she was having a rough time and didn't want to talk, so I just send her some messages wishing her good luck with her day and all that, just the typical stuff I do when someone I care about is not well. Well, then she answer me at the beginning of this week telling me that she had many people on her life and couldn't indulge all of us and she couldn't give all their relationships her all, then stopped talking to me for the whole week.

Then today she talked to me again, I told her I was hurt by how she told me that and leave, because it made me feel expendable to her, like she don't care for me really, and told her that I was sorry if I was a pest and that I understood if she wanted to talk less often with me.She told me everyone has expendable really and that she didn't know but she preferred that I stopped talking to her, that she will talk to me when she feels like it and need me.

The saddest thing is I was kinda expecting it, since she begun talking to a guy she likes she has been less entusiasthic with me, and now she does this while been all happy and fun and enthusiastic with him on social media makes me think that I simply wasn't worth enough to try and work to mantain this friendship, all her talk about how much she cherished our relationship and how important I was for her didn't matter at the end.

This has happended to me time and time again, I connect with someone and everything is great until i am feeling more confident and then they just meet someone better and stop caring about me, suddenly I am just a burden for them.

I am sorry for the rant, but I really needed to tell this and vent a little.

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1 hour ago, Erandeni said:

I am having a really bad week

So I have been talking for some time with this girl and we really connected and were really supportive with each other, I felt we were building something special, until this week.

We usually talked almost everyday, but she was having a rough time and didn't want to talk, so I just send her some messages wishing her good luck with her day and all that, just the typical stuff I do when someone I care about is not well. Well, then she answer me at the beginning of this week telling me that she had many people on her life and couldn't indulge all of us and she couldn't give all their relationships her all, then stopped talking to me for the whole week.

Then today she talked to me again, I told her I was hurt by how she told me that and leave, because it made me feel expendable to her, like she don't care for me really, and told her that I was sorry if I was a pest and that I understood if she wanted to talk less often with me.She told me everyone has expendable really and that she didn't know but she preferred that I stopped talking to her, that she will talk to me when she feels like it and need me.

The saddest thing is I was kinda expecting it, since she begun talking to a guy she likes she has been less entusiasthic with me, and now she does this while been all happy and fun and enthusiastic with him on social media makes me think that I simply wasn't worth enough to try and work to mantain this friendship, all her talk about how much she cherished our relationship and how important I was for her didn't matter at the end.

This has happended to me time and time again, I connect with someone and everything is great until i am feeling more confident and then they just meet someone better and stop caring about me, suddenly I am just a burden for them.

I am sorry for the rant, but I really needed to tell this and vent a little.

 

I’m so sorry that happened. :( 

Can I offer a hug? I’m here if you need me. 

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3 hours ago, Bearer of all agonies said:
  Reveal hidden contents

 

I’m so sorry that happened. :( 

Can I offer a hug? I’m here if you need me. 

Thank you, I really need one

that's very nice of you

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3 hours ago, Erandeni said:

Thank you, I really need one

that's very nice of you

*hugs*

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