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Having a Bad Day?: Get 'yer Hugs here!!


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I need to vent a little. 

I have a project in every single class. Every. Single. One. Has to have a final "hurrah". They're all due in the same few days, besides one I am currently finishing up. To add to the joy, I also have a plentitude of concerts coming up, while our choir teacher verbally abuses us in an effort to make us better? I also have work, and a million other things. I feel so tired because I tried to relax the past few days by listening to Oathbringer, but my mom ended up taking my phone because I was using my phone at night to listen to that. I just want school to be over. I have so much to look forward to as soon as this is over. But the stress is killing me.
Now, I know what to do. I need to take things one thing at a time. That doesn't change my current stress. Or my extreme distaste with my choir teacher. I will not miss her when I leave this school, good riddance. But, I know how good it will feel once I finally finish this damnation senior year, so I'll hang on for the next 3 weeks. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

What is this place? The Shard. 

What are these books that we read? The cosmere, the others.

Who is this man? Brandon

Who are we? 

we are the broken. The radiants in training. We are the beaten down. We are the stressed, the heavy laden, and the faint. We are the dregs, and yet the cream of society. We are the future, and we are hope. We read; to escape, to leave behind everything within mortal bounds. To escape the realities, to escape the stress. We read, and we read. Our hearts are enraptured by that great unknown. The infinite possibilities, all flowing onto the page. Forming into epic stories, wondrous tales. Tales of other worlds. Yes, this is where we escape to. The fantastic unfolding of plots, secrets, plans. The heroes who fought, bled, strained, triumphed, died, and survived. The clashes of Gods, the stories spanning ages. We drink it all in. In through the cracks in our souls, filling us, making us feel while for a time. This is our sweet escape. And from these examples, these heroes and warriors we reverence, we see into ourselves. We see who we are. We build ourselves up, we learn from them, and from ourselves. And we grow. 

And here we make friends, others who are broken. Friendships forged through fires. The fires that break us, the heat that cracks our souls. But where we are broken, we can expand. To fix a piece of fabric, you must add more thread, or more cloth. When the heat comes for us, yes we are hurts but when we heal, we grow, and not only that, but we can grow together. Meld with the souls of others. Find connection with our peers. And our souls will rise together, learning, growing, reading.

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Sometimes, life sucks.

I've been slowly getting worse, but I was trying to avoid it. I don't know if I actually have depression (I haven't been clinically diagnosed), but it sure feels that way sometimes. I've had so many good things happen in the past few weeks (got a one at the UIL state solo contest, got a scholarship for the Baylor summer band camp, school is now over as of 12 hours ago), but I don't feel happy. I hate it when I get like this. It feels like no matter what I do, I can never be happy. Then, section leader results came out today. And I didn't make it. I really needed to make it, for my sanity. I know it isn't a huge deal. I know this isn't something to get super depressed over. So why am I?

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@StrikerEZ I'm sorry you feel like that- though I tend to do similar. I know how you feel, and I hope you can find something to help you when you feel like this. There are a large number of helpful sites out there to help people deal with anxiety and depression, and I would advise you to try and find something that helps (I personally find sound washes very helpful).
*hug*

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That sucks, Elsa!

 

This isn't so much a bad day as an ongoing situation that's getting progressively worse. So my older brother has quite severe cerebral palsy. That in itself isn't a degenerate condition but due to the way his body is twisted his insides twist awkwardly as well. Over the last 3 years there's been a few instances of him ending up in the ED in incredible pain and having to have his bowels surgically untwisted. At first it was only happening every few months, but he's spent most of the past 6 weeks in hospital (only one operation in that time though). Yesterday the medical team was discussing the future, because they don't think they can keep operating indefinitely, it'll build up too much scar tissue. They suggested that next time they don't operate, just drug him up on pain killers (which don't actually do much for him). That's basically assisted suicide. Which is illegal. And it'd be a horrible, slow, painful way to go.

My brother and mum protested that, obviously. He's back in ED again tonight. I'll be home tomorrow for the holidays, and be able to see them both, which will be nice. But every time I leave, I know it might be the last time I see him. I don't know what to do. There probably isn't anything to do, I just need to get this out somewhere :(

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@Caesura This is indeed an awful awful situation. I can't even truly pretend to understand how you and your family must feel right now. I know that there are few words which can remove the pain. I hope that that your brother quickly bounces back from this and the whole unfairness can come to an end. *Hugs*.

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This is more griping/venting about my mom than having a bad day so bear with me here:

My mom has to make simple math so complicated. We have a bunch of books here that need to have labels she needs to print and it's a simple double multiplication problem. Pretty much there's 6 books in a bag and there's 20 sets of each bag and then triple the number. It's 360 labels but the way she does it she ends up in the 1000's! I mean I'm not a math genius by any account but that's simple elementary school multiplication!

She also tries to 'help' me without asking me first and she thinks it goes much faster. I know what her intent is but when she does it without asking if I need the extra help she's pretty much saying "I don't trust you enough to finish this on your own". It doesn't matter how simple the project is, she just has to butt in without asking first. Heck a year ago I did ask her for a little help on building a shelf and I just needed her to keep something steady while I got a brace on and instead of just doing that she has to take over the entire process so I just up and left until she was finished because I wasn't going to put up with her not listening to me on that one.

A couple weeks back we were at the store and this employee asked if I wanted to try something, you know the free sample people? Well it was something I had tried before so I told him 'no thanks, I've already tried them' and instead of that being the end of it my mom just has to stop and ask 'are you sure you've tried these?' and I told her yes but apparently that wasn't enough to convince her to move on and she acts like I should take a sample and repeats her question. Jeez, I didn't want a sample and she turned a two second no thanks into a minute of questioning if I've tried it. She does that to me all the time at the store, I'll see something that'll give a small audible 'ew' and somehow that translates to 'that sounds good, I want to try that' to her!

She can be such a hypocrite as well. When we go to conferences she wants to go to and she gets on my case if I don't attend something but when it's one I want to go to I don't give her hell because I understand it's not her thing and yet her stuff isn't my cup of tea and yet she thinks I should go attend stuff I find boring? Then there are times where she'll give a subtle hint for me to do something but when I give her a subtle hint she doesn't get it, like she'll say 'I think you might like doing this' and when I suggested a little port adventure for her to try and one for me for our cruise at Christmas she didn't get that I wanted some space. It's like I have to explain to her like she's 5. She also thinks my opinions don't matter if they clash with hers like if I think a flower is pretty but she thinks it's ugly she'll say I'm saying it's pretty just to contradict her and annoy her. It's like she doesn't understand what opinion means!

More or less her doing these things has broken me down to the point of 'I'm not even going to try anymore' since it gets ridiculous having to 'fight' her over this stuff. This is why I seriously need to do that sabbatical before I go insane!

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Your mother sounds super frustrating @Draginon!! Good on you for putting up with her though.

 

So since my brother's decision things went downhill pretty quickly. He stayed a couple days extra in hospital, and came home on the Tuesday. On the Wednesday things started up again, but since he'd decided not to have more operations he didn't go back to hospital, just was on lots of drugs at home. Lots of visitors for a couple days. Things got really bad on the Friday night, and the hospice nurse put him into a drug-induced coma Saturday morning, then passed away Tuesday night.

He died peacefully, with all his family here, and he's not in pain any more. Gonna be a lot of adjusting for us all though.

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@Caesura She is. My sister has practically given up on trying to reason with her. It's not good because the way she treats me has given me suicidal thoughts in the past and gotten me close to depression. She's someone with control issues since everything has to be her way or the highway. She also says stuff that's racist and prejudice in nature, like if a black person cuts her off in traffic she automatically goes for a derogatory term. Heck when I told this stuff to my GF she knew exactly the term my mom is that I'd already come to: a female dog. She just doesn't seem to understand that she's pushing everyone away just like her father did after my grandma died.

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