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If stormlight archive was the wheel of time


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(Ugggghhh I can't stand Elayne. Or Egwene. Or Nynavene. Or almost all lead female characters. I just hate their characters, I'm not sexist. Although Robert Jordan might be....)

 

I don't think he was sexist, but I do wonder what kind of relationship he had with his wife...

 

posted by maxal

 

Elhokar will be be comprised by Odium. Everyone will think him dead, but he will manage to escape and hide amongst a group of Herdazians. He will fall in love with a darkeye Herdazian women and he will marry her. Kaladin will blame Lopen and will spend books and books being angry at him.

 

I don't get the reference to this one, can someone enlighten me?

 

And now for my predictions...

 

Rock will have a bsod moment when he will discover that his ancestors were forbidden from cooking

 

Someone will try to kill the radiants, because hey, the radiants are returning to save us from the desolation, so if we kill them we get no desolation right?

 

next are spoilered i fear

Taravangian will conquer the east and the south, while dalinar will conquer the north and the west. he will eventually have to kneel in front of taravangian to get an alliance and fight the voidbringers united

 

the voidbringers will pillage unchecked in the lands already prey to anarchy, and they will take all the people as their gai'shain. eshonai's sister will lead them, and she'll have a contingent of 100 lighteyed servants to attent to her and every day she will have beaten those who please her less.

 

an important mentor female figure will die, but it will then be revealed that she only was teleported to another dimension and she will eventually come back. Oh, wait...

 

Zahel will tech kaladin the most important lesson: to sheate the sword. and kaladin will do so by the end of the book.

 

Adolin will find a trinket that protects him from surges, and will use it to taunt all the radiants.

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I don't get the reference to this one, can someone enlighten me?

 

 

 

Sure.

 

Elhokar is Morgase. Odium is Rahvin. Similarly to Rahvin taking control of Morgase using compulsion, Odium will take control of Elhokar. However, Elhokar will escape and thought dead. Morgase hides within Perrin's army. Elhokar hides inside a group of Herdazian. Similarly to Rand, Kaladin will feel responsible towards Morgase/Elhokar "death".

 

After that I guess it does not make much sense.... Rand sort of merges with Gawin and that yields grief striken Rand who them blames Lopen who merges with Rand.... :ph34r:

Edited by maxal
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Using Stormlight and surgebinding would make all Males go insane, but it will just make females become pretentious snobs with a superiority complex.

Jasnah would box people's ears to get them to do what she wants.

The ancient Parshendi were pacifists.

Kaladin is Nohadon Reborn.

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Kaladin never overcomes his dislike of swords, thinking them to be weapons of very limited flexibility. People throughout the series are intimidated by his tall, broad shouldered frame, and his incredible spear-fighting skills, but believe him to be unintelligent and savage due to societal constructs.

 

However, he eventually returns to the ways of his forefathers, finally giving up the path of the spear in order to promote peace and tolerance. 

 

His hair turns red, and he is actually named "Couladin."

Edited by nightwatcher
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If SA were the WoT, Adolin and Shallan would get married if only so they could collaborate for the rest of their lives on an exhaustive encyclopedia on the Fashion of Roshar.  Shallan could do illustrations of all the intricate embroidery on all the clothing while Adolin provides commentary.  Then they could warp over to the WoT universe, publish and sell the encylopedia only to have Nynaeve give her opinions on how proper/improper all the ensembles are that were included in the collection, make sweeping comments about the use of wool and then give in and agree begrudgingly that Adolin has good fashion sense.

 

(I understand there are a lot of inconsistencies up there, just roll with it...)

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If SA were the WoT, Adolin and Shallan would get married if only so they could collaborate for the rest of their lives on an exhaustive encyclopedia on the Fashion of Roshar.  Shallan could do illustrations of all the intricate embroidery on all the clothing while Adolin provides commentary.  Then they could warp over to the WoT universe, publish and sell the encylopedia only to have Nynaeve give her opinions on how proper/improper all the ensembles are that were included in the collection, make sweeping comments about the use of wool and then give in and agree begrudgingly that Adolin has good fashion sense.

 

(I understand there are a lot of inconsistencies up there, just roll with it...)

 

LOL. This is one of my favorite :D I love this idea of Shallan and Adolin working on a fashion encyclopedia..... So funny, so useless in a world about to be crushed by a Desolation and sadly so WoT.....

 

I would also add that Nynaeve would probably try out most outfits in secret and spend hours glaring at herself in the mirror....

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I would also add that Nynaeve would probably try out most outfits in secret and spend hours glaring at herself in the mirror....

 

Secret Schmecret.  Nynaeve never possessed the self-awareness to hide how much she loved her dresses, despite what she said.  She would widely denounce them, then publicly order (and then wear) one of everything.

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Ha ha!  So, Nynaeve is not unlike a small child trying to sneakily do something wrong.  No matter how sneaky he/she tries to be, the adults totally know what's going on. XD

 

Robert Jordan was always very good at giving characters motivations and actions which don't agree with their thoughts or words.

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Robert Jordan was always very good at giving characters motivations and actions which don't agree with their thoughts or words.

 

Yes.... Think about all the times Nynaeve praises the good sturdy Two River's wool only to whisper in secret there is nothing wrong with silk after all..... Or how Mat despises all nobles and their fancy clothing only to develop a liking of lace as, after all, what is wrong with a little lace and embroidery?

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  • 2 weeks later...
It turns out that everyone close to the main character is actually related to him resulting in slightly awkward stuff.......

 

Resulting in Sanderson finally having said main character explicitly tell another character that he isn't related (by blood) to a character he has been boinking, just to finally put a stop to the internet's incessant cries of "Incest!"

 

Oh, wait...

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in order to court each other, adolin and shallan would need to ask permission to their parents, the village wisdom, the women council, the major, and who knows who else, then they could get permission to be engaged for one year, then to get married they would have to repeat it all, only slowly and while singing. At the same time, adolin will try to send shallan away because his life is too dangerous for her. and he would also complain a lot about being a lord when he just wanted to be a duelist.

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There would be no such thing as fabriels. Science and magic WILL NOT MIX. They will remain totally seperate and magic will be more powerful. Even though when they're combined cool things happen. Instead you get pseudo machines that run on magic.

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-The Unmade will mostly bring themselves down through constant scheming and meddling in each others' plans.

 

-Each faction will be its own worst enemy and only rarely clash in open combat.

 

-It will take until book 7 for most of Alethkar to actually acknowledge the Voidbringers as a threat.

 

-The newly-formed Knights Radiant will cloister themselves in Urithiru, only emerging to glare coldly at each other, sniff, and make vague pronouncements such as "Odium is as Odium does," and "Surrender to Cultivation is the only victory."

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Adolin unknowingly uses his new found surgebindings to kill one of Odium's minions and will assume that he killed Odium and proclaim that the problem is over, when in fact there are still 13 books left in the series and Odium is not, in fact, dead.

 

I just finished rereading book one, if you can't tell.

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Shallan will go learn about Honorblades from the Shin while telling them the whole time that she is a Knight Radiant, when in fact she has one more oath to swear.  She will then be called back to Alethkar to become the new head of the Kinghts Radiant, feel guilty about this, and confess her lie.  They will strip her naked and spank her and then everything will be fine.  She'll ride a horse the whole way back to Alethkar without using Stormlight to heal her backside.

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  • 1 month later...
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