TwiLyghtSansSparkles

If Different Authors Wrote the Stormlight Archive

88 posts in this topic

9 minutes ago, Ammanas said:

If you want I could arrange for two people to show up at your door and explain it to you. I may even be able to talk them into giving you a free book :P

There's a Mormon church not 200 yards from my house, at the entrance to my neighborhood. I could go there for one. 

I should do that one of these days. Learn something new.

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44 minutes ago, Ammanas said:

If you want I could arrange for two people to show up at your door and explain it to you. I may even be able to talk them into giving you a free book :P

Here, Ammanas. This is for you. 

Spoiler

win-one-internet.jpg

It's yours now. You won it. 

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On 22/11/2016 at 7:40 AM, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

Here, Ammanas. This is for you. 

  Reveal hidden contents

win-one-internet.jpg

It's yours now. You won it. 

Ye know If anyone bothered reading the fineprint, twi broke a few rules :P

And I'm gonna contribute now instead of sleeping

Charles Dickens

It was a dark and stormy night when szeth son-son vallano, the Truthless of shinovar wore white when he was to kill a king. 

Michael Bay

actually sleeping sounds better now. I'll finish this tomoz promise, maybe do some other writers.

Edited by Mesa the Ookla
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1 hour ago, Mesa the Ookla said:

Ye know If anyone bothered reading the fineprint, twi broke a few rules :P

And I'm gonna contribute now instead of sleeping

Charles Dickens

It was a dark and stormy night when szeth son-son vallano, the Truthless of shinovar wore white when he was to kill a king. 

Michael Bay

actually sleeping sounds better now. I'll finish this tomoz promise, maybe do some other writers.

 Michael Bay would be like:

 

Szeth son-son-Vallano Truthless of Shinovar infused a chair and then, BOOM! IT EXPLODED IN SLOW MOTION!

 

@Mesa the Ookla Really waiting your version!

Edited by Talanelat'Elin Stonesinew
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More terry goodkind:

THREE AND A HALF YEARS AGO

Shahlan poked at the cage, and the colorful creature inside shifted on its perch, cocking its head at her.

It was the most bizarre thing she’d ever seen. It stood on two feet like a person, though its feet were clawed. It was only about as tall as two fists atop one another, but the way it turned its head as it looked at her showed unmistakable personality.

“What does the young lady think of my chicken?” the merchant said proudly, standing with hands clasped behind his back, ample stomach thrust forward like the prow of a ship. Behind, people moved through the fair in a throng. There were so many. Five hundred, perhaps even more, people in the same place.

“Chicken,” Shahlan said, poking at the cage with a timid finger. “I’ve eaten chicken before.”

“Not this breed!” the Thaylen man said with a laugh. “Chickens for eating are stupid—this one is smart, almost as smart as a man! It can speak. Listen. Jeksonofnone! Say your name!”

Hissing, hackles lifting, the chicken's head rose.

Shahlan pulled back.

The bird let out a slow chicken cackle. It sounded like a chicken, but in her heart she knew it wasn't. In that instant, she completely understood the concept of a chicken that was not a chicken. This looked like a chicken, like most of the chickens she had seen on darkeyes' farms. But this was no chicken.

This was evil manifest.

Her power, her surgebinding, was also a tool of self-defense. But it would only work on people. It would not work on a chicken. And it would not work on wickedness incarnate.

“Jeksonofnone,” the creature said.

Shahlan jumped back. The word was mangled by the creature’s inhuman voice, but it was recognizable. “A Voidbringer!” she hissed, safehand to her chest. “An animal that speaks! You’ll bring the eyes of the Unmade upon us.”

 

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GRR MARTIN

*i was going to write something but was too lazy. Next year maybe*

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If Tolkien wrote the Stormlight archive... It would start off as several massive songs. it would be heavily reworked throughout his life and not be published during it. It would be compiled from his notes by his son who would edit it and release it, in many cases not in a way the fans agreed with.

All the characters would have several names in several languages, some so well developed that they can be spoken. The use of the thorn plays a large role in Alethi politics.

Kaladin is cursed by Odium to failure. He ends up with Shalan, who has had her memories altered. It turns out they were siblings, which Shalan only remembers after she has conceived, at which point she throws herself into a chasm. Adolin tells Kaladin who kills Adolin and then himself. Dalinar then dies in Navani's arms. (For some reason I feel that Kaladin would have made a good Turin...)

Eventually Lift goes on a journey off world, during which some VERY insane Heralds destroy most of the peoples' safeholds. This journey causes all the non interference people to interfere. This wins the war, but also destroys a good chunk of the land. Odium is defeated, but there is a prophecy that he will return and Kaladin will kill him and Roshar will be remade.

Oh, and near the end of his life the Cosmere back story is totally redone - but he never finished writing it... And IMPORTANT things, like Nale fostering two children after killing their parents is described as: 'and love grew between them, as little might be thought.' Many, many pages are spent on topographical descriptions instead.

But it was all written by an in world historian, and the author is just translating a translation.

Edited by Kingsdaughter613
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On 8/15/2015 at 8:48 PM, ccstat said:

Dr. Seuss

 

One spren, two spren,

Lie spren, truth spren.

Are the blue spren truly glue spren?

This one makes a skyeel fly,

That one shows up when you die.

Oh what a lot of spren I spy!

 

You have light in your spheres, You have shards in your hand,

You have surges to help you to fly and to land!

So where will you go?  Somewhere high? Somewhere low?

To the great Reshi Isles, or somewhere with snow?

Perhaps you will dine on some Horneater Stew,

Delivered directly through Urithiru.

Or maybe the Shin will sell you a chicken

(eating it helps Thaylen eyebrows to thicken).

There’s so many places and people and spren,

It’s easy to wonder just where your path ends.

But please, don’t forget, it’s the way that you walk

that matters much more than the place that you stop.

Yes, the road that you take, whether straight, curved, or bendy

always matters the most—just ask the Parshendi.

If I could give this another upvote, I could, because this is storming awesome. Unfortunately, I've reached my limit for today.

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If Glen Cook wrote Way of Kings: Here is him writing the entire Shallan and Kaladin storylines (not really any spoilers for the book, but just in case:

Spoiler

Shallan went to a rich, powerful noble woman's residence. She went under the guise of learning. She knows how to draw well and people seem to find her clever. Her ruse is discovered, but her powerful patron decides to keep her on. She is to become a genuine apprentance. Kaladin had a rough childhood, was sold into slavery, became cannon fodder for a army, saves a powerful nobles life and is promoted. He is also learning how to be a powerful sorceror. It is immortality of sort.

 

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1 hour ago, Firerust the Terris Gyorn said:

If I could give this another upvote, I could, because this is storming awesome. Unfortunately, I've reached my limit for today.

Thanks, I'm glad you like it!

You may want to check out the updated version linked in my signature. (also here)

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16 hours ago, Ammanas said:

If Glen Cook wrote Way of Kings: Here is him writing the entire Shallan and Kaladin storylines (not really any spoilers for the book, but just in case:

  Reveal hidden contents

Shallan went to a rich, powerful noble woman's residence. She went under the guise of learning. She knows how to draw well and people seem to find her clever. Her ruse is discovered, but her powerful patron decides to keep her on. She is to become a genuine apprentance. Kaladin had a rough childhood, was sold into slavery, became cannon fodder for a army, saves a powerful nobles life and is promoted. He is also learning how to be a powerful sorceror. It is immortality of sort.

 

Glenn Cook would write from the perspective of guys like Gaz... People who are abso-storming-lutely not nice (chulls, to be more precise), who do important, but dirty work. Multilayered betrayal would be common, as well as complicated shifting alliances.

Adolin would not survive his third duel, dying with a arrow in the back.

Kaladin would be known under the nicknames Bridgeboy and later captain, Lopen as Onearm, Adolin as Pretty Face, Shallan as Ginger or Painter or whatever. Shortly, real names would be few.

And some guys would be awfully difficult to kill. And return after being killed for very very storming sure.

And the "good" Shards on Roshar would be named Pragmatism and Contract. 

And the everstorm always comes.

 

edit: added a few passages 

Edited by Alfa
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Patrick Rothfuss

 

Part 1

I have stolen Orbs from dead Alethkar Kings. I have destroyed the royal balconies of Gavilar's castle. I wielded Nightblood and left with both my sanity and my life. I was named Truthless at a younger age than most people begin to Surgebind. I tread paths by moonlight that other's fear to walk during the day. I have spoken to Heralds, regretted murder, and made lashes that made Jezrien weep.

My name is Szeth. You may have heard of me.

 

Part  II

COMING SOON. VERY SOON. EARLIER THAN PART III SOON.

 

Part III

STILL COMING SOON. LATER THEN PART II, BUT STILL SOON. WITHIN TEN YEARS OR SO. 

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On 4/5/2017 at 5:18 PM, Th3Cr00k3dWard3n said:

What if Brandon Sanderson wrote the Stormlight archives?

It would actually be written, on a schedule, in a reasonable time frame?

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Hmm, if only Brandon Sanderson actually did write SA, it would make me so much happier. But it's nigh impossible.

Too bad

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On 11/15/2016 at 0:25 AM, ZenBossanova said:

Since Brandon is Mormon, it only seems appropriate to write it in the style of the Book of Mormon.

And the bridgemen dwelt in tents.

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44 minutes ago, Dragon314 said:

And the bridgemen dwelt in tents.

And it came to pass the bridgmen dwelt in tents...fixed it for you :P

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I should really get around to writing those ones shouldn't I?

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I was thinking about SA and Order of the Stick today (specifically the similarities between Moash and Redcloak), and I realized which OOTS character Torol Sadeas reminds me of. So:

Order of the Stormlight, by Rich Burlew:

Spoiler

Sabuta: I will take this from him. This city, this discovery. This is just a setback-

Jasnuvius: Soulcast to gust of wind! Now can we please resume saving the world?

:P

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This thread is pure gold. I'll be watching this for a while.

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From the Marx Brothers version of Edgedancer, Water-Chicken Soup:

Quote

Nale: But I saw the Desolation with my own eyes!

Ishar: Well, who you gonna believe? Me or your own eyes?

Nale: ...you, I guess.

 

Edited by Necessary Eagle
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On 8/14/2015 at 5:33 PM, TwiLyghtSansSparkles said:

George R. R. Martin

 

Sigzil stood alone on the battlefield. Around him lay the broken bodies of Bridge Four, Dalinar's warcamp, Sebarial's warcamp, and the entire customer base of a random tavern. 

 

"Looks like it falls upon me, then," he sighed. "I alone must carry this narrative to the end. And I shall. I shall.

 

The arrow struck his heart from an unknown source, and there he died. 

That's priceless!

 

EDIT: Someone really needs to do an H.P. Lovecraft one (I'll try, but all that prose makes my head spin).

 

Edited by The Allomantic Metalhead
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