TwiLyghtSansSparkles

If Different Authors Wrote the Stormlight Archive

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Hey, we had a thread on that a while back... I had a really neat one written where Shallan compares Adolin and Kaladin's abs........... I have to find it again.

 

I recall I also did Divergence  :ph34r:

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Hey, we had a thread on that a while back... I had a really neat one written where Shallan compares Adolin and Kaladin's abs........... I have to find it again.

I recall I also did Divergence :ph34r:

I didn't see that one, then, because it sounds hilarious. :lol:

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It is written in a different optic, so I'll have to re-work it to fit this idea of this thread... It was hilarious.

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Here it is. A different format than yours and updated for this thread. I'll do the Veronica one later. I hope I've got the grammar right  :ph34r: I have trouble at times to keep up with the proper tenses.
 
Stephanie Meyer 
 
Adolin was glowing like a shining diamond each time he steps into the sunlight. After a 100 years or so, one would understand why he became so self-conscious about it he thought spending eternity in a perpetually rainy town while going through High School over and over and over again was such a brilliant idea. Still, he certainly was tired of studying the same subjects, the same classes... as it turns out instruction has not changed all that much in the last century. You are still required to read Shakespear: one would think he would have learned by heart by then.
 
It is then not surprising his eyes would wander on beautiful newly arrived Shallan Davar the second she walked into his school. She was the embodiment of perfection: those long hair, this snarling mouth, the perpetual unhappiness, what not to be attracted to? Never in his 100 years of existence had Adolin saw such beauty...
 
It was only logical he would enter in an affair with her, even though his entire species thought of her as... food. Never mind that: he was a vegetarian.
 
However, after a while, he thought the relationship did not work. After all, she was not glowing like him and she did not follow his diet. How could it keep going on? Especially since she kept asking to be turn into a glowing into the sunlight eternal vegetarian being such as himself. How could he curse her with eternal youth?
 
He thus ended the relationship: not surprising. He never managed to make them work, even after a 100 years.
 
Shallan, however, had a different opinion. It turned out she truly had feelings for glowing Adolin and not much else in her life it appears. She thus destroyed all of her drawing of him and resumed to curl herself into a ball at the bottom of her bed and cry, cry, cry, cry, cry because let's face: she is just a ridiculous girl, what else can she do in the scope of a break-up? Adolin... He had such gorgeous perfectly chiseled abs...
 
Luckily, she rapidly stumbled on Kaladin, a boy who spent all of his leisure time running into the wood, bare chest, with his equally bare chested friends, carrying a heavy bridge: a scared mission he received from the elders of his village. All thought of Adolin momentarily evaporated in front of Kaladin perfectly sculpted abs and broad shoulders because, let's face it, fencing was an adorable hobby, but lifting bridges, now that is sure to create a stronger musculature. 
 
Shallan thus ended up with a huge dilemma: who's abs did she prefer? Adolin was more athletic, but Kaladin looked so strong. Who's hair did she liked the best? Adolin neatly tousled and messy blond hair or Kaladin knotty and dirty brown locks? Who's smell did she prefer? Adolin's cologne or Kaladin freshly scent of sweat and musk? And what of their other anatomy parts? She giggled as she internally referred to them as fruits. If Kaladin was a banana, what was Adolin? A cucumber? English or regular? She could not help wishing Alethi fashion called for tighter pants...
 
Oblivious to the fact a war is about to explode outside, Shallan continues her internal struggle and what could possibly be more important than the heart-breaking decision she needs to make? Adolin or Kaladin? Kaladin or Adolin?
 
Unable to come to a conclusion, one would think she would choose Kaladin as she jumped down into the chasm with the clear intention of being rescued by wild Kaladin. However, in the mean time, Adolin got depressed. It turned out Shallan was his one true love, despite not being able to glow and smelling like food. Unable to continue this sad life thinking he had rejected her and incapable to foresee a future where he may simply go back to her, he enlisted himself to be sacrifice to Taranvangian, in desperate of dying people.
 
It is thus Renarin arrived, thankfully with his shirt on, on Shallan's door steps begging her to intervene. Horrified, Shallan flied to the rescue and prevented Taranvangian from extracting Adolin's death rattle. She immediately rekindled her interest with Adolin upper body, but not after having making him promise to grant her eternal youth and glowing in light ability.
 
After a much throughout inspection, it seemed as if Shallan dilemma had finally come to an end, but as the everstorm loomed and evil voidbringers rushed to exterminate humanity, she could not help but wondering how Kaladin's chest may feel like should she lay her head into his neck... And those eyes... Dark brown like the earth, firm, solid, smoldering even whereas Adolin eyes were blue like the sky on a clear day. Genuine, nice, playful...
 
As she heard the cries of the dead outside, she quickly drew he pad out and started the futile exercise of determining which young man was more perfect than who.
 
All the while, glistening Adolin still glowed like a diamond, dirty Kaladin still carried manly bridges bare-chested, but nothing else mattered to them than shy, snarling Shallan and her quiet eyes.

 

 

download.jpg

 

There….really isn't anything more I can say about it. :D 

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Dibs on Terry Goodkinds Stormlight Archive.

 

(I'll write it up soon... just a little busy right now)

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Dibs on Terry Goodkinds Stormlight Archive.

 

(I'll write it up soon... just a little busy right now)

 

I can't wait. 

 

Dibs on Veronica Roth. I'll finish updating it today.

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I claim Suzane Colins Stormlight Archive.

-

Shallaniss Everdavar held her thousand page sketchbook in her hand as she stared intently at Kalato.

He was charging. With a spear. Shallaniss would've thrown her book, but she was running low on supplies. Adolpetre Kholark was following, along with Roclove and a group of enraged Bridgecarreers.

They'd left the big bridge they'd taken from the warcopia across the chasms, which helped them move.

Shallniss decided not to risk dying so she summoned a tree out of no where and climbed it.

The bridgecarreers surrounded the tree. Adolpetre pointed at something and tried to distract the bridgecarreers. Kalato yelled at Adolpetre and threw him into the chasm because he wasn't good enough.

"Oh no!" Shallniss called, and lunged into the chasm after Adolpetre. Adolpetre got really badly hurt on his leg, but magically Shallniss was given the Honorblade from a sponsor that gave her Regrowth. She healed Adolpetre.

Shallniss was emberassed as she found she didn't actually like Adolpetre. She liked Kalato, forming an unecessary love triangle.

Then they were all forced together in a tiny chasm and a group of mutated chulls- chasmfiends killed Kalato.

"No!" Shallniss then wacked chasm fiends on the head with her huge sketchbook and everything was okay.

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Dr. Seuss

 

One spren, two spren,

Lie spren, truth spren.

Are the blue spren truly glue spren?

This one makes a skyeel fly,

That one shows up when you die.

Oh what a lot of spren I spy!

 

You have light in your spheres, You have shards in your hand,

You have surges to help you to fly and to land!

So where will you go?  Somewhere high? Somewhere low?

To the great Reshi Isles, or somewhere with snow?

Perhaps you will dine on some Horneater Stew,

Delivered directly through Urithiru.

Or maybe the Shin will sell you a chicken

(eating it helps Thaylen eyebrows to thicken).

There’s so many places and people and spren,

It’s easy to wonder just where your path ends.

But please, don’t forget, it’s the way that you walk

that matters much more than the place that you stop.

Yes, the road that you take, whether straight, curved, or bendy

always matters the most—just ask the Parshendi.

 

:D If I could I would give this ALL my upvotes, I love it so much!

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Dr. Seuss

One spren, two spren,

Lie spren, truth spren.

Are the blue spren truly glue spren?

This one makes a skyeel fly,

That one shows up when you die.

Oh what a lot of spren I spy!

 

You have light in your spheres, You have shards in your hand,

You have surges to help you to fly and to land!

So where will you go?  Somewhere high? Somewhere low?

To the great Reshi Isles, or somewhere with snow?

Perhaps you will dine on some Horneater Stew,

Delivered directly through Urithiru.

Or maybe the Shin will sell you a chicken

(eating it helps Thaylen eyebrows to thicken).

There’s so many places and people and spren,

It’s easy to wonder just where your path ends.

But please, don’t forget, it’s the way that you walk

that matters much more than the place that you stop.

Yes, the road that you take, whether straight, curved, or bendy

always matters the most—just ask the Parshendi.

 

Yes! I laughed out loud with delight, especially at the last stanza. Fantastic piece of work there. (I would consider showing this to Brandon. I bet he would enjoy it.)

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:D If I could I would give this ALL my upvotes, I love it so much!

  

Yes! I laughed out loud with delight, especially at the last stanza. Fantastic piece of work there. (I would consider showing this to Brandon. I bet he would enjoy it.)

Aww, Thanks for the compliments. If I have time maybe I will flesh this out into something presentable to give to Brandon at the next signing, since it looks like I'll be able to make it to one of the Shadows of Self tour stops. I wonder if anyone with actual art skills wants to contribute some Seussian illustrations.  Hmmm.

 

@Mrs. K. I am glad you approve. I feel like I've been slacking in my squirely duties. 

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I'm just gonna add my voice and say that CCSTAT YOU ARE AWESOME! Take all my upvotes.

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George Lucas 

 

Open on Kaladin, staring out at the battlefield. It is littered with both soldiers and Parshendi corpses. He stands alone in his vest and trousers, an unreadable expression on his face.

 

KALADIN: Dead. All of them….dead. Half of Bridge Four is gone, because of me.

 

Sylphrena floats up to him, a ribbon of light, before assuming the form of a young girl. 

 

SYL: Not-so, Mistah Kaladeen, sah! You-sa still have meesa! 

 

KALADIN: Uh, Syl? Why are you talking like that? You didn't talk like that in the last book. 

 

SYL: Mistah Lucas thought it'd be better for the KIDS! You-sa knows he loves dee children! 

 

KALADIN: Excuse me, Syl. 

 

SYL: Where-sa you-sa going, Kaladeen? 

 

KALADIN: To find the nearest chasm. 

 

J.K. Rowling

 

Dalinarbledore gripped Kaladin's shoulders, meeting his eyes. "Don't you see, Kaladin? You are the Chosen One. Of all the Radiants at this school, you alone can unite the Sprenly Hallows and defeat Voidemort!" 

 

Kaladin looked away from Dalinarbledore's eyes, which always made him feel as though he were being X-rayed. "But….this doesn't make sense." 

 

"Of course it does. Voidemort chose you as his equal, which is why you can fly and do all of those amazing things." 

 

"But wouldn't I have been able to do that anyway, being a Windrunner and all? And while we're at it, why did I get Windrunning while Shalmione got Lightweaving? I mean, seriously, why are there differences in our magic, anyway?" 

 

"Because it's magic. Duh." 

 

Just then, Professor Sadeas walked by, scowling at Dalinarbledore. "You're smiling, Professor. Ten points from Gryffindor." 

 

"I outrank you, Sadeas." 

 

"Fine. Ten points to Slytherin, because I have better fashion sense." 

 

George R. R. Martin

 

Sigzil stood alone on the battlefield. Around him lay the broken bodies of Bridge Four, Dalinar's warcamp, Sebarial's warcamp, and the entire customer base of a random tavern. 

 

"Looks like it falls upon me, then," he sighed. "I alone must carry this narrative to the end. And I shall. I shall.

 

The arrow struck his heart from an unknown source, and there he died. 

 

Stephanie Meyer 

 

Pattern buzzed in deep chagrin. "Shallan?" 

 

"What?" 

 

"I know that your sketches are important….but shouldn't you be working on keeping the parshmen from destroying the world?" 

 

"In a minute," she said, chagrined. 

 

"Shallan, you have already made 499 sketches of Adolin Kholin's abdominal muscles." 

 

"And this will be an even 500." Just as she finished the sketch and held it to the light for a moment's admiration, the door swung open. Her chagrin was quickly replaced by delight. 

 

"Shallan," Kaladin breathed. "I'm sorry for intruding on you like this, but I had to see you. I didn't have time to put on a shirt. I hope you don't mind." 

 

Pattern's chagrined buzzing began anew, but Shallan ignored it. When the Almighty sent you a shirtless Captain, you didn't ask for details. 

 

I am sacred now. Thank god Brandon wrote this, not Stephanie Meyer. Twilight was [email protected]##$%@^!%^^&!^&^&@^&^*!^ &*^!^*&&!(&*(@@!&*^^*(@*()*!(^*@^(@&&*!^&*!.... Phew

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I am sacred now. Thank god Brandon wrote this, not Stephanie Meyer. Twilight was [email protected]##$%@^!%^^&!^&^&@^&^*!^ &*^!^*&&!(&*(@@!&*^^*(@*()*!(^*@^(@&&*!^&*!.... Phew

 

It's just about enough to make me never want to use the word "chagrin" in my writing.  Dear gods.  I've read just enough excerpts of that monstrosity to recognize this all as a work of comic genius.

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Isn't Par-shen-DI how its already pronounced?

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I always thought it is par-SHEN-di, but we do not know how Alethi (aside A-le-thi or a-LE-thi or a-le-THI?) pronounce anything.

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Guys, this is beautiful. I wish i could do somethig cool.... perhaps i could think of something....

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