Young Bard

Where are the food safety inspectors?

18 posts in this topic

It has come to my attention that much of the food strewn around the 17th Shard is of substandard quality. The cookies, is of particular concern.

 

It is worrying that at this critical time, it is revealed that there is currently no food safety inspector to be found anywhere in the 17th Shard. Are we to allow many more innocent Shardlets to be taken by these substandard foods. Many people seem to have suffered from it, from particularly... spiked shaped cookies.

 

Furthermore, I can reveal to you, that these cookies are part of a malevolent ploy to gain the trust of unsuspecting Shardlets. Immediate measure needs to be taken. I propose a food safety inspectors commitee to be created at once, so we can better prevent such tragedies occuring.

 

I fear that many of our highest ranking on the 17th Shard may be involved in this malevolent scheme. Indeed, there are whispers that an integral role in the criminal organization that calls itself 'The Dark Alley', is none other than the 3rd highest member on the 17th Shard. Voidus himself.

 

Should we allow this terrorist organization to continue? I think not. I propose an immediate election of a 'food safety inspector' to determine what should be done with substandard foods such as cookies. If we do not, I fear that the lives of innocent Shardlets are at risk.

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I'll do it! I would love to be a safety inspector! Great Idea!

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Ver allegations von bar der sewer.  Der food is tasty-safety.  (takes money from lobbyist)

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It has come to my attention that much of the food strewn around the 17th Shard is of substandard quality. The cookies, is of particular concern.

 

It is worrying that at this critical time, it is revealed that there is currently no food safety inspector to be found anywhere in the 17th Shard. Are we to allow many more innocent Shardlets to be taken by these substandard foods. Many people seem to have suffered from it, from particularly... spiked shaped cookies.

 

 

 

As a moderator, I can assure you that no spikes that aren't intended to be there

are in any of the food items around here.

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May I show you our disclaimer?

Disclaimer: Disclaimers follow. (Neither the seller not the manufacturer will be liable for any brain damage arising from the use of this product. Void where prohibited except where not prohibited. Above terms subject to change without notice. Action figures sold separately. Actual price set by retailers. All research statistics are blatantly flagrant. All rights reserved. All sales final. Any other application constitutes fraud. At participating locations only. Alternate toy available for children under 3. Because some jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion or limitation of liability for consequential or incidental damages, the above limitations may not apply to you. By continuing to use this system you indicate your awareness of and consent to these terms and conditions of use. Caveat emptor. Do not look at laser beam with remaining eye. Your results may vary. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of a Shard, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized repair, incorrect line voltage, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this joke list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, sticks and stones, et al.). User assumes full liabilities. Some humor and satire included. Price and participation may vary. Not to be used for the other use. Words crossed out are to be disregarded unless they resemble spikes piercing words, in which case you should probably see your local spike cookie vendor. May be addictive. Must be 18 months or older to order. Prices subject to change without notice. No refunds available. There is a slight chance (between 12-87%) of Ruinous corruption; this may or may not cause the following side effects (including, but not limited to): delusions of grandeur, hallucinations, compulsive and destructive behavior, pain, headaches, voices in your head, pneumonia, heart attack, stoke, severe internal bleeding, and death. These side effects are not permanent and are perfectly normal. Please see your cookie vendor to see if Hemalurgy is right for you. No kandra were harmed in the making of this product. Some disclaimers may not apply to all participating victims participants. All constitutional rights are waved by use of this product. Irreparable damage may occur. Vendor is not liable for damaged packaging, bodies, or souls. There is always another secret. Surgeon's Warning: Spiking causes severe Investiture warping. Fragile. This side up. If normality persists for a period of time exceeding 30 days, consult with a Dark Alley representative near you. This may be a sign of chronic dementia. This side down. The information contained in this disclaimer is intended by the Dark Alley for the use of consumers only and may contain information that is privileged, confidential, and/or protected from disclosure by inapplicable laws. Contents of this disclaimer are under pressure. This disclaimer may be in part, whole, or wholesale plagiarized. Shake well before using. Batteries not included. Each set sold separately. Avoid prolonged exposure to this disclaimer. Do not read this disclaimer while driving a vehicle or operating heavy equipment. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is coincidental and intended by the author. Reading this disclaimer does not provide grounds for a legal dispute. Parental guidance suggested. Professional driver on a closed course. Do not attempt at home. See the owner's manual for more information.Trespassers will be spiked.˙ʍolloɟ llᴉʍ ʇxǝʇ pǝʇɹǝʌuᴉ ǝɹoW ˙ʎɔuǝᴉɔᴉɟɟǝ ƃuᴉpɐǝɹ ǝzᴉɯᴉxɐɯ oʇ uǝǝɹɔs ɹnoʎ ǝʇɐʇoɹ ǝsɐǝlԀ ˙uʍop ǝpᴉsdn sᴉ ɥɔᴉɥʍ 'uǝǝɹɔs ɹnoʎ ʇᴉɟ oʇ pǝʇʇɐɯɹoɟ uǝǝq sɐɥ ʇxǝʇ sᴉɥ┴ Approved by the FDA. Made in a facility that also processes wheat, eggs, and radioactive materials. ¡noʎ ploʇ 'ǝǝS White text included at no additional charge.
This supersedes any previous disclaimer: The above disclaimers may be inacurate and cookies will be provided in case of Shardic intervention.)

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You seem unusually biased against cookies, have you even tried one?

Edited by Redbird
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Hey, they're excellent for anemicc people!

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Long disclaimer for a cookie...

 

And, as a matter of fact, I have a compulsive fear of the cookies in question. Initial reports from the lab indicate a high level of sharp, foreign objects in the cookies. They appear to be metallic.

 

As for Eerongal's statement, who can say. The upper leaders of our forums can hardly be trusted anymore. And, did anyone notice that Eerongal's statement seemed strangely defensive???

 

Just having a joke, not trying to offend anyone.

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Though those cookies are exempt from FDA regulations, because they are technically weapons of mass destruction

 

Also my melons are completely safe, only half of them tested positive for arsenic!

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As for Eerongal's statement, who can say. The upper leaders of our forums can hardly be trusted anymore. And, did anyone notice that Eerongal's statement seemed strangely defensive???

 

Just having a joke, not trying to offend anyone.

 

Pure paranoia, i say!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There's always another secret....

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Long disclaimer for a cookie...

 

And, as a matter of fact, I have a compulsive fear of the cookies in question. Initial reports from the lab indicate a high level of sharp, foreign objects in the cookies. They appear to be metallic.

 

As for Eerongal's statement, who can say. The upper leaders of our forums can hardly be trusted anymore. And, did anyone notice that Eerongal's statement seemed strangely defensive???

 

Just having a joke, not trying to offend anyone.

Of course it is long. It has significant benefits that may react in complicated ways depending on the person. The Dark Alley tries to keep all legal disputes out of the way so we can focus on developing science. Also, how would you sense the spikes? They are definitely masked between three alternate realities and a large amount of sugar. Try one, I guarantee it won't do anything*.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Anything restricted to only  those things currently unanticipated in Level 83 Testing.

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The locals assure me that it's perfectly alright to relax and enjoy a cookie, perhaps listening to Elvis Costello...'s album "Spike".

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As a completely impartial bystander I suppose I could step up to the post of safety inspector, first I'll need to guage the base glucose levels of all Sharders though, so everyone take a cookie.  :ph34r:

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As a completely impartial bystander I suppose I could step up to the post of safety inspector, first I'll need to guage the base glucose levels of all Sharders though, so everyone take a cookie. :ph34r:

I think perhaps we should do a few fasting tests first. Including iron levels.
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I think perhaps we should do a few fasting tests first. Including iron levels.

After that, we could get Tony Chu on the case, to check for anything else.

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Did he even stop to consider that Voidus may be the 3rd highest rep level on 17s because he is, in fact, on the up and up?

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After that, we could get Tony Chu on the case, to check for anything else.

I do NOT want to know what tony will see after he eats those cookies

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I'll be a food safety inspector! *gets ready to sneak Lerasium spikes into cookies*

Edited by Master Elodin
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