Phoenix

Granny Hoid

49 posts in this topic

If you want to live I would run out the new and convenient hole in that wall, (gestures with ethereal hand). 

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...damnation. You know it's bad when a town of brainwashing, equal signs cultists are the better option. 

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Well. This is quite... interesting, to say the least. I thought things like the Dark Alley and the Wafflesworn (I still have no idea what they're about) were weird.

 

And yet I have an irrepressible urge to join.

 

Okay, hand over that contract.

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Sign here saying that you will give your soul and struggles to Granny Hoid


x___________________________________________________


 


Sign here saying that you will not sue Granny Hoid because it devoured your consciousness


x___________________________________________________

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Sign here saying that you will give your soul and struggles to Granny Hoid


x Mistrunner of Chouta and the Shardspoon


 


Sign here saying that you will not sue Granny Hoid because it devoured your consciousness


x Mistrunner of Chouta and the Shardspoon


 


 


...I keep getting flashbacks to this one episode of Doctor Who... I believe it was called The Satan Pit...


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Mistrunner of Chouta and the Shardspoon you are now an official convert to Granny Hoid.

 

Many may think that Granny Hoid is a being of pure evil, but it is not.  Granny Hoid is the salvation to your day to day struggles.  All who give their soul to the Granny will live on through the Granny.

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Sir,

The Stranger (whom you currently know as "Fatebreaker") grew weary and requested me to come over as the liason or intermediary between the Dark Alley and the cute upstart guild of Granny Hoid. What baked goods would you like to purchase, specifically? Are there any particular alloys flavors of spikes cookies that you would like to purchase? I'm afraid "something that brings out the soul tastes really good" is a bit too vague even for our exceedingly adept research and sales departments.

The DA eagerly awaits your reply.

Respectfully,

-Kipper

Edited by Kipper
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I would like to purchase the zinc enhanced cookies.  

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Very good choice. Do you have a particular quantity of spikes cookies in mind? Our test dungeon kitchen is currently working on a new alloy recipe, so it may take some time on processing, but I think you will be very satisfied with the end product.

Edited by Kipper
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The amount of cookies will depend on how much you charge for one of your famous cookies.

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Hm. Let me be frank. The DA, when doing bulk orders, usually deals with older and more well-established guilds. We usually take payment in test subjects and/or souls, as these guilds have plenty. Your guild is under somewhat different circumstances, as you are new and Granny Hoid apparently eats all your souls. Do you have any other exclusive materials or resources that you could provide to us as payment in lieu of souls or test subjects?

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Well, we could pay in raw fear.

Hmm I wouldn't recommend that, the market value of  Fear and its subsidiaries have been dropping lately 

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The supply of fear is the problem. There isn't enough demand for it and people keep trying to pay in excess fear.

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We...could accept fear.

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The supply of fear is the problem. There isn't enough demand for it and people keep trying to pay in excess fear.

 

Perhaps Granny Hoid could eat the fear.  All problems solved!

 

I mean, I know that compared to souls, fear is empty calories, but it's just soooo tasty.

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Sounds good. :)

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Then the deal is made.  We will give Granny Hoid all of the fear and resentment many people feel towards some of your cookies.

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Then the deal is made.  We will give Granny Hoid all of the fear and resentment many people feel towards some of your cookies.

So this is what we do? We collect... emotions?

 

I can go with that.

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I know exactly how we will collect the emotions from others.  Phoenix pulls out a sewing machine and some left over steel forks from his last meal.  We will use this sewing machine and create sweaters with infused cookies!  Looks around and realizes that he does not have any cookies.  With the current lack of cookies we shall use these forks instead.

 

We will then hand out our sweaters to people and have the Granny devour their soul and steal their emotions.  After all don't Grannies make sweaters?

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Hmm... a devious plan, Lord Phoenix.

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So we will be paid in fear....excellent. The first shipment of cookies should be arriving shortly.

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I know exactly how we will collect the emotions from others.  Phoenix pulls out a sewing machine and some left over steel forks from his last meal.  We will use this sewing machine and create sweaters with infused cookies!  Looks around and realizes that he does not have any cookies.  With the current lack of cookies we shall use these forks instead.

 

We will then hand out our sweaters to people and have the Granny devour their soul and steal their emotions.  After all don't Grannies make sweaters?

 

Usually grannies knit sweaters...but I will sit back and entertain myself watching you try to sew one.

 

Or you could take this ball of cosmic terror yarn and use some spikes some of these here, er, knitting needles...

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That is a valid point instead of sewing machines I will use a knitting machine.  Let the sweater production begin!

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