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the most useless uses for useful powers


king of nowhere

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Awaken a toaster with a 1000 breaths with the command "Refuse commands". Bye bye toast, bye bye breaths.

 

Lash air upward.

 

Lash water and sharks, together, upward, sideways and then into a tornado.  Voila, an actual Sharknado.

 

(No, it wouldn't be any more dangerous than a normal tornado.  It'd kill the sharks pretty fast.  Why do you ask?)

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Lash a Lake to a person, to let them 'fly' By swimming in the water that's stuck to them.

Fly, Jimmy, fly!

...

Why are you just hanging there limply? Come on, Jimmy. Get it together. Good! You just thrashed slightly. Do that harder and you'll be flying in no time. The air is over here, Jimmy. Fly to me and I'll give you some. Just a breath, now. Don't get greedy. Time to fly again, Jimmy.

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Fly, Jimmy, fly!

...

Why are you just hanging there limply? Come on, Jimmy. Get it together. Good! You just thrashed slightly. Do that harder and you'll be flying in no time. The air is over here, Jimmy. Fly to me and I'll give you some. Just a breath, now. Don't get greedy. Time to fly again, Jimmy.

 

You have 1, 846 upvotes. Somehow I wonder if half of those are people trying to appease you lest they find your twisted fish face hovering over them at night.

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That notion is just ridiculous, Kobold. Just freakin' ridiculous. I resent any suggestion that I use blackmail to squeeze my precious green points from you fools. It's not like they help, anyway. My twisted green fishface goes where it will, and I can't control it, no sir. Just make suggestions. Guess who's on the naughty list?

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  • 1 month later...

Thread necroing in view of the recent release of Sixth of Dusk. Just in case I have included spoiler tags:

 

Go to various suicidal practices, but stop just shy of going through with it, and look for your corpse to see what kind of death you will have. For example, go up to an edge of a bridge as if to jump off, and look down to see your bloated drowned corpse. Rinse and repeat. Or, dress up all fancy (tux or dress and makeup), then do as above, and see if you would make a sexy corpse. Or better yet, do as above, and see if it really is true that people void their bowels after they die. 

Edited by Pathfinder
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Huh, this seems fun.

 

Use stormlight to heal your...

...earring holes. Extra points if you do it while wearing earrings.

...appendix, that was cut long ago, just to have appendicitis again.

...baby teeth, possibly losing the good ones

...umbilical cord

...hair, just after having an expensive haircut.

...himen

 

Lash yourself to the center of the earth.

Lash yourself to the rollercoaster seat, just in case...

Lash someone's trousers to the seat - prank time! - 

Lash your hair in place

Lash together something that you broke and isn't yours. By the time the stormlight runs out, you'll be far, far away.

Use lightweaving to make some money, but instead of changing it for real ones store it in your piggy bank

Lightweave yourself as someone really fat, so you have extra space at the metro

Lightweave your teacher with some rash or pustules so he goes to the doctor and you avoid taking his class.

 

Use ¿zinc? (I don't remember the metal to riot) to make absolutely everyone's libido raise up like hell. Instant orgy.

Use brass soothing to make everyone dull and sour at a concert of multiple bands, until the one that you like plays

Use Pewter to make it harder for the nurse to put you an injection (ouch)

Iron Pull an injection so it's over soon. Then steel push it away.

Steel push an injection so it cannot come near you.

Steel push the button of your trousers to use it as a deadly weapon. From now on you have to hold your trousers with your hands...

 

Store heat in a metalmind when you have a thermometer so you appear to be healthy when you are not - when you could easily just tap health...

Do otherwise to appear unhealthy when you are not - when you could easily store health...

Store strength and agility while you are at the gym. Store mental speed and awakeness while you are studying.

 

Awaken a mannikin to scare people (this would be so fun)

Use random awakenings to make something gray. (Or pure white if you are Susebron)

Use random awakenings to decolor your hair, so it can be recolored easily

Awaken your friend's globes to slap him, while he wears them on.

Give your only breath to a random bird that inmediately flies away.

 

Actually, catch a bird, give him ten thousand breaths, announce it on the tv so everyone wants it. Put a little camera on the bird, pay some studio to film it. Then release the bird: You have the best reality show ever.

 

Go to the nightwatcher (is it called like that? the one with the Old Magic in the SA?) and ask him to not remember your visit to him.

Go to the "nightwatcher" and ask him to give you memories of some vacations that you didn't have, so you feel like the protagonist of Total Recall.

Go to the nightwatcher and ask "not to have a negative boon"

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Summon the Everstorm... in the middle of the vacuum of space.

Give Odium's shard to a fish.

Someone may have mentioned this one... use aeons for a night light.

Use nightblood for whittling.

Waste all your breath on awakening one's own clothes just because you enjoy the color grey.

Edited by Darkarma
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Countless uses for the flat of a Shardblade...

Ping Pong

Hammering nails

Coffee table

Baseball bat

Fanning onesself on a hot day

Cutting board

Convenient backrest anywhere (sticking it in the ground)

I mean, it's an indestructible flat-ish surface. Tons of possibilities.

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