Nesh

A Different Survivor

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Ok, so I thought I'd post something I've been working on. The basic premise of the fanfic is this: Mare survives and escapes the Pits of Hathsin insead of Kelsier. The point of the fic is to explore how events would be altered becauuse of this. what i'm a bout to post here is a prologue, equivalent to the prologue of Mistborn. I'd love feedback.

Prologue:

Mare stood quietly in the fields, working with her head down. Now was not the time to draw attention to oneself. True, she was on Lord Tresting’s plantation to cause trouble, but not yet. Tin burned comfortably within her stomach enhancing her senses, which allowed Mare to listen in on Lord Tresting’s conversation with Straff Venture’s obligator. The talk wasn’t anything too interesting, just business negotiations and the usual nobleman belittling of the skaa. Mare frowned; this wasn’t the way it should be. The ash falling from the sky, the red Sun, it was all wrong.

Mare’s frowned deepened into a scowl. It all came back to one man: The Lord Ruler. Whatever that man had done a thousand years ago had destroyed the world. Plants struggled to grow amidst the falling ash. The Sun bled red and the plants were a dingy dying brown.

“The Sun should be yellow and the plants, they should be green, at least that’s what Sazed said and I believed him.” she thought, reflecting on her conversion to the pre-Ascension religion of Larstaism. Her thoughts drifted to her pack, where a yellowed piece of parchment lay in wait. On the aged paper was simple drawing of a flower. Most people in the Final Empire wouldn’t even know what a flower was, they didn’t really exist anymore; the noblemen cultivated colored plants that some might mistake for flowers but they weren’t, not really the drawing she owned showed a green stalk and a top with yellow petals.

It all came back to the Lord Ruler. Just thinking of the man irritated her; Mare reflexively scratched the white scars that crisscrossed her arms. They were old scars, years old, more or less healed but they still itched on occasion, it was probably all in her head, Mare knew that much. Mare welcomed the itch however, it was a reminder. A reminder of the Pits, a reminder of what the Lord Ruler had taken from her. A reminder of Kelsier.

“I promise Kelsier, I will avenge you,” Mare thought to herself for not the first or even thousandth time since she’d escaped the Pits of Hathsin, “The Final Empire will fall and the Lord Ruler will die, perhaps not by my own hand but he will fall. I will crush the Lord Ruler and his Final Empire.” If others could have heard Mare’s thoughts they would have thought her insane, and perhaps she was. After all not many would challenge God. The people of the Final Empire were but mice to the Lord Ruler. They were simple vermin, if useful vermin. However

Mare smirked to herself as she focused on the tin burning in her stomach. Mare was something that shouldn’t exist. She was a skaa with the power of a noble; Mare was a skaa Allomancer, if only a Tineye. She was only a Misting able to burn one Allomantic metal. All she could do was enhance her senses, not a particularly useful power when one tried to kill a God. Even a full Mistborn would be but vermin to the Lord Ruler, not that any noblemen, Allomancer or not, would dare try to fight the Lord Ruler. Mare’s skaa heritage and forbidden Allomantic power, along with her knowledge of the truth of what the world had once been and her thirst for revenge for what had happened to Kelsier made her something completely different from the majority of the Final Empire. Mare was no mouse, no, Mare was a rat. Still vermin to the Lord Ruler, true but rats carried disease, deadly disease and that was the great equalizer. Rats weren’t as powerful as humans but with one simple bite a rat could infect a man with a debilitating plague that could kill within days or weeks of exposure.

The same would hold true for the Lord Ruler and his Final Empire. All it would take was a bite and that was exactly what Mare intended to do. She would be the rat that would bite the Final Empire and infect it with a deadly plague.

The name of that plague was called freedom.

“…Though there is another matter I wish to dis discuss with you. I came not only at the behest of Lord Venture, but to… look into some matters for the Canton of Inquisition. Rumors say you like to dally with your skaa women.” Mare scowled once more, so he was one of those noblemen. She wasn’t really surprised by this, noblemen who dallied with skaa were commonplace, Mare herself was proof of that after all being an illegal half-breed but it still disgusted her. Judging by the fact the a mere obligator was sent instead of a Steel Inquisitor Tresting obeyed the law the required the killing of the skaa after such acts so people like Mare wouldn’t be born. Just another reason to kill him later. Mare continued to work until it was time to go to the hovel, rage simmering inside her.

Mare sat in a hovel of about thirty skaa. It was unguarded of course as no skaa would dare run away at night; they had an almost religious fear of the mists. That was something she would have to cure them of in due time. She sat her pack on the floor as she leaned against the door.

“Good evening everyone how was your day?” she asked in a conversional tone.

“Our day was filled with work traveler, as you well know.” said, Tepper, one of the skaa elders who was sitting with many other men at a crude table. He was young to be an elder, in his mid-forties, at most he might’ve been five years Mare’s senior.

“Thank you for reminding me of why I dislike working on plantations. Self-important elders who think they’re better than me and of course fieldwork is just so hard on my delicate skin.” Mare said with a smirk as she pulled down her sleeves to reveal that layers of scars that crisscrossed her arms lengthwise Tepper did not seem pleased.

“I know who are. They call you the Survivor. You travel from plantation to plantation, stirring up trouble, giving our children false hope. Eating our food and leaving us older folk to clean up the mess.” He said. Mare just snorted.

“I don’t want your food, watered down vegetable soup is hardly a meal suited for human beings. Though your diet is hardly your fault. If you really want me to go, I’ll be off.” She slung her pack over her shoulder and opened the door and letting the swirling mists in.

“Close the door.” Tepper’s words were a plea not a command. Mare did as requested.

“The mists aren’t what you think; you fear them far too much.” Mare said.

“People who venture out into the mists lose their souls.” The words held a question. Mare had been out in the mists, what then had become of her soul.

”If you only knew.” she thought.

“Well since I won’t be leaving I guess I’ll share my news.” Mare waved for a boy to bring her a stool as several people perked up. This is why plantation skaa would harbor a wanderer like her. She may have been a danger to the whole community but she brought news of the outside world. Skaa were incurable gossips, by this time tomorrow her words would have been heard by every skaa on the plantation.

“I come from the north. From lands where the Lord ruler’s touch is less noticeable. Local lords rule in the West and they are far from the iron grip of the Lord Ruler and his obligators. Some of these distant lords are finding that happy skaa make better workers than mistreated skaa. One man, Lord Renoux is even considering paying wages to his skaa, like city craftsmen might earn.”

“Nonsense.” Tepper protested.

“My apologies, I did not know Goodman Tepper had visited Lord Renoux’s estate recently. When you dined with him last did he tell you something he did not tell me?” Tepper blushed and clamped up, exactly the reaction Mare was hoping for. Skaa didn’t travel and they most certainly didn’t dine with noblemen, at least not normal skaa. No one bothered Mare after that.

Not too long after a scream erupted outside. The chatting people in the howl fell silent, listening to the faint mist distorted sound. Mare scowled, knowing what that scream meant. Tresting was taking a girl for his pleasure. She burned tin, allowing his to judge the distance and direction of the voice. Mare got up wordlessly stool clattering to the floor with the sudden movement and marched out the door not even bothering to close it behind her. Now it was time to cause trouble.

9

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Chapter 1:

Mare looked over Luthadel with almost apathetic eyes; then again the seat of the Lord Ruler probably gave most people a feeling of apathy. Except for those in the nobility, who absolutely adored the place, but then they were an apathetic lot. They were also an ostentatious caste, the mark of a High Noble house were large monolithic keeps. About a dozen or so were interspersed throughout Luthadel,

She watched some skaa sweep some ash in into the River Channerel. She pulled up the hood on her cloak. Mare was quite grateful for the ashfall that gave her an excuse to pull up her hood; she didn’t want to chance being recognized, not yet.

“There’s been a lot of ashfalls lately, the Ashmounts must be active this year.” She thought. Eventually a man in a brown hooded cloak appeared, with what appeared to be a skaa servant close behind. The man, Dockson had a squarish face that bore a half-beard, the same as when Mare had first met him years ago. His clothing was rich but not aristocratic. Dockson was dressed as a member of the Luthadel middle class much like mare was, the clothing of course was a lie Dockson was a plantation skaa and Mare was an illegal half-breed. The servant was physically a rather unassuming figure but there was something in his eyes that told of danger.

“You’re a few days late Mare.” Dockson said with a hit of displeasure in his voice.

“I decided to make a few stops in the plantations to the north.” She replied.

“Ah so you did have something to do with Lord Tresting’s death.” Dockson said.

“The man had it coming to him Dox.” Mare said.

“I don’t really care about Tresting Mare; I’m just questioning my sanity and intelligence. Planning another job with you after last time, what was I thinking?” Dockson mused.

“I didn’t betray Kelsier Dox.” Mare said. That much was true she hadn’t betrayed Kelsier but even as her old friend made the veiled accusation she remembered the Lord Ruler thanking her for helping him find them. How had he known and what did she have to do with it, had he just been trying to get inside her head?

“You were the only one who knew about the job long enough to do it.” Dockson said.

“I didn’t betray him and if you think I did then why did you agree to take this job with me?” Mare asked.

“I agreed to do this because it’s what Kell would want me to do. That’s the only reason I’m here Mare.” He told her.

“I see,” Mare said, “That’s fine by me Dox. Why don’t you introduce me to our friend here?”

“My name is Zane,” the man dressed as a skaa said, “and yes I am your Mistborn.” Mare frowned, Zane seemed resentful somehow.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Zane,” When he didn’t say anything Mare turned back to Dockson, “So who all is coming to the meeting?” Mare asked.

“Ham and Breeze will be there of course, both are very curious about this mystery job of yours and both are properly annoyed at you for not telling them anything. Plus I imagine they, like me are curious about how you are going to explain away your betrayal.” Dockson said. Mare sighed in frustration.

“Does everyone think I betrayed my husband?” Mare asked in annoyance.

“Everyone except Marsh,” Dockson said pointedly, “and I think we both know why that is.” Mare blushed; she knew well full that her husband’s bother had feelings for her.

“I assume Marsh will be at the meeting?” Dockson nodded.

“And he’s been extremely generous, but we’ll get to that later, we need to decide on a Smoker to invite.”

“What about Trap?” Mare asked.

“Trap’s dead, Steel Ministry caught up to him a few months back. They didn’t even bother sending him to the pits. They just beheaded him on the spot.” Mare frowned, another Misting caught by the Ministry and another friend dead.

“Is Clubs still running that shop of his? He’s supposed to be one of the best Smokers in the city.” She suggested.

“I suppose, but isn’t he supposed to be kind of hard to work with?” Dockson asked.

“He’s not so bad once you get to know him and besides I think we can get him to join us in this job.” Mare said.

“I think one of his relatives is a Tineye, want me invite them too?” Dockson asked.

“Sounds good, now what’s this about Marsh being generous?” Mare asked.

“You were excited about one half breed Mistborn well Marsh found two. I think we hurry there might still be time to see her work.” Mare whistled appreciatively and Zane actually seemed interested now.

“Remind me to thank Marsh later,” Mare said, “Take me to her.”

The three of them found themselves inside the Canton of Finance’s plush waiting room. A fat thief, Camon under the guise of a noble and his ‘servant' were now having their appointment.

“So what do you think about the girl Mare?” Dockson asked. Mare nodded toward the door, this place had become too crowded for the discussion of sensitive matters. They told the obligator at the desk that they’d have to reschedule and left.

“Well Zane, what’s the verdict.” She said turning to the only member of the group who could burn bronze.

“She’s at least a Soother.” Zane said.

“How did you find her anyway Dox?”

“Camon tried to swindle Marsh a few months back and he brought the girl with him then too. Camon’s little good luck charm is actually become moderately famous in the right circles. I’m not sure if he knows what she is, you know how superstitious thieves can be.”

“Well if Marsh says she’s Mistborn I’m inclined to believe him. I’m a little surprised to find her using Allomancy in a Canton building. She probably doesn’t even know what she’s doing.” Mare said.

“Is that even possible?” Dockson asked. Mare nodded.

“Trace metals found in water can be burned can be burned for a little power. It’s part of why the Lord Ruler built his city here, lots of metals in the ground.” They watched as Camon and his servants left the Canton building. The girl in question was a bit skittish and jumped every time someone made a quick move. Her face was slightly discolored by a partially healed bruise. Mare scowled in Camon’s direction.

“Poor lass.” Dockson mused.

“I’ll have to come up with something particularly suitable to do to that man…” Mare said. She saw Zane reach for a coin as if he was going to put an end to Camon right there. However they were distracted by something else.

“What’s that doing here?” Dockson asked in a panic. Mare looked to see a Steel Inquisitor talking to the High Prelan Camon and the girl had met with before.

“Stay calm,” she said, trying to make herself follow her own advice, “He’s not here for us, I’m not burning anything.” Mare looked pointedly at Zane.

“I’m not burning anything either.” The Mistborn said.

“The girl Dockson breathed. Mare nodded.

“Camon’s going to lead the Ministry right to his lair; we can’t let a possible Mistborn slip through our fingers. The Ministry will have sent two tails at least two tails, can you deal with them Dox?”

“A couple Ministry flunkies shouldn’t be a problem but what are we going to do about that Inquisitor?’ Dockson asked.

“I can deal with it.” Zane volunteered with crazed excitement in his eyes.

“No Zane, you’re too valuable, I’ll handle the Inquisitor.”

“Meet us back at the fourteenth crossroad.” Dockson said taking off Zane followed but looked much more hesitant. Mare gave her companions a count of ten before burning tin and grabbing the Inquistor’s attention. Then Mare ran.

“Let’s have a chase now, you and I.” she thought.

6

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Chapter 1:

Mare looked over Luthadel with almost apathetic eyes; then again the seat of the Lord Ruler probably gave most people a feeling of apathy. Except for those in the nobility, who absolutely adored the place, but then they were an apathetic lot. They were also an ostentatious caste, the mark of a High Noble house were large monolithic keeps. About a dozen or so were interspersed throughout Luthadel,

She watched some skaa sweep some ash in into the River Channerel. She pulled up the hood on her cloak. Mare was quite grateful for the ashfall that gave her an excuse to pull up her hood; she didn’t want to chance being recognized, not yet.

“There’s been a lot of ashfalls lately, the Ashmounts must be active this year.” She thought. Eventually a man in a brown hooded cloak appeared, with what appeared to be a skaa servant close behind. The man, Dockson had a squarish face that bore a half-beard, the same as when Mare had first met him years ago. His clothing was rich but not aristocratic. Dockson was dressed as a member of the Luthadel middle class much like mare was, the clothing of course was a lie Dockson was a plantation skaa and Mare was an illegal half-breed. The servant was physically a rather unassuming figure but there was something in his eyes that told of danger.

“You’re a few days late Mare.” Dockson said with a hit of displeasure in his voice.

“I decided to make a few stops in the plantations to the north.” She replied.

“Ah so you did have something to do with Lord Tresting’s death.” Dockson said.

“The man had it coming to him Dox.” Mare said.

“I don’t really care about Tresting Mare; I’m just questioning my sanity and intelligence. Planning another job with you after last time, what was I thinking?” Dockson mused.

“I didn’t betray Kelsier Dox.” Mare said. That much was true she hadn’t betrayed Kelsier but even as her old friend made the veiled accusation she remembered the Lord Ruler thanking her for helping him find them. How had he known and what did she have to do with it, had he just been trying to get inside her head?

“You were the only one who knew about the job long enough to do it.” Dockson said.

“I didn’t betray him and if you think I did then why did you agree to take this job with me?” Mare asked.

“I agreed to do this because it’s what Kell would want me to do. That’s the only reason I’m here Mare.” He told her.

“I see,” Mare said, “That’s fine by me Dox. Why don’t you introduce me to our friend here?”

“My name is Zane,” the man dressed as a skaa said, “and yes I am your Mistborn.” Mare frowned, Zane seemed resentful somehow.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Zane,” When he didn’t say anything Mare turned back to Dockson, “So who all is coming to the meeting?” Mare asked.

“Ham and Breeze will be there of course, both are very curious about this mystery job of yours and both are properly annoyed at you for not telling them anything. Plus I imagine they, like me are curious about how you are going to explain away your betrayal.” Dockson said. Mare sighed in frustration.

“Does everyone think I betrayed my husband?” Mare asked in annoyance.

“Everyone except Marsh,” Dockson said pointedly, “and I think we both know why that is.” Mare blushed; she knew well full that her husband’s bother had feelings for her.

“I assume Marsh will be at the meeting?” Dockson nodded.

“And he’s been extremely generous, but we’ll get to that later, we need to decide on a Smoker to invite.”

“What about Trap?” Mare asked.

“Trap’s dead, Steel Ministry caught up to him a few months back. They didn’t even bother sending him to the pits. They just beheaded him on the spot.” Mare frowned, another Misting caught by the Ministry and another friend dead.

“Is Clubs still running that shop of his? He’s supposed to be one of the best Smokers in the city.” She suggested.

“I suppose, but isn’t he supposed to be kind of hard to work with?” Dockson asked.

“He’s not so bad once you get to know him and besides I think we can get him to join us in this job.” Mare said.

“I think one of his relatives is a Tineye, want me invite them too?” Dockson asked.

“Sounds good, now what’s this about Marsh being generous?” Mare asked.

“You were excited about one half breed Mistborn well Marsh found two. I think we hurry there might still be time to see her work.” Mare whistled appreciatively and Zane actually seemed interested now.

“Remind me to thank Marsh later,” Mare said, “Take me to her.”

The three of them found themselves inside the Canton of Finance’s plush waiting room. A fat thief, Camon under the guise of a noble and his ‘servant' were now having their appointment.

“So what do you think about the girl Mare?” Dockson asked. Mare nodded toward the door, this place had become too crowded for the discussion of sensitive matters. They told the obligator at the desk that they’d have to reschedule and left.

“Well Zane, what’s the verdict.” She said turning to the only member of the group who could burn bronze.

“She’s at least a Soother.” Zane said.

“How did you find her anyway Dox?”

“Camon tried to swindle Marsh a few months back and he brought the girl with him then too. Camon’s little good luck charm is actually become moderately famous in the right circles. I’m not sure if he knows what she is, you know how superstitious thieves can be.”

“Well if Marsh says she’s Mistborn I’m inclined to believe him. I’m a little surprised to find her using Allomancy in a Canton building. She probably doesn’t even know what she’s doing.” Mare said.

“Is that even possible?” Dockson asked. Mare nodded.

“Trace metals found in water can be burned can be burned for a little power. It’s part of why the Lord Ruler built his city here, lots of metals in the ground.” They watched as Camon and his servants left the Canton building. The girl in question was a bit skittish and jumped every time someone made a quick move. Her face was slightly discolored by a partially healed bruise. Mare scowled in Camon’s direction.

“Poor lass.” Dockson mused.

“I’ll have to come up with something particularly suitable to do to that man…” Mare said. She saw Zane reach for a coin as if he was going to put an end to Camon right there. However they were distracted by something else.

“What’s that doing here?” Dockson asked in a panic. Mare looked to see a Steel Inquisitor talking to the High Prelan Camon and the girl had met with before.

“Stay calm,” she said, trying to make herself follow her own advice, “He’s not here for us, I’m not burning anything.” Mare looked pointedly at Zane.

“I’m not burning anything either.” The Mistborn said.

“The girl Dockson breathed. Mare nodded.

“Camon’s going to lead the Ministry right to his lair; we can’t let a possible Mistborn slip through our fingers. The Ministry will have sent two tails at least two tails, can you deal with them Dox?”

“A couple Ministry flunkies shouldn’t be a problem but what are we going to do about that Inquisitor?’ Dockson asked.

“I can deal with it.” Zane volunteered with crazed excitement in his eyes.

“No Zane, you’re too valuable, I’ll handle the Inquisitor.”

“Meet us back at the fourteenth crossroad.” Dockson said taking off Zane followed but looked much more hesitant. Mare gave her companions a count of ten before burning tin and grabbing the Inquistor’s attention. Then Mare ran.

“Let’s have a chase now, you and I.” she thought.

Kudos for saving Zane!

1

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Is this Story Going to Be continued? I Loved Zane as a Character and am excited that he's a Main Character, and he'll have to teach Vin Allomancy, but will Marsh still become the INQ?

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