The Allomantic Metalhead Posted January 2, 2018 Report Share Posted January 2, 2018 8 hours ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said: Granted, no one likes vampires anymore. Congratulations, the Nightwatcher has made you a vampire. Internet dating sites are now intelligent enough to interpolate from how you answer questions that you really are a vampire. You spend your deathless immortal life alone, with only a teddy bear and a ragged blanket for comfort. You curse your boon and your curse, while you feast on Elderly men the rest of your days. Boo hoo. I wish that Apple was just a type of fruit and not a type of computer. I never said I dodn't like vampires, just that I didn't like vampire fetishism, but that doesn't matter. The nightwatcher grants your wish. ...right after you win a $10,000 apple gift card. I wish that global warming was negated. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ElephantEarwax Posted January 2, 2018 Report Share Posted January 2, 2018 51 minutes ago, The Allomantic Metalhead said: I never said I dodn't like vampires, just that I didn't like vampire fetishism, but that doesn't matter. The nightwatcher grants your wish. ...right after you win a $10,000 apple gift card. I wish that global warming was negated. Granted. Global warming is gone, and the world is again in a permanant ice age thanks to you. I call on the Nightwatcher to fulfill my boon. I wish for a happy new year. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Mistborn Bondbreaker Posted January 2, 2018 Report Share Posted January 2, 2018 (edited) Granted, but you always feel a body temperature of 500 degrees Fahrenheit, and yet it will never kill you or cause any harm upon you. I want an upvote. Edited January 2, 2018 by Herald Of Justice 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ElephantEarwax Posted January 2, 2018 Report Share Posted January 2, 2018 (edited) The Nightwatcher denies you of this boon, that is not how this game is played. I call on the Nightwatcher to fill my boon. I wish for the ability to fall asleep whenever I try to, and to wake up when I intend to. Edited January 2, 2018 by ElephantEarwax 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nathrangking Posted January 2, 2018 Report Share Posted January 2, 2018 (edited) 13 minutes ago, Herald Of Justice said: I want an upvote. Unfortunately the power of the shard is greater than any the nightwatcher has ever known. She incurs the wrath of Chaos and is splintered in an attempt to fulfill your wish. I call on the Nightwatcher to fill my boon. I wish for the ability to fall asleep whenever I try to, and to wake up when I intend to. @ElephantEarwax your boon is granted however you will never feel refreshed after waking up. I call upon the powers of the Nightwatcher splinters to fulfill my boon. I wish for my every meal to be perfectly cooked. Edited January 2, 2018 by Nathrangking 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Allomantic Metalhead Posted January 2, 2018 Report Share Posted January 2, 2018 11 minutes ago, Herald Of Justice said: Granted, but you always feel a body temperature of 500 degrees Fahrenheit, and yet it will never kill you or cause any harm upon you. I want an upvote. Granted. Your bane is that everyone now mocks everything you say. I wish I had an awesome magical eyepatch (I currently have both of my eyes, but eyepathces are awesome). 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Mistborn Bondbreaker Posted January 2, 2018 Report Share Posted January 2, 2018 22 minutes ago, The Allomantic Metalhead said: Granted. Your bane is that everyone now mocks everything you say. I wish I had an awesome magical eyepatch (I currently have both of my eyes, but eyepathces are awesome). Granted, but every time you use your magic (turning people’s hair to poop) one member of your family or friends starts hating you. I want to control the powers of time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaleid Posted January 2, 2018 Report Share Posted January 2, 2018 Congratulations, you now control the power of time. Unfortunately, your powers can't affect you directly, so you must continue to travel through time like you always have. (instead, you get to send other people gallivanting through time! Yippee!) I wish I could no longer fall sick or hungry 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Allomantic Metalhead Posted January 2, 2018 Report Share Posted January 2, 2018 1 hour ago, Kaleid said: Congratulations, you now control the power of time. Unfortunately, your powers can't affect you directly, so you must continue to travel through time like you always have. (instead, you get to send other people gallivanting through time! Yippee!) I wish I could no longer fall sick or hungry Okay, you never fall while sick or hungry. You still fall as normal and get sick and hungry as normal, just never fall while sick or hungry. Your bane is that you're now related to Girard Draketooth. Read The Order of the Stick if you want to find out why that's a very, very, very bad thing. I wish I had the combined powers of Obliteration, Mitosis, and Nightwielder. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Mistborn Bondbreaker Posted January 3, 2018 Report Share Posted January 3, 2018 3 hours ago, The Allomantic Metalhead said: Okay, you never fall while sick or hungry. You still fall as normal and get sick and hungry as normal, just never fall while sick or hungry. Your bane is that you're now related to Girard Draketooth. Read The Order of the Stick if you want to find out why that's a very, very, very bad thing. I wish I had the combined powers of Obliteration, Mitosis, and Nightwielder. Granted, but you must constantly be watching Twilight nonstop for the rest of your life. I want a bucket of ice cream that magically refills itself. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TJtheWiz Posted January 3, 2018 Report Share Posted January 3, 2018 Granted, but the ice cream is your least favorite flavor of ice cream (whatever it is). I wish for the power of super speed. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine Posted January 3, 2018 Report Share Posted January 3, 2018 (edited) 3 hours ago, TJtheWiz said: I wish for the power of super speed. As soon as the last word leaves your lips, the vaporous green form of the Nightwatcher seems to freeze in place, and you notice the whole jungle has become deathly still. Taking this as a bad sign you walk out of the dense forest and reach the broad plains outside the valley. You notice that it is raining, but all around you millions of raindrops hang suspended in the air. Looking at a single drop that is hanging right before your eyes, you poke it with your finger. As soon as your finger touches the raindrop it slides down your finger and when it drips off you see that it once again hangs motionless in the air. Sitting down you watch another raindrop suspended 4 feet above the ground. Over the next 10 minutes it imperceptibly moves closer to the ground until it finally hits. Over the next minute you watch as the teardrop shaped drop of water collides with the ground, flattens and then spreads out into a burst of smaller droplets. Then you realize your boon is really your curse. You are indeed super fast, but it's a relativistic speed. Time seems to pass normally for you, but you are actually living at a massively sped up time scale. 1 second of time to the outside world takes a full 10 minutes to play out in your altered time state. Then the true nature of your bane strikes you. Every day that you go to work, you'll be spending 4,800 hours of relativistic time to do a single 8 hour days worth of work. You decide to jump off a cliff and end your miserably boring life. Jumping from a 50 foot cliff it takes you nearly a full hour to fall to your death, giving you plenty of time to reconsider your hasty decision to kill yourself, but unfortunately it's too late. I wish my dog could live to be 30 years old and be in perfect health his whole life. He's a good boy. Edited January 3, 2018 by hoiditthroughthegrapevine 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Mistborn Bondbreaker Posted January 3, 2018 Report Share Posted January 3, 2018 Granted, but you must put him down because he wants to eat you. I want unlimited bacon. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine Posted January 3, 2018 Report Share Posted January 3, 2018 12 minutes ago, Herald Of Justice said: Granted, but you must put him down because he wants to eat you. I want unlimited bacon. Ohh, that hurts my heart, curse you Nightwatcher! Granted, the Nightwatcher convinces Cultivation to use her Investiture to magically transform all physical matter into bacon, including you, your family, your toilet, and even your chull wagon. Everything is bacon, even the trees are made from bacon. All matter is bacon. You try rubbing two slabs of bacon together with your bacony hands to start a fire, but you just get a big greasy mess. You have to get used to eating raw bacon, because that's whats on the menu for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I wish that each day, everyone woke up a little bit nicer than they were when they went to bed. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ElephantEarwax Posted January 3, 2018 Report Share Posted January 3, 2018 57 minutes ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said: I wish that each day, everyone woke up a little bit nicer than they were when they went to bed. The nightwatcher grants your request. But death rates in sleep rise dramatically., so many people are scared to go to sleep and sad when loved ones die. I call on the nightwatcher to fill my boon. I wish for better/less shipping wars. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Hoiditthroughthegrapevine Posted January 3, 2018 Report Share Posted January 3, 2018 (edited) 33 minutes ago, ElephantEarwax said: I call on the nightwatcher to fill my boon. I wish for better/less shipping wars. The entirety of the Storm Light Archive has been rewritten, your boon has been granted. BUT every character is now a gender neutral character, reproduction happens by asexual budding (not unlike how strawberries grow) and there are now no more threads on the Shard about who's going to have a romantic relationship with whom. INSTEAD, even worse, threads start popping up like mushrooms about who's going to be "Besties" with who. Emoticons reign supreme in the new Besties threads. I wish that the word "blog" was only used in epic fantasy for the name of an orc, that the word "Facebook" had never been created, and that grumpy old men could change the world just by complaining about things (as I hitch my shorts up above my navel and inspect my calf length black socks). Edited January 3, 2018 by hoiditthroughthegrapevine 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Allomantic Metalhead Posted January 4, 2018 Report Share Posted January 4, 2018 (edited) 19 hours ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said: The entirety of the Storm Light Archive has been rewritten, your boon has been granted. BUT every character is now a gender neutral character, reproduction happens by asexual budding (not unlike how strawberries grow) and there are now no more threads on the Shard about who's going to have a romantic relationship with whom. INSTEAD, even worse, threads start popping up like mushrooms about who's going to be "Besties" with who. Emoticons reign supreme in the new Besties threads. I wish that the word "blog" was only used in epic fantasy for the name of an orc, that the word "Facebook" had never been created, and that grumpy old men could change the world just by complaining about things (as I hitch my shorts up above my navel and inspect my calf length black socks). Okay, but all the grumpy old men are genocided by your bane, the 1st American Reich/4th Reich (needless to say, they're a coalition of neo-nazis that took control of the entire united states somehow). They then proceed to be overthrown by a communist regime that turns out to be just as bad, the anarcho-capitalists overthrow them, then the world is nuked by two wealthy businessmen with lots of uranium and child slaves, then the anarcho capitalists are overthrown by the anarcho-primitivists and we spend the rest of our lives in caves because to create mud huts for the homeless would be to invent civilization. You see, without blogs like /pol/, Stormfront, /r/Communism for loonies to meet up online, occupy their time, and vent their frustration, they actually have the time and motivation to actually do some really serious sh*t in real life (it may have helped that that was your bane, too, thus meaning that they have even more time, motivation, and means to get some stuff done), thus meaning a massive insurgence of neo-nazis, homophobes, communists, anarchists of all sorts of varieties, religious nuts, and conspiracy theorists. Enjoy the rest of your life in your cave/with your mandatory tinfoil helmet/in the concentration camp for speaking against your new führer/in gulag for being a capitalist pig/whatever. I wish I had a (non-sunburned) albino girlfriend (that was mostly a joke. make of it what you will). Edited January 4, 2018 by The Allomantic Metalhead 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drag0nR3born Posted January 4, 2018 Report Share Posted January 4, 2018 25 minutes ago, The Allomantic Metalhead said: I wish I had a (non-sunburned) albino girlfriend (that was mostly a joke. make of it what you will). Granted but you are now eternally suburned and constantly sweat mayonaisse. I wish that I could make any group slowly start applauding by starting a slow clap. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Night Watcher Posted January 5, 2018 Report Share Posted January 5, 2018 On 1/3/2018 at 1:48 PM, ElephantEarwax said: The nightwatcher grants your request. But death rates in sleep rise dramatically., so many people are scared to go to sleep and sad when loved ones die. I call on the nightwatcher to fill my boon. I wish for better/less shipping wars. Granted. The streets, once clogged by angry teen girls, have been cleared. Rather then yell and wave fists because 'SHADOLIIIIN!' they take their disagreements to court to discuss their differences as civil human beings. Unfortunately, the court systems are soon overrun by tyrannical fifteen-year-olds looking to infringe their terrible Jasnadin views on an unwilling society. Skirmishes break out as rebel groups and non-conformists seek to overthrow the once-benign government. Civilians and innocents are caught in the crossfire, while this war rages on for over fifty years. By the end, the rebel forces are bloodied and near extinction, so they retreat and make way for a new era — an era of crude paintings and smutty literature written about the burning passion between Alethkar's queen and the brooding Captain, all to slake the lust of tyranny. I wish that I didn't wake up at night, every night. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Mistborn Bondbreaker Posted January 5, 2018 Report Share Posted January 5, 2018 (edited) @The Night Watcher Granted, you no longer have the ability to sleep. However you still get tired. I wish that all of shallan’s (and veil, and radiant) POV chapters become Szeth’s POV chapters. Edited January 5, 2018 by Herald Of Justice 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AbsentKeeper Posted January 6, 2018 Report Share Posted January 6, 2018 On 1/5/2018 at 0:37 PM, Herald Of Justice said: @The Night Watcher Granted, you no longer have the ability to sleep. However you still get tired. I wish that all of shallan’s (and veil, and radiant) POV chapters become Szeth’s POV chapters. Granted, but all of Szeth's previous PoV chapters become Moash's PoV. I ask the Nightwatcher to help me convince more of my friends to read Cosmere books. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Mistborn Bondbreaker Posted January 7, 2018 Report Share Posted January 7, 2018 Granted, all of your friends read the cosmere, however they get so into it that they accidentally kill you when they attempt some Hemalurgic experiments. I wish that the person who gives me my curse will do so in old English. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NamelessThirteenth Posted January 7, 2018 Report Share Posted January 7, 2018 2 hours ago, Herald Of Justice said: I wish that the person who gives me my curse will do so in old English. Gifeþe, ðu willan næfre acweþan, arædan, writan in ænig spræc eac Eald Angelcynn. Good luck understanding THAT...that's what you get for almost halting this really fun. BTW sorry, my old English is rusty, haven't used it since the Fifteenth Century I wish that I could travel through online networks and get to anywhere in the world...(easy screw-up, I know) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Mistborn Bondbreaker Posted January 7, 2018 Report Share Posted January 7, 2018 9 hours ago, NamelessThirteenth said: Gifeþe, ðu willan næfre acweþan, arædan, writan in ænig spræc eac Eald Angelcynn. Good luck understanding THAT...that's what you get for almost halting this really fun. BTW sorry, my old English is rusty, haven't used it since the Fifteenth Century I wish that I could travel through online networks and get to anywhere in the world...(easy screw-up, I know) Granted, but you can only travel through Twilight movies. I want to own The Bands of Mourning (they never run out of investiture). 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+ElephantEarwax Posted January 8, 2018 Report Share Posted January 8, 2018 @Herald Of Justice Yes they do. But I'll play with it. You recieve the Bands of Mourning but you are on Scadrial. Many people now know they are real things and the entire population of Scadrial hunts you. I call on the Nightwatcher to fill my boon. I wish for my own KR spren(I don't care what one). 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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