Nightwatcher Boon/Bane (Game)

[PantsForSquares]

Granted, but you can only ever shoot one end of the portal. The other end is a randomly determined point in space, including the portal's entry itself. Should that ever happen, it will collapse upon itself, tearing open a rift in space-time and destroying our universe as we know it.

Your bane is that you're guaranteed to get this collapse in five years, but you don't know when.

I wish for the most awesome shoes to ever exist.

[Turbonator]

Granted. You get the most beautiful, durable boots in the world, that are able to kick someone in full Shardplate halfway across a room.

Your bane is that their size is too small for you.

I wish for their to be an important Gasper Ferring in one Mistborn book who can use his power very creatively.

Edited September 17, 2016 by Turbonator

[PantsForSquares]

6 hours ago, Turbonator said:

Granted. You get the most beautiful, durable boots in the world, that are able to kick someone in full Shardplate halfway across a room.

Your bane is that their size is too small for you.

That can be rectified.

Granted. It shall be revealed in The Lost Metal that there's been a Gasper Ferring who has, after years of building a pressurized suit made of cadmiumminds, managed to successfully walk across Scadrial. Including underwater.

Your bane is that he's crushed by a falling musical instrument of indeterminate size immediately after successfully completing his amazing feat.

I wish for feet small enough to wear my kickass boots.

[Krandacth]

Granted. Said feet replace your ears.

I wish for a Cadbury Creme Egg.

[Lord_of_Awesome]

Granted. The creme egg was poisonous, and makes you violently sick for the rest of your life.

For your curse, you now hate the taste of chocolate, cakes, cookies, and soft drinks. 

 

I wish for the best desktop PC in the world that won't explode or malfunction in any way.

[kenod]

Granted, a law is now passed that forbids you from using electricity, so good luck booting it up.

I wish that the book I ordered finally arrived (it has been more than 7 weeks now).

[Lord_of_Awesome]

Granted, the book arrives. And it is on fire, with the pages charred beyond recognition.

I wish to be DOVAHKIIN.

[Laryna]

11 hours ago, Lord_of_Awesome said:

Granted, the book arrives. And it is on fire, with the pages charred beyond recognition.

I wish to be DOVAHKIIN.

Granted, but every time you you try to shout, you kill a chicken.

I wish to have an endless supply of pizza.

Edited September 18, 2016 by Laryna

[Krandacth]

Granted, but your hunger will never be satisfied (psychological, not physiological).

I wish my thesis to be finished.

[Djarskublar]

55 minutes ago, Krandacth said:

Granted, but your hunger will never be satisfied (psychological, not physiological).

I wish my thesis to be finished.

It is finished. In its current state. You don't pass, obviously. Your bane is that you are forever wondering what if, especially in regards to your thesis.

I wish for the location of the Pits, and transportation to them.

[Lord_of_Awesome]

17 minutes ago, Djarskublar said:

It is finished. In its current state. You don't pass, obviously. Your bane is that you are forever wondering what if, especially in regards to your thesis.

I wish for the location of the Pits, and transportation to them.

Granted. You are taken to the Pits... as a criminal enslaved by the Lord Ruler to dig out Atium. Your life is hell, and you can never escape.

 

I wish to control the world's nuke codes with no obstructions to me firing them.

[hoidhunter]

Granted. As there are no obstructions to you firing them (including your own hesitation) you become responsible for the attempted extermination of all life on the planet.  Fortunately all missiles are safely intercepted and you are imprisoned for life.

For your bane...Brandon knows that you are responsible for this and makes sure that you never get to read another word of anything he writes.

i wish for any person attempting violent action to immediatly experience the sensation of being kicked in the genitals, stomach and face at the same time.

[ShadowLord_Lith]

Granted, though this means bye-bye all meat products. And wheat. Your bane is that everyone knows who caused this planetary famine and they lock you in solitary and completely shut off all sensations flowing to your brain. I.e. Touch, taste, smell, sight, hearing, etc... 

 

I wish for the ability to be unable to commit ANY truly evil act.

[Lord_of_Awesome]

Granted. You are locked in an obsidian cell to prevent you from comitting anything evil. You stay in said cell for the rest of your miserable life, and everyone forgets you exist.

EDIT: The cell is thousands of miles below ground, so far down that you hang above a pot of lava.

 

 

I wish to read every Sanderson book ever, with no obstruction to me reading AND remembering it.

 

 

Edited September 20, 2016 by Lord_of_Awesome
Unclear bane.

[PantsForSquares]

Granted, but the meta-Sanderson Avalanche permanently damages your mind.

I wish to be a full Feruchemist.

[Oversleep]

2 minutes ago, PantsForSquares said:

Granted, but the meta-Sanderson Avalanche permanently damages your mind.

I wish to be a full Feruchemist.

Granted. You discover you are a Feruchemist just a moment before Inquisitors attack Synod. You are captured, interrogated, tortured and killed by spike.

I wish... for a slice of bread?

[Lord_of_Awesome]

Granted. The slice of bread tastes delicious.

Your bane: You constantly feel like punching everyone you meet, and if your temper overtakes you, you commit Grand Theft Auto.

I wish for humanity to be as wise as Taravangarian on his "better days", just short of passing a law that makes the populace commit suicide.

[PantsForSquares]

Granted, but everyone also feels all of the guilt that their increased compassion causes, and the world is collectively less logical.

I wish for the ability to make amazing desserts of all types.

[Brightness Enna]

Granted. Pastries, cakes, cupcakes, waffles, jello... these all go into your oven/freezer/whatever looking quite questionable, but nobody can deny the amazingness that they are when they're completely finished. The Nightwatcher even throws in the opportunity to have your own cooking show.

Your bane is that every shoe you see looks like a modified banana peel, and smells vaguely like bananas too.

I wish for every storming spider in this entire storming building were evicted and no pest would ever enter in again.

[PantsForSquares]

1 hour ago, Brightness Enna said:

The Nightwatcher even throws in the opportunity to have your own cooking show.

Your bane is that every shoe you see looks like a modified banana peel, and smells vaguely like bananas too.

Ooh, my own cooking show. The bane-ana is alright - kinda like that one guy who just saw the world upside down. I'll get used to it, I suppose.

1 hour ago, Brightness Enna said:

I wish for every storming spider in this entire storming building were evicted and no pest would ever enter in again.

Granted, but when the Glorious Spider Revolution eventually takes over, your building will be the last bastion of humanity. Your bane is that you'll be the only one there.

Forever.

I wish for my own theme song to go along with my Nightwatcher-sponsored cooking show.

[Lord_of_Awesome]

Granted. The song sounds like the theme of Game of Thrones, and you get jailed for copyright infringement. Fortunately your food is so good that you get employed as the cook with $100k annual pay until the end of your 3 year sentence. You get your own house within the prison, away from the other prisoners.

Your bane is that the jail is in Damnation.

 

I wish to become CEO of Microsoft, so that I can do the world a service and make Age of Empires 4.

[Brightness Enna]

 

14 hours ago, PantsForSquares said:

The bane-ana is alright - kinda like that one guy who just saw the world upside down. I'll get used to it, I suppose.

That's kinda what I was going for, actually. Baxil implies in his interlude that most banes can be lived with and hidden. I try to sort of aim for that

12 hours ago, Lord_of_Awesome said:

I wish to become CEO of Microsoft, so that I can do the world a service and make Age of Empires 4.

Granted. Satya Nadella (the current CEO) mysteriously contracts a fatal disease. His last words are recorded and broadcasted live - "Lord... of... Awesome... is my... heir... Give him... carte... blanche..." He then dies and you become CEO. Somehow it even works out legally. You make Age of Empires 4.

Your bane is that the public is now prejudiced against you. The game is everything you wanted it to be and more, but everybody hates it. Due to your leadership, everyone does their best to switch to Linux or MacOS and Microsoft spirals, causing a horrible PC OS monopoly by Apple.

I wish for a few time management suggestions.

[Elenion]

On 9/21/2016 at 0:21 AM, Lord_of_Awesome said:

I wish to become CEO of Microsoft, so that I can do the world a service and make Age of Empires 4.

That would be a great service indeed.

On 9/21/2016 at 1:24 PM, Brightness Enna said:

causing a horrible PC OS monopoly by Apple.

No!!!!!! [insert Frodo GIF here]

On 9/21/2016 at 1:24 PM, Brightness Enna said:

I wish for a few time management suggestions.

Granted. A book full of them appears right in front of you.

Your bane is that you are unable to see the faces of all clocks, watches, etc. They just look blank, and you have to do a lot of asking about the time.

I wish for a Tesla Model 3.

[Lord_of_Awesome]

On Friday, 23 September 2016 at 11:17 AM, Elenion said:

I wish for a Tesla Model 3.

Granted. You get a ruined car, that blows up your garage.

 

Your curse is that the car was Brandon's one that was stolen, and he blames you for it being destroyed, so you never read another Sanderson book again.

 

I wish for UNLIMITED POWER!!!!

[ShadowLord_Lith]

I remember how this goes, granted. You gain one thermonuclear battery that can power anything from a flashlight to a car. It never runs out of power though it is thermonuclear, so the government wants it. 

 

Your bane is that you can no longer eat wheat or wheat by-products again, under penalty of them becoming three foot long, green, venomous snakes from the very lowest pits of the underworld. 

Edited September 28, 2016 by ShadowLord_Lith