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If Other Authors Wrote the Cosmere Novels


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Terry Pratchett - The Discworld Series

 Where to start?

Death and Hoid would be very familiar with each other.

Nale would smoke a cigar.

Nightblood would ramble incessantly about tapestries.

Greatshells would be turtles.

The Storm father would be an ascended janitor who sought to cleanse the land with a decent wash and a good scrubbing.

Elkohar would carry his teddy with him everywhere.

Rock would have been a troll, Teft a wizard drop-out, and Lopen would sell chouta at discount prices.

kaladin would be the rightful ruler of the alethi, but choose to remain a captain instead.

The Stick would actually have been sapient pear-wood and had the power to destroy the Discmere, but no one would have noticed.

Sazed would have been an orangutan(quiet, scholarly, and insanely strong when the need arose), the  become the first ascendant orangutan

 

 

 

Tanavast would have a daughter called Susan Allmighty

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  • 4 years later...

And worth an attempted revive! Here we go:

Mercedes Lackey (Hunter series)

Vin lives on a mountain until she has to go to the capital. At the mountain there's a secret cult where a bunch of illegal magic users live. One of these is Kelsier. He trains Vin to use her magic, which is stronger than everyone else’s. He makes her stare at a stone for a day to teach her a way to avoid getting mind controlled without technology. All the illegal magic users have various pet dogs from the void, but Vin has the most. She also has the most special ones, and only Kelsier has the same kind. 

Vin has to go to the city but she can’t tell anyone that about the cult at home. Elend has a different kind of magic that lets him read minds. Vin falls in love with him, but she doesn’t accept him right away. There's more magic users at the capital who need to protect the city from the koloss. She gets another mentor, who is Ham, but he dies in an attempt to murder Vin with a koloss. To avoid getting targeted again Vin tries out for the elite group of “cool kidz” who have the best magics and the best pet dogs. It turns out the person who tried to kill her was Straff (pulled a random name) and he was a jerk all along because Vin was more popular than he was. Straff's pet dogs leave him for Vin and he gets put in jail. Vin joins the cool kidz and makes new friends.

 

In all honesty, I love this series. It's not the strongest, but I still like it. 

Edited by Ghanderflaffle
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GRRM

every use of actual magic would have severe repercussions.

more focus on the house war.

characters would behave very realistically.

everyone betrays everyone.

Hoid would be like Tyrion Lannister.

EoS Vin and Sazed would have little TLR babies.

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Stormlight by Enid Blyton

Shallan would be expected to stay at home and do the dusting. She has a male alter ego, so she can pretend to be a boy and do the fun things.

There are a lot more tea parties and no wine.  There are kindly darkeyed matrons all over the continent, whose sole purpose in life is to put some meat on the bones of the protagonists.  Many sandwiches, macaroons and high teas will be consumed.  Lift takes particular advantage of these.

Syl is fluffy and says "woof".

The Parshendi are described as "swarthy" and having an unpleasant smell. :/

It turns out all the funny things that have happening are actually just distractions by a group of smugglers, who have been using the shattered plains for their gemheart shifting operation.

At the end, Kaladin, Shallan, Adolin, and his misunderstood cousin Elhokar all get on their bicycles and ride home for sandwiches and ginger beer.

Edited by Snorkel
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If Craig Alanson wrote Stormlight, it would start off as a trilogy but quickly spin out into 10+ books with no end in sight. Everyone would hate it but still keep buying it hoping for an end.  The books would be complete rubbish where most of the screen time be spent on silly jokes, doing nothing and war gaming of little side quests. 

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On 01/09/2020 at 9:15 PM, trav said:

GRRM

every use of actual magic would have severe repercussions.

more focus on the house war.

characters would behave very realistically.

everyone betrays everyone.

Hoid would be like Tyrion Lannister.

EoS Vin and Sazed would have little TLR babies.

^plus, we'd know the pubic hair colour of half of the main cast :facepalm:

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  • 5 months later...
On 03/09/2020 at 7:02 AM, Snorkel said:

Stormlight by Enid Blyton

Shallan would be expected to stay at home and do the dusting. She has a male alter ego, so she can pretend to be a boy and do the fun things.

There are a lot more tea parties and no wine.  There are kindly darkeyed matrons all over the continent, whose sole purpose in life is to put some meat on the bones of the protagonists.  Many sandwiches, macaroons and high teas will be consumed.  Lift takes particular advantage of these.

Syl is fluffy and says "woof".

The Parshendi are described as "swarthy" and having an unpleasant smell. :/

It turns out all the funny things that have happening are actually just distractions by a group of smugglers, who have been using the shattered plains for their gemheart shifting operation.

At the end, Kaladin, Shallan, Adolin, and his misunderstood cousin Elhokar all get on their bicycles and ride home for sandwiches and ginger beer.

And you’ve got to remember Hoid would be this unassuming man who secretly turns out to be a renowned detective who follows the kids around, serves as a masculine role model for the boys and always make sure no one gets seriously injured. 

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On 9/1/2020 at 3:15 AM, trav said:

GRRM

characters would behave very realistically.

everyone betrays everyone.

Characters in the Cosmere do behave pretty realistically, given the reality they're in.  There's nothing actually realistic about a grimdark civilization full of backstabbing sociopaths; in fact it's difficult to envision such a society realistically ever giving rise to civilization in the first place!

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  • 7 months later...

If Tolkien wrote the Cosmere it would have more worldbuilding in the books themselves than Brandon has in his personal notes.

The books would be hard to read but completly worth it, and the Dragonsteel prequels published by his son would be even better.

Edited by Frustration
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On 9/1/2020 at 4:15 AM, trav said:

GRRM

every use of actual magic would have severe repercussions.

more focus on the house war.

characters would behave very realistically.

everyone betrays everyone.

Hoid would be like Tyrion Lannister.

EoS Vin and Sazed would have little TLR babies.

Navani would be Dalinar's actual sister

Their wedding would have at least one important person die(Sadeas?)

 

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 8/26/2014 at 4:59 PM, Fatebreaker said:

 

C. S. Lewis - The Chronicles of Narnia

Hoid would be Jesus.

Feel free to add on or create your own.

I really love this one. If C. S. Lewis, the entire series would have more of a soft magic feel to it, and it would feel more mystical and less science-y (if that makes sense). Instead of spren I can imagine him turning them into fairies or pixies. In the end, a bunch of the broken, mentally ill characters and would turn to Hoid, who would show them the light. This would pursuaded them to help him stop an illness from spreading across the universe. 

But what do I know, I've only read the Chronicles of Narnia. Good books by the way.

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Do musical artists count?

Stormlight by Twenty Øne Piløts:

The story would be an analogy about mental health. The Singers would represent people who felt like they have been enslaved by depression. Roshar would be all one big kingdom, ruled by Tarvangian. The citizens of Roshar would use Stormlight as currency because it flows like neon. The government would be a cult. The fate of the world had rested in our 4 characters Kaladin, Shallan, Dalinar, and Adolin, each deciding they are brave enough to start a resistance. Adolin would represent Josh Dun, the band drummer. They would run an operation in which bridge four pulled people out of the kingdom and try to take them out to a small island they can be at peace. The leaders of the different countries would instead become Taravangian's  loyal highprinces, ruling different regions. Dalinar would be trying to take the throne from Elhokar, but struggles. Kaladin would occasionally burst into rap when he got really passionate. Syl would be named Jason, and be a Cheetah. Shallan would cover Adolin with yellow duct tape at their wedding. One of the spren would be Nedspren, the embodiment of creativity. Nedspren are both Shallan's worst enemy and her good friends.

Anything else?

****

If Stick wrote the Cosmere

I am a stick. I am a stick.I am a stick.I am a stick.I am stick.I am a stick.I am a stick.I am a stick.I am a stick.I am a stick.I am a stick.I am a stick.I am a stick.I am a stick.

Am I a stick? Stick I am.

I am a stick.

****

I need someone more creative than me to do if Hoid wrote the cosmere. 

Edited by Ms. Dragon
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  • 9 months later...
On 26/08/2014 at 10:59 PM, Fatebreaker said:

C. S. Lewis - The Chronicles of Narnia

Hoid would be Jesus.

And he would be executed by Odium at the end of SA 10, and his body let on the top of Urithiru. But he would come back three days later. Also, all perpendicularities would be located inside wardrobes. 

 

On 23/11/2014 at 5:52 PM, king of nowhere said:

if terry pratchett had written mistborn, when kelsier confronted the lord ruler CMOT Dibbler would have been there, trying to sell them something to eat.

And he would also try to sell something to the koloss when they invade Luthadel. And in Stormlight, there would be in the warcamps a guy called Cut-My-Own-Storming-Throat Diblereblid. He would sell something that he calls chouta, though The Lopen would dispute that. Bridge Four would always complain about how it's horrible and theorize on what there could be in his recipe, but they would nonetheless buy and eat tons of it.

 

If Steven Erikson wrote Stormlight (Malazan Deadhouse Gates and SA):

Spoiler

Kaladin's arc is the same, except he fails to save Dalinar at the Tower. All of Dalinar's army and of Bridge Four are slaughtered, except for Sigzil who tells the story to other characters later.

 

If George Lucas wrote Stormlight (I know he isn't an author strictly speaking): 

The back half would have been written before the front half. Which would confuse the heck out of everybody, and cause endless arguments on whether to read the series in publication order or chronological order. (The right answer is publication.)

Forbidden knowledge :

Spoiler

There would also be the third series, written by other authors after Brandon sold Dragonsteel to Disney. But we don't talk about those ones.

 

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On 8/26/2014 at 2:59 PM, Fatebreaker said:

I was analyzing writing styles and tropes of different authors, and I thought how some of the books we know and love, Mistborn Way of kings, etc., would be very, very different if written by other famous fantasy authors.

Here are some examples:

 

Christopher Paolini - Author of the Inheritance cycle

The Mistborn Trilogy would have had the Lord Ruler feeling bad about persecuting the Terris people and Oppressing the Ska. everyone would have gotten full allomantic abilities and a dragon and lived happily ever after. Kelsier would have been Vin's father.

 

George R. Martin - A Song of Ice and Fire

All of the Magic would be removed except for a few small things and replaced with sex. Sadeas would have slaughtered the entire Kholin family and taken the throne.

Silence would have killed everyone at her inn in a forbidden ritual to save her daughter's life. The result would be an evil demon child thing.

 

Terry Pratchett - The Discworld Series

 Where to start?

Death and Hoid would be very familiar with each other.

Nale would smoke a cigar.

Nightblood would ramble incessantly about tapestries.

Greatshells would be turtles.

The Storm father would be an ascended janitor who sought to cleanse the land with a decent wash and a good scrubbing.

Elkohar would carry his teddy with him everywhere.

Rock would have been a troll, Teft a wizard drop-out, and Lopen would sell chouta at discount prices.

kaladin would be the rightful ruler of the alethi, but choose to remain a captain instead.

The Stick would actually have been sapient pear-wood and had the power to destroy the Discmere, but no one would have noticed.

Sazed would have been an orangutan(quiet, scholarly, and insanely strong when the need arose), the  become the first ascendant orangutan

 

C. S. Lewis - The Chronicles of Narnia

Hoid would be Jesus.

 

Feel free to add on or create your own.

  Hide contents

Edit: Every now and then I get a notification that someone added to this thread and after all this time it still makes me smile.

 

You know what's wild? 

 

I would legitimately read the Terry Pratchett version.  That sounds pretty freaking cool. 

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  • 4 months later...

Stolen from cremposting so real credit goes to u/Lightylatern

SA1 if adapted by Hollywood:

Long ago, ten powerful swords known as the Shardblades were used to defeat the dark god, Odium. Afterwards, the Shardblades were hidden away to protect them from the forces of evil.

Thousands of years later, the good king Gavilar Kholin located seven of the Shardblades. However, the evil Assassin in White, Szeth, killed Gavilar and stole three of the Shardblades. Szeth was the king of a people known as the Parshendi, and with the power of the Shardblades, was able to declare war on Gavilar's people, the Alethi, along with the rest of the world. Szeth took one of the stolen Shardblades for himself and gave the other two to twin warriors Eshonai and Venli.

A young man named Kaladin lived a simple life as a farmer until Szeth attacked his village, killing his family and the love of his life, Phrena. Kaladin decided to join the war against the Parshendi, but ended up as a slave owned by Dalinar Kholin, brother to the deceased king.

As the movie begins, Dalinar is leading a charge in a great battle against the Parshendi. Dalinar uses one of the four Shardblades, while the other three are used by Elhokar, Gavilar's son and the current king, Adolin, Dalinar's son, and Amaram, Dalinar's best friend. Kaladin is in the battle, struggling to survive as a slave, but a strange spirit appears to him and gives him directions that help him just barely survive as he moves across the battlefield.

Amaram is struck down and killed. Thanks to the spirit's instructions, Kaladin is right next to Amaram when he dies, and at the spirit's urging, he picks up the Shardblade. He turns out to be a natural with its power, and is able to use it to dominate and win the battle. Afterwards, in recognition of Kaladin's skill, Dalinar frees him from slavery and makes him the official owner of the Shardblade. Dalinar takes Kaladin back to his camp, where Kaladin settles in with Dalinar's retinue.

At the Parshendi castle, Szeth confers with his god, Odium, who appears as a big spooky face made of smoke. Szeth is worried because of reports of Kaladin's power and prowess with the Shardblade, and Odium advises him to make his own show of power.

At Dalinar's base, Adolin introduces Kaladin to his shy, bookish brother Renarin, and to his girlfriend, Shallan. As a new Shardbearer, Kaladin is goaded into showing off his swordfighting skill in a few duels. He wins handily, and starts getting more and more caught up in his own ego, until Shallan steps up with a sword and defeats him. She tells him, "I bet you never expected a girl to kick your ass." Afterwards, Kaladin's spirit companion tells him that her name is Syl and that she was sent to help him.

Dalinar and Elhokar receive a report that Venli and Eshonai burned down the Rift, an important Alethi town. They worry that the Parshendi are getting bolder and bolder. Even with Kaladin's help, they may lose the war. Elhokar's wise old adviser, Taravangian, arrives. He says that there are still three Shardblades unaccounted for, and suggests that they try to find them. Elhokar calls his wife, Jasnah, and asks her to do some research to find the other Shardblades.

Later, while training with Adolin and Shallan, Kaladin is overcome with emotion and stops for a moment to think about his hometown, Hearthstone. Adolin tells Kaladin that Elhokar was chasing after Szeth, but didn't get there in time to stop him from destroying Hearthstone. Adolin explains that Szeth also killed his mother, Evi, and Shallan's sister, Shinri. Kaladin bonds with the other two over having lost someone precious to them because of Szeth.

Meanwhile, Renarin visits Jasnah, who he has an obvious crush on, as she's researching. He's clumsy and accidentally knocks over one of her books, which she picks up and realizes is Gavilar's favourite book, The Way of Kings. She tells Renarin that this might be the breakthrough she needs.

The next day, Jasnah calls everyone together to tell them that she's figured out where the other three Shardblades are. She reveals that The Way of Kings is secretly a guide to finding the location of the Shardblades, and the locations of the last three were disguised as riddles in it. Kaladin, Adolin, and Elhokar are sent to go recover the last three Shardblades.

The first Shardblade is hidden in an ancient temple in the vast lake known as the Purelake. The temple was built by the Radiants, an ancient order dedicated to protecting the Shardblades from the forces of evil. Kaladin, Adolin, and Elhokar navigate the traps of the temple. During their journey, Syl is able to physically interact with one of traps and disarm it. Finally, they arrive at the central chamber where the Shardblade is kept. The spirits of ancient Radiants appear and challenge Kaladin to a duel, which he wins. Afterwards, they salute to him and fade away. Kaladin takes the Shardblade, and is told that he can decide who to give it to, since he won it. Kaladin decides to give it to Shallan, since she beat him in a duel.

At the Parshendi castle, Szeth watches a vision of Dalinar and Shallan facing off against Venli and Eshonai on the battlefield with their Shardblades. Odium appears to him and tells him that the Alethi are gathering the Shardblades, and he must do something about it. Szeth decides to send one of his most powerful warriors, the Pursuer, after them.

Jasnah sends Kaladin, Adolin, and Elhokar to their next destination, the Horneater Peaks, where a Shardblade has been passed down through the line of Horneater Kings. They climb the mountain and reach the palace, where Elhokar asks to speak to the Horneater King. However, they are told that the actual Horneater King doesn't live in the palace, but is instead a lumberjack that they passed on the way up.

Elhokar finds the king, Rock, who chops down trees with his Shardblade. Elhokar asks Rock why he does this when he's king, and Rock tells him that being king is about being of most use to your people. He tells Elhokar to decide what being king means to him. As they speak, Adolin notices the Pursuer coming towards them. Rock gives Elhokar his Shardblade and tells the three Shardbearers to flee while he holds the Pursuer off. They escape, while Rock fights the Pursuer and is killed.

Back at home, Elhokar gives Rock's Shardblade to Jasnah. Meanwhile, Kaladin tells Syl that he needs to be stronger if he wants to defeat the Pursuer, and trains even harder. Renarin talks with Adolin and Dalinar and says that if he wasn't so useless, he could have been there to help fight the Pursuer, and maybe Rock wouldn't be dead. Adolin and Dalinar assure hm that he isn't useless, and promise to give him the final Shardblade after they retrieve it.

Kaladin, Adolin, and Elhokar head out to get the final Shardblade from the Shattered Plains, a land of vast plateaus. They find the plateau with the Shardblade on it, but the Pursuer suddenly appears before them. He easily defeats the three Shardbearers and takes Kaladin's Shardblade from him. Kaladin tries to pick up the Shattered Plains' Shardblade, but the Pursuer kicks him and causes him to drop the Shardblade into the chasms, where it is lost forever. Satisfied with his work, the Pursuer returns to Szeth.

Odium tells Szeth that it is time for his revival, and Szeth prepares the ceremony to bring him back. Scouts report to Dalinar that dark clouds are growing over the Parshendi lands, so Dalinar launches the final battle to stop the Parshendi. Shallan, Adolin, Elhokar, and Jasnah accompany him with their Shardblades. Renarin and Taravangian join the retinue.

Meanwhile, Kaladin is miserable because he feels like he's nothing without his Shardblade. A mysterious man with his face hidden shows up and encourages Kaladin, telling him that the true power is inside him. Kaladin is invigorated and rushes off to join the battle with an ordinary sword.

During the battle, Dalinar is mortally wounded by the Pursuer. With his dying breaths, he tells Adolin to give his Shardblade to Renarin. Kaladin arrives just in time to face off with the Pursuer. Even though Kaladin only has a normal sword and the Pursuer has a Shardblade, Kaladin is able to match him. The Pursuer demands to know how, and Kaladin explains that he made a promise to the ancient Radiants to protect the Shardblades from evil. Because of his determination, Kaladin is able to summon the Shattered Plains' Shardblade to his hand, and he uses it to kill the Pursuer. Kaladin takes back his Shardblade and continues fighting, now dual-wielding Shardblades.

Kaladin, Adolin, and Elhokar battle Szeth, while Jasnah, Shallan, and Renarin battle Eshonai and Venli. Szeth is mortally wounded, but laughs and says it's too late, because the ritual to revive Odium is completed.

Suddenly, Taravangian walks in. He reveals that he is Odium, trapped in mortal form by the Shardblades. He pulls a rock out of his pocket called the Odiumstone, and explains that with it he has been controlling Szeth and through him the Parshendi. Now that the ritual is completed and the ten Shardblades reassembled, he can be restored. Taravangian fuses with the dying Szeth and the big smoke Odium face, becoming a revived Odium. He says that he will create an Everstorm and destroy the world.

Realizing that they were deceived, Venli and Eshonai switch sides to join the Alethi. However, Kaladin begins to lose hope, as they're short one Shardbearer, and are no match against Odium.

Suddenly, Syl tells Kaladin that she will always be there for him. Kaladin has a flashback of Phrena, and remembers that her name was Sylphrena. He realizes that Phrena came back for him, even after her death, to make sure he was okay. Syl grows to full human size and Kaladin gives her Szeth's Shardblade. Standing together, Kaladin, Syl, Adolin, Elhokar, Jasnah, Shallan, Renarin, Venli, and Eshonai fire beams from their Shardblades that blast Odium, destroying him for good. As he fades away, Odium cries out, "El, avenge me!"

In the aftermath of the battle, peace is declared between the Alethi and the Parshendi, and Eshonai and Venli promise to be better rulers and reform the Parshendi. Adolin and Renarin mourn Dalinar, and Elhokar holds a grand funeral for him. Shallan tells Adolin that Dalinar is with Evi now.

Meanwhile, now that Odium is defeated, Syl has to go. Kaladin holds her as she fades away, and she tells him that she will always love him, but that she wants him to be happy and find someone who makes him as happy as he made her. Kaladin cries after she vanishes.

Jasnah calls everyone together a few days later. She has learned that The Way of Kings was just the first of a series of ten books called The Stormlight Archive, which all reveal the locations of the world's greatest treasures. They decide to set out to find the other books.

In the last scene of the movie, Jasnah and Elhokar wave goodbye to Kaladin, Adolin, Shallan, and Renarin as they board a ship called the Wind's Pleasure to search for the next book, Words of Radiance. Just before they set off, Eshonai comes running and jumps onto the ship. She left Venli to be Queen of the Parshendi, because she wants to see the world. Kaladin and Eshonai smile at each other as they set sail, hinting that they will get together.

In a post-credits scene, the mysterious man who cheered up Kaladin is paying his respects at Dalinar and Gavilar's graves. He wishes Dalinar could see all the amazing adventures that are going to unfold. He turns around and is revealed to be Amaram. Amaram walks by his own grave, which reads "Hoid Amaram", and muses that he is very glad that he made sure to drop his Shardblade where Kaladin could get it. He leaves the graveyard followed by Taln, his burly sidekick who mysteriously carries an eleventh Shardblade. As Amaram walks off, he pulls out a flute and begins playing a jaunty tune.

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