People you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley

[DrakeMarshall]

1 hour ago, Ookla the Altruist said:

"I have no idea who is on Security. To be honest, I wasn't aware we had a security position," explained Ookla the Altruist. "As such, I've tried sir. He is, I believe, one of the more prominent anti-Hemalurgic Spokesmen, as well as the head of a Hemalurgy-free Bakery that is in direct competition with our establishment. Realizing how valuable he would be to our cause, I've prepared a hemalurgic spike especially for him primed with the attribute of a Loyal Denizen of the Dark Alley. These last two times he has come, I've attempted to spike him, but he has managed to evade me.
"As such, I have decided to try a new ploy. I am not a trained assassin, and as such, I have hired a Rathbore Monk and charged him to insert the prepared spike into 'Ookla the Noble''s back the next time he makes an appearance here. Once this succeeds we should be able to covertly smuggle some spikes into the 'Hemalurgy Free Bakery,' thus greatly increasing our conversion rate."

If you are set upon infiltrating the hemalurgy free bakery, I might offer one of my lifeless...

They are exquisitely well controlled, being subject both to a sophisticated set of commands and the dictates of rioting/soothing their spikings.

And the majority of my lifeless wouldn't be recognized as dark alley denizens.

You'd just need to figure out a way to color their skin in a way that looks convincing.

 

Alternately, I could probably point you towards some of the eldritch abominations that are known to adopt human form occasionally. That could work too, but it might take more paperwork to arrange, since humanoid abominations have more rights than the non-humanoid types.

[kenod]

Does anybody know a good place to get a lot of Mistwraiths? I need them for tests with creating spikes that transfer physical appearance. A couple hundred live octopi would be nice too.

[MacThorstenson]

3 hours ago, Drake Marshall said:

If you are set upon infiltrating the hemalurgy free bakery, I might offer one of my lifeless...

They are exquisitely well controlled, being subject both to a sophisticated set of commands and the dictates of rioting/soothing their spikings.

And the majority of my lifeless wouldn't be recognized as dark alley denizens.

You'd just need to figure out a way to color their skin in a way that looks convincing.

 

Alternately, I could probably point you towards some of the eldritch abominations that are known to adopt human form occasionally. That could work too, but it might take more paperwork to arrange, since humanoid abominations have more rights than the non-humanoid types.

Here's an idea, we sell ookla the noble some lifeless employees to work in his bakery. Then we have them covertly spike some customers.

[Zennix]

Or. We can arm combatants in the Shipping wars with uncharged spikes.  This way we are assured to get a constant daily supply of fully charged from the bodies of shippers that float ashore from capsized Ships.

Though, since Shippers are novices to the Hemalurgic Arts, we would most likely get randomly spiked attributes. But we would still have many spikes to choose from. 

[DrakeMarshall]

6 hours ago, Ookla the Capricious said:

Here's an idea, we sell ookla the noble some lifeless employees to work in his bakery. Then we have them covertly spike some customers.

Hmmm maybe. Depends on if the bakery imposes significant regulations against using undead labor or not.

[Farnsworth]

Regulations? In the DA? 

[DrakeMarshall]

32 minutes ago, Ookla the maladroit said:

Regulations? In the DA? 

Nah in the hemalurgy-free bakery.

If they have a thing against hiring undead, then we can hardly send lifeless to infiltrate them, see.

[Brightlord M. Alhstrom]

1 minute ago, Drake Marshall said:

Nah in the hemalurgy-free bakery.

If they have a thing against hiring undead, then we can hardly send lifeless to infiltrate them, see.

Unless the Undead are disguised as normal people.

[MacThorstenson]

But how could we do that? Physically disguising them would work, but what if they are able to peer into the spiritual realm? For those of you who remember the essence spike, could we craft something similar, but instead of spiking a soul, just the image of a soul? Below is the Recording of the official discovering of the Essence Spike by a member of the Dark alley.

"You see, Test Subject 52, or was it 79? Anyway, Winter as you know her underwent a, unique procedure. I was testing a breakthrough, and she seemed like a wonderfully helpful person. And so Winter became one of the first ever receivers of an Essence Spike, something I'd whipped up in Alley 9. Though it was simply meant to be a stepping stone in the path to my goal, it turned out to be a fantastic discovery in it's own right. 

I was able to spike out a Soul."

The Stranger grinned with delight, reveling in this revelation and the awe of the other Denizens.

"Not just a piece of a Spirit-web, but an entire soul. There are two entities inhabiting her body as we speak: The Girl, and The Wolf.

It was one of our semi-sentient wolves Redbird had crafted here in the Alleys, fine craftsmanship all around. Interestingly, the transfer didn't quite go as planned. Instead of the wolf taking over and subduing the girl's consciousness, it chose to cohabitate with her, in a semi-mutualistic relationship. With her cognitive and spiritual Identities so radically changed, the test subject gained the ability to shapeshift.

Unfortunately, there were a few unforeseen side-effects. One is that occasionally the Wolf will fight the Girl for conscious-dominance, resulting in apparent madness. However, as an expert in the art of madness, I can assure you that the test subject is not mad, just a little mixed-up.

The other slight issue is that this merging of souls, combined with the extremely high hemalurgic energy I used, left her rather susceptible to Shardic Influence. As such, she may be having a few interesting conversations in her head that she'd rather not have.

Which brings us to the matter at hand: Do we simply contain this situation, or do I need to remove the Spike? We could keep her safe here, free from any shard's reach. But the choice will be up to her, unless you say otherwise, Elsa. Or the DA votes to do something. personally, I'd like to take this opportunity to conduct some more, research."

He turned to each person individually, his grin becoming Cheshire as Madness-spren swirled around him.

"But that can wait. Meanwhile, we should be able to deal with the Shards. I haven't made all these preparations for nothing. And Worst Comes to Worst, I can always access 

That Alley." 

Here is the link to the page where the post if found, if you want context.

http://www.17thshard.com/forum/topic/14879-people-you-wouldnt-want-to-meet-in-a-dark-alley/?page=21

 

[DrakeMarshall]

3 hours ago, Ookla the Capricious said:

But how could we do that? Physically disguising them would work, but what if they are able to peer into the spiritual realm? For those of you who remember the essence spike, could we craft something similar, but instead of spiking a soul, just the image of a soul? Below is the Recording of the official discovering of the Essence Spike by a member of the Dark alley.

Here is the link to the page where the post if found, if you want context.

http://www.17thshard.com/forum/topic/14879-people-you-wouldnt-want-to-meet-in-a-dark-alley/?page=21

Hmmmm...

Hehehe I’ve always wanted to try this idea...

How about a straight forgery? Give the lifeless an essence mark to remake it as needed...

Yes, I think this might produce some valuable servants... I shall begin experimentation immediately.

You are, naturally, free to pursue the essence spike route. If you do, it could be a little race to see who infiltrates the hemalurgy-free bakery first.

Time to retrieve my malatium cache.

 

But first, we better incarcerate the fellow from the hemalurgy free bakery who may have been overhearing our plans. Can’t have a warning getting out now, can we?

Edited December 1, 2017 by Drake Marshall

[Brightlord M. Alhstrom]

1 hour ago, Drake Marshall said:

But first, we better incarcerate the fellow from the hemalurgy free bakery who may have been overhearing our plans. Can’t have a warning getting out now, can we?

Which Ookla are we talking of? The Noble, or the Maladroit? Because I'm currently working on neutralizing Ookla the Noble.

[DrakeMarshall]

23 minutes ago, Ookla the Altruist said:

Which Ookla are we talking of? The Noble, or the Maladroit? Because I'm currently working on neutralizing Ookla the Noble.

I refer to the noble.

Might I recommend surgically removing their memories with a copper spike, then letting them go along their way?

[Brightlord M. Alhstrom]

3 minutes ago, Drake Marshall said:

I refer to the noble.

Might I recommend surgically removing their memories with a copper spike, then letting them go along their way?

Well, I already have both a Rathbore Monk (whom everyone is ignoring) in the Bakkery with me, and I've armed him with a particularly nasty spike which should be able to turn Ookla the Noble into a loyal Denizen of the Dark Alley. As for the bystanders, yes, copper is probably the best route? Want to watch the door to catch anyone who might try to escape?

[DrakeMarshall]

3 minutes ago, Ookla the Altruist said:

Well, I already have both a Rathbore Monk (whom everyone is ignoring) in the Bakkery with me, and I've armed him with a particularly nasty spike which should be able to turn Ookla the Noble into a loyal Denizen of the Dark Alley. As for the bystanders, yes, copper is probably the best route? Want to watch the door to catch anyone who might try to escape?

Certainly. I’ve been wanting to test these copper scalpels...

[Fatebreaker]

On 11/28/2017 at 5:38 PM, Ookla the Capricious said:

Do we know What the DA disclaimer is? Or was it lost in the accidental black hole creation a few weeks back?

Also @Fatebreaker what do we have to do to become official denzines of the dark alley? Is their an application, or can we start our research whenever we feel the need?

Ah, you mean this little thing?

Disclaimer: Disclaimers follow. (Neither the seller not the manufacturer will be liable for any brain damage arising from the use of this product. Void where prohibited except where not prohibited. Above terms subject to change without notice. Action figures sold separately. Actual price set by retailers. All research statistics are blatantly flagrant. All rights reserved. All sales final. Any other application constitutes fraud. At participating locations only. Alternate toy available for children under 3. Because some jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion or limitation of liability for consequential or incidental damages, the above limitations may not apply to you. By continuing to use this system you indicate your awareness of and consent to these terms and conditions of use. Caveat emptor. Do not look at laser beam with remaining eye. Your results may vary. Disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of a Shard, neglect, damage from improper or unauthorized repair, incorrect line voltage, broken antenna or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer adjustments that are not covered in this joke list, and incidents owing to airplane crash, ship sinking, motor vehicle accidents, dropping the item, falling rocks, leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BB's, shrapnel, lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays, knives, sticks and stones, et al.). User assumes full liabilities. Some humor and satire included. Price and participation may vary. Not to be used for the other use. Words crossed out are to be disregarded unless they resemble spikes piercing words, in which case you should probably see your local spike cookie vendor. May be addictive. Must be 18 months or older to order. Prices subject to change without notice. No refunds available. There is a slight chance (between 12-87%) of Ruinous corruption; this may or may not cause the following side effects (including, but not limited to): delusions of grandeur, hallucinations, compulsive and destructive behavior, pain, headaches, voices in your head, pneumonia, heart attack, stoke, severe internal bleeding, and death. These side effects are not permanent and are perfectly normal. Please see your cookie vendor to see if Hemalurgy is right for you. No kandra were harmed in the making of this product. Some disclaimers may not apply to all participating victims participants. All constitutional rights are waved by use of this product. Irreparable damage may occur. Vendor is not liable for damaged packaging, bodies, or souls. There is always another secret. Surgeon's Warning: Spiking causes severe Investiture warping. Fragile. This side up. If normality persists for a period of time exceeding 30 days, consult with a Dark Alley representative near you. This may be a sign of chronic dementia. This side down. The information contained in this disclaimer is intended by the Dark Alley for the use of consumers only and may contain information that is privileged, confidential, and/or protected from disclosure by inapplicable laws. Contents of this disclaimer are under pressure. This disclaimer may be in part, whole, or wholesale plagiarized. Shake well before using. Batteries not included. Each set sold separately. Avoid prolonged exposure to this disclaimer. Do not read this disclaimer while driving a vehicle or operating heavy equipment. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is coincidental and intended by the author. Reading this disclaimer does not provide grounds for a legal dispute. Parental guidance suggested. Professional driver on a closed course. Do not attempt at home. See the owner's manual for more information.Trespassers will be spiked.˙ʍolloɟ llᴉʍ ʇxǝʇ pǝʇɹǝʌuᴉ ǝɹoW ˙ʎɔuǝᴉɔᴉɟɟǝ ƃuᴉpɐǝɹ ǝzᴉɯᴉxɐɯ oʇ uǝǝɹɔs ɹnoʎ ǝʇɐʇoɹ ǝsɐǝlԀ ˙uʍop ǝpᴉsdn sᴉ ɥɔᴉɥʍ 'uǝǝɹɔs ɹnoʎ ʇᴉɟ oʇ pǝʇʇɐɯɹoɟ uǝǝq sɐɥ ʇxǝʇ sᴉɥ┴ Approved by the FDA. Made in a facility that also processes wheat, eggs, and radioactive materials. ¡noʎ ploʇ 'ǝǝS White text included at no additional charge.

As for official application, traditionally once you made a "sale" in the intro thread you'd  have officially joined our ranks. That said, we don't tend to stand on formalit, as it's liable to sink unless you properly disperse your weight.

As for test subjects key ingredients, we tend to "acquire" them as we see fit. We also tend to keep our Definitely-not-a-Dismal-Dungeon® well stocked with many of our more, perishable supplies.

And a word of warning on the Essence Spikes. I created them on accident, but have since done considerable research on them and they're nothing to sneeze at. Careful handling and laboratory procedures are vital to ensure there is no accidental rending or partial rending of your soul.

[MacThorstenson]

Aha, I have made a break through in my quest to disguise a soul through hemalurgy! I discovered the existence of small sDNA sequences that are concerned with the appearance of various abilities, but don't contain the actual ability. We used to consider the genes for various powers as one big thing, but in reality they are made of of much smaller sequences, much more similar to a physical DNA then we thought. For example the spiritual gene that confers the ability to burn pewter, is made of two parts. The first, is the appearance of being able to burn pewter, I suspect it has to something to do with identity or connection of being a thug, the second is the actual ability to burn pewter. Using standard size spikes, we spike out the entire gene. Using spikes the size of needles, I can accurately spike out this portion of a soul, but leave the other part behind. After spiking someone with this attribute, in the spiritual realm it looks like this person has the ability to burn pewter, but they actually don't. My next step will be to figure out how to apply this to the entire soul, in one spike.

[Wind's Pleasure]

Hello, somebody recommended I join the dark alley, so I'm here to try this out.

[+ElephantEarwax]

I also would like to enlist, If I may, I would infiltrate the hemalurgy free bakery.

Edited December 5, 2017 by Ookla the Elephant

[MacThorstenson]

Welcome to the Dark alley. Traditionally one is formally accepted as a denzine after they make a "sale" in one of the introduction threads. 

Edited December 5, 2017 by Ookla the Capricious

[Quickbronze]

Considering that the owner of the HFB(me) is currently unconscious on his floor spiked to have loyalty to the Dark Alley, that's not really necessary

Edited December 5, 2017 by Ookla the Noble

[MacThorstenson]

What can we say except your welcome, for letting you come join the DA.

[Quickbronze]

"I swear to never use hemalurgy or urge others to use hemalurgy and that I will do my best to cure all previous victims of hemalurgy." would be a good start.

[Brightlord M. Alhstrom]

4 hours ago, Ookla the Noble said:

Considering that the owner of the HFB(me) is currently unconscious on his floor spiked to have loyalty to the Dark Alley, that's not really necessary

Exactly how long have you been unconscious? And how long will you be unconscious? You can assume that if it's been more than 24 hours, I've moved you to a different location.

PS: Why are you unconscious again?

Edited December 5, 2017 by Ookla the Altruist

[MacThorstenson]

Are you sure you spiked him with the right spike?

[kenod]

Maybe he accidentally used a brass spike containing Feruchemical bronze?