What Happened in Portland

[Kobold King]

Lightwards weighed his options as he mentally screamed in outrage at Donald's new outfit. Well, part of him was screaming in outrage--another part was cheerfully demanding that this become the Empire of Light's official uniform. I need to get away from this 'doctor' before I go insane, he thought angrily.

 

His options were simple: he could try to reason with these buffoons or he could try to kill them. If he attempted to kill them and failed, he had no way of knowing what bizarre ways they might fight back in. And if they ran, in all likelihood he would never catch them. Reason--if you could call this conversation reason--was the only option.

 

So he had Mr. Sadry hand him a map of Portland and a pair of scissors. Smiling at Funtimes, he tried to think like she would, like he knew he was capable of. He cut off the edges and let them fall to the floor, and then set to work cutting at the interior.

 

He finally displayed the finished shape to her. "This," he said matter of factly, "is what this city would look like in the shape of a giant smiley face. You, Doctor Funtimes, have the unique opportunity to reshape this world in your image. That's where we could work together. You can whatever you want out of the world, and I can make whatever I want out of its inhabitants." He passed the scissors back to Mr. Sadry, who obediently put it back in the drawer.

 

"Fun and world domination don't have to be mutually exclusive."

Edited July 28, 2014 by Kobold King

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

*gasp* He's speaking her language! What is HAPPENING here?

Doctor Funtimes clapped her hands and laughed in glee. "Make a kitty this time! Make it a kitty!"

Nathan weighed his options. Lightwards was willing to work with them--well, with Funtimes, at any rate--which was a departure from his earlier insistence on world domination on his terms. And compared to what CorpseMaker might do, transforming Portland into the world's first smiley-shaped city seemed positively magnanimous.

The map was put away, and she pouted. Nathan took her hands in his. "We could do that, couldn't we? Only make it real this time. What do you think?"

She nodded. "With kitties, and root beer!"

"Of course," he said with a chuckle. Ordinary people loved root beer, and the sort of kitties she conjured were relatively harmless. Perhaps he could get her to poof up some allergy meds for those who needed them, after finding a way to keep them from becoming a legion of undead slaves. He smiled not at Lightwards, but at her. "Count us in," he said.

Edited July 28, 2014 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Kobold King]

Lightwards basically has a little Funtimes in his head that gets a little stronger every time he dies. He wouldn't admit it, but there's a part of him that sees a Funtimes alliance as a wonderful opportunity to let his hair down.

 

Additionally, I think that a Lightwards-Funtimes pact is the best candidate yet for what actually destroys Oregon.

 

Lightwards smiled broadly, reaching into his jacket. He pulled out a sheet of paper and slid it across the table. "I've been thinking of how I might go about this for a while now, Doctor. I expected my mission to take years--but with your help, I think we can manage it in a month, tops."

 

Nathan looked down at the paper, confused for a moment. It was a pamphlet.

 

A pamphlet for the Portland Museum of Natural History.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

(((Agreed. Those poor people never thought the apocalypse would be so full of cats.)))

Funtimes took the pamphlet, flicked through it, and tossed it back onto the table. "BOR-ing."

Nathan flipped the pages with unsteady fingers. He had never thought of a museum as a necromancer's paradise, but as image after image of extinct predators snarled at him from color photos, he felt himself go cold. He pictured an army of saber tooth tigers rampaging through the streets with party hats on their heads, and he wanted to run screaming into the night.

But there was nothing he could do. They had already agreed to an alliance. Backing out now would create suspicion. "I think it could be fun," he told Funtimes. "If those....kitties were moving...."

She perked up a bit. "They're cute."

Cute wasn't the word he'd use, but it would have to do. He would just have to think of a way to delay the inevitable as they went.

[Kobold King]

"Cute, and dead for over a million years," Lightwards exclaimed eagerly. "It's been the great tragedy of life on Earth for countless eons. The cold hand of death keeps hold over this planet, keeping all from reaching their full potential. But tonight we kindle a revolution against its tyranny!'

 

He shook his head. "But I'm getting carried away. We should do as the pamphlet suggests--" he waved his hand over the cover of the pamphlet, sported a bold line which read "Plan your visit today!"

 

He handed his cold cup of tea to Donald, who loyally embarked to the window to dump it out. He laid out a non-smiley map of Portland, pointing at the museum.

 

"Our destination is here," he explained. "My problem is, I'm not entirely sure where here is. I've heard of other Epics and territories here. A man called CorpseMaker, and a place called Thoughttown. I need you to point out the boundaries of their lands, Traveller, and confirm whether our target lies within claimed territory." He smiled, showing teeth. "If it does, then we'll make sure we wake up the theropods first."

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Nathan did agree with Lightwards on one thing: Death was a tyrant. More than one Epic had given friends of his over to death's waiting arms. But there was a simple way to prevent that sort of thing, and that was to refrain from killing people.

Which Lightwards, being a madman with a pistol and an abiding love of zombies, would not do.

"I'm a bit new myself," he said. "I'll need time to scope out the area." Since Lightwards seemed under the impression that he could teleport, he glanced at Funtimes. "But I'm not going near Thoughttown without her."

[Kobold King]

Lightwards nodded. "Very well--it will be as it must. Shall we begin this tonight, or would you prefer we wait until dawn?"

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Were they still allied with CorpseMaker, or had Funtimes broken it by giggling in his ear and vanishing without swearing fealty? More importantly, was the museum in his territory? "I'll need a few hours at least to study the map and plan a route." Alone, preferably. "So dawn."

[Kobold King]

"Right," said Lightwards in disappointment. "Very well." He'd been hoping to get a head start on the de-extinction project, but he had to work with the limitations of his new allies.

 

He rose from the table and faced one of his Warriors. "Mr. Sadry, how many bedrooms in the house?"

 

"Three," Thomas Sadry informed him in a dry voice. "The master bedroom for me and Mary. Two children's bedrooms."

 

"Where are the children?" the Epic asked curiously.

 

"Moved out three years ago," Mr Sadry explained. His voice was a flat monotone that didn't indicate much interest in his family's history.

 

"Pity. I could have used the extra hands," Lightwards sighed. "But there you have it, Doctor and Traveller. Three bedrooms for the three of us. I of course will be taking the master bedroom; I doubt Mr. and Mrs. Sadry will mind. And if you require anything, feel free to ask Donald or the former residents." He shot a look at Funtimes, thinking Or defy the laws of physics and conjure it out of a bedsheet.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

The thought of sleeping in the same house as three reanimated corpses and a delusional Epic made Nathan want to scream, but he smiled instead. Their new ally apparently wanted to keep his friends close, and the best way to put him at ease was to do what he wanted. He nearly asked where the Sadrys and Donald would sleep, but they were technically dead. Dead people didn't need to sleep. They would spend the night puttering around or sitting quietly in the house that used to be theirs. They would know, but not care, that it was now the headquarters for the man who had killed them.

The thought made him want to hug the couple, but they wouldn't care. That made him even sadder.

Still wearing a smile, Nathan took the map of Portland and the museum pamphlet from the table and headed down the hall. The first door he opened led to a room with two pink and two purple walls. "Doctor? I think this one's yours."

She clapped her hands when she saw it, then put her arms around him. "Aren't you coming with me?"

They'd only been fake-dating for--what?--three hours and she already wanted to share a room? "I'll be in later. I need to get some work done first."

She said nothing, but her pouting smile made him laugh.

"I promise, sweetheart. Just give me a little time."

She closed the door with a giggle.

Nathan's room was painted beige, with camo bedspread and photographs of the previous tenant posing with freshly killed deer and fish. Whoever the Sadry hunter was, Nathan hoped he was still alive.

He took off his duster, hung it in the closet, and allowed himself a sigh. He had a month, maybe less, to stop a delusional necromancer from killing half of Portland and putting the rest in the queue, and nothing more than a map, his wits, and an extremely forward fake girlfriend to do it with.

He stretched out on the bed with another sigh. Portland was so screwed.

Edited July 28, 2014 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Matrim Bloody Cauthon]

Psy-Fi stalked into the interrogation room, duster flapping behind him. he immediately took in Altermind and the man he was interrogating. Off to the side he noticed another epic, for it had to be another epic, no human in their right mind would look so calm amidst this.

 

"Is this a bad time? I would have arrived earlier but I got your request a little later than expected."

Edited July 29, 2014 by Matrim Bloody Cauthon

[Kobold King]

Lightwards watched his guests file into their color-appropriate rooms, still standing in the dining room as the sound of closing doors reached his ears. The thought of sleeping in a house with two powerful Epics almost made him want to scream, but he knew it was important to show a strong front. His interactions with other Epics had been painful in the past. He remembered meeting with Möbius all those months ago, spinning round and round until the air itself choked the life out of him...

 

Stop, he told himself. No dwelling on deaths before bedtime. If he decided to sleep tonight.

 

If one thing was certain, it was that his Warriors of Light would need sleep. They were still technically alive, even if their minds never fully restored after resurrection. It'd be a busy day tomorrow, so they'd need to be in top physical shape. He gathered them in a small group in the living room and closed each of their eyes, ordering them to wake and kill intruders if there was a disturbance. He was pleased with the fact that they could sleep standing up, thus rendering additional rooms irrelevant. Life was just so much more efficient when he was in control.

 

The rat was no longer any use, so he killed it and left its carcass for the vulture.

 

That left only himself to take care of. He passed the other rooms, finally reaching the master bedroom. It was painted with a dull green color, with a decent-sized bed at the far end. There was a dressing stand at one end with a mirror. On a whim, he walked over to it and peeked into the mirror.

 

Lightwards hadn't seen his reflection in a while, besides occasional glimpses in standing water and shiny metal surfaces. It had been a long trek to Portland, as his appearance attested to. He seemed to be growing a hint of beard stubble, and there was still a bullet hole right through his coat and shirt. He never seemed to notice it anymore--that was a product of his first death, not long after he'd first embarked on this quest. He smirked as he thought about how death had seemed opposed to his mission right from the start.

 

This assuaged the slight misgivings he harbored against his house guests. They couldn't kill him--stronger Epics had tried, and yet he still stood proud with his goal in sight.

 

He would be the savior of Portland, one new Warrior of Light at a time.

 

----

 

So now we get a glimpse of Lightwards in his true environment, a sympathetic anti-hero with a troubled past. Obviously everybody will feel quite a lot of sympathy for him after this. I expect shipping pairs and fan art by tomorrow morning.

 

Incidentally, Möbius was my initial Epic idea for this game, whom I passed up because I felt she'd be too overpowered. So instead I incorporated her into Lightwards' backstory as the evil equivalent of a Mary Sue who killed him, took over a town, and remains the only adversary to have ever exploited his weakness.

 

EDIT: Saw a couple of really stupid and obvious errors. Fixed the ones I saw. 

Edited July 28, 2014 by Kobold King

[Edgedancer]

Nighthound decided to take a look at the bank himself.  He left his hound as a kind of beacon to make sure he took the direct route towards his destination. However, that meant that by the time he arrived the sun had already set. The darkness made it hard to recognize anything on the muted colors of the bouncy castle but he did find something he presumed to be scorch marks.

 

A cloud blocked the little light from the moon that he worked by. He was now submerged in almost perfect darkness. The part of his power inside of him urged him. Was there any reason to refuse it? No, no there wasn´t.

 

He pulled his power back from the hound. The now freed man needed a short while to shake out if his stupor but once he did he ran away in terror. Nighthound jogged after him, keeping himself just a little bit faster than his prey. The man looked back and realized that his pursuer was coming closer, causing him to set into a mad rush. At this point Nighthound leaped through the night sky and landed right in front of him. The Epic´s hand surged forward and caught the fleeing man´s neck. They pulled closer and closer until there was one final snap.

 

Leaving the body on the ground Nighthound climbed up the roof with a couple of strong leaps. Every single one of them sent a shiver through his limps, that were offset by his healing, sending a bit of his own darkness out to mix with the dark of the night. On the roof Nighthound just started running and leaping from one roof to the other.

 

Reaching the edge of a roof Nighthound jumped and twisted his body in the air, bringing his face upwards and taking in the beauty of the night sky. How can others sleep? Oh, well with all the vanillas hiding it does give the night to me, so why would I complain?

He rammed into something with his back. The impact cracked his shoulder and sends him spinning until he stopped on his back. Mist poured itself with the night sky and he ran his hands through it, so it danced even more with the surrounding darkness, all the while laughing madly.

 

He pushed himself away from the roof in an arc and landed safely on the next roof. On closer inspection he saw that he crashed into the chimney of a smaller house. Did he run all the way to the suburbs? Not that it matters.

 

The Epic started running again to continue his journey from one roof to another, with every jump dancing in the night sky and with every landing crushing both the roofs and part of his body. His sacred night only filled with the sound of shattering tiles and his own laughter.

[Kobold King]

Donald slept.

 

Wasn't he supposed to be somewhere? No. He was supposed to sleep.

 

So he slept, if it could be called sleeping. He dreamed, if it could be called dreaming. As his mind--if it could be called a mind--shut down for the darkness, only one thought remained in it--assuming it could be called a thought. For it was not merely a thought. It was the key to his existence.

 

If it could be called existence.

 

The only voice in the universe rattled in his head. It told him to sleep. It told him to wake at the slightest disturbance. It told him to kill intruders.

 

There were no intruders. So he slept.

 

Crashing. There was a distant crashing. Eyes opened--his own. His slow head turned over the room. No intruders. Only others like him, eyes closed and oblivious.

 

No intruders. But the crashing was a disturbance. It could not be said that a decision entered Donald's mind. But a course of action did.

 

 

----

 

Lightwards had halfway pleasant dreams for once. He dreamed he was in a lecture hall, gesturing towards a massive chalkboard on which he'd scribbled countless notes on ecology. How life arose, lived out its existence, propagated itself, and eventually passed away into dust. Back then he'd taught about how death was necessary for the continuation of life on Earth.

 

He woke up still in the gloom of the night, thinking about what a weakling he'd been back then. Too occupied with the way things were to make things change. He sat up in bed slowly, rubbing his forehead.

 

Donald the zombie was standing over him.

 

"Calamity," Lightwards cursed, scurrying out of bed on the opposite side of the Warrior. "How the... you're supposed to be asleep."

 

"Disturbance," Donald said slowly, without much conviction.

 

Lightwards gave his Warrior a cockeyed stare in the dark. He listened, and sure enough, the distant sound of crashing could be heard in the surrounding suburb. And it was getting closer.

 

Possibilities raced through the professor's mind. It was almost certainly an Epic. Was it an assassin? Some unknown ally of Traveler and Funtimes, coming to kill him? Another, completely unrelated killer who just happened to be passing by?

 

Grumbling, Lightwards grabbed the pair of shoes meticulously placed beside his bed and pulled them on. "We'd better take a look at this," he sighed. "I hope you didn't wake up our guests stomping through the house." He jabbed his finger into the Warrior's chest. "I don't want to see any more thinking from you, Donald. It doesn't suit you."

 

He took the pistol from beside his bed and tiptoed past the guests' quarters. The living room was still undisturbed, aside from the shattered window pane. He left the Sadry couple to their sleep, since he doubted they'd be much use. Instead he grabbed the vulture and put it on his shoulder, slipping out the front door as gently as he could.

 

The suburb was cool and quiet, apart from the crashing that grew louder every second. It almost sounded as if it were coming from the rooftops of buildings. "Find the creature causing that crashing," Lightwards whispered to the vulture, "and rip out its internal organs."

 

As the vulture flew into the night with a few struggling strokes of its wings, Lightwards smiled. Soon he'd have a fresh Warrior of Light and the rest of a good night's sleep.

[Edgedancer]

The night´s calm was disturbed by the screams of some rusting bird, actually on a closer look it was a vulture. It just threw itself at him with its wings spread and talons extended, which for a vulture is pretty darn stupid. Nighthound simply grabbed its miserable little head before it had any chance to claw at him and squashed it.

 

Looking down in the direction the vulture came from revealed a single person standing in the night. Nighthound threw the carcass to the person´s feet and jumped towards him himself, landing on all fours. He looked up and saw a man with a perplexed look on his face. Nighthound righted himself up and slowly walked towards the vulture´s master and gave a couple of slow but loud claps.

“Great, I just wanted to have a nice walk in the night but I´ll take your invitation. Is there a bigger buffet inside the house or is this all?” It´s a shame for the night really but at least the distraction was worthwhile in and of itself.

[Kobold King]

Lightwards stared at the man in perplexion before his face settled into a comfortable scowl. Making sure the other Epic could see it, he touched the vulture's carcass with a shoed foot, nudging it back to life. It gave a small shake as it righted itself, ruffling its feathers as it settled into a servantile posture.

 

"If you want a buffet than you're in the wrong part of town. This is the Empire of Light now, and I am its emperor. I am Lightwards. Who do I have the pleasure of speaking to?"

[Edgedancer]

Lightwards practically pushed the vulture into his face as he revived it, it´s almost cute how much he tried to prove his ego. Nighthound continued to walk towards him. “I´m sorry dear emperor, I´m Nighthound and there might have been a couple of... misunderstandings. First of all, when a vulture tries to attack me,” At this point Nighthound kicked the vulture hard enough to send it flying into the window, shattering the glass. “I expect it to stay death.” Nighthound continued. “Second, when I say `buffet´ I mean people to rip apart, so I´m confident that the empire of night lights is just perfect for me.” Nighthound planted himself squarely in front of Lightwards, with an arrogant smile on his lips.

[Kobold King]

Are Nathan and Funtimes going to get involved? Or are we interrupting too often for TwiLyght to write a scene?

 

Lightwards cursed inwardly, quickly stepping back and pointing his pistol at the man called Nighthound. Donald the zombie followed his lead instinctively.

 

There were some Epics who maintained some hold on rationality. There were others who reveled in the power they held. Lightwards liked to think of himself as an example of an evolved human. Something brighter and better than the average Homo sapiens. But there were some Epics, such as this Nighthound character, who took a step backwards. They became feral beasts, traversing the landscape with no cause or purpose. Lightwards despised them. He'd briefly held an alliance with one before--an elderly Epic called Slaughterhouse. They'd ended up trying to kill each other after a mere day and night of working together.

 

"Do you work for someone?" Lightwards demanded, "Or do you just roam about like a wild dog, killing where you please?"

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

Nathan could hardly believe what he was seeing. 

 

Had he been studying the map of Portland and not searching for ways to avoid doing so, he wouldn't have seen it at all. It sat on a built-in shelf in the closet, barely visible through the door that hung slightly ajar. A bright orange hunting cap hung off the book's edge, obscuring all but the very last word of the title: -Sat. 

 

Carefully, quietly, almost reverently, Nathan set the cap aside and took the book down. Block letters spelled out the name of a friend he hadn't seen since just after Annexation Day: The Revenge of the Baby-Sat. Calvin and his stuffed tiger grinned mischievously at their babysitter, unseen from the stairs. 

 

Nathan smiled in disbelief, then quickly glanced over his shoulder. Funtimes was still across the hall, or down the block, or somewhere in Minnesota—wherever she was, it wasn't his room. Lightwards was nowhere to be seen. The Sadrys had done a remarkable job of keeping the book safe from Epics like Steelheart. He and others in his regime had objected to the idea of an ordinary six-year-old becoming Stupendous Man at will, even if the escapades had been strictly imaginary. 

 

With another glance over his shoulder, and a quick one down the hall, Nathan closed the door, pulled the covers over his head, and cracked open the book. 

 

"Who made this mess in here?" 

 

That first line took him back to pre-Calamity days, when he could sit and read whatever he liked with a glass of milk and a plate of cookies on his nightstand. He had never dreamed that milk and cookies would become a rare treat, or that Calvin and Hobbes would be virtually unheard of. For a moment, nostalgia was so powerful that he nearly closed the book, but it had been too long. Too long since he'd seen Calvin. 

 

A loud thunk jolted him from the page. 

 

Nathan quickly marked his place and hid the book under the covers, but didn't get to his feet. Footsteps made their way down the hall as a second crash sounded from the rooftop. 

 

A door opened. Two voices, just low enough to keep him from comprehending the words, shared a brief conversation. Lightwards and one of the zombies, then. Funtimes would be shouting at the top of her lungs. Only when Lightwards raised his voice did Nathan hear: "I don't want to hear anymore thinking from you, Donald. It doesn't suit you." 

 

His door, then the front door, closed a moment later. 

 

Nathan waited, not daring to touch the book. Any second now….any second….

 

He blinked, and Funtimes was in his room. "He's gone," she whispered. 

 

"I noticed." 

 

She giggled. "I'm gonna go see who it is." 

 

"Want me to come?" 

 

The slightest trace of a frown touched her lips—which, perpetually grinning as they were, was nothing short of astonishing. Her smile returned so quickly Nathan couldn't be sure whether he had imagined the frown or not. "I'll tell you if they're fun." 

 

She vanished. A moment later, Nathan heard her door, and then the front door, open and close. He raised an eyebrow. She really was intent on letting him keep the teleportation power, if she was worried about a few zombies seeing it. Then again, Lightwards' zombies were smarter than the average undead, so it was a valid concern. 

 

A few minutes later, she entered his room by the door again. She still wore her customary smile, but there was an edge to it—less like that of an absurdly powerful imp and more like that of a warrior assured of victory. "New Epic," she whispered, taking his hand. Her voice was so low he could barely hear it. "You're the Traveller." 

 

"Of course." Why was she reminding him of it? Was it another idiosyncrasy of hers, or did she have a reason? 

 

"The Traveller. That's you." 

 

"I'm the Traveller. I picked the name, remember?" 

 

She grinned. Was it his imagination, or did she look relieved? "Take us to him," she said at a normal volume. 

 

"Off we go." 

[Kobold King]

Nighthound didn't respond immediately. Annoyed, Lightwards was just putting his finger on the pistol's trigger when the ludicrous duo appeared a few yards away from them, between them and the house.

 

"Good evening, Doctor, Traveller,," he said as civilly as possible. "I hope I didn't wake you. I'm merely enforcing noise ordinances."

 

He tried to concentrate without closing his eyes. What he was doing now was difficult enough without being around so many Epics, at least one openly hostile. If wouldn't work at all if he hadn't raised the thing so many times.

 

He felt around with his mind in the general vicinity of the vulture. It was in the house across the street from the Sadry residence, and dead. With a deep breath, he worked his miracle from a distance, seeing the dazed bird fly out a broken window in the dark. With any luck, neither Nighthound nor the other Epics would notice it perched across the street, giving him an avian secret weapon.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

It is official. Nathan and Funtimes are now the Ludicrous Duo and there is nothing you can say that will change my mind. 

 

"Hi!" Doctor Funtimes pulled away, still clutching his hand, and waved at Lightwards and the new Epic. "I'm Doctor Funtimes! This is the Traveller! He's new!" She threw her arms around him and squeezed, and all Nathan could do was hug her back. It didn't feel natural quite yet, but he didn't have the urge to pull back and apologize for touching her. Perhaps he'd get used to it. 

 

"Right," he said, guessing at what she meant by new. "Haven't had these powers long, but that won't make a difference. Hasn't yet, at any rate." He smiled cockily at the new Epic. He wore his dark hair gathered into a ponytail, and if the glint in his eye was any indication, he and Lightwards hadn't had the best meeting. Yet there was something else about the new Epic that made Nathan want to shy away—something familiar and not at all welcome. Something in the way he carried himself, the tilt of his smile. 

 

Funtimes hadn't let go of him yet. She saw it too. Whatever he saw in the new Epic had been visible to Funtimes, and she didn't like what she saw any more than he did. 

Edited July 31, 2014 by TwiLyghtSansSparkles

[Edgedancer]

As it showed itself there were more Epics in the house, as they teleported onto the scene a few yards away. Although, they seemed a lot more chipper than Lightwards, with one being a glitter abomination and the other her smug boyfriend. Nighthound turned towards the newcomers. “Ah, yes I remember, when I became an Epic, intoxicating isn´t it? I can also empathize with the travelling part. I did something very similar just now and then your friend here tried to kill me.” Nighthound gestured towards Lightwards. “Granted, he did a terrible job at it but we need to have principles, don´t we? I suppose that´s just how this neighborhood deals with strangers. Honestly, I can respect that, I would kill anyone running around on my turf, if I would settle down, and to show you just how much I respect your murderous way I´m going to kill you all right back or at the very least the zombie guy.” Nighthound clasped his hands together in front of him, still keeping the same smile on his lips. He then turned back to Lightwards. “Could you take that gun down? It´s not going to hurt me anyway.”

[Kobold King]

"Then I'm sure you won't mind this," Lightwards said with a smirk. At once, he and Donald discharged their pistols, firing into the feral Epic's chest multiple times.

 

He wasn't sure if this Nighthound fellow could be killed with bullets, but Calamity this felt good. His eyes darted up to the Sadry residence, and he called for the couple to attend to him on the street.

[Edgedancer]

Lightwards and his non animal sidekick unloaded their guns into Nighthound. Took them long enough. He shifted his weight a little bit to take the brunt from the gunshots and then he spread his arms and walked slowly towards Lightwards. The darkness from his wounds trailed upwards obscuring most of his face, all the wounds causing it to become clearly visible, even in the dark.

“No, as you can see, I don´t mind at all.” Nighthound held himself ready to jump the other Epics, if one of them made any move.

[TwiLyghtSansSparkles]

As the dark mist coiled up and around the new Epic's wounds, one thought flashed through Nathan's head: Of course he doesn't die. Why would he do that? 

 

Funtimes took his hand, punching the air with the other. "To the armory!" 

 

When next he blinked, they were in someone's living room. She giggled, and a light clicked on. "I think we should hurry." 

 

She giggled again, grabbing all the throw pillows she could carry. Nathan did the same as footsteps made their way down the hall. They halted abruptly, and a bearded man in boxer shorts pointed a pistol. 

 

"Honey! Epics in the living room!" 

 

"I'm on it!" There was a brief clatter of metal, and then a woman in pajama pants and an old T-shirt appeared, shotgun in hand. "Can you die?" 

 

Nathan knew there was only one correct answer to that question. "No." 

 

"That means yes." Just as two triggers were pulled almost simultaneously, Funtimes touched his sneaker with hers, and they were outside in the cool night air. Nathan could see Lightwards and the other Epic some distance away, and the well-armed couple was nowhere to be seen. 

 

Funtimes giggled and dropped her pillows. She waved her hands over the pile, and they solidified into a few objects: a metal sphere, a stuffed panda, a packet of microwave noodles, and what looked like a brightly colored leaf blower. "Take the leaf thingy," she told him. "Leave the pillows." 

 

He did as he was told, and she gathered the other items. With another tap of her foot against his, they were on a rooftop near Lightwards and the new Epic.  

 

"Hey! Stupidface!" Funtimes was clearly addressing the new Epic, though Nathan would have chosen a more respectful term. "Eat noodles, idiotbrain!" 

 

She threw the noodles at him, and before Nathan could ask whether or not she really thought it would work, the plastic flew off and the noodles expanded into a net. "Careful!" she called as the net made its way toward him. "It tickles!"