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Writing thingys


InfiniteInsanity

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So um when I have panic attacks one of the things that I do especially during school is start writing things which normally end up being poems. And I like showing them to some people but also there are people who if I show them to will just end up giving me another panic attack. Accidentally of course but still. And I would like to show them to more people in person than I currently feel I can but until I can I'm just gonna put them here.

One of these was in a SU I posted a little while ago.

Spoiler

What if

I finally found

Peace?

Stability?

Safety?

It feels silly

But

I can pretend

Right?

 

And what if

It was

beautiful?

What if

I felt

Beautiful?

What if

I had

Enough space

To breathe?

And everything I

Ever wanted?

 

What if

It

All

Came

Crashing

Down

On

Top

Of

ME?

 

And when you

Found me

All that was left

Was a girl

Broken?

Bruised?

Bleeding?

Trapped

In what once was

Paradise?

 

What would you

Do?

What would you

Think?

 

And what if

I told you

It's already happening?

That everyday

I wake up

Hopeful?

Safe?

Home?

 

But over the course of

Hours

Minutes

Seconds

It

All

Crashes

Down

On

me?

 

And after

The crash

I'm not sure

If what I see

In the mirror

Is still me.

 

But

it is.

Just a more

Broken

Bruised

Me.

 

I'm trapped in a

Fake paradise.

Where

Nothing

Lasts.

 

And I'm

Not certain

I want to

Leave.

 

Because if

I leave

Will there

Be a

Real one?

Spoiler

Crashing

Pulling

Tides

Waves

Too tall

Sinking

Drowning

Slipping

Gone

Spoiler

If I stopped

Eating

Wouldn't it

Run out of energy?

If I felt more

Pain

Wouldn't I

Be too distracted

To notice?

If I slow down

Won't it

Catch up?

If I let it in

Won't it

Destroy me?

If I let you

Carry it

Won't it

Destroy you too?

Spoiler

One bright spotlight

Shines on a single performer

One performer

Who's become so lost in the movement

They forgot about the crowd

One big crowd

Holding their breath

Entranced by the music, lights, dance

One little girl

Struck to the core

By the grace, sound, lights

One little girl

Steps into a studio

For the first time

The first leap

And everything feels right

 

One microphone

Carries a singer's magnificent sound

One singer so lost in the notes

They don't realize they're singing

One crowd

Shivers as the sound reaches

Their ears and hearts

One little girl

A little older and wiser

Finds peace and rest in the sound

One little girl

Picks up her first tune

Sings the first notes

And falls in love

 

One instrument

Producing millions of

Pinpoints of color from a single breath

One musician

Stares at a page full of lines and dots

Looking past the ink

And finding the music

One auditorium

Full of sound

For all who come to hear

And color

For all who hear and

Look close enough to see

One girl

Older and wiser than

The little girl she used to be

Smiles as color

Floats

Through the air

One girl

Picks up a flute

And breathes

Filling the air with

Little bits of color

That fill her heart with joy

 

One speech

Written to entertain,

To fill the air with

Something new

One speaker

Makes the words of the speech

Their own

Adds movement

To invite

One girl

Falling

Forgetting

Secretly watches

Noting every movement

Hoping for an opportunity

To bring a smile

With just her words

 

One little girl

Who grew and changed

Until she could barely recognize herself

Looks at

Dancing shoes

Notes

Dots

Lines

Instruments

Words

And remembers

Joy

Peace

Happiness

Flying

Tears fill her eyes

And longing fills her soul

She stares as memories

Float through her mind

The performer, singer, musican, and speaker

Who all unknowingly saved her

 

One single photo

Reminds the girl

Of the people

Who didn't

Stand in a spotlight

On a stage

But who knew

Of the waves

Crashing through her mind

Causing destruction

Everywhere they went

Who saw a need

And reached out

With a smile

To save her

From drowning

Spoiler

Set!”

This thing in my hand

This strip of fabric

The strip of silk

Taped to a pole

It seems together

Perfect

 

But my thoughts tumble

A chaotic mess

This a performance

I need to focus

One mistake,

Another follows

 

On the outside, beautiful

Held together

the flag

It spins. It flies

Relying on me

To catch

to throw

 

In my thoughts

Where people can’t see can’t hear

Everything is breaking

Every thought spins

Every thought flies

But I can’t catch them

I can’t throw them

 

Dodging instruments

Find the dot

Spin the flag

Throw

Catch

Everything seems to meet

 

To the listeners

The watchers

Perfect Harmonies

Perfect Visuals

To the performer

Chaos

Mistakes

But yeah. There they are. And hopefully having them here will do something.

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Ah I hate being out of rep! Those are beautiful! I can totally relate to the ones about performing.

Writing is one of the best ways to calm down. I hope you feel a little better because of it!

Edited by Aes Sedai
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The thing that I really like about this style of writing is the ability it gives you to emphasize words and phrases in a very unique way. It makes every line hit that much harder and makes it more personal to the reader. In a lot of ways, it allows you to say more things with less words. The careful selection of the words you've used allows you to evoke a feeling that both portrays how you feel, but also gives the reader their own unique feeling and interpretation of it.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that it's beautiful, and I hope that you will share more with us!

Ummm... also, are you okay? Is there something I can do? I'm always willing to lend an ear.

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These are so beautiful, I love the writing style you've used. It gives the words sort of a rhythm to them in the way you space them out. I don't know if I've ever read something like this before (granted I don't read a lot of poetry), and I think it's really cool.

I hope you're doing okay :D

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Thank you!

I wrote more. They were kind of fun to write despite the fact that I wasn't feeling the greatest when I wrote them.

Spoiler

This is the color

that crashes

through

my mind

causing mass destruction

then leaves

and all that's left is

sorrow

pain

loneliness

 

This is the color

that I fear

 

This is the color

That leaves me

second guessing

 

This color

may be my demise

Spoiler

There's a

Very tiny

Monster

 

He hides

Under

My bed

 

He's green

And fuzzy

With tiny

Little wings

 

He flits around

My room

At night

And occupies

The shadows

And when 

I'm least 

Expecting it

He sends 

Words

To occupy

My mind

 

So as I try 

To fall asleep

He laughs

And laughs 

And laughs

Then smiles

His job is done

The game is won

And he'll be back

Tomorrow

Spoiler

Dear little one,

I know the world feels

Harsh and cold

And your feet feel

Too heavy to lift

I know it feels

Like you can't go on

And like it all will fall

 

I know the pain of life

And the pain in death

I've seen you push on 

Despite the struggle

And I've seen you fall

 

Now I know that you

Can't see me

And you don't know

My name

You've never met me

But I know you all the same

 

I was told to watch you

To see what I could learn

But I didn't realize that 

There was so much I didn't know

 

I know that things have been rough

And I've seen how strong you've been

I know you feel like giving up

 

But I've also seen the good times

And I've seen how far you've come

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is

Next time you feel like giving up

Please choose to stay

Because every day you're here

And from every action you take

I learn so much

That I didn't get to before

And I really want to stay

 

So thanks

You've got this

I wish you the best of luck

 

Yours truly and always

The one outside your head

 

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I have one more and then I'll be done today. Probably. 

Spoiler

In the middle of March

Two pianos were found

On opposite sides of a room

One was older

And looked a little abused

It played quite out of tune

The other was newer 

Though not brand new

And when you plunked 

On the keys

The sound that was made

Was perfect

Or as perfect as pianos can be

Those explorers who found it

All quite agreed 

That the newer was better than old

Well all but one that is

And their voice piped up 

Quiet but bold

"There is an important matter

That I beg you to remember 

It most influential in your decision you see."

Their voice grew a little 

For they knew what they spoke was the truth

"When it comes down to tuning

The weather has quiet the effect on the sound

So this dreary mid March

That one may be in tune

But by the time we reach June it might not

And while the other right now

Can't quite make the right sound

I bet when the other one fails

This piano will be ready and able

To pick up the tune and go on

So the music will continue

And it won't really matter

Which looks nicer

Or which one is carrying the tune."

A momentary silence fell on the group

As the pondered the words that were said

Then with bright eyes and smiles

A new decision was quickly made

"Both pianos are perfect

Or as perfect as pianos may be

So it really doesn't matter which piano

Carries the tune

Or which lags a little behind

Or which looks less used

What matters is that

The music goes on

And they both help to carry the tune."

 

The same could be said for people you know

Some with bright shining faces

Or brand new clothes

Or thing that have been well loved

Sometimes we like the pianos

Move quite easily through our day

While others are struggling

To carry their loads and sing all their songs

It's easy and right for us to reach put and help

We can help carry their load and their tune.

And when we falter and fall

And we can't continue then tune

There are others who'll reach out

Gently and with care

And help to carry ours too

 

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Spoiler

I just want to say

Thank you

For loving me

Through all the pain

For all the times

You held on

When I thought

I would fall

And you looked

For my words

When I couldn't 

Find them

I’d also like to note

That even if

I never heard

From you again

Whenever I felt

Like letting go

I’d remember

What you taught me

There’s always 

Someone

Who cares

Spoiler

One little leaf

Fell to the ground

Thinking nothing

Would ruin its fall

 

But the wind disagreed

So with one giant gust

The leaf flew away

From its tree

 

It went this way 

And that way

And it couldn’t understand

Why the wind would

Break its fall

 

As the turbulence 

Continued

The poor little leaf

Tried to think what it

Could have done wrong

 

But nothing came to mind

It felt all alone

As the wind pushed it on

 

It bumped into

All sorts of things

But nothing that seemed

Like it

 

Until it bumped

Another leaf

And was spun 

All around

 

It glanced as it spun

And saw many more leaves

Pushed around by the wind

 

And when the wind died down

The leaf found a little rest

In the soft grass

With its friends

 

Just waiting

Restless

Till the wind would

Take it again

I don't think these are very good but they exist. And they're okay.

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1 hour ago, InfiniteInsanity said:
  Hide contents

I just want to say

Thank you

For loving me

Through all the pain

For all the times

You held on

When I thought

I would fall

And you looked

For my words

When I couldn't 

Find them

I’d also like to note

That even if

I never heard

From you again

Whenever I felt

Like letting go

I’d remember

What you taught me

There’s always 

Someone

Who cares

  Hide contents

One little leaf

Fell to the ground

Thinking nothing

Would ruin its fall

 

But the wind disagreed

So with one giant gust

The leaf flew away

From its tree

 

It went this way 

And that way

And it couldn’t understand

Why the wind would

Break its fall

 

As the turbulence 

Continued

The poor little leaf

Tried to think what it

Could have done wrong

 

But nothing came to mind

It felt all alone

As the wind pushed it on

 

It bumped into

All sorts of things

But nothing that seemed

Like it

 

Until it bumped

Another leaf

And was spun 

All around

 

It glanced as it spun

And saw many more leaves

Pushed around by the wind

 

And when the wind died down

The leaf found a little rest

In the soft grass

With its friends

 

Just waiting

Restless

Till the wind would

Take it again

I don't think these are very good but they exist. And they're okay.

They are beautiful for the simple ideas that they carry. I have spoken.

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Spoiler

There once was time

Where the words

Flowed freely

And the phrases

Had meaning

But they decided 

To hide

And they haven't 

Come back

I'm starting to worry

That they aren't 

Just hiding

But really have been

Stolen instead

Or maybe

I washed them away

Whatever happened

They're gone

Spoiler

Hot and then cold

Broken but bold

Exhausted and ready

Dizzy but steady

 

Spinning in spirals

Pouring down

But calm and reserved

Still wearing a smile

 

Quiet yet pleading

Smiling and crying

You can't see my pain

You don't feel the flames

 

But everything is burning

Despite all the ice

And no matter 

How still I remain

 

I'll always be spinning 

Cause I took the blame

 

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I found words! They were in a marker box. I'm terrified though that if I take them off of paper I'll lose them again.

 

Light Purple

Spoiler

1681604150750-1265482931.thumb.jpg.3e652655d0ef7ada27b5463abfd334ee.jpg

Dark Purple

Spoiler

1681604235546-1347034247.thumb.jpg.26b40edf037e5bedf9be7832b770c800.jpg

Light Green

Spoiler

16816043414932045465279.thumb.jpg.46d52cf2e9d306f891f8bdc1908b0264.jpg

Dark Green

Spoiler

1681604499256-1110830755.thumb.jpg.b02481feb717a32ea4c9f18ede8af249.jpg

Light Blue

Spoiler

1681604557773-1589341868.thumb.jpg.d3f93a3a6338eaea7d92f2d1cae7b03c.jpg

Ignore the weird scribbles and stuff. I found my words in a box of markers so sometimes I got distracted and started to play with markers.

I'm gonna go start working on the warm colors.

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i really like your idea of becoming aware of the representation of colors and what they mean to you! if you're okay with it, do you think maybe i could do something similar to this? i wouldn't copy you, of course.

Spoiler

don't feel like you need to say yes; it's your way of expression, and i don't want to take that away from you. so do whatever makes your feel the safest and most comfortable <3

 

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11 hours ago, shortcake said:

i really like your idea of becoming aware of the representation of colors and what they mean to you! if you're okay with it, do you think maybe i could do something similar to this? i wouldn't copy you, of course.

  Reveal hidden contents

don't feel like you need to say yes; it's your way of expression, and i don't want to take that away from you. so do whatever makes your feel the safest and most comfortable <3

 

Of course!

Light Pink

Spoiler

643c0855b82ce_LightPink.jpg.97c722db45a2e09e28d7507b5b92e16b.jpg

Red

Spoiler

Red.jpg.cfae97dc129d381f649b574d56375eab.jpg

Dark Pink

Spoiler

643c088d030ec_DarkPink.jpg.99e49a7c37e921339b6c217e2d42e55f.jpg

Orange

Spoiler

Orange.jpg.2ff478a71c674afeb20ea1dbc07a277f.jpg

Yellow

Spoiler

Yellow.jpg.3ffc9e93795a6ea6c646a20127110d12.jpg

Brown

Spoiler

Brown.jpg.588932890f9bf55a9a05a1d1e7ce85b8.jpg

Mint

Spoiler

Mint.jpg.13d782d1107728785b4b8568fc2fc858.jpg

I have at least a few more I want to write.

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Black

Spoiler

Black.jpg.5cf030348f43c011ba1ec23e73bc0a37.jpg

Gray (or Grey I guess)

Spoiler

Gray.jpg.6b868d56283ae1f26fca8514ee5d8a50.jpg

I'm kind of sad that I ran out of the paper I was using before. But I have an idea I think I'm gonna see if my mother will take me to Walmart or somewhere (then I can get either cardstock or more painting paper to put it on) so I can buy one of those boxes with like 100 markers. And then I'm gonna start over and try to do something different with each color.

I have one more poem I wrote today because I was kind of sad.

Spoiler

Sometimes

I wish

You never

Had to leave

But if you

Never left

You'd be stuck

Watching me

Struggle

And not knowing

What to do

And it would

Just mean

That you

Hurt too

So I guess

It's better

That I have

To miss you

And pretend

To be patient

And I guess

It makes

Seeing you

Even sweeter

And exciting

I'll try to

Hold on to that

So next time

I miss you 

I'll remember 

Maybe

No promises.

But yeah. I'm excited to try the marker thing.

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643ed1dcf28ba_100markers.jpg.2934929529b018965a64c84e3b697885.jpg

I'm going to attempt to make this work. It's probably going to take forever.

 The two crossed out are already done. 14 should be crossed out to but I was rushed cause it was lunch.

#14 (it's the same as the light pink one I did earlier)

Spoiler

643ed238ebc8a_14.jpg.68cd378766d8cba4a1a0ecc2dc726bb3.jpg

#34

Spoiler

643ed25d6c8fc_14.jpg.00bbc5a7e72883774313313405cc799f.jpg

#50

Spoiler

643ed27328239_50.jpg.cad3943650b04de4f40ed0ef96a377e5.jpg

I'm really indecisive. Someone help me pick which one to do next.

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6 minutes ago, InfiniteInsanity said:

643ed1dcf28ba_100markers.jpg.2934929529b018965a64c84e3b697885.jpg

I'm going to attempt to make this work. It's probably going to take forever.

 The two crossed out are already done. 14 should be crossed out to but I was rushed cause it was lunch.

#14 (it's the same as the light pink one I did earlier)

  Reveal hidden contents

643ed238ebc8a_14.jpg.68cd378766d8cba4a1a0ecc2dc726bb3.jpg

#34

  Reveal hidden contents

643ed25d6c8fc_14.jpg.00bbc5a7e72883774313313405cc799f.jpg

#50

  Reveal hidden contents

643ed27328239_50.jpg.cad3943650b04de4f40ed0ef96a377e5.jpg

I'm really indecisive. Someone help me pick which one to do next.

Roll a d100? They are very good!

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I'm in a weird mood today. Therefore my things are a little weird.

#71

Spoiler

6441971102df2_71.jpg.efb3432a5412e4a6990fceec6d6b5d54.jpg

#51

Spoiler

64419723f0574_51.jpg.9cb36d553ea669aa29e79575a2b75db8.jpg

#69

Spoiler

644197365d032_69.jpg.f008a804a718aa93ee4f8a40c1de1723.jpg

#100

Spoiler

6441974f4b500_100.jpg.654188f55cd8471ef7b4bceba8a076f8.jpg

And then there's this one.

Spoiler

I've tried

To hold on

Keep going

Get back up

Carry others

Help them

But despite all

My best efforts

It seems I'm

Doomed to fail

Because no matter

How much

Effort I put in

Or how much

I've somehow

Managed to take

There's always

Something new

And harder

That the world finds

To throw at me

And each time

I feel weaker

I start to slip

Start to drown

And go under

Feeling like 

It's not worth it

To keep fighting

And then someone

Shows up

And helps me

Back up

But I'm tired

Running low 

On strength 

Barely 

Keeping my head

Above the water

 

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