04-03-2023- Reading Excuses- Cathy Lim- The Traveler's Magic- sub 8, Chapters 12 and 15- 4,357 words

[Cathy Lim]

Hello Everyone,

This week we hit a part of the book that I don’t like and want to rewrite, but I’m not sure how to do it yet so I’m just cutting it out. So you’re getting the beginning of Chapter 12 and Chapter 15. I included a short synopsis of what happens in chapter 13 and 14 in between. As always I’m looking for stuff to keep.

Oh, and I accidentally sent if from a different email account. Let me know if you didn't get it. I can resend it. 

 

Thank you!

[Ace of Hearts]

Excited to get into it! 

Overall: I know I’ve talked a lot about R’s characterization before, and to avoid continuing to drill the same points that I know you’re aware of, I’m going to take another approach. What’s R good at? What are her most important skills? Right now, it’s hard for me to identify what her strengths as a person are, and since R needs more of a push to be proactive I think she still needs to find her niche where she can contribute in a unique way. Right now, it feels like she needs Z to come in and solve all of her problems.

It might also help to hear directly from you what you see the main plot as being, since it’s hard for me to suggest what to keep vs cut vs rework when I’m not really sure what the story is building towards.

As I go:

Pg 1. Wait is C R’s mom?

Pg 2. I need a bit more here so this doesn’t feel like a repeat of talking to her mom at dinner

Pg 3. Oooh teleportation magic is cool

Pg 4. I like that R and her mom are opening up here and I think this is a good opportunity to move the plot forward. R’s mom should be able to do something to help with the situation, right?

Pg 7. I don’t want to keep hammering home the same points but I think it’s hard for me to say what should be kept vs tossed when I don’t have a good handle on what the main plot is. It’s a bit hard to tell what’s supposed to be important up to this point.

Pg 8-9. I mostly feel like R should really just come to terms with being guarded because the lengths everyone’s going to deceive her seem over the top. And… did Z and the others have everything under control during the street fight? That’s not how I remember it. As a result I’m not sure I trust/believe F here, which I don’t think is the intention?

Pg 9. The thing with G is another moment where R feels passive. Not that I’d really expect her to confront a harasser but the story pointedly focusing on Z bailing her out of the situation doesn’t help her characterization.

Pg 11. …Why is Z making a joke about R getting kind of harassed?

Pg 12. If it takes this much out of Z maybe R shouldn’t have sprung this on him out of nowhere

Pg 13-14. I find myself again needing to know more about the political setup of the library. Why is shelving books wrong such a big deal? Also the regent being awful for seemingly no reason isn’t compelling on its own. Does he have an ulterior motive for trying to discredit the library?

[Cathy Lim]

On 4/6/2023 at 11:39 AM, Ace of Hearts said:

It might also help to hear directly from you what you see the main plot as being, since it’s hard for me to suggest what to keep vs cut vs rework when I’m not really sure what the story is building towards.

I have three plot lines running through this book and I'm juggling them as poorly as a juggle in real life-

One- R in search of her heritage (which is the overarching umbrella plot of the series) specifically for this book the search for the providence of the orphanage book. 

Two- The attempt of House V. to move the Library to their island and put is squarely under their influence and power. The way they are going about this is by creating chaos in the Library to try and discredit C's leadership and the ancient Library structure itself. (C is an 'other mother' to R being her best friend's mother and having helped raise her, so she can feel kind of motherly towards her.)

Three- House V is looking for ways to consolidate the magics. In ancient times the Ancestors held all the magics, but over time they have been distilled down to two per person at most. House V wants to change that. They think they figured out a way, but it requires the use of the exact two magics R's mother and her brother have. (That combination is rare because the two houses have been at war with each other for a very long time and they just don't mingle with one another.) R's mother and brother are out of their reach so they want R because they think her mother is lying about her being adopted. They feel she's young enough for them to shape to their cause. This is who is constantly trying to kidnap R.  

I hope this helps! I know I've taken it all on a weird windy path in my attempt to put this on the page. 

[Ace of Hearts]

On 4/8/2023 at 1:56 AM, Cathy Lim said:

I have three plot lines running through this book and I'm juggling them as poorly as a juggle in real life-

One- R in search of her heritage (which is the overarching umbrella plot of the series) specifically for this book the search for the providence of the orphanage book. 

Two- The attempt of House V. to move the Library to their island and put is squarely under their influence and power. The way they are going about this is by creating chaos in the Library to try and discredit C's leadership and the ancient Library structure itself. (C is an 'other mother' to R being her best friend's mother and having helped raise her, so she can feel kind of motherly towards her.)

Three- House V is looking for ways to consolidate the magics. In ancient times the Ancestors held all the magics, but over time they have been distilled down to two per person at most. House V wants to change that. They think they figured out a way, but it requires the use of the exact two magics R's mother and her brother have. (That combination is rare because the two houses have been at war with each other for a very long time and they just don't mingle with one another.) R's mother and brother are out of their reach so they want R because they think her mother is lying about her being adopted. They feel she's young enough for them to shape to their cause. This is who is constantly trying to kidnap R.  

I hope this helps! I know I've taken it all on a weird windy path in my attempt to put this on the page. 

That does help! I think I have a lot clearer understanding of what the story wants to be.

Plot two seems the one that is most touched upon here, and for what you described I think what the story needs is for House V to be a tangible threat and for our protags to react to them. On the first point, we need to know how House V is going to move the Library to their island. Who ultimately gets to make the decision about whether or not the Library moves over? C's superiors? If we see House V trying to convince them (or whoever gets to make that choice) that C is a bad leader, we'll know what the threat is. It will also help us feel connected to the library workers, since we'll know that they probably lose their jobs if the transfer happens. On the second point, each event of House V trying to sow chaos in the library only feels plot-relevant so long as it spurs our protagonists into action. In this case, they're trying to nitpick one of the library helpers and point out her birth status. What are R and Z going to do to counteract that? Based on what they're talking about they think that the helper was set up with bad advice, so maybe they'll try to prove that to restore C's reputation, which then prompts House V to take more extreme measures, etc.

Hope that helps and I'll keep those plots in mind going forward!

[Cathy Lim]

On 4/9/2023 at 11:50 AM, Ace of Hearts said:

Hope that helps and I'll keep those plots in mind going forward!

Good thoughts! I will keep this in mind when rewriting book two. I've submitted 1/3 of book two already and most of the comments are the same so I'm going to take what I have from you all for now and call it good. Thanks so much for all your time and help!

[Silk]

P3 “She knew she was in trouble” Maybe WRS, but why?

P4 “…there were still bits she wanted to keep private.” Such as? I don’t have a good enough sense of R to know what she wants to keep from her mother or why. Spelling it out might help.

I’m still having a hard time wrapping my head around the relationship between R and her mother. In the last chapter she felt like an abusive parent, in this chapter I didn’t get that impression – either from the way her mother acted or the way R reacted to her.

P7 So did the bits that we jumped over include a meeting between R and K and/or R agreeing to get them into the Library? I feel like we skipped that part.

P8 “took F’s neck in his hand” this reads, um, somewhat more violently than I suspect was intended…

“How long has she gone without protection…” Uh, this seems like a jerk move from Z here. But I do like where it leads with F revealing something he didn’t mean to.

So the curator also knows R’s being guarded? This is starting to seem like a pretty open secret.

P10 “If they find out he’s just a student… I’m going to be in trouble.” My first thought was, so why do it? The “you owe me” line would work to explain this, except that it seems that R seems to have already agreed to have done this before Z heals F.

“I have a docent working with him…” If she’s already suspicious of K, and just his being there could get her in trouble, why isn’t she keeping more of an eye on him instead of leaving him to random library staff?

P12 “Why am I missing a day of studying” – wait, but I thought Z was done his last lessons.

At first I thought the Regent was a random noble off the street and was confused as to way the library guards were taking orders from him, but I think that that may be WRS. Also, the fact that this stuff is happening as part of a political struggle seems fairly transparent, so it may be worth either dialing back or hanging a lantern on that piece.

P15 “It’s lost forever” do they not label their books? This sort of thing could happen by accident too, so I can’t imagine they don’t have some sort of system in place to mitigate this risk.

P16 “K is also a student at the HH” … wasn’t this supposed to be a secret?

Overall: Not much to add that isn’t already in my LBLs. I think some more emotional cues between R and her mother would really help in terms of understanding the relationship between them. I’m thinking of the burgeoning relationship between Z and K as I write this, where their mutual* attraction was pretty clear without being stated explicitly.

* obligatory asterisk to note the possibility that K is manipulating Z to get what he wants, possibly only to fall actually in love with him later, though I’m sure those things would never happen…

Speaking of Z and K, you’ll see from my LBLs that I spent a lot of time wondering why R—and Z, really, since it’s clearer now that the topic makes him personally uncomfortable as opposed to just being a rule—are going along with K’s wishes here, and why it seems they’re not trying all that hard to keep what he’s doing a secret. Playing up the need for secrecy here might be a fun way to ramp up the tension.

All that said, I’m liking the library politics subplot and the creeping pests. I know you’re heading back to book one now, so I’ll look forward to seeing this whenever you’re ready!

On 4/6/2023 at 11:39 AM, Ace of Hearts said:

What’s R good at? What are her most important skills? Right now, it’s hard for me to identify what her strengths as a person are, and since R needs more of a push to be proactive I think she still needs to find her niche where she can contribute in a unique way.

I agree with this. It'd be great to see her applying some of her research skills t o the stuff she's doing - whether that's her search for her own heritage, her clients, or even helping K (which, not to get overly prescriptive but I could see that adding all sorts of fun wrinkles). 

On 4/9/2023 at 11:50 AM, Ace of Hearts said:

House V to be a tangible threat and for our protags to react to them.

I think this is a good call too. Right now it's clear someone is trying to discredit the library, but I have no idea who or why, which means I also have no idea how it ties into any of other plots except it happens to be where R's physically located right now. 

[Cathy Lim]

On 4/13/2023 at 1:04 PM, Silk said:

All that said, I’m liking the library politics subplot and the creeping pests. I know you’re heading back to book one now, so I’ll look forward to seeing this whenever you’re ready!

Thanks so much! I'll probably send it along sometime in the next couple of weeks.