Reading Excuses - 03/13/23 - Yuliya - Anorbitals_Ch7_v1_2390 words

[Yuliya Gyorn]

Hello, a very short submission from me this time since it seems this week is somewhat of a break for everyone.

[Mandamon Midnight Essence]

I think your characters are enjoyable to read, and have good motivations, but I'm having trouble following a lot of the plot of the story. For example, I keep being surprised when high-velocity vehicles are mentioned, as most of what we see is in a camp with relatively low technology. I'm also not sure if they're a space-faring people, or if this is warring countries, or even cities. This chapter we finally get a connection with B to some people in power, but I still don't know what they do or how the world works. Having a chapter near the beginning to help lay out what people do and what sort of lives they lead might help.

 

Notes while reading:

pg 2: there seems to be a lot of import happening here, but I'm not sure what it is.

pg 3: "the later they would remember they had an audience."
--is she hidden in some way? how did she get into this meeting between heads of state?

pg 3: "if they even remembered she "
--ok, so they know she's in here. Does she have some invitation? There are only four people in this room total.

pg 4: Ah, finally some connection! So B is the nephew of some sort of ruler? I still don't really understand what's going on in the larger picture.

pg 5: "You must have had a long journey"
--Ah, so L is there for some reason. Having some hint of this before now will help.

pg 7: “I have a few questions about M"
--I'm still really hazy on all the people names and places. I think they need to be explained more so the reader remembers them.

[Yuliya Gyorn]

Thanks @Mandamon I will keep working to make sure things are less hazy in future drafts.

[Ace of Hearts Misting]

Excited to dig in!

Overall: I continue to be interested by the world and as I mention in LBLs what I need to know more of is how this connects to the main plot. In particular, the conversation about our protags seemed important but it was hard for me to be fully engaged when I don’t know what Ku and Ky want and how that ties into the plot. I think L also needs a clearer goal/direction here. I get the feeling that she’s pretty restrained by rules which is fine, but she needs to have a goal within that.

As I go:

Pg 1. It takes us a while here to set the scene and what I need is a real hook involving conflict and stakes for the character

Pg 2. I need more of a reason to be engaged with Ku and Ky. How are they connected to the main conflicts?

Pg 3. Why is L lucky to be witnessing this? I’m intrigued but need more on her motivation

Pg 5. So L is a messenger? That’s good to know but again what I feel is missing is a sense of plot/goals/conflict/stakes for her

Pg 7-8. I think I need more on Lu’s deal. Why is she so protective of La?